“My name is Oleg. Well, it was… before I died. After death, some god found me and sent my soul to the Warhammer world into the body of an orc. I lived there for over a hundred years, nearly conquering the entire galaxy. But after I was killed by an overly nimble Eldar, I was sent here, to the Naruto world. By then, I had almost completely forgotten that I was once human. After that, my consciousness merged with Sakura’s personality, and during the interrogation, my true identity emerged. And honestly, I have no desire to become a cosmic mushroom or a schizophrenic teenage girl again.”

“Got it” - I summarized. - “Sasuke here is also a trans-dimensional-migrant from Earth, but he lost his memory. I’ve been dealing with all this for quite a while, so there’s no point in telling my story. I’ll just say that compared to me, you two are complete noobs.”

“What makes you say that?” - Oleg protested.

“Do you remember what the Judge of this game called me?” - I smirked.

“…Cheater” - Oleg managed to recall.

“Exactly! I’m a cheater, and you’re noobs. But enough about that. Our task is to eliminate the enemy figures that have appeared in other villages.”

“Who and where are these enemies? Any ideas?” - the former orc immediately asked. I already liked him more than the amnesiac Sasuke, who behaves more like a child, which makes sense considering his memory loss.

“No idea, but we can make some assumptions. First, it’s the inhabitants of the four hidden villages: Sand, Stone, Cloud, and Mist. There will also definitely be Akatsuki. Orochimaru is likely one of the opponents too. So, that’s six, including us seven. That leaves three more teams. There could be various options. For example, residents of buffer countries like the Land of Rain or Grass. Or there could be some unknown missing-nin.”

“And what about Tsunade and Jiraiya?”

“Unlikely. They are part of Konoha. But Orochimaru’s genome wasn’t on the list at the start of the game, so he’s considered an opponent.”

“What are our plans?” - Oleg continued to ask, apparently deciding to evaluate my ‘wisdom’ first. Sasuke, meanwhile, sat silently, frowning as he looked back and forth between me and ‘Sakura.’

“I’ve already suggested it. We need to get used to our new bodies and learn some techniques. We ended up in the bodies of green genin who can’t do anything. You can’t win with just one jutsu. So, I propose we head to the Land of Waves. Along the way, Kakashi will train us, and in a month or two, we’ll be ready to take part in the Chunin Exams. I think by then, most participants will also move from preparation to active actions.”

“Do you think you can convince Kakashi to teach us something?” - Oleg doubted.

“I’ve already placed an fūin of obedience on him, so he has no choice.”

“Fūin of obedience? You’re pretty sharp. When did you manage that?”

“While you were sleeping in the prison cells.”

“Yeah… this Sakura is such a fool. And Groot is even dumber. What you can expect from orc?” - Oleg shared her thoughts with me.

“So, unless you have other suggestions, I propose we head to the Hokage, grab Kakashi by the scruff, and leave the village before the enemies arrive.”

“Agreed” - Sakura nodded.

“Sasuke?” - I asked.

“What?” - he replied, feigning ignorance.

“Hmm” - I diagnosed, though I didn’t voice it. - “Let’s go.”

We gathered our things, and I grabbed our ‘genius Uchiha’ and dragged him to a meeting with the village leadership, who were now actively trying to carry out my divine will.

“By the way, what if, while we’re hiding in the woods, the enemies kill each other off?” - Sakura asked.

“I’ll send clones for reconnaissance” - I reassured her. I was also interested in this question. After all, I need to get ten kills myself because I can’t summon the parasite through clones. - “If things start to escalate too quickly, we’ll have to intervene.”

“Or we could just hide and wait for them to kill each other” - Sasuke suggested cowardly.

“That won’t save you” - I shut him down. - “Without sufficient combat experience, you won’t survive. Those pathetic ANBU captured you without you even noticing. And we’ll be facing shinobi capable of destroying Konoha and all the other hidden villages single-handedly.”

This content has been misappropriated from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.

“Lead on, Naruto. You’re our only hope” - Sakura ‘inspired’ me.

“That’s all we can do” - I sighed.

We arrived at the Hokage’s office, where Kakashi and a few other key figures of the village were gathered, actively trying to figure out how to execute my recent commands. As we entered, I noticed the anxiety in their eyes as they saw us approach.

“Hokage-sama, we need to leave the village for a while” - I began. - “We need training and experience before we can face the threats we’re up against.”

Hiruzen looked at me, then at Kakashi, who was standing obediently behind me, and finally nodded. - “I understand, Naruto. We’ll arrange for your departure. Kakashi will accompany you.”

“Thank you, Hokage-sama” - I said, bowing slightly. - “We’ll be ready to leave within the hour.”

As we left the office, Sakura asked - “Do you really think this will work?”

“It has to” - I replied. - “We don’t have any other choice.”

Upon reaching the Konoha administration building, we found Hiruzen, who immediately presented a report on his work, a bag of money, and a mission: escorting the world-renowned architect Tazuna to the Land of Waves. I praised my slave for a job well done, grabbed our 'employer' by the scruff of the neck, and dragged him along. Kakashi was already by our side, so I saw no reason to linger, especially since my clones had already met with a team from the Land of Stone, who had crossed the border of the Land of Fire and were heading somewhere in the direction of Konoha.

"Wait! No! Let me go! I just arrived in Konoha yesterday!" - shouted Tazuna, trying in vain to break free from my grip. - "The fate of the Land of Waves depends on the success of my mission!"

"Dude, the fate of your country depends on me and my mood" - I said, shaking our 'client'. - "So don't spoil it with your whining. And in general, you still owe us for the S-rank mission of delivering your puny body to your destination. So, I recommend you start thinking now about where you'll get the money."

After that, the architect surrendered and allowed himself to be dragged along the muddy road, occasionally resorting to his bottomless bottle.

Having left the village, I 'let go' Tazuna on his own two feet and perched on Kakashi's shoulder, demanding he draw up a training schedule for us to follow along the way. Essentially, the 'protection' aspect of our journey could be handled by my clones. Meanwhile, the originals of our team could spend this time usefully. Even I wasn't opposed to sparring with one of Konoha's strongest Jonin, to assess my strength and directions for further development.

In the evening, our entire company sat around a campfire, resting from our righteous labors. Tazuna had walked himself so ragged during the day that he fell asleep almost as soon as he hit the ground. My teammates were feeling a little better, but only because I had restored their strength with my chakra.

"Ugh... I want to sleep with a woman" - sighed Sakura.

"But you are a woman" - I chuckled.

"How am I a woman? The three of us are just little teenagers."

"That's true" - I sighed as well. - "But that can be fixed."

"How?" - The girl perked up at the idea.

"Accelerated aging. Only I'll need test subjects for inhumane experiments with a fatal outcome. I can't experiment on myself, can I?"

"Damn it!" - Sakura swore. - "Are there no other shinobi nearby?"

"What's wrong with the peasants from the next village?" - I asked with interest.

"But they haven't done anything wrong!" - Sasuke, who had been listening silently to our conversation, objected.

"You are only guilty because I want to eat" - Sakura quoted Krylov's fable.

"This is unfair!" - Continued the stubborn trans-dimensional-migrant in his heresy.

"Dude, when I was an Orc, I ate human babies for breakfast, lunch, and dinner."

Sasuke turned pale and ran into the bushes to vomit.

"And how did they taste?" - I asked, to keep the conversation going.

"Disgusting. I was stuck in cosmos on a broken ship that was carrying fifteen thousand dead human embryos in the late stages of development. So, I had a small choice: either eat the pickled carcasses left over from some genetic experiments, or starve to death."

"The life of an orc is hard" - I sympathized.

"Don't even say it" - The girl sighed. - "So, what about the test subjects?"

"The clones will bring them soon. There's a bandit camp nearby. They'll be of some use, at least."

By morning, having utilizing two hundred units of human material, I was able to adapt to regulating the physiological age of an organism, while increasing its physical abilities and chakra circulatory system development. So Tazuna continued on his journey, no longer accompanied by three teenagers, but by two young men and a woman of about twenty years of age. In addition, I went ahead and implanted each of us with a pair of Eternal Mangekyo Sharingan, so now we resembled a team of pure-blooded Uchiha, if you didn't count our hair color, of course.

Sakura had transformed into a dazzling beauty, while Sasuke, despite his physical maturity, remained an immature fool. So, for the rest of the journey, he stared exclusively at the perfect forms of his companion, embarrassing those around him with his endless erection. I even had to increase the physical training for the Uchiha, so that he would at least be distracted from his lustful thoughts and focus on training. And in the evening, Sasuke and Sakura went "into the bushes" where they staged a sex marathon. The fact that both of them referred to themselves in the masculine gender did not bother the transmigrants. As far as I understood, Sasuke was already used to this, and Sakura just wanted sex, and it didn't matter with whom.

The rest of the journey was uneventful. Unless, of course, you count the fact that we were discovered by spies. We were walking along a rather busy road, so there were plenty of passersby and caravans of all sorts. I constantly monitored our surroundings for threats using my clones and psionics. And as an additional condition, I flagged any mention of our group members' names.