ASSOCIATION / CH. 19:LILLY'S EVENING.

MONDAY EVENING, 22ND JAN. LILLY'S APARTMENT, NEAR UN OFFICES.

Lilly closed the connection to her mother. Instructed to join the propaganda department! Instructed to be a double agent. Of course, she was one already, but now her controller was telling her to be one too! Well, almost. And her little brother was safe!

Oh praise God! She quickly rang her other contact person. With extra encryption of course. “Hi, Dwight. Me.”

“Lilly! What a pleasure! And it's been so long! What? Three whole hours since we last talked? Is my charm so powerful?”

“Stop flirting, this is work. News: my parents wanted to see the video; they'd heard of it from that end. Nothing from home. And the passport? Two please. Me and my little brother.”

“We can't help you get him out, Lilly. You know that.”

“Dwight, God is good. I've told you that. My mum has just instructed me to join the propaganda team, so that I can be some kind of permanent agent, but said I should hold out for two passports. He's not in-country at the moment, he's visiting them until May, but they want him here too, long term. Can it be done?”

“I'm a bit confused, Lil. Can you back up a bit. What's that about your mum?”

“Dwight, I must have told you my controller from home is Mum?”

“Ah, no, I don't think so, or if you did it didn't register.”

“She is, and I'm her star pupil in spycraft, got myself a good job at the center of imperialist capitalist power, overhearing politicians at lunch and so on. And it seems she doesn't suspect a thing. She's obviously decided I'm too potentially useful to pull home, and she agrees with my hint that if you had me doing the video then the next thing would be more overt propaganda. So, she'd like to use the 'I can see where this is going but if I do that...' card to get me and my little brother permanently established here.”

“So you'd be added to the list of so-called loyal emigrants?”

“I guess so. What do you think?”

“What do you think, Lilly? You've been humming and haahing every time I mentioned getting you a passport. I didn't think you wanted to stay.”

“Dwight, I like it here. I just didn't want to take any permanent steps without my little brother. He was the draw.”

“You love him a lot, don't you?”

“Of course!”

“And you really think your brother can get here?”

“My parents are planning to send him, or bring him, and he's with them already. I really don't know how they arranged that. It's supposed to be impossible for the whole family to leave at once.”

“Well, you get a recent photo of him, say with sky behind him, I'll arrange the rest. You sent the video?”

“Yes. I was a bit careless; I told Dad I had a copy.”

“Well, we wanted to get it there. It might stop Armageddon.”

“But it's got us talking on it about what's what.”

“There's nothing too incriminating on there is there?”

“Not really. But there'll probably be the odd question about who I'm joking around with.”

“And you'll respond just how?”

“That it is how people are expected to behave here, I am working to fit in. But my Dad might think he knows better.”

“Oh?”

“He did spend a few years here cleaning toilets, learning what being a down-trodden labourer in this evil empire was like.”

“That's not a pleasant job in any country.”

“It's worse back home, I assure you. At least here you're not expected to thank people for giving you extra work to do, unless it's paid overtime, of course.”

“Of course. But what do you mean, Lilly, about your Dad thinking he knows better?”

“I think he'll notice you're trying get me out on a date, Dwight.”

“Who, me?” he almost sounded shocked. Good, Lilly thought.

“You're not going to try to deny it are you?”

“No comment.”

“I could conduct an opinion poll if you like, play dumb and see if the other girls think you're hot on me.” she teased.

“I do like you Lilly, but urm, dating would sure complicate things.”

“I know. So, stop flirting with me, my life is complicated enough as it is, and we both know I'm off limits. Get your head in gear and do not let Laura know I mentioned her name in this conversation.”

“Laura? The quiet one?”

“Warm, stable, caring, and with a wicked sense of humour, and only quiet around you.”

“You're sure?” Lilly heard the hope in his voice. It was pathetic really, she thought, how fickle mens' hearts were.

“Please, Dwight! I've been trained to watch people, notice things, since I was like, seven years old. She might as well have your photo in a locket round her neck. Maybe she does, I don't know. She also likes Mexican food, like someone else I could mention. Do you want me to set the two of you up, or do you want to try to handle it yourself?”

“I don't think I ever managed to get more than two words out of her, Lilly.”

“So, you're saying you're interested?”

“I tried, Lilly. I'd sort of given up.”

“You're saying that you've been flirting with me for the last few months on the rebound from her?”

“I've not been flirting with you! I've just been trying to act naturally, and make it sort of natural that we'd be seen talking, to preserve your cover.”

“May the good Lord give me strength! Can I call her now?”

“What would you say?”

“Leave that to me. Have you eaten yet?”

“Well, a few sandwiches at the party.”

“Right. Please allow matchmaker Lilly to arrange your love-life, and keep the rest of your evening free, and your stomach empty.”

“It's gone nine O'clock, Lilly!”

“So stop delaying me! I've got an important call to make.”

----------------------------------------

“Hi, Laura!”

“Hi, Lilly. What's up?”

“First question, have you eaten, and second question, how do you feel about missions of mercy?”

“I was just about to fix myself something. How can I help?”

“It's really big favour, so feel free to tell me to get lost... Dwight.”

“Dwight? What about him?”

“You do like him, don't you?”

Laura was quiet, “Don't you?”

“Oh, he can be funny, but no. Not like that. I've just burst his bubble, told him to stop flirting. He claimed he hadn't been, not really.”

“Oh? That's news to me!”

“So, Laura, will you please do me a favour and let him buy you a Mexican tonight?”

“How does that do you a favour?”

“Stops him being confused, keeps him a colleague without him trying to work out how to mess up my future.”

“You're not saying you think he's vindictive, are you, Lilly? I don't think he's got a vindictive bone in his body.”

“No, I don't think that, sorry, it didn't come out right. It's just... my life's a whole lot more complicated than you think. Dwight and me getting involved might wreck things entirely. He knows that and I know that, but that didn't stop him acting like he did.”

“So, the secret meeting you two had during the party wasn't for kissing and cuddling?”

“Ha! I told him! No. No they weren't. He gave me some work to do. I'm working part time for his department, he's sort of my boss in that, has been since before I started working in the office.”

“So you've told him to give up on you and you want me to... what, pick up the pieces of his broken heart?”

“Not really broken. Like I say, he knows I'm off limits. Really, I'm just match-making, and helping him separate work from romance.”

“I really don't understand why you're 'off limits', Lilly.”

“Well, for starters, but don't share this around, please, I'm a citizen of the People's State of the Beautiful Peninsula, sent here by will of the Great Leader to learn the deceitful and oppressive ways of you capitalist imperialists, in the same programme my parents were.”

“I thought... But... you just said you're working with Dwight's department?”

“Yes. Don't spread that around either, please. That little fact getting to the wrong ears might earn me a bullet in the head.”

“You're like... defecting?”

“Shhh. Dangerous word.”

“And he knows all this?”

“Yes.”

“Wow. That's quite a lot of trust you've just dumped on me.”

“You're a friend, Dwight's a friend, and in case you're wondering, he doesn't mind me matchmaking.”

“I never know what to say to him.”

“So, get him talking, gaze into his eyes...”

“Lilly!”

“Look, I'm really not the one to ask, you know. But you could try teasing him.”

“What about?”

“Laura, you are the expert at the well aimed jibe. Dwight's got a brain, let him meet yours.”

“I don't think I can go through with this, Lilly. I'm going to get tongue-tied like I always do.”

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MEXICAN RESTAURANT, NEAR U.N. OFFICES. 9.30PM

“You two owe me one huge favour.” Lilly said, looking at the menu she was expected to pick from. “I don't know how you managed to talk me into this.”

“Look, you said you were matchmaking, and you did name the restaurant.” Laura pointed out.

“Yes. So, I made the match, set you up on the date, you were supposed to leave me out of it entirely.”

“Oh, don't worry, Lilly, we'll only force you to eat Mexican a few more times.” Laura said.

“Don't you like Mexican food, Lilly?” Dwight said.

“I thought you two had, like, known each other for years!” Laura asked.

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“We have.” Dwight answered. “How can anyone not like Mexican?”

“Dwight, it's about the first thing I learned about Lilly! This is Lilly, she likes potatoes, not rice, not corn.”

“I don't even see any chips.” Lilly said.

“Tortilla?”

“'All our tortillas are freshly hand-made from the finest corn'” Lilly quoted the menu. “Don't potatoes grow in Mexico? They must.”

“Of course they do.” Laura asked.

“So where are they? I can't see a single thing with potatoes.”

“Why come to a Mexican restaurant and order potatoes? You can get them everywhere.” Dwight asked.

“You can get rice everywhere. To be precise, in some places you can't get away from rice. I've been there. Rice for breakfast, rice with rice for lunch, rice and rice for dinner, or on a good day, rice and fish. Fish I can handle, assuming it's been cooked properly. Rice? No thanks. Here, I notice, you can get rice. It's not native to Mexico, but they seem to like it. Potatoes, being a South American crop, if I remember my geography lessons, ought to be native to Mexico, therefore they should figure in Mexican cooking, therefore potatoes should be on the menu, no?”

“OK, now, calm down Lilly.” Dwight said, making calming gestures.

“Really, Lilly, you know you're making too much of a fuss, aren't you?” Laura said.

“Of course I am. Spicy Mexican chicken with rice, spicy Mexican beef with rice, spicy Mexican pork with rice, Chilli con carne with rice, or corn and don't get me started on corn. Where's the nice slice of Un-spicy mexican beef with Mexican potatoes?”

“Fajitas aren't usually spicy. What's wrong with corn?” Dwight asked, inadvisedly.

“Dwight!” Laura said “I'm sure Lilly has her reasons, and we don't really want her telling the whole restaurant, do we?”

“No we don't. So, Dwight, distract me from the violence I'm tempted towards and tell Laura all about your most embarrassing moment.”

“Well, I was on this first date with a beautiful girl I really like and she brought this friend of us both as a chaperone, only it turns out the friend really hates rice and corn.”

“You forgot chilli powder.” Lilly added, “One time in three it brings me out in a rash. Before today, Dwight.”

“It's embarrassing.”

“That's why you're supposed to share it on your first date. After that it means you can talk about anything. Well known fact.” Laura lied confidently.

“Gulp.”

“I could tell Laura about the Pizza Incident.” Lilly offered.

Dwight blushed, looking around, “Urm, you don't need to, Lilly. Let's save that for somewhere less public. OK, Urm, my most embarrassing event I can share in public... I think that would be the high school summer ball.”

He told the tale in all its gory details, and had them both in fits of laughter by the end of it. Red faced, he said, “OK, Laura, your turn.”

“What do you mean?” Lilly interposed, “You don't want to embarrass your date, do you?”

“What about the well known fact? Sharing your most embarrassing thing so you can talk about anything?” Dwight asked.

“Oh, I just made that up.” Laura said, with a sweet smile.

“You made it up?”

“Good story though, you're a very good story teller. Did it really happen like that?”

He looked hurt “It did. And I've never told anyone all those details.”

“Oops.” Lilly said. “I think, Laura, maybe you should...”

“Sorry, Dwight.” Laura said waving at Lilly to stop, “I'll share something. Not because I have to follow some kind of invented advice, but because I do want to be able to talk about anything. Heaven knows, I've been embarrassed about asking you the time before. So maybe it will help.”

At that moment, the waiter came to take orders, and Lilly heard him think [I must ask her.] But it wasn't thought in English. She hid her thoughts, just in case. What a complication! Was he a loyal servant on the program, or had he left home the other way? She decided she'd have to test him. That settled, she asked him. “Do you have anything without chilli powder, rice or corn?”

“They are allergies?” he asked. He'd had strange questions like this before.

“The chilli powder is a mild allergy. Rice, I've eaten enough of for three lifetimes, corn brings back memories of bad times.”

“Corn was the same for me.” He said then switched languages, “You are from the Beautiful Peninsula?”

“I am.” there wasn't much point denying it. “I own my life to the corn, but it was not a good time.”

Ten years ago, the rice harvest had failed badly, with rice expensive, the government had bought the cheapest alternative for the starving population: maize destined to be cattle feed. They had declared it to be all the fault of the capitalists, of course, nothing to do with an over-stressed monoculture, a command economy, and someone in the ministry experimenting with skimping on fertilizer.

“I will talk to the chef, I am sure the fajitas can be without the chilli, and we have fried potatoes on the children's menu.”

“Excellent, yes please!” Lilly exclaimed, then added as she would have at home, “I thank you for your generous service to your fellow servant of our great leader.”

His expression showed his surprise, which didn't give much away, though his face paled a little. But his thoughts! Oh the decisions in his thoughts were very clear. First he decided if she was calling herself that, she must be his worst nightmare — a loyal servant in the spy programme. Next he decided he didn't want to go out with this girl after all.

“I thank you for giving me the chance to serve.” he replied the standard reply, belatedly, but either forgot to add 'a fellow servant.' or perhaps he just couldn't bring himself to complete the lie.

After he'd left, Dwight asked quietly, “What did you say to the poor guy, Lilly?”

“You want the whole conversation?”

“Yes, please.” Laura asked.

“He asked if I was from home, I said yes, he commiserated about the memories corn brings back, you heard him make a wonderful recommendation, and I thanked him for serving me. Which is probably the bit you're thinking of. He didn't quite go as white as a sheet, but...”

“What's wrong with you thanking him?” Laura asked.

“Not everyone from Lilly's home is here with their great leader's blessing. Dwight said, perceptively. “I did hear you mention him, didn't I?”

“Standard thank-you:'I thank you for your generous service to your fellow servant of our great leader.' Maybe it reminded him too much of home. But like Dwight says, maybe it was a bit of a nasty shock for him.” Then Lilly thought of something else. “Dwight, his pronunciation's perfect. No accent.”

Dwight got the hint immediately, and nodded. Maybe the waiter would like an occasional job in the propaganda department.

In the kitchen, the waiter delivered the order and, that task done, he found a quiet corner, sank to squat on his heels, and buried his head in his hands, as panic set in. If he ran, she'd notice, and she'd probably report him. If he stayed, she might question him more, ask where he was from, find out his name. Why had he spoken to her? A pretty face from home? Was that all it was? What a reason to need to flee.

“Hey, youngster, what's up?” It was the manageress.

“Client outside, from home.” as if that explained everything. “I don't know what to do.”

“The one I saw you chatting to? Ask her out, boy.”

“You don't understand. She's one of them. A party member.”

“What's her politics got to do with anything?”

He shook his head. “You don't understand. She's dangerous.”

The manageress wasn't totally dumb. “Look, youngster, you're not at home now. You're safe.”

“Not very.”

“You think she's going to kill you, or something? She looks harmless to me, just a girl out with her friends.”

“Maybe not herself, she could send someone.”

“Has she threatened you? Should I get the police?”

“No! It would just confirm everything to her!”

“Then go back to work!”

“She'll question me. I reacted badly.”

“I'm not giving up on you, kiddo, but you can't stay here. Stop cluttering up the space here and wait in my office a bit, OK?”

She'd recognised Dwight: he was a regular customer, and she knew he had some kind of official status — he'd sometimes come in with a UN badge on.

“Excuse me, sir, I'm the manager, I'm very sorry to interrupt your evening, but I've got a little problem I think you can help me with.”

“Let me guess.” Lilly said, before Dwight could answer. “Your waiter is quivering in terror and indecision, because of what I said to him.”

She'd been doodling something on her serviette since the waiter had left. “Dwight, go with the good lady. I think this might help calm him down.”

“What is it?” Dwight asked as he got up.

Lilly smiled, “These things are letters, and they go together to make words, and put them together there's something called a message. And this bit here is a little picture of a man serving fish on rice.”

Dwight shook his head, and accepted the note. He'd met Lilly's cryptic ways before. She knew far better than he did how to not get herself in trouble. He followed the manager into her office.

“Jo, this is one of our regular customers, I know he sometimes wears a UN badge, OK? I really doubt that he's going to get you killed. Maybe you can talk to him.”

“Hi, I'm Dwight, your manager's right, I do work at the UN. My colleague thinks she might have scared you, and sends you this.”

Jo, the waiter, looked at the Lilly's note. It was puzzling, but not threatening. “Dwight's OK. He doesn't give me rice or corn. Oh, and there's no way I'm dating you, until I know you better, sorry. No one can give-food two at once.” Then, at the bottom, there was a symbol he sort of recognised: A man carrying some fish on what was meant to be two plates of rice. To people not in the know, it was a variation on the symbol of a fishing fleet. He'd never seen it drawn with two plates, but to those who did know, like him, he could see one of the plates was heart shaped. In a heart — her's she presumed — fish: Icthus, Jesus Christ, God's Son, Saviour. So why two plates? What was this about 'give-food two' It wasn't even grammatical? Was she using the symbol differently?

“Do you know what it means?” Jo asked.

“Probably something cryptic. She likes to be cryptic.”

“I think one thing it says is she's a Christian.”

“You'd have to ask her.” Dwight said.

“You said she was a colleague?”

“Yes. She's a translator at the U.N. I've known her a few years. I'm pretty sure she's not going to try to get you killed or abducted or anything.”

“She used the greeting as though she were a follower of the great leader, if she's a Christian, she can't be a party member.”

“Why not?” Dwight asked.

“Because Christianity's illegal.”

“She's lived in this country quite a long time. Six or seven years.”

Jo looked at Dwight, trying to understand what he was or wasn't saying. “She came fresh out of indoctrination camp, you mean?”

“She's mentioned it. I don't know the exact timing.”

“So she is a party member.” the fear came back.

Dwight shrugged and took another line. “She said you've got a perfect accent. If you'd like to earn some money, sometimes the U.N. produces films in your language. Here's my card, if you're interested, get in contact, OK?”

“She knows this?” Jo looked at Dwight in shock.

“What?”

“That you make propaganda.”

“Oh, that's an ugly word. We make informational films.”

“And she knows?”

“Yes.”

“This is complicated.”

“Oh, she's probably one of the most complicated people you're likely to meet. But given what you now know what I've told you, you can see why, when meeting someone from home, she has to use the expected greeting.”

“She writes that she's not going to go out with me until she knows me a lot better. Is that some kind of code?”

“It's certainly not one that I recognise. Today she told me she wasn't going to go out with me, full stop. Maybe she thinks the world is full of people who think she's attractive.”

“She is.” Jo said, looking through the half-silvered glass of the office at Lilly laughing with Laura.

“I know.”

“So, if I came and helped on these films of yours, would I meet her again?”

“It's possible.”

“So that might be why she wrote it? To encourage me to start work with you?”

“I wouldn't dare to say for definite, but it doesn't sound like her.”

“But if it's not that, and it's not code, then why would she write it?”

“Does it leave you with the thought that she's going to kill you?”

“No.”

“So maybe that is all it's meant to do. Be reassuring like that.”

Jo stopped to think for a while before asking, “If a beautiful woman you'd first met five minutes before sent you a message saying that she's not going to go out with you unless you get to know her better, would you find that reassuring?”

Dwight tried to put himself in that position. “Well, not in general, but I'm pretty sure she's not planning to get anyone killed. Is that all she wrote?”

“No. She said you're OK, you don't give her rice and corn. Which I didn't understand before, I thought it was her not liking them. But it's more subtle and clever than that, I think.”

“Oh?”

“You're not like the 'great leader' back home who gives us subsistence food and expects us to be grateful for it.”

“Ah.”

“And then there's the bit where she writes that you can't give food, I guess serve is the best translation. You can't serve two... Oh, I'm stupid! I get it.” It was a quote, obscured by mis-translation: 'You cannot serve two masters' Jesus said. The man with two plates was serving two, you can't do it. He looked and saw what he'd thought was the man's teeth were cutlery. It all fit together. A party member wouldn't quote scripture.

“That's good. I don't.”

“She's not going to get me killed.”

“I told you that.”

Then Jo remembered the rest of the quote. 'You will love one and hate the other.' She was God's servant and the great leader's, and she hated the latter. Jo looked at the piece of paper, in horror. It was deadly.

“You are her friend. You should take this, destroy it.”

“Why?” Dwight was surprised.

“If I understand it right, it's her death to write such things.”

“But you might not understand it properly.”

“It all fits, well, most of it.”

“But your crisis is over?” Dwight asked.

“Except for this note.”

“Come. Why don't you give it back to her yourself?”

----------------------------------------

“I thank you for your message and return it to you.” Jo said.

“Keep it.” Lilly said, closing his hand over it. [I don't suppose you hear me?] he didn't.

“But...” he was shocked.

“It's just some doodles.” she pointed out.

Jo said, “But to even imply...” Lilly heard him think: you can't say you hate the great leader. She let go of his hand and pointedly pulled her lace glove back on.

In her mother tongue she said, “I didn't say that. It's all just in your thoughts.” then she switched back to English “I thought you'd find some comfort in my doodles, that's all. I'm glad I was right.”

“Your doodle mentioned getting to know each other better.” he stuttered. Had she just replied to his unspoken thoughts?

“Well, such things are possible, aren't they?” she said, non-committally. “I expect I'm going to be rather busy for the next few months.”

“Might I know your name?” he asked.

“That's a bit forward isn't it?” she asked pointedly. “I don't normally tell waiters my name.”

“I'd like to pray for you.” he said, by way of explanation.

“And do you do that often? Offer to pray for people?” she asked.

“No. I'm used to not being open about my faith in Jesus.”

“Dangerous thing to do, where we come from.”

“Not as dangerous as some other things.” He glanced at the note in his hand.

“Jo!” the manager called, “Do I need to deliver these myself?”

He tore himself away from their table and went back to work.

----------------------------------------

After they were leaving the restaurant, Dwight asked Lilly “Why didn't you tell him your name?”

“Because I don't know him.”

“But you wrote about going out with him.”

“He brought up the subject.”

“I didn't hear him say anything about that.”

“I did.” Lilly said.

“When?”

“Just after he'd decided I was his worst nightmare.”

“Lilly, sometimes you really confuse me, you know.”

“He doesn't know, does he, Lilly?” Laura asked.

“It doesn't look like it, no.” Lilly agreed. “He's not a very observant man.”

“I still like him though.” Laura said.

“That's entirely up to you.”

“Hey, I'm still here!” Dwight pointed out. “So what was that about him keeping the note? And why was he so worried about it?”

“Too public.” Lilly declared.

“OK. Tell me sometime, OK?”

“Sure.”

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Jo got back to his flat late. The manager had wanted to talk to him. She was a good woman, concerned for her staff, and wanted to know what had worried him so much. It had taken a lot of explaining.

He looked at the paper serviette again, trying to recreate the events of the evening. The beautiful, complicated girl must be a thought-hearer. She'd heard him decide he wasn't going to ask her out; that had to be it. That had triggered her writing that she wasn't going to go out with him. He hadn't ever learned her name, but it didn't really matter, he supposed. He could still pray for her.

After that, he looked at the serviette once more. She'd said keep it, but it was too dangerous to keep. It might have some of her DNA on it. He took it outside his home, burned it, and ground the ashes to powder. As he did, he prayed that she might stay safe, and that he might meet her again.

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Lilly finished the voice over at about midnight, and crashed into bed. Why had she told Jo to keep that note? He'd been right, it was dangerous.

Too late to work that out tonight though.

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MONDAY EVENING, EMBASSY OF THE PEOPLE'S STATE OF THE BEAUTIFUL PENINSULA

“Lilly is a dutiful daughter.” the ambassador repeated to his wife, after he'd watched the video.

“The voice-over provides a lot of information.” his wife said, with a sparkle in her eye. “I wonder who the male voice is.”

“He is certainly very sure of himself.” the ambassador said.

“So is our daughter. If I understand well, I think she is resisting his banter.”

“Of course.”

“But her cover would be stronger if she does not stay aloof forever.”

“But this man could be the one who she will need to ask for the passports,” he warned.

“An excellent catch, then.” she said.

“No, no, it does not work like that there, or here, for that matter. If there is romance he probably could not get the passports. It would be seen badly.”

“Oh yes, this stupid regard for fairness?”

“Yes.”

“So, she resists him for good reasons then.”

“Very good reasons.” he agreed “You think it will work?”

“I don't see why not.”