Before the System Integration, Logan hadn’t thought about children. All right, he might have thought of them in a vague sense… if he got into a serious relationship, he might eventually like to become a family man. But it was in that faraway way of wanting to retire, get promoted, get married, and all the other milestones that society expected everyone to achieve.

He’d gotten a kick out of being an uncle. Helping Sawyer and Hunter in place of their deadbeat dad, watching them grow up, taking them trick-or-treating. It was fun.

But that was as an uncle.

All of that to say, children of his own had been a vague idea. A future idea.

He’d never wanted a mutant vine child.

To that end, why the hell did it think he was its mother? If he were a parent, it would be to the humongous rat vine, not anything it hatched. It was one thing after another in this new world. First, it was wizard-shit, then it was talking animals, and now it was children who hatched like a twisted version of Alien. Mother, his ass.

The vine child was the size of a lion cub, green shoots writhing like worms as they continued to flex around its body. The thing looked like a sculpted plant, as if someone had taken garden shears to a waist-high hedge and sculpted an animal. Only, this thing wasn’t stationary, it was alive.

As Logan watched, it continued to evolve, as if it were fine-tuning its appearance, not yet satisfied. On its round head, two cat-like ears formed, the insides full of what looked like violet flowers. Around its mouth, the face warped, forming a cheshire-cat grin and thorn teeth.

Worst yet, it had a life-like expression, an expression that kept changing depending upon Logan’s. It was mirroring him. As it turned into a shape that looked-slightly less alien-like, the thing seemed to sense that it was a more acceptable appearance to Logan. If it warped in a way that resembled a tentacle-monster, it peered at Logan’s face, blanched, and then altered itself until Logan was no longer grimacing in distaste.

It was less than five minutes old. How it could do all that was beyond him. How it could talk was just as perplexing.

Logan blinked, blinked again, and then blinked some more. And then, as if something within him snapped, he turned on his heel and began power walking down the street.

Away, away!

In the opposite direction.

“Hell no!” he said. He’d had enough. Enough weirdness, enough mutant children, thank you very much. The mutant child may have a way to find the rats, but he’d find a different way! A way that didn’t involve mutant rat vine children!

“Logan,” tsked Ernie, hanging over his shoulder and peering behind him. “Where are you going?”

“Away!” Logan shouted at the empty street as the buildings rushed by and wind blasted his face.

Ernie’s voice was layered with amusement. “Ah, don’t be like that! You don’t want to be known as a dead-beat mother, do you?”

Logan clenched his teeth, a vein on his forehead throbbing. Was Ernie laughing at him?! Ernie was laughing at him! “Let’s have it call you mother and see how you react.”

The horns on Ernie’s head jumped up, flushing red. “Humph. Logan must educate himself. An octopus never gets to meet their children.”

Logan went to shout, but then shut his mouth, averting his gaze. Ernie had a point. He wasn’t ignorant. He knew that in a normal world, once an octopus had offspring, they protected their hatchlings and then they… well, they died.

But he still wasn’t going back to that—

“Where are you going, mother?” chirped the vine child.

“Gah!”

Logan’s heart jackrabbited out of his chest as he came to a skidding stop. Fuck’s sake! The thing had gotten in front of him. It was sitting on its green haunches, one of its forepaws up like a cat about to groom its paw. What the hell?

One second, the street had been empty, the next it was ten feet in front of them.

Narrowing his eyes, Logan scanned it with [Idiot’s Inspect]. Despite its friendly greeting of ‘mother,’ Logan wasn’t lowering his guard.

[Chameleon Vine: Level 5. A master shapeshifter. The chameleon vine’s mimicry abilities advance by gaining acceptance as well as XP.]

[Highest Stat: Intelligence. Characteristics: Curiosity. Hidden name: Shoot.]

Logan scrunched his nose. Huh. It was so low leveled it might as well be a child after all. But what the hell was up with its hidden name? System names were a mystery to Logan. Did monsters get to choose their own names? Or were they assigned them by the System? The poor thing had barely had a chance to take in the world around her; how would she even gain a personality let alone a name?

Wait a minute.

‘Poor thing’? Oh, hell no, that was just what he needed. Feeling sympathy for the mutant child vine.

Plus, the System had given it an odd description. What monster advanced by ‘acceptance’ as well as XP?

Logan cleared his throat. “Hey… kid. We—”

Ernie didn’t wait for Logan to finish, scrambling down his shoulder and jumping to the ground before sliming his way towards her.

Logan took a half step after him before aborting the movement. “Ernie,” he said mentally. “Be careful. We don’t know what this thing is capable of.”

Ernie gave him a mental scoff in return.

Logan crossed his arms. It was the stinky snail situation all over again. Ernie was too curious for his own good. Logan knew it was inquisitiveness that drove him, but one of these days, it would get them in serious trouble. Curiosity killed the cat was a saying for a reason.

Ernie crept up to the cat vine and bobbed his head in curiosity. “Logan doesn’t mean to be rude, little vine! Look at you, so cute! You must be excited to level up and make the numbers go up, hmm? Stick with us, and we’ll get you there in no time!”

Logan scrubbed a hand through his hair and pinched his nose. The vine stood up on all four of its green shoot-covered legs, face warping and looking more human. Right now, it couldn’t pass for anything other than a monster, but it was eager enough. With enough power, it might figure out a way to mimic skin or fur.

Either way, it hadn’t attacked them yet, and despite the wide range of emotions he’d gone through in the last week, the rage fed by the Cursed Rope, and his frustration at not being able to find Lara, he would never kill something defenceless. But he wasn’t the creature’s frigging mother.

“How did you get here so quickly?” Logan would have noticed if she had powered past him. She was small, but not that small.

Shit. He was already starting to think of it as a ‘she’.

Shoot blinked at him in confusion. Her face was a warped version of a hedge, a cat and human, so her blinking green shoot eyelids were beyond disconcerting. “Quickly? I wanted to be with you, and I was!”

It was Logan’s turn to look at her in confusion. “You ran?”

“No. I wanted to be with you!” she repeated. “And I was.”

Although the System’s description hadn’t said she could teleport, Logan had to believe that anything was possible in this new world.

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“Ernie, to me,” he said, holding out his arm.

“So impatient,” said Ernie to Shoot as if imparting a secret, but he jumped to Logan and climbed up his shoulder.

“Will you stay there for a minute?” Logan asked her. “Don’t move until I say so?”

Shoot blinked, clawing the ground before wiggling her green tail. It swayed back and forth like a tiger, green shoots blooming with white flowers at the end as if in excitement. She’d formed claws on her paws that looked more like thorns, the quick green, the ends sharp and black.

“I feel like moving! Not moving… doesn’t sound fun.”

“Yeah, but just for a minute?”

Brimming with energy, she wiggled her tail one more time and then finally settled on her haunches.

“Ernie, hold on.” Powering with his feet and arms, Logan burst down the street, kicking up dust, going past three apartment buildings before turning around and staring down the street back the way he’d come. Shoot was still sitting on her haunches, her green eyes wide with eagerness.

“Okay,” said Logan, raising his voice. “Do it again. You said you wanted to be with—”

Logan had barely gotten the words out before Shoot shimmered, her green shoots writhing as if she’d turned back into a vine. And then with a snap, in less than a second, she materialized right in front of him.

Logan gasped, staring from Shoot to the spot down the street.

“Oooh!” Ernie said, waving one of his tentacles in excitement. “Your kid is impressive!”

“Not my kid, Ernie,” Logan gritted out and then gave her a bright smile. “Don’t give her ideas.”

“But Ernie is right,” said Logan to Shoot. “That was impressive.”

Shoot’s mouth opened wide, a green, fat vine the width of a tongue drooping out of her mouth as if in excitement, her tail flicking like a cat getting ready to play with its prey.

Logan scrubbed a hand over his eyes and bit his lip. If she could teleport, that meant there was no outrunning her. Despite the parenthood accusation, so far, she didn’t seem hostile, more like an excited cub than anything. If she wanted to help, it wouldn’t make sense to refuse. Despite the craziness of his life since the System Integration, this was hardly the weirdest thing that had happened to him. Hell, he’d been dealing with squishy blobs in the trial dungeon.

“My name is Logan,” he said, crouching down, his voice resigned. “Not mother. And the octopus on my shoulder with the slight murderous look in his eyes is Ernie.”

Shoot looked from Logan to Ernie, her tail swaying from side-to-side.

“You’re such a proud mother,” crooned Ernie.

Logan rolled his eyes.

***

Although Logan didn’t trust Shoot, if she said she had a way to find the rats and Lara, it was the best option out of a host of horrible options.

Logan and Ernie followed her as she ran down the street, her thorn paws clattering on the asphalt like claws on concrete. Her head was up, ears perked, tail swinging behind her as she followed an invisible thread that only she could sense.

But Ernie was convinced that she was telling the truth, since he’d sensed that same thread inside of the rat minions. All the rats were connected to someone, and Shoot had managed to piggyback onto that connection even though she was a second-generation rat offshoot.

They passed block after block, and gradually, the state of the streets worsened. That horrible mess of blood and guts was back, graffiti stating DON’T TRUST THE RATS everywhere. That wouldn’t be a problem, but they were also moving closer to the plume of smoke that hung around the city, the glow of fires off in the distance. Shoot was leading them towards a city on fire.

If that were where Lara and the kids were—stuck inside a burning building—Logan didn’t know what he’d do. But it would be nuclear.

Everything he’d done until now had all been for Lara. Struggling through the trial dungeon, going through torture and mental anguish. He’d had a goal at the end—save Lara and the kids, and then use the Save Humanity Quest to save them from the purge. If Logan were too late… well, it didn’t bear thinking about. That way lay agony and despair.

No, he was convinced that his hardships hadn’t been for nothing, and that he’d find Lara and the kids on the other side. Once he rescued them and got them to safety, then he could begin his real trial—saving billions of people.

But he had to find them first.

Logan kept his senses open as they continued to power through the street, deploying [Life Fabricator] to sense everything around him, searching for the bright spots of life that represented Brooke and the others. It was possible that Shoot was leading him away from them, but Logan didn’t think so. They’d been heading in this direction

There was one thing he could do while they travelled.

Logan had leveled up in the battle with the rats to a massive degree, leveled up so much that he’d forgotten to keep track. He felt a jolt run through his body, hope that he might have advanced enough to unlock [Liche Devourer].

With half his attention on keeping up with Shoot, Logan pulled up his stat sheet for a full review.

Name: Logan Hart [Hidden Name: Idiot]

Rank: 2 out of 6,003,903,158

Level: 139

Class: [Epic] Fabled Creation

Grade: E3

Species: Human

Skills:

* Idiot’s Paradox Lv. 28

* Idiot’s Inspect Lv. 10 (capped)

* Deepwater Explorer Lv. 3

* Regenerate Lv. 13

* Mimicry Armour Lv. 2

* Undead Stamina

* Foresight

* Lodestone Creationist Lv. 1

* Liche Devourer Lv. 1

* Life Fabricator Lv. 3

* Portal Generation

Titles: Eager Beaver; Mass Murderer; Audacious Corpse; Run Until You Drop; Malicious Meat Sack

XP Progress: 1,000/278,000

Karma: 2,028/2,028

Intelligence: 260 + 30% = 338

Constitution: 46

Strength: 116x3* = 348

Agility: 121x3* = 363

Dexterity: 96x3* = 288

Endurance: 147x3* = 441+50% = 662

Perception: 35x3* = 105 + 30% = 137

Wisdom: 435 + 30% = 566

Luck: 90

(*Pure Grit Ring)

Free Attribute Points: 100

KarmaCoin: 252,600

100 free attribute points meant that he’d leveled up 20 times, going from level 119 to 139. For a second, he couldn’t believe it.

Now that he was grade E3, he’d upgraded [Regenerate] to level 13. Logan didn’t know what that would do to his regenerating ability, but he had to believe he was that much closer to chopping off a finger and having it grow back just as fast.

In addition, his luck had gone up by five points.

Not half bad.

Scrutinizing his ranking, his eyes widened. After 20 level increases, he was still only rank number two in the world? Logan clenched his fists, a festering worry making his stomach slosh. It wasn’t pride that made him uncertain. Logan wasn’t that vain. No, it was the threat of the Man in Black. If all the man cared about was leveling, using his leeching skill to harvest XP, Logan didn’t like what that could mean for humanity.

Furrowing his brow, Logan pulled up the Leaderboard:

Leaderboard:

* Rank 1: Charon: Level 170 --> Level 201

* Rank 2: Idiot: Level 119 --> 139

* Rank 3: Damsel Fuck You: Level 118 --> 125

* Rank 4: Thor: Level 112 --> 118

* Rank 5: Yogi Bear: 118

* Rank 6: Mictlantecuhtli: Level 108 --> 112

* Rank 7: The General: Level 106 --> 112

* Rank 8: Xuanwu: Level 107 --> 111

* Rank 9: Scott: Level 108

* Rank 10: King Kong: Level 107

Holy shit. Logan had thought 20 levels was colossal, but Charon had leveled up 31 times since he’d last checked! Fuck. He was betting that the System hadn’t locked Charon’s skills like Logan’s. There was no way the man could level up that quickly otherwise. Once again, even though the AI minion was missing in action, Logan had been given the shitty end of the draw.

There had been movements with some of the others as well… ‘Damsel Fuck You’ had gone up seven levels, with others inching up or down. That would be the type of name Lara would have loved.

Sighing, he considered the best way forward. To unlock [Liche Devourer], he needed to increase his Karma pool from 2,028 to 3,500. There was only one way to do that.

Intelligence.

Making the only decision that made sense, Logan allocated all 100 points into his intelligence stat:

[Intelligence: 261]

[Intelligence: 262+]

[Intelligence: 360]

Bracing himself for another scene from his childhood, Logan clenched his fists and ground his teeth.

Scene after scene passed through his mind, from his initial mistake of taunting the rats and forcing them into a stampede, to his berserker rage when he’d worn the skill ring. This time, the System seemed to want to show him the decisions that he was ashamed of, as if taunting him. But gradually, the scenes faded, and yet no memory from his childhood swept him away.

Huh.

Last time, he’d upgraded his wisdom stat instead of intelligence, and he had to wonder if that made the difference.

Each intelligence point translated into six Karma points, which meant that with the multiplying effect from his [Fabled Creation] class, he’d upgraded his Karma pool from 2,028 to 2,808.

Logan sighed.

He already knew that wasn’t enough, but he pulled up the description of [Liche Devourer] to make sure.

[This epic skill allows you to siphon Karma and lifeforce from your enemies and funnel the excess into a pocket dimension black hole. When the hole is fed, unleash obliteration. This skill is insidious, and the enemy will not be aware that funneling is in effect. Locked. 3500 Karma pool requirement not met!]

Either way, he’d increased his pool by almost 800, which was nothing to sneeze at. Although he hadn’t unlocked [Liche Devourer], he was that much closer to it. Plus, although he’d rather upgrade his Karma regeneration rate than his pool right now, a higher pool was useful for the Save Humanity Quest.

But still, annoyance festered in his stomach. After the fight against the rats, Logan felt as if he’d been shortchanged. That wasn’t worth at least a title? Fucking System.

Pulling his attention away from his stat sheet, Logan focused on Shoot. The air had started to become uncomfortable. The wildfire smoke had already made the normal blue sky brown, but now, intense localized smoke made his eyes burn. Up ahead, the buildings were on fire, intense flames shooting from apartment building to apartment building.

Shoot was leading them into an inferno.

“Are you sure this is the way?” Logan shouted, trying to raise his voice over the sound of the flames and the explosions. Even though he wasn’t the same Logan as before the System Integration, he had a tough time fighting his instincts when they were telling him that he should be running away from the fire, not towards it.

Shoot glanced back at him, her face avid with excitement, her tail swinging as if she were getting ready to pounce.

“It’s this way, mother!”

Goddammit, he wasn’t her mother—

Oh.

The subway system.