We ran for what felt like miles. We ran like there was every damn chance some over-powered, psycho candy-obsessed serial killer would come chasing after us and kill us if we didn’t get our asses in gear. We ran until we could run no more, and then we had to stop, Annalise and I. Correction—I had to stop. Because I was in worse shape than Annalise was, who seemed like she had ran ten miles every morning before breakfast in her old life.

“That’s all you got?” Annalise asked, hardly out of breath. “You gotta get that stamina up, Kade. All we’re gonna do is run in this place.”

I was doubled over, gasping for air like a fish that had not only been yanked out of water but also forced to run a marathon. My lungs felt like they were on fire, probably from inhaling half of Infernum’s ash-laden atmosphere during our sprint. I was sweating so much, I could’ve filled a small swimming pool.

“That’s... all... I... got?” I wheezed between gulps of air. “Sorry... if I’m... not... in... peak... condition... for the... fucking afterlife... Olympics.”

My legs were trembling, threatening to give out at any moment. I felt like I’d just gone ten rounds with a heavyweight champion, then immediately competed in an iron man triathlon, followed by a quick session of being repeatedly hit by a truck.

Snuggles, still perched on my shoulder, patted my head with mock sympathy. “There, there, champ. You did good for a meatbag. I’ve seen three-legged sloths move faster, but hey, you’re trying.”

I shot him a glare that would’ve been more effective if I wasn’t bent over, hands on my knees, looking like I was about to hurl up everything I’d ever eaten in my entire life… and afterlife.

“Fuck you guys,” I said, finally getting my breath back. “I saved… both your asses back there.”

“Hey, I’m just along for the ride,” Snuggles said. “I didn’t ask you for no lift.”

“What? You fucking little shit. Get the fuck off my shoulder.” I swatted him away like a bothersome insect and he fell on to the ground.

Annalise was staring at me when I stood up. “Why did you come for me?” she asked, as if I’d done some sort of bad thing.

“Jesus, you two are killing me here,” I said. “Why the hell do you think, Annalise? I thought you were in trouble, that you might need my help.”

“Even though every player here is on the clock? Like we are right now?”

“What, you think I was gonna let you suffer? That I would just run to the stupid Trial and leave you to die?”

“You could’ve died back there yourself, Kade.”

“So could you! That’s why I went out of my way to save you!”

She seemed like she was going to say something else, something she maybe thought was going to sound even more ungrateful than she already sounded, but she pulled it back in before sighing. “Alright, look. Thanks for saving me, okay? But you really didn’t have to. And just so you know, this doesn’t mean we’re somehow obligated to each other now.”

“Jesus, no, we wouldn’t want that, would we?” I shook my head as I checked the timer on my screen—2:37:06. “Fuck’s sake. That Trial still seems far away on the map, and we’re running outta time.”

“Then let’s get a move on, compadres,” Snuggles said, bouncing up onto my shoulder again.

“Are you just gonna sit up there the whole damn time?” I asked him. “You can walk, can’t you?”

Snuggles stretched his tiny legs out. “Look at these things. They’re shorter than your list of good life choices, Kade. How do you expect me to keep up with you two giants otherwise? Besides,” he smirked, patting my shoulder, “why walk when you’ve got a perfectly good meat chariot?”

“Fuck my life.” I started walking fast. As fast as my tired legs would carry me, anyway. My face was burning from the molten sugar I got splattered with earlier, but I didn’t want to use a Health Potion just for that. I had a feeling I might need the potion at some point for something worse. Annalise must’ve took a potion already, because her arm—previously suffering from second degree burns—was now as good as new.

“We should start running again,” she said. “We’re still too far away.”

“Just hold on there a second robot girl. If I start running again, I’ll be sick.”

“Sick is better than dead.”

“Yeah, alright. Just gimme a minute, will you?”

She nodded, then said after a moment, “I mean it, you know. Thanks for saving me.”

“Even though I didn’t have to.”

“Yeah. Glad you did, though. Floss was going to feed me to that machine of his.”

“He still might if he catches up with us.”

“We got some time, don’t worry,” Snuggles said.

“Why?” I asked. “Because your small army of plushies are gonna keep him busy? I doubt it.”

“Don’t forget the clowns,” Annalise said.

“I’m touched by my gang’s sacrifice,” Snuggles said, sounding emotional now. “I didn’t… I didn’t expect them to do that. For sure, Floss would’ve killed most of them. Poor little guys.”

“They seemed to be doing alright,” I said in a half hearted attempt to make him feel better.

“Floss will hunt every last one of them down,” Snuggles said. “And they all would’ve known that before jumping him. That’s what makes their actions so goddamn brave.” He sniffed as if he was going to cry, but held it in. “Though I think the clowns were that depressed, they didn’t care what happened to them.”

“So will their souls get ‘repurposed’ again?” Annalise asked.

This tale has been pilfered from Royal Road. If found on Amazon, kindly file a report.

“Yeah, I’d say so. That’s how things get done here in Hellsney World,” Snuggles replied with a grim chuckle. “Where dreams come true, and by dreams, I mean nightmares, and by come true, I mean they hunt you down and eat your remains.”

“Like Floss.”

“Yeah, like Floss.”

The landscape had changed into barren wasteland as we left the rockier terrain behind. I stopped and looked around, seeing nothing but an endless expanse of desolation that somehow managed to scream “1980s post-apocalyptic chic.”

The ground was a patchwork of cracked, sun-baked earth and neon-tinged ash, as if the soil itself was trying to glow in the dark. Skeletal trees dotted the landscape, their branches adorned with what looked suspiciously like leg warmers and sweatbands.

In the distance, a mountain range loomed, its peaks resembling a giant, jagged mohawk against the blood-red sky. If I squinted, I could almost make out what appeared to be a massive boombox perched atop the highest peak, silent now but ready to blast some synth-pop at a moment’s notice.

Scattered across the wasteland were the rusted-out husks of what might have once been cars, now transformed into eerie sculptures that looked like they belonged in an MTV music video. One particularly large wreck had sprouted antenna-like protrusions, giving it the appearance of a Delorean that had mated with a satellite dish.

The wind whipped across the barren plain, carrying with it the faint, ghostly chorus of “Take On Me” and the lingering scent of Aqua Net hairspray. Tumbleweeds rolled by, but instead of dried plants, they were tangles of cassette tape, unspooling endlessly as they bounced along.

I shook my head, wondering if the constant threat of death had finally driven me mad, or if Infernum’s AI just couldn’t resist turning everything into a John Hughes fever dream. Either way, the journey ahead looked long, arduous, and inexplicably rad to the max.

“Alright,” I said to Snuggles, exasperated. “What the hell is the deal with all the eighties stuff in this place? I don’t get it.”

Snuggles chuckled softly on my shoulder. “That’s just how this particular version of the game looks. It wasn’t like this when I played it. There’s a different AI now.”

“The showrunners change up the AI?”

“Not usually, but they did a while back. No one really knows why.”

“What was the last AI like?”

“A real asshole. Turned this place into a soul crushing nightmare.”

“Not much has changed then, I see.”

“Plenty has changed. This is nothing compared to what it was. Though I haven’t seen the other Circles yet. Since getting repurposed, I haven’t left Limbo.”

“How long have you been a plushie?” Annalise asked.

“Too damn long,” Snuggles growled. “Time is different here. It’s not like it was on Earth. You just seem to… lose track of it after a while.”

“On Earth? You were human once?”

“Of course. You think I was born a damn monster plushie?”

“So what’s your really name?” I asked.

“Look,” he said, “we ain’t got time for this. We need to get moving… like much fucking faster than we’re moving now. And while we’re at it, Kade, you need to adopt me as a pet so I can gain player status again.”

“How do I do that?”

“Start running and I’ll explain.”

We started running again, heading toward the horizon in the direction of the Trial location. Annalise ran on ahead slightly, moving like a machine. Meanwhile, I huffed along like I was humping fifty pounds of extra weight on my back. Long distance running was never my thing. I was always about the short, fast bursts. In and out, knock that fucker down, know what I mean? Most of my fights didn’t go past one round. If they did, I ended up gassing out and losing more often than not. So yeah, this running shit was killing me.

As I ran, Snuggles sat on my shoulder while I struggled to follow his instructions to make him my pet. “Open your Pet Menu,” he said, which I didn’t even know I had, and it took me a while to find.

“Alright, smartass,” I panted, “now what?”

“Look for the ‘Add New Pet’ option,” Snuggles instructed, his gravelly voice tinged with impatience. “It should be right there, probably next to a picture of something cute and fluffy. Which, I might add, I am not.”

I fumbled through the menu, cursing under my breath. “Found it. Now what?”

“Select it, dummy. Then you should see a ‘Scan for Nearby Creatures’ button. Hit that.”

I did as he said, and suddenly a blue light emanated from my eyes, scanning the area.

“Hey, watch the high beams!” Snuggles yelped, covering his button eyes.

A list of creatures appeared in my vision. A very long list. Most were greyed out, but Snuggles’ type was highlighted.

“Select ‘Plushie,’” he said. “Then you’ll see a ‘Bond with Pet’ option. Choose that.”

I did, and a confirmation message popped up:

Are you sure you want to bond with ‘Snuggles, the Foul-Mouthed Plushie’? This action cannot be undone.

“Hit yes already!” Snuggles urged.

I confirmed, and suddenly a golden light enveloped Snuggles. He yelped in surprise as he was lifted off my shoulder, suspended in mid-air.

“What the hell is happening?” I asked, alarmed.

“It’s the bonding process,” Snuggles replied, his voice strained. “Just... give it a second.”

The light intensified, then suddenly vanished. Snuggles dropped back onto my shoulder, looking slightly dazed.

“There,” he said, shaking his fuzzy head. “Now I’m officially your pet. Try not to let it go to your head.”

A new notification popped up:

Congratulations! You’ve acquired a new pet - Snuggles, Level 1 Plush Companion.

“What level were you when you got smoked?” I asked him. “I can see all your stats—they’re pathetic.”

“Screw you. I wasn’t always this weak. I reached level 14 before I got killed in the Third Circle. I was pretty fucking badass, I’ll have you know.”

“Not badass enough, clearly.”

“Screw you, Kade. Let’s see how far you get. You think you’re getting it hard now? Just you wait. You ain’t seen shit yet.”

“So you’re back in the game now?”

“Yep. I got my HUD back and everything.”

“Try not to get killed again then.”

He slapped the back of my head with his paw. “You suck.”

Annalise turned slightly as she kept running, slowing to a jog. “So if you get killed here and get repurposed back into this world, it’s possible for anyone to enter back into the game? Is that right?”

“More or less,” Snuggles said. “But only if a current player makes you one of their party, which is rare. Most players couldn’t give a shit about a former player that got repurposed into… whatever. They only care about themselves. Luckily, I got repurposed into a pet class, which makes me irresistible to dumb dumbs like Kade here.”

“Screw you,” I said, throwing him a look over my shoulder. “I’m just taking you along in case I need something to soft to wipe my ass with.”

“Ew, gross,” Snuggles said. “Try it and I’ll bite your balls off.”

“Charming.”

“So are all the mobs here former players as well?” Annalise asked, making me wonder if the Gluepanzee I killed was someone like me once.

“Most of them are, yes,” Snuggles said. “The shits that run this gig don’t like any soul going to waste. And let’s not forget, the ultimate purpose of every soul here is to feed the Overseers. Nothing more.”

“That fucking sucks,” I growled. “It makes me angry.”

“Yeah? Welcome to the club. You can rest easy knowing even your anger is feeding those vampiric fucks.”

After running for another while, we checked the timer and saw we had under an hour left to reach the first Trial location. We were still in the wasteland, still surrounded by empty space. No sign of any other players even, probably because the rest of the contestants had the good sense to high tail it as soon as the announcement came.

“What the hell are we even looking for anyway?” I asked Snuggles. “You’ve played this game before, you should know.”

“Well, when I played the game, the entrance to the Trials were usually represented by a large, shimmering doorway, a bit like a portal,” Snuggles said.

“A portal? To where?”

“The Trial, obviously.”

“Yeah, but are the Trials on this world or somewhere else?”

Snuggles shrugged. “Not really sure, never thought too much about it because I was too busy trying to survive.”

“So we’re looking for a door of some kind?” Annalise asked.

“Maybe,” Snuggles said, seeming like he was occupied with viewing his screen. “The AI is different this time, so the entrances might be different as well. I’m sure we’ll know it when we see it.”

“If we ever see it,” Annalise said, turning and speeding up. “Come on! At this rate, we might as well have stayed at the damn funfair so Floss could kill us!”

Sighing, I speeded up as I ran after Annalise, Snuggles holding onto my neck.

If this running shit is a sign of things to come, I thought, then we really are in Hell.

And that’s when some winged bastard of a creature snatched Snuggles right off my damn shoulder.