Three times a day, the oldest member of their camp, a tiny woman with long, snow white hair that she kept in a bun at the nape of her neck, round, pink cheeks, and the cutest little button nose, emerged from the back room of the house in the middle of camp they all simply called the kitchen in an apron stained with blood and broth and Mother only knew what else, strode out onto the landing, rang the bell that hung out front, and shouted at the top of her lungs some form of,

“If you wanna eat, getcher asses in here ‘fore the food’s gone ‘cause I ain’t sat down in three hours and I ain’t makin’ one more Mother-damned sandwich ‘til I’ve had a hot bath just as long or a foot massage from Tobei!”

It was how most in the camp kept time.

Lenna and a few others had been milling around just across a rope bridge, waiting for this phenomenon. If they tried to enter the kitchen before Doll had completed this ritual, or even if they waited out on the landing, she would refuse to feed them, claiming if they had enough time on their hands to sit around and pressure her, they had enough time to make their own damn meal.

Usually, Lenna didn’t bat an eye at the swaying of the rope bridges in camp when she crossed, but this time, when she stepped aboard the shift of the wood under her foot was enough to send her into the woven side of the bridge.

“Mother damn it,” she spat.

“You alright?” Tari grabbed Lenna’s arm to steady her.

“I’m fine.”

Lenna yanked her arm free of Tari’s grasp and righted herself. She did her best to pretend the group of people jammed up on the landing behind her wasn’t there. To pretend that blonde bitch wasn’t humiliating her all over again.

She could use the leg now, she was getting back her control of it slowly, but it felt as awkward as writing with her left hand.

Tari spoke in a low voice while they steadily made their way across the bridge. “You know what currency you’ll pay her back with yet?”

“I have an idea,” Lenna said darkly.

Tari grinned, looking a bit like a chipmunk with her brown hair and round, baby-ish face. “Can’t wait to watch the transaction.”

The kitchen was a misshapen, disjointed-looking building that seemed doomed to be forever under construction. It was always the first part of camp that needed expanding when a new group followed Daivad home like a gaggle of lost ducklings. Lately it seemed like Daivad timed his raids based on the progress of the kitchen’s latest addition, because the second they had room for a few extra tables, he’d return with the need for more.

Lenna had tried to suggest they just add an extra cook so they could serve more than just three meals a day and the whole camp wouldn’t have to try to cram into the kitchen at once, but Doll wouldn’t hear of it. She claimed it was because she did things her way, and another cook would just get in the way, fuck her shit up. Lenna thought that was sweet shit—Doll was just afraid a new cook would make her obsolete, and then no one would have to put up with her miserable ass anymore.

Eyes on Doll—who, after each sandwich she slapped down in front of those who shuffled up to her, tray extended, looked each person dead in the eye just daring them to find something to complain about—Lenna leaned in to say to Tari, “If I live to be that old, you just push me off the tallest tree you can find.”

“Careful!” Tari hissed, hiding her smile behind a hand. “She’ll serve you a literal shit sandwich.”

“Even with monster ears, she can’t hear me with all these people crammed in here. Not at her age, in the middle of the day.”

But Tari remained hesitant all the way up until the line brought Lenna before Doll. The old woman threw her sandwich down just like she had everyone else’s, gave her the same challenging glare, and said nothing as Lenna turned to head back outside. On the landing, she glanced around, surprised to see Tari wasn’t behind right behind her.

When Tari finally caught up, slightly bug-eyed and a little flushed, she rushed up to Lenna and whispered, “She said, ‘Tell that firehead I’m old but I ain’t deaf.’”

This book was originally published on Royal Road. Check it out there for the real experience.

Lenna glanced back into the kitchen the next time someone passed through the door, but Doll was just as focused on serving her sandwiches as ever.

She narrowed her eyes at Tari. “Sweet shit.”

“Swear!” she said.

When they sat at a table out on the landing, Lenna examined her sandwich. It was one of the rare times they had meat on their sandwiches—while nowadays they had a somewhat steady supply of bread thanks to Daivad’s deal with Urden, meat was almost always reserved for dinner, if they had meat at all. Silvax Forest was a forest of monsters, so daybeasts were rare. And no one ate monster meat.

They’d tried to raise cattle, but inevitably they all fell prey to monsters. It was all they could do just to keep the horses alive. But they’d gotten lucky with the last hunt, so venison sandwiches it was.

Soon, Lenna reminded herself, they’d have enough food to have meat at every meal. Thanks to her. She smiled.

“You’re not actually going to put that in your mouth?” Tari asked as Lenna smiled at her sandwich.

Her smile fell away. She peeled the top piece of bread off and examined it closer. “She can’t’ve done something to it, she had eyes on her the whole time.”

“Still.”

Lenna hesitated. The sandwich looked fine—delicious even. For a mean old cuss, Doll could cook. The meat was juicy, it smelled of pepper and smoke, the vegetables were fresh and crisp, courtesy of the gardens. Even if the hag had spit in it or dropped it on the floor, Lenna would still probably eat it. She wasn’t prissy.

But the idea of Doll telling others she’d done something to the sandwich and Lenna had actually eaten it, the sound of phantom whispers and laughter behind Lenna’s back… Or worse, in front of her face. In front of Daivad. Even just imagining it made Lenna’s heart pound, made her skin prickle with adrenaline, made her stomach feel as if it were full of maggots.

Just then, the solution to her problem made itself perfectly clear.

“Lenna.”

Daivad strode toward her, and for once the sight of the blonde bitch trailing behind him didn’t feel like a knife of jealousy in her chest. Well, it did, but still, Lenna could use this.

She stood, carrying her tray with her.

Lenna watched the blonde while Daivad filled her in on the meeting and the need for escorts for the two outsiders until then. She was dirty, especially her feet. Grass stains smeared across her pink dress, which was barely a dress. And she had all manner of leaves and twigs stuck in that rat’s nest she called hair. She watched Lenna as carefully as Lenna watched her, but with big, earnest eyes.

The second Daivad closed his mouth, the blonde said, “A thousand apologies for earlier, Lenna. Clarix was coming toward camp looking for me and I panicked. I wanted to come and repair your magic right away but Daivad said that would be a bad idea. I’m glad to see it’s recovering well, but if you’d like me to treat it I’d be happy to.”

Lenna stared. “Clarix?”

“She’s the sweet monster that came here with Jac. Don’t worry, she’s not dangerous.”

Lenna smiled. “Ah. Actually, I wanted to gift you an apology of my own.”

Daivad’s eyes snapped to Lenna’s face, then narrowed.

“We got off on the wrong foot,” Lenna continued. “I carry the fault. My rudeness this morning was born of mistrust, but I see Daivad trusts you.” She held Daivad’s gaze as she continued. “He must, if you’re still wearing your head despite your … antics. And I wasn’t sure if you’d eaten, so I was going to bring you this.”

Lenna widened her smile and held out her tray. “A peace offering.”

The blonde looked not at the tray, nor Lenna, nor Daivad. Her unfocused eyes darted around them. It took significant effort for Lenna to keep her smile in place.

Finally, the blonde blinked her eyes back into focus and beamed at Lenna. “That’s so kind of you. I wouldn’t be taking your food, would I?”

“I already ate.”

“Oh, then thank you!” And she took the tray.

As long and dark as Daivad’s lashes were, it was a wonder he could see at all with his eyes narrowed like that. But he simply said, “Schedule guards for Nyxabella and Jac until after the meeting.”

Lenna nodded. “Sir. I’ll send someone as soon as I have the schedule worked out. I assume she’ll be heading to the baths next.” Lenna gave her a pointed once-over.

“Baths?” the blonde asked, and looked at Daivad. “Hot baths?”

Lenna regretted her suggestion. Not only had it failed to offend Belle, it seemed to have given her ideas. Before Lenna could come up with something else to knock the bitch down a peg, Daivad had waved a hand to dismiss her.

She physically could not hold the smile on her face any longer, so she simply turned away and said, “Enjoy your sandwich,” over her shoulder.