Convoluted Emotions

As a cool breeze blew past her, Kiera methodically chambered a round into her rifle, the metallic click echoing softly against the low tones of others preparing for the arrival of the alien ships. She inspected the weapon with a practiced eye, her fingers running over the cool steel barrel and the wooden stock, each touch a silent prayer for reliability. Her piercing gaze scrutinized the chamber, ensuring every mechanism was in flawless working order. As she closed the bolt with a firm, decisive motion, a sense of readiness settled over her, the rifle now an extension of her resolve, primed for the challenges that lay ahead.

Memories of hunting with her grandfather played through her head. Sitting in a blind, waiting for their prey to walk through their line of sight. They would talk in hushed tones about how she was doing in school, life lessons from his time in the military, and struggles she went through with making friends. He had been such a kind man who looked out for her when her parents were away or busy with their own lives.

Life in a post-apocalyptic world had been a trying existence, each day a new struggle to stay alive and find a way to make it through to the next. Her one saving grace had been when she stumbled into the Trammel Crow Center after almost being killed by a pack of goblins. She had been walking down the street, hungover from a night of drinking after a performance at the club. Her bandmates had fired her after she showed up to the show hammered and thrown up on stage during the third song of the evening, and she felt like she had nothing left to live for.

When the goblins attacked, she tried to run. She pushed past a group of people waiting at the bus stop, where most of the goblins had stopped to kill the easy prey. One had followed her, though, into an alley between two buildings. She was trapped, the dead end preventing any escape. As it charged her, she pulled the pocket knife her grandfather had given her out of her jacket pocket and jammed it instinctively into the throat of the small green creature that had been trying to bite her.

She still remembered the stench of its breath. The disgusting taste of the coppery black blood that had spattered into her mouth as she continued to scream at the chomping of its teeth inches away from her face before it went limp, and the light left its eyes. As she pushed the body off of her, she remembered the dirty, grimy feel on her hands from the filth it had been covered in, a mixture of body oil and dirt.

When she stumbled out of the alley, clinging to the corner of a building as she wiped the blood from her mouth with the sleeve of her jacket, she saw people running into the building across the street. The sound of gunshots in the distance had forced her to rush to the doors to follow the others. Safety in numbers, right? As she crossed the street, an SUV swerved to miss her, running into a telephone pole, the horn blaring until the impact.

It wasn't until she was inside the building, seeing the security guards ushering people into the gymnasium, that she realized this was some kind of safe space where people were being told to meet. Looking at her phone, she saw the red banner of a city-wide alert about a catastrophe happening in Dallas. Her mind reeled at the overload of stimulation and information that flooded her from every angle: people begging to be kept safe, children crying either in their parents' arms or for their lost parents, sirens sounding in the distance, screams of those being attacked or running for their lives, and the sound of car crashes echoed through the city seeming to come from every direction at once. It was true chaos.

"Kiera?" A voice said, breaking her from her memories.

"Yes?" She replied, shaking her head to clear the horrific nightmares that were playing in her mind.

"I asked how you're doing. Is everything alright?" It was Tom. He had walked up to her while she was reliving the beginning of it all.

"Yeah, just thinking. Sorry," She apologized, storing the rifle in her inventory again.

Tom had been a rock she clung to in the midst of the raging rapids of that moment in her life. A firm foundation she could try to rebuild her life on in this new world where whatever you had done before no longer mattered. She hadn't realized at the time that he would not only be this new constant source of reliability but also her first real friend. Someone who cared not about what she had done or where she came from but about her as a person.

"Okay. Do you need a moment?" Tom asked, concern on his face.

She knew his concern was genuine. He had never looked at her as a weak woman needing protection. Had never treated her as anything but an equal, allowing her to join his team and relying on her, actually relying on her. Not once did he treat her like a damsel in distress who needed to be protected because he viewed her as weak or because of some bullshit sense of gallantry, merely as another human being.

"No, I'm good. What's up?" Kiera replied.

He looked at her with the eyes of someone who genuinely cared about how she felt. He had never tried to take advantage of her as so many had done before. Never made a pass at her, commented on her "hot body", or ogled her when she thought she wasn't looking. For fuck's sake, he had come for her in the dungeon when she thought she had been abandoned. Even then, he didn't treat her any different than he had any other member of his team. When he carried her out of the dungeon because she couldn't walk, she felt safe in a way she hadn't since she spent time with her grandfather.

"We are checking in on everyone to make sure they don't need anything else. Your team is going to be an important part of this invasion since you can attack from a distance. Your team is ready right?" Tom asked; a general checking on his army, a caring leader making sure she had her orders.

What was this feeling? She didn't understand. She would jump headfirst into the mouth of a beast to save his life for the meaning he gave to hers. No one had made her feel this way before. Her supposed friends had always wanted something from her—her singing voice, her drug connections, money, something—it was always something. Tom asked for nothing in return.

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"No, I got everything I needed. We have plenty of ammo, everyone knows what to do, and we've been training with Inari on skills for rangers. I even got to spend some time with Rularis to learn more about being a Bard," Kiera replied.

Was this what happiness felt like? Contentment? Her grandfather had always told her that when she found the right people, she would just...know. She had never believed him. It sounded fake, like when your parents tell you that when you meet the one, you'll just know it's right. Yet, here she was, looking up at a man who she just felt right about, as though she had found her tribe.

"Cool. I'm counting on you to keep us covered and try to take out any enemies or ships you can. I know you won't let me down." He smiled at her, that genuine smile that made her love him.

Wait, do you love him? That couldn't be right. Tom wasn't her type. He was awkward, weird, and a huge nerd. She had never gone for that type of guy before. But that was before—before the world went to hell in a handbasket. No, she couldn't think about this right now. She had a job to do.

"I've always got your back," Kiera replied.

"I know you do. You've never let me down."

You've never let me down, either. That's what she wanted to say, but she bottled up that feeling and pushed it aside. Emotion was weakness. She wasn't weak. She had gotten herself through so many hardships on her own. She had only relied on herself for so long; she had forgotten what it felt like to rely on someone else. When people looked down on her for being a woman, she had risen above that to prove that she was just as good as the boys.

"Where are you setting up at?" Tom asked.

"I'll be on top of the building across the street again. It gives a nice vantage point without being in the way of the gunners on our roof. It also lets us set up to be behind the enemy line if they happen to come to the gate," Kiera explained.

"Sounds like you've got it all figured out."

"I most certainly do not have it all figured out," She thought to herself as she felt the pressure on her emotions press against the bottle she had pressed it into, threatening to pop the top and spew out of her mouth.

"Pretty much. As long as I have a line of sight to my target, Rularis showed me that I can cast buffs on you all. So just make sure you stay where I can see you," Kiera said.

"Haha! I can't promise that. But don't let that stop you from casting buffs on those you can see," Tom chuckled.

That sound. Like music to her ears. This idiot was going to do something stupid again. He always did. Putting himself in danger for everyone else, not caring what happened to him as long as the others were safe. What a tool. What a misogynistic fucktard.

But that wasn't true, was it? He wasn't the guy trying to be a man and be the tough guy who saved the ladies so they would fawn over him. He jumped into danger to save that asshat of a friend, James, just as soon as he did for her. He wasn't looking to prove anything; he never had been.

She had watched him over the better part of a year, and he never once boasted of his bravado. He had never treated anyone as less than himself unless they were truly evil. He was just that genuine.

"What will you be doing?" Kiera asked.

"I'll be doing whatever is necessary. I'm hoping they want to talk before doing anything drastic. But there's always the possibility they want to shoot first and ask questions later. I'm going to try to get close to disable the ships. We need to get them on the ground," Tom replied.

"How will you get them to talk?"

"We don't really have a way to communicate. We just won't attack until they do. Not a lot of other options unless we paint it on a sheet and hang it like a banner. And even then, we don't know that they'll speak English."

"What was that pulse earlier?"

"That was Herbert. He had a mana-powered engine that he hadn't completed yet. We are guessing that the pirates will want to strike first at whoever they see as the most powerful, so he hooked up some extra batteries and set it off all at once. We're trying to attract them here, so we don't have to chase them down and make sure they don't attack someone else."

"So, you think we can win?"

"I think we are the best chance we know of. There might be someone stronger on the planet somewhere, but we can't know that. So, we want to end it before they kill others."

There he goes again. Caring more about others. He may put us in some danger, but it's more about protecting those he feels would be killed outright. What a stupid, stupid man.

"Alright, well, we better get into position now. Bet they will show up any minute," Kiera replied.

"Sounds good. If you need anything, use your communication orb," Tom said, smiling softly at her again.

"I will. I promise."