The incident with Tanya weighed on Jo’s mind, even after the police had told her she wasn’t returning to school, that she wouldn’t have to give evidence at a trial, would never have to see the girl again, still she couldn't stop the incident going around in her head. It kept her up at night.
Halfway through the week she visited the police station again, voluntarily and without telling anyone. She waited nervously at the front desk biting her nails and tapping her heels. The arresting officer had been busy and she waited twenty minutes in the hard plastic orange seat staring at the notice board, re-reading the crime stoppers posters over and over.
“Jo, I didn't expect to see you again.” It was the male officer, she hadn’t spoken much to him and it didn't help her confidence.
Jo got up and shook the man's hand, “Hi, I erm… wondered whether I could see Tanya?”
The man smiled and nodded, “Interestingly we often get people asking to speak to their attackers. Generally, we don’t recommend it. Often it will harm the case against the person and often it won't give the satisfactory outcome people expect.”
Jo closed her eyes and sighed, “I thought you might say that. I just wanted to ask her why.” She took a deep breath and looked up at the police officer. “Thank you for your time.” She said, shaking his hand and turning to leave.
“She is still in hospital by the way. She won’t go into custody until she has healed up.” The officer mentioned in what appeared to Jo a purposefully offhand manner.
Jo paused halfway out of the door, “Thanks.” She said, giving him a nod and a small smile.
As she slowly descended the steps outside the police station she pondered whether she should risk a visit to the hospital. She looked to the sky, almost tempted to ask for guidance. “Fuck it.” She said out loud and set off at an easy jog towards the hospital.
It was a twenty-minute jog to the hospital, thoughts of what she wanted to say whirred through Jo’s head the whole way, along with the occasional doubt that she was doing the wrong thing. She hadn’t even worked up a sweat by the time she got there, her heart rate actually went up as she approached the front desk as her nervousness increased.
“Hi, I was wondering which ward Tanya Goldwin was in?” She asked the nurse behind the front desk.
The nurse narrowed her eyes and her brow furrowed, “I assume you aren't family?” She asked in a sharp tone. “The police have asked that we not allow her friends to visit.”
“Oh, I’m certainly not a friend. It was me she was trying to push off a cliff.” Jo replied, enjoying the look of surprise on the nurse’s face.
“Well, I’m doubly unsure I should let you see her now.” The nurse looked Jo up and down and huffed. “Hold on.”
She went out the back to speak with an elderly woman, Jo couldn't hear the hushed conversation but they both snuck glanced back towards her more than once.
The elderly nurse shuffled out and gave Jo a thorough appraising look. “You aren’t here to cause trouble?” She asked with a voice that sounded like she had smoked a pack a day since she was a small child.
“I just wanted to ask her why she attacked myself and my friends. It just doesn’t make a lot of sense to me.” Jo responded quietly.
“Hmm.” The woman huffed, dismissively. “From what I have seen of her she is just a repulsive child.” She levered the folding desk with great effort and stepped out to the foyer. “Come on. I’m not leaving you two alone.” She said gruffly and shuffled off towards the lift.
They stood in the lift silently, Jo trying to ignore the stale smoke smell which was cloying in such a small space. She felt glad, not for the first time, that she had stopped smoking.
The lift stopped with a jerk, the doors sliding open to reveal another busy foyer, hallways stretching off on both sides of the desk. The woman hobbled over to the desk and grabbed a clipboard, “Sign your name on this. All her visitors have to be registered.”
Jo took the board and carefully wrote her name and who she was visiting before signing. She noted that there were very few other names and they all had the surname of Goldwin.
“Right, just so you know, this isn’t going to be a long visit. I have things to do.” The nurse told her as she handed the clipboard back.
They walked down the left-hand corridor all the way to the end, the nurse was huffing after the short distance and looked like her hips were giving her issues. “Don’t get old.” She said as she saw Jo looking at her.
“Oi, missy.” The nurse called loudly as they entered the room, waking Tanya. “You’ve got a visitor.”
Tanya looked blearily towards Jo and then when she worked out who it was shouted, “Fuck off.” in a slurred voice.
“You be polite for once in your life.” The nurse told her sharply, sitting down in the corner chair, “We aren’t leaving until you give this poor girl some answers.”
“I don’t have to.” Tanya said, again sounding like she had been to the dentist.
“Well, I control your pain medication and if you don’t then I might just decide you are on too high a dosage young girl.” The nurse counters.
Tanya huffed and threw her head back on the pillow. Her body was in a full cast with both her legs elevated. “Fuck you all.” She said in a defeated tone.
Jo walked slowly over to the bed and sat in the chair. She stared at the girl in the bed, neither one speaking, Tanya resolutely staring at the ceiling.
“Why?” She asked eventually.
There was no response from Tanya.
“We did nothing to you. I don’t think any one of us had spoken more than a few words to you before you started harassing us.” She waited for a response which never came.
Taken from Royal Road, this narrative should be reported if found on Amazon.
“Lucia isn’t even gay. You pushed her down the stairs for what? For being my friend?” She watched Tanya’s face, trying to read the emotions flickering past.
“And that excuse you gave to the police? That you are in love with me? I know we have never once spoken before this year and even now, not one civil conversation.” She watched a tear leak from the corner of Tanya’s eye.
“Are you crying for yourself? Is it remorse for what you tried to do? You tried to kill me Tanya, surely you can tell me why you would want to do that?”
Tanya turned her head at last, “Eve was my friend.” She turned back to stare at the roof as if that answered everything.
“Eve, my ex-girlfriend? Eve, who wouldn’t even see me after I came out? Eve, who moved schools to get away from me?” Jo shook her head, “What exactly can you mean by that?”
“She killed herself.” Tanya said, speaking to the ceiling, tears freely running down towards her hair. “She was my best friend and she killed herself.” She turned to look at Jo again, “She killed herself because of you.”
“What?” Jo asked, shocked at the revelation and bemused at the accusation. “How can it be my fault?”
“Her parents sent her to a camp to ‘fix’ her. Before she met you. Conversion therapy or something. As soon as her parents heard that she had a gay friend they made her move schools again.”
“So it’s my fault she moved schools? And what? She couldn’t live without me?” Jo asked incredulously.
“No, she got sent to another camp. She killed herself there. I think she couldn't bear to not be herself.” She was mumbling, still slightly slurring her words. “But ‘s your fault she got sent there.”
“So, why not attack me? Why my friends? And why not straight after Eve died, that must have been a couple of years ago?” Jo asked, still not understanding.
“You had no friends. Thought it was a good punishment. I tried to drive your new friends away.” she trailed off, her eyes closed. “Then I figured it wasn’t enough.” Her eyes scrunched up, more tears being pushed out of the corners, “I miss her so much.”
“That's the thing though, I miss her too.” Jo said, a tear running down her own cheek.
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The next day the group were approached by Tanya's group, it was exceedingly intimidating, especially because there were more girls than they had seen with Tanya in some time, and a number of boys.
A girl who seemed to be the appointed negotiator for the group stepped forward, "We heard about Tanya." She started, then stopped obviously unsure how to continue.
Jo stepped in front of her friends, presenting her normal tough image. "Yeah?"
"Well, we just wanted to say… erm, we thought before that Tanya hadn't pushed your friend down the stairs. She told us you were just trying to get her in trouble… erm…" she looked back at the huge group, looking for encouragement. "Yeah, so, after last night… we believe you, some of us stayed with her." She gave a girl in the back a dirty look, "But we realise now that Tanya was just bullying you and we, or at least some of us, went along with her. We enabled her behaviour." This part was obviously coming from a parent or a teacher. "And we want to apologise. We truly are not anti gay or anything and erm… We feel really bad for letting her bully you all this time." The girl finished and there were sheepish looks from the crowd.
One of the boys stepped forward, "We are sorry. Please, if anyone says anything to you from now on, tell us, we'll support you."
Jo frowned, "You boys didn't do anything though."
"We knew about it and didn't speak up. That's just as bad." There was some agreement from behind him.
Jo glanced at her friends. "Well, I guess we accept your apology. As long as they aren't empty words and things do change then well, we bear you no ill will and it's water under the bridge. Just, you know, attacking people because of their sexuality is really not cool."
She stepped forward and held out her hand, "A new start?"
The boy shook her hand and said, "Yeah, new start. Thank you."
The crowd disbursed and Jo breathed a sigh of relief. "Holy shit that was scary. I swear my knees are weak." Her girlfriend hugged her.
"Thanks for dealing with that Jo, I was bricking it." Heather admitted, "If you hadn't been here I think I might have just run away."
"Hey, that's a story for one of those interview questions we had to practice in guidance class! You know 'tell us of a time you dealt with a high stress situation'" Abby suggested, "I had nothing for that one last week!"
The girls began to relax, starting to feel safe at school for the first time since the beginning of the school year.
"Abby, I think I'm ready to tell them." Anne whispered.
"What now?" Abby asked.
"Just our friends, Heather and Mae and Jenny, maybe the boys. Not mum and dad, or you know, the school. Not yet." Anne admitted.
"So, a 'soft' coming out, just to see how it goes?" Abby confirmed.
"Yeah. Then we can cuddle at film night on Saturday." Anne said coyly.
"Okay, guys!" Abby said loudly, getting everyone's attention before Anne could chicken out. "We have an announcement."
The group turned to face them, "Susan and Jo already know, but Anne and I have been seeing each other for about seven months now." She searched the amused faces. "What?" She asked.
"We've just been waiting for you to tell us." Jenny said, smiling cheekily.
Anne looked accusingly at Jo and Susan, "Hey, we didn't tell them. Honestly, not a word."
"It's been pretty obvious, the looks and the little touches. Honestly, we were starting to wonder if you guys knew! Mae was suggesting some kind of intervention." Heather joked.
Anne looked shocked, "Well, don't tell our parents, or the rest of the school. Perhaps the boys but not until the study group. And tell them it's kind of a secret."
"What's a secret?" Brian asked, walking up and snaking his arm around Heather.
"Anne and Abby are lesbians, but don't share it round." Heather told him.
"Fuck!" Brian exclaimed, "I owe Kevin a twenty."
"You bet on us being lesbians?" Abby hissed incredulously.
"Yeah well, I told Kevin to ask you out because he likes you, he said you were probably a lesbian because that would be just his luck and I bet him you wern’t." He said bashfully, "I mainly did it to goad him into asking you." Susan slapped his leg, reproachfully.
"Why aren't you telling your parents?" Jenny asked.
"Because then they will never have any alone time!" Susan answered for them, "Honestly it feels like Jo and I are chaperoned every time we are together now!" She winked at her girlfriend, "I can't tell you how frustrating it is!"
"Ooh, sexy lesbian fun times? Don't tell the guys." Brian said, "Guaranteed they will ask for details."
"And you won't? Brian, are you growing up?" Jo teased.
"Nah, I just know you wouldn't tell me!" He admitted with a sly smile, earning him another slap on the leg.
"Are you sure your dad won't let you invite boys for movie night Anne? I'm starting to feel like the odd one out." Heather joked.
"Nope, in fact I think if we come out, movie night might stop. Dad really doesn't trust Abby!" Anne replied.
"Oh god, I almost died in the car trying not to laugh when he said that!" Susan said giggling.
"Well, he wouldn't want to come this week anyway, it's dirty dancing." Abby reminded them, "Damned Kelly! I don't think she should have gotten a movie vote."
"Hey, don't knock Patrick Swayze, I understand why she chose it! Just because you don't swing that way." Heather teased. The four girls in the know shared a smile.