The octopus had killed the level 32 sturgeon as if it were nothing. Killed it so quickly Logan didn’t have time to take it in. It was so high leveled that forget the gun, forget the mirror, forget the entire contents of his spatial storage device. Against a Level 55 mutated monster, he had only one chance.

Swim.

Swim like the Devil was on his ass.

Logan spared one thought for throwing the mirror back into his spatial collar, and then pushed with his legs, taking a giant leap up and then kicking, pushing with his arms, kicking, hoping that the octopus was too distracted by its kill to notice his departure. His muscles strained, his throat drying as anxiety and a need to escape ate away at him. Logan had to get away. For Lara, for the kids, for Tasha and Jack. This couldn’t be the end, not after everything he’d been through.

Logan swam and swam, tearing through the water, kicking up bubbles and releasing a silent scream. Sparing one glance behind him and not seeing the octopus gave him the last shot of hope he needed to make him swim that much faster.

Each inch forward felt like a mile.

Finally, Logan breached the surface of the water, taking in a gulp of real, actual air. He’d drifted underwater, but the shoreline wasn’t far off. Wasting no more time, he kicked with powerful strokes.

One second.

Two seconds.

Three.

Four.

He was going to make it!

Logan was close enough to the shoreline that he could stand up, and he tried to run in the water, but running in water was impossible. He dragged himself out of the lake, step by step, water trailing from his dress shirt, his hair flopping into his eyes.

Walking on solid ground felt unnatural at first, but then he got his feet underneath him and he rushed to the tree line, swiveling around, holding the gun with both hands and facing the lake. Logan tightened his grip on the gun, watching with all his earned perception points for any rustles or breaks in the water.

Nothing.

All was quiet.

It was almost too good to be true. The octopus must have been too focused on its kill to chase Logan. After all, he was only level 15; that must have seemed like peanuts to a level 55 monster.

Logan set the gun down on the ground and then collapsed, his legs going boneless as he panted and reclined in a sprawl, his chest moving like a racehorse. That had been close. Too close. From one extreme to another, a shitty Quest, to a monstrous undead sturgeon, to an octopus that could likely wipe out a hundred people, easy.

Logan closed his eyes and just reveled in his survival. All in all, it hadn’t been too bad. Despite coming close to dying, which seemed par for the course in his new reality, he’d escaped with 30 extra attribute points. Those weren’t easy to come by. Plus, the increase to his endurance attribute meant he could make even better time on his way to Lara. He just needed to find a place to plug in his phone or else the battery would—

Something nudged his arm.

Logan froze.

Opening his eyes, he turned his head, trying to be as still as possible.

The first thing he saw was arms, so many arms—tentacles! And a fleshy body with two dark eyes in its round head. The octopus was the size of an otter, but as Logan watched, its colors fluctuated as if it were matching the surroundings around them. From the pale gray of the boulder half buried in the ground, to the pine needles scattered around them, to the green of his blankets.

He was so dead.

“Large human, are you hibernating?” The octopus waved one slimy tentacle and then peered at Logan with a tilt of its head.

Logan’s eyes widened. “Holy shit,” he whispered, half frozen in shock. The octopus could talk!

The octopus gazed at him with patient eyes. “At first, I thought you weren’t so bright, trying to defeat a sturgeon with a mirror. But I see what you did there! It was a magic mirror! You distracted it so I could come in for the kill!”

“You talk,” he said, stunned. The System had caused some crazy transformations so far, but everything had pointed towards making animals rabid, not sentient and intelligent. At higher levels, did they all gain the ability to talk?

The octopus poked Logan in the leg, right on top of his kitten-patterned swim trunks. “Your outfit shines, a star in a dull world. I can see you’re a man of character. I too like to look stylish.” In a flash, the octopus’ skin turned orange, tiny kitten faces patterning its tentacles. It took a pose, angling its face as if it were getting ready for a portrait.

Logan scrambled to a sitting position and eyed the gun on the ground. It was just out of reach. There were two problems with even attempting to grab it. First, it may be useless after being in the water, and second, the octopus might be bullet-proof. Or worse, it would consider Logan grabbing it a threat. Logan might have to… talk.

….Talk to an octopus.

He ignored the absurdity of the situation and cleared his throat. “Very impressive. Very… fashionable.”

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The octopus bobbed in place. “We are of similar minds, large human!”

His adrenaline had been through the roof, but with each sentence, and each sign of intelligence from the octopus, he began to believe he may live through this encounter. Even though [Idiot’s Inspect] had identified it as a murderous octopus, if it were looking for fashion gratification, it may not twist his head off with those lethal tentacles after all.

Scurrying closer, it peered at the fish net slung around his shoulder with greedy eyes. “You have helped me slay the mighty undead menace while harvesting a feast for my sole enjoyment! You have triumphed against immense odds, reaching beyond what your puny human flesh is able to achieve!”

The octopus darted towards the net and pressed a tentacle against the squished fish remains as if it were fondling a piece of jewelry.

“That’s not…”

The octopus looked at him with wide eyes. It was like something out of one of those anime shows his youngest niece liked to watch. “Yes?”

“I mean….” The hell with it. “I’m glad you appreciate it.” He un-looped the fishing net from his shoulder and set the fishy pile in front of the octopus with a flourish and a bow. “My gift to you.”

The octopus grew red and pressed one of its tentacles against its face. “Large human, you’ve impressed me! Immensely. You show fealty where it is deserved, to me, Ernie! You show smarts! And strategy! Not to mention your sharp wardrobe!”

The octopus’ name was Ernie?

“Um.” Logan scratched the back of his head. “Forgive me, Ernie. But how did you make it to the lake? As far as I knew, octopuses live in salt water. In the ocean.”

In a normal world.

Ernie flexed his tentacles. “I’m glad you asked, large human! It is a tale of triumph against the odds, a tale for the ages. When the sky people came to harvest my brethren, I rebelled! And looked for bluer pastures. I have travelled immense miles; many, many miles. Through rivers, damns, and underwater garbage lands! And I ate, large human. Such slaughter.” Ernie blinked his eyes widely.

Sky people? Harvesting? “So you came here to escape the ocean?”

“To escape the invaders! Nothing within the ocean could threaten me. I rival all.”

“Based on your level, I can believe it.”

The octopus seemed to flush with pride before he tore open the fishing net like shredding paper, scooping up a ragged fish and feeding it into his mouth. “Such a prize,” he crooned. “Such a large human.”

“My name is Logan.”

“Logan,” he crooned while blinking his large black eyes and staring.

And staring.

Wary, Logan inched back.

The octopus followed, crawling forward, his tentacles trailing slime. “Large Human Logan, I’ve decided to offer you a boon.”

Logan paused. He could sure use a boon, but somehow, he didn’t think a clam would help him. “That’s all right.”

The octopus gasped and then glowered. “You don’t want my boon?”

Logan hesitated. Ernie was level 55; if he offended him and he decided to attack, Logan was a goner. “I didn’t say that.”

The octopus preened. “It is done, then! I have chosen you. You will accept.” Ernie’s gaze became unfocused, the same unfocused look Logan was sure he got as he concentrated on his Settings Mainframe.

Ding!

[Murderous Octopus is offering to bond with you!]

[Initiate companion bond with Murderous Octopus?*]

Oh hell no. Bond with a level 55 octopus? What, as his slave?

“Ernie, that’s a very nice offer, but I think you can find a companion much better suited. Maybe your own species. Someone higher leveled.”

“Oh,” Ernie breathed. “You have a confidence problem. I’ve heard about this, Large Human Logan. Repeat after me, ‘I have worth. I have value. I can achieve anything.’ You are not a flop! A failure! A dud! A loser! A has-been! A—”

“I think I get the picture,” Logan said dryly.

Ernie whispered conspiratorially. “I found a dictionary in the garbage lands. Anyway! I have chosen. Ernie chooses winners. So a winner you must be.”

“Although I’m flattered you believe I’m a winner, I still think—”

“Yes…?” Ernie inched closer, his eyes like black marbles.

“Normally I would accept, but—”

“You have accepted!” Ernie looked up to the sky.

[Acceptance noted! Initiating companion bond with Murderous Octopus.*]

“No! I didn’t say yes!”

[Processing….]

[…]

[Bond initiated! You are now bonded with Murderous Octopus*!]

That motherf—

Once again, the System screwed him. Did this mean he would be subservient to the octopus, forced to do his bidding?

And why was there an asterisk next to the prompt?

Logan didn’t have any further chance for speculation, as System Ding! after Ding! swept in like the tide.

[You have been granted the skill, Tentacle Armor! This rare skill allows you to graft material within your environment to your body, creating a layer of protection against attack.]

[You have been granted the skill, Mimicry! This rare skill allows you to transform your skin, mimicking anything within your environment.]

[You have been granted the skill, Regenerate! This rare skill allows you to regenerate severed limbs. Skill level advances with Grade level.]

After the last Ding! faded away, Logan could only gape. He no longer regretted bonding with Ernie. Hell no. Not if this was the result.

Ernie was flexing his tentacles as he continued to stare into space. “Large Human Logan, your skills are puny! What do you use [Life Cycle Master] for?”

Logan was having a tough time processing. Processing anything. It was like he’d been hit on the head with a two-by-four. Excitement surging, he wanted nothing more than to dart to the side and experiment with his new skills.

Logan dragged his gaze back. “You can just call me Logan. Large Human Logan would be like me calling you Murderous Octopus Ernie. It’s a mouthful. And I use [Life Cycle Master] to grow vegetables and trees.”

“Ugh. If you’re going to master a skill, why not a carnivorous meat generator skill! You could grow fish and clams! Plants aren’t tasty.”

Wait a minute. “You were given my skills?”

“Of course, Large Hu—Logan. It would not be equal if the System distributed skills to only one party!”

“You… you want things to be equal then?” Logan felt a smidgen of hope. The skill gains were nice, but not if he were forced to be a slave to the octopus.

A slave to an octopus. That had to be a first.

Ernie blinked his large eyes. “You will still find me tasty, fishy treats?”

“Sure.” Deploying the Cursed Length of Rope to reel in a few fish wouldn’t be a hardship.

Ernie held out a tentacle. “We shall shake on it!”

“Er.” Logan grasped the end of the tentacle with a tentative hand. It was slimy, but more oily than anything. “Deal.”

As soon as he released Ernie’s tentacle, he sprung forward like a whip and a tentacle lashed over Logan’s shoulder.

“Hey!”

But Ernie wasn’t attacking him. Wrapped in his tentacle was an animal the size of a cat. It was covered in grey fur, tiny, talon-like claws flexing and scrambling frantically in his hold. Ernie reeled the creature in, using two other tentacles to grasp a firm hold. Then, feeding it into his mouth, he crunched and snapped off its head.

“Mmm, mmm, I’m getting a taste for land snacks!” Blood and guts trailed down his tentacles, saturating him in red.

Ding!

[Murderous Octopus has defeated a level five Rabid Grey Squirrel! XP sharing reduced while an unequal relationship exists.]

[You have leveled up!]