As a smart octopus, if there was one thing Ernie had learned since becoming a Murderous Liche, it was that stealth was power. Stealthy, sneaky power.
In the underwater garbage lands, if Ernie had a choice between reading a tome about a sneaky octopus or a tome about an octopus who slaughtered everything he came across, he would have picked the slaughterer. Ernie’s eyes grew dreamy as a plethora of blood and fish guts filled his mind. He pictured a mighty Ernie standing tall and proud amongst a pile of vanquished enemies. Slaughtering slaughtering slaughtering.
Slaughtering was fun! It made the numbers and levels go up!
The words ‘stealthy’ and ‘sneaky’ sounded like something for thieves, weaklings, for octopuses who… well, who didn’t rival all.
But after the serpent queen defeated him in the tunnel, he’d learned that true power wasn’t in how strong you were, and it wasn’t something that you obtained by pummeling your enemies to death. Ernie had come to believe that true power existed in octopuses who lurked in the shadows, planning and lying in wait.
Many times, the tomes in the underwater garbage lands had referred to the power behind a human emperor, a mighty king! Those sneaky humans were stealthy, building up their power little by little. Without that strategy, they would have been stomped underneath a stinky human foot!
It hurt him to admit it, but against someone like the serpent queen, Ernie would never win in a head-to-head fight. Ernie rivaled all! But even he knew when he was outclassed. He wouldn’t win that way.
And most importantly, the words of the all-powerful being were clear:
[A master manipulator, your power remains hidden from those more powerful than you. Be stealthy, be smart, and the world will kneel before you.]
Yes yes yes. Could it be any other way? Ernie would become stealthy, he’d become smarter. He liked the idea of everyone kneeling before him while he towered over them on his mighty throne!
Well, Logan could join him too.
But the throne would have to be smaller.
Making sure to keep his breathing steady, his tentacles like stiff boards, he didn’t dare move an inch. It had been difficult beyond belief to get a handle on [Mimicry], but Ernie rivaled all. How could a tricky, misbehaving skill hold him back?
Instead of appearing like a pale, disgusting rotten undead thing, he’d transformed himself into the color of the rock he was currently clinging to while the queen serpent slithered through the water, her snake hair writhing as she searched in vain. Her army cowered before her, eyes lowered in deference. In the water, fine white particles like spilt milk travelled on the current as the undead sturgeons gurgled as she passed.
“Now where is that derelict octopus,” she muttered in annoyance, her tail lashing behind her. It was so long that it slashed one of the dolphin-sized larvae, turning it onto its belly like an overweight, upside-down bulbous porpoise. It let out a noxious plume of gaseous gunk and shivered.
This was the fifth time Ernie had evaded her. She may be big like a giant squid, but she wasn’t very bright. Ernie held back a grin, making sure to be an Ernie-statue. Motionless. A rock.
The serpent made one more circuit. Ernie thought she’d leave Larry alone this time, but the poor lug was a magnet for her ire.
“And you! What do you have to say for yourself?” she barked. “Once again, no humans! You’re so pathetic I might as well grind you into fish food and feed you to the worms!”
Larry’s ratty black fins drooped, his sturgeon crocodile head dipping and hiding his eyes. On his sides were the marks of her abuse—healed over slashes from the serpent’s claws. Each time she ranted at Larry, his hide got even worse. The poor thing would never find a mate at this rate. Tsk tsk.
Ernie wanted to pat his head with a tentacle.
“Results!” the serpent was hissing, her snake hair writhing and darting at the water. “I’ll not warn you again!”
She would warn Larry again.
She warned him over and over again.
As far as Ernie was concerned, a repeated threat with no follow through wasn’t much of a threat at all. No leadership! A serpent without clothes!
After one more slash of her claws against Larry’s side, the serpent slithered through the water, her tail bashing undead fish out of the way. Alarmed, they darted to the side and then hid underneath rocks and seaweed lest they become targets.
Ernie made sure she had disappeared into the blackness of the underwater deep before stretching his tentacles as if coming out of a long nap. Flexing, he transformed from a rockface to the blue-blackness of the water.
Zooming over to Larry, he cooed in sympathy. “There, there, Larry. You’ve once again taken one for the team! I’m proud of you!”
Larry the Undead Sturgeon had been his first recruit. He was loyal, rabid in his devotion, and his best proponent. Ernie had been working at this stealthy recruitment strategy for the last two days, and every time he reviewed his stat sheet, he felt like crowing:
The story has been stolen; if detected on Amazon, report the violation.
Name: Murderous Octopus (Hidden Name: I Rival All)
Level: 65
Grade: F6
Species: [Rare] Cephalopod Liche
Titles: Sapience Early Adopter; Clam Mass Slaughterer
Undead Minions: 31
XP Progress: 60,000/130,000
Karma: 900/900
Intelligence: 150
Wisdom: 165
Strength: 150
Agility: 105
Endurance: 105 + 100% boost
Free Attribute Points: 0
Ernie already had 31 minions! 31 beings that would do his bidding, but better yet, they did his bidding not just because he commanded them, but because they wanted to. Unlike the serpent queen, Ernie rivaled all. Puffing his cheeks, he preened before remembering that he was on a time crunch.
“Larry, do your prowling thing.”
Larry wagged his tail, ratty black tailfins swishing through the water, before he rushed off like an excited rabbit. Zooming around the undead army in loops, he collared them in like the human with the S on his chest. SuperLarry! (Ernie had found a tome in the underwater garbage lands that had colourful pictures, bloody violence and punching. Text bubbles said POW POW POW on almost every page. It had made him very excited).
Each loop forced the undead sturgeons to crowd closer with annoyed huffs, caused the mutated larvae to worm their way over and on top of each other, and the undead fish with red eyes to drift closer as if Larry were a large, tasty treat.
The humans though…
Ernie suppressed a shudder
They continued standing in place, their bodies swaying in the current, back and forth, back and forth. They stared blindly with their flower petal eyes, their flower tentacle tongues occasionally flickering like a snake tasting the water.
He hadn’t yet swayed any of them over to his side, mostly because they never moved.
Ernie pointedly turned his head away from them and surveyed the rest of the gathered army. As long as the serpent wasn’t in their presence, they were under their own power. But while they were her minions, she could send a command through to them which overrode their independent thoughts. It was as if she’d commandeered their minds.
That was if they were her minions.
If they came over to his side, they would be his instead.
And then he’d have the same power.
Ernie felt his tentacles twitch in excitement. He had to forcefully hold them back so he wouldn’t look too eager. Impressions were important! Minions would never follow someone who looked as if they were salivating.
“Ahem,” said Ernie. With a grunt of effort, he pulsed his skin with neon flashes, fluctuating between pink, blue and green as his tentacles danced. Flashing colors were important in a presentation! He looked like a school of fish doing a mating dance.
The undead fish’s eyes grew wide. The sturgeons were less impressed, but by now, Ernie knew what made them tick. Praise.
“Attention! Attention! As mentioned last time, these working conditions will continue to worsen. Drastically worsen! Next time, the queen might just…” Ernie hadn’t thought this out beforehand. Oops. “She… she might just pluck out your eyes rather than slash you with her talons!”
The undead minions shifted, their fins jumping like startled cats.
Ooooh, that had gone over well. “Yes yes yes! Eyes! She’ll pluck out your eyes! And you know what that means. When the humans have working condition problems, there’s only one way to solve it.”
Ernie paused for effect.
“Dare I say it… a union.”
They gave him blank looks.
“Unions have dues! You’ll have to pay a fee!”
More blank looks. Uh oh, maybe unions weren’t as bad as he thought they were.
Ernie blew out a breath of water and then brightened. “You’ll have to donate fins.”
Immediately, the undead sturgeons jumped, and the fish jerked in place and gave alarmed squawks.
Next to him, Larry’s back tailfin swayed from side-to-side in satisfaction.
Bless him, he was such a good minion.
Ernie preened. “But fear not, Ernie has a solution! In my army, no one will lose eyes, no one need fear slashed sides! You’ll be respected, given rewards for good work, and you will even receive days off to go… do whatever undead things like to do!” Ernie gestured at Larry with a tentacle. “Behold, my first recruit.”
Larry dipped his head.
“Does he look unhappy? Mistreated? No, of course not! For unlike others, I have no human quotas.”
The undead sturgeons opened their mouths and milky white material drifted through the water. The pressure of the human quota requirement was on them more than any other. They were the largest undead minions in the lake and the serpent considered them matches for the humans.
Yes yes yes. He could tell he was winning them over! This time, he’d get five. Five at least!
Ernie danced in the water, doing a savage, savage tentacle dance. “Who wants to start? Don’t be shy! Unlike the serpent, I don’t bite!”
Larry sidled up to another undead sturgeon and nudged it encouragingly. Hesitant at first, and then with resolve, it approached Ernie, its red eyes blinking at him, examining him, judging him.
It could judge all it wanted. Ernie rivaled all. There was only one possible outcome.
Making a decision, the sturgeon dipped its head.
Ernie grinned. Deploying [Liche Creation], he spread tiny filaments like cobwebs through the water that drifted towards the sturgeon and then leached inside its scales and into its flesh.
Ding!
[Congratulations, Murderous Octopus! One new minion has been added to your minion army.]
Ernie glowed with satisfaction. His new undead sturgeon minion blinked at him, surprised that the transition had been painless. That was the best part. Every one of the serpent’s minions had been transformed into undead minions with agony, whereas Ernie’s conversion felt like a warm bath.
After the first one, the rest would follow.
Yes yes yes.
Ernie rivaled all.
***
“Larry,” said Ernie. “That was a particularly good haul! Once again, you did so well! I knew I could count on you.”
Larry wagged his tail, his ratty black fins swaying back and forth. All in all, Ernie had managed to add another 20 minions to his army. He now had 51 minions, over a quarter of the serpent’s army! If he continued at this rate, he’d soon have half. And best yet, he’d done it right underneath her nose.
Dancing, Ernie flashed his tentacles, jumping from rock to rock, ricochetting off Larry’s back and shooting for the surface in excitement. He was stealthy; he was smart; the world would kneel underneath his tentacles. He’d fashion a throne like none other and…
Wait.
What was that?
Ernie paused in the water, his tentacles stilling as he turned towards the right. Off in the distance, he could see the opening of the cave that led to the portal. The sight of it dampened his feeling of euphoria, bringing back memories of his forced undead conversion.
Huh.
He’d passed that cave numerous times in the last two days. What was different about today?
It… there was a feeling. A squishy human-type feeling. A…
Logan.