Evan walked in his front door. He half-expected Alfred to come out of the kitchen and greet him, tail wagging and a shoe in his mouth like always, but Alfred had been dead for months now.

And of course, Jason was gone, too.

The house seemed extremely empty.

His parents weren't home, the driveway vacant.

Evan looked to his right and saw a framed picture on the living room table. He walked over to it.

It was him, Jason and Maddie about nine years prior. Maddie was a chubby, gabby toddler, with her blonde curls. Jason and Evan were in middle school. The picture was taken at a fireworks display on the fourth of July that year, on the beach at Kensington. He and Jason are on their knees, thrusting their heads out and giving over-sized, gum-bearing smiles that make them look like Joker gas victims.

They're all sitting on a blanket on the grass, the sky faded blue behind them over the lake. There's a large, skeletal radio tower visible over the treetops across the lake.

It was the God's Eye.

Evan picked up the picture and poked it with a finger.

"No way," he murmurs. It had always been there, but he'd never noticed it.

Evan remembered his parents trying to get the shot. His mother kept saying, "Come on, guys, you're going to look at this picture and wonder why you didn't smile nice," but that just seemed to make their fake, over-zealous, lantern-eyed leers all the funnier. His dad had lain on his side with a beer in his hand and chuckled at it all.

In the picture, Maddie has sensed the play going on, and she's squealing laughter as her brothers do their wide-eyed rictus grins, her plump legs splayed out from under the little red dress she has on over her diaper.

How long has this been sitting here? Evan wondered.

Evan put the picture back down. Next to it was a picture of his parents on their wedding day. There was Evan's graduation portrait, and Maddie's most recent school picture. Their mother had taken Jason's most recent picture—his Marine portrait—down a few weeks before. Evan didn't know what she'd done with it.

Why the fuck did I ever grow up, he thought.

He didn't feel grown up.

He went to his room down the hallway.

He flipped the light on.

His mother had cleaned the room for him while he was gone. It had that freshly-vacuumed smell to it, and everything was organized neatly. The room had been dusted, and his book shelves, desk and night stand were all the cleanest they'd been in months.

Evan set his bag down on the bed, admired how much bigger his room seemed when it was clean.

I have good parents, he thought.

He then turned around and speed walked down to the basement.

He threw open Jason's door, for the first time since Jason had held a gun to his head and threatened to kill the whole family if Evan ratted on him about his nervous breakdown.

The room was empty, all the posters, all the furniture, all his belongings and clothes, everything removed, thrown out or donated in the days after his suicide. Evan was sure his parents had kept a few trinkets and tokens here and there as reminders, but the majority of the stuff was just too painful to keep around. The room was as bare as Evan's mind. He turned on the light, the same light that had been hanging overhead the night Jason had shot himself.

For the first time since he'd left earlier that week, he forgot about Lily.

He went and stood in the center of the room, looked at the four circles of smooshed-down carpet where Jason's bed had stood. After all this time, the carpet still hadn't changed.

Jason would always be in here, in some way or another. This was where he'd spent most of his life, this was where he'd chosen to end his life, and here he would always stay.

All was quiet, and Evan felt the silence cradle him.

He needed something, desperately. He didn't know what it was, exactly. He didn't know what he wanted, but he did know he wasn't getting it.

He stood there in the center of Jason's empty room, hands in his pockets, breathing and looking at the space where his older brother's bed had been. He stood there until he lost track of time.

He remembered the night Jason had threatened him. Evan hadn't believed he really would've murdered the whole family. But then, he hadn't really believed Jason would murder himself, either.

Even so, Evan had kept his promise. He'd told no one.

He could feel his throat fattening, his eyes welling up, but then, above him, the garage door opened.

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He left Jason's room, shut the light off, shut the door, and walked upstairs into the kitchen as they came in through the front door.

He swallowed his tears.

For Maddie. He couldn't have his moment now.

His mother smiled when she saw him. Maddie was tagging along behind them. She held a bag with her stuff and her laptop under one arm. His dad held her suitcase.

She was pale, her new scars now only white threads on her forehead. Other than that, she looked herself. The moon-eyed lack of presence she'd displayed was now extinguished. She was back. Changed, but back.

Greetings were exchanged. Evan hugged his parents. Maddie gave him a hug.

"How are you feeling?" he asked her.

"Better," she said.

"Better?"

"Yeah," she said, in a tone that said she didn't want to discuss it further.

"So how'd it go?" asked his father.

"I didn't get in," said Evan to the three of them.

They were quiet for a second, assessing his level of disappointment.

Finally, Maddie said, "Did you see Ryan Seacrest?"

"No, there was just some black guy with a microphone who lead all the cheers and everything."

"Did you see anyone?"

"I saw Chris Sligh."

Maddie's face vivified.

"You saw Chris? What was he doing?"

"He was interviewing people for TV."

"Did he interview YOU?"

"No," Evan said. "No, I was too far away."

Maddie looked disappointed.

"Oh."

"That's too bad, hon," said his mom. "That you didn't get in."

"Eh, no it isn't. There were thousands of people there and fewer than like two hundred got in. Odds were never in my favor."

"Was the arena full?" asked his dad.

"Yeah, pretty much.

"Well, we're proud of you for trying," said his mother.

"Yeah, now at least you know," said his dad. "You have your answer."

"Yeah," said Evan. "That's what I've been telling myself."

"How's Lily?"

"Lily's fine," said Evan. "I probably won't be seeing her much anymore, though."

"Why not?"

"Eh, she's just... she's busy," he said. His parents looked like they wanted to ask more questions, but Maddie cut in.

"I have something to show you," she said.

"What?"

"It's on my iPod," she said.

"She's been waiting to show this to you since Thursday," said his mother.

Maddie gave him her iPod and earbuds.

"It's all set up, just go in your room and hit play."

"I can't listen to it here?"

"No, you should listen to it in your room."

Evan did as he was told, walking slowly down the hallway and plugging in the earbuds as he went.

"Don't look at the screen," said Maddie, walking alongside him. "Just hit play and listen."

"All right, all right."

He went to his room, sat down on his bed next to the fan. He hit play.

The song started. Pleasant acoustic chords, twinkles of cymbal. A husky

female voice, singing. Everything had a compressed, glossy pop production sound to it. She sang about seeing someone at a reception, with a glass of wine in her hand.

After a moment, Evan recognized the voice. He looked at the screen.

It was Crystal Bowersox, runner up from the most recent season of Idol. She sang about now always getting what you want, but if you try sometimes, getting what you need.

Evan chuckled to himself.

Maddie smiled at him from the doorway.

"You remember this?"

"Yeah, I do," he said.

"It's Crystal. She sang this for the top 10. Rolling Stones week. Lee sang Beast of Burden."

"I know, I remember, good one," Evan said. He did his best to smile at her. "Appropriate choice. Thank you."

He took the earbuds out.

"I know how it goes," he said. "I get what you're saying."

"I thought it was really cool you tried out," said Maddie. "But I didn't think you had much of a chance. Cause you never sing in front of other people. But it was really cool that you tried anyway. Mom and Dad said I should say this to you."

"You're right," said Evan. He opened his arms. "Come here."

She walked over and he wrapped her up in a bear hug.

"Thanks," he told her.

"You're welcome," she said. "Thank you."

"For what?"

"For staying my brother."

Evan let her go. He looked at her.

They didn't say anything for a moment. Then Maddie broke the silence.

"Are you all right?"

"I'm more worried about whether you're all right," said Evan.

"I have doctors, though," said Maddie. "I'll be going back so they can check on me, and they worked out a deal with Dad's insurance at work, they're going to help him out, so it won't be as bad as they thought. And I'm fine now, really."

"That's really good to hear."

"But I'm worried about you."

"You're worried about me?"

"Yeah. I think Mom and Dad have been thinking about Jason and me so much that they're forgetting to ask about you. Not on purpose, but they are."

Evan exhaled.

"I'm just disappointed, I guess. I was hoping I could help us out by getting onto the show. And... the girl I went with... Lily, she used to live in our sub but she moved away before you were old enough to really remember her—"

"You liked her, didn't you?"

"Yeah," said Evan. "I did."

"And she didn't like you back."

"No, she didn't."

"Well," said Maddie. "Does it really matter?"

"What?"

"Does. It. Really. Matter?"

Evan stopped, taken aback by the asperity of her words. He thought for a second.

It doesn't, he realized.

All the shit, it was done. All the embarrassment, the awkward pass, the rejections, the spinout in the storm, all of it. It was done now. He couldn't undo it. He couldn't undo any of that other than he could undo that night in Jason's room, or the fact that he hadn't said anything.

He could only go forward. Just like Lily would have to. Just like Maddie would have to. Just like everyone had to. He could either let it chain him to the past, or accept it and try to do better. Excoriating himself wouldn't change it. Nothing would change it. There was only the time he still had left. And he had a lot of it.

"You're right," he said. "It doesn't."

Maddie nodded at him. She looked older.

"Want to watch the finale again?" Evan asked.

Maddie shook her head.

"I think I'm done with Idol," she said. "I'm getting too old for it.. Plus, now that Simon and Paula are gone it kind of sucks. It's just not the same."

Evan chuckled.

"You know what? Me too. I think I'm done with it, too. You want to watch something else?"

Maddie considered. She looked at Evan's DVD collection on his bookshelf. She turned back around.

"Can we watch Are You Afraid of the Dark?"

Maddie loved Are You Afraid of the Dark.

"I don't have Are You Afraid of the Dark," said Evan.

"You can find it online."

"Sure, but I mean, why that?"

"Why not?"

"...good point."

They sat together in his room on his bed, and Evan opened his laptop and found some Are You Afraid of the Dark? episodes online.

Maddie selected The Tale of the Manaha.

Jason had hated that episode. He'd felt ripped off by the fact you never actually got to see the Bigfoot monsters. Thereafter he'd always referred to the episode as "The Tale of the Ma-CACA." At the age of nine, this had been funnier than hell to Evan.

He felt the usual sting at the memory of Jason, and he knew right then that he was going to have to get used to remembering him. Sooner or later, he'd have to get used to living with Jason as a memory only. It would take a very long time, and most likely, he would never truly get used to it. But he would have to live with it, one way or another.

Evan and Maddie sat there together, watching the laptop, and everything was okay for the time being.