I was born in Wang's clan in Langya Kingdom.
Wang's was the leading family in the kingdom established three hundred years ago. It was the most reputable in noble families for it boasted royal marriage in each generation and big political power in the kingdom. In Wang's clan, great scholars and high-rank officials emerged generation by generation. Taking the lead of literature, they were respected by all then literati. Wang was indeed the first clan in the kingdom.
Following Wang's, clans of Xie, Wen, Wei and Gu were distinguished. They are four pillars of the kingdom. Their power swelled, almost equaling royal ones in their heydays. Glory of the aristocratic clans had lasted to the period of the late emperor.
In the beginning of the late emperor's throne, three kings in Langya collaborated with foreign enemy to commit a coup for the throne.
The renegade's war lasted seven years. Nearly half of young men from the aristocratic clans in the kingdom joined in army because of the war.
In this peaceful kingdom, nobody could expect the war lasting so long.
The aristocratic young men in polished armors and on strong horses fought just for their military honor.
The war of years made farming unattended, farmland obsolete and people displaced. Worse was the hitting of drought severer than ever. Numerous people died in war and of famine.
Many aristocratic young men bled or died in battles.
The disasters destroyed population of the clans, and ruined large scale of farm. Because they did not farm themselves and lived on farm rent generation by generation, the aristocracies lost their wealth that used to support a whole clan. Their clans collapsed suddenly.
In the war, soldiers of humble origins were promoted for their military exploit and gained more and more power. As they held big military powers, the kingdom's strategy of “Biasing intellectual against material arts” was changed. Martial generals, who had been despised before, gradually reached the top rungs of power.
When the incumbent emperor ascended to the throne, north Tujue and south neighboring countries often invaded.
After the severe drought, the kingdom's coffers had gotten empty.
Officials of all ranks seized opportunities to take bribe and military generals expanded their army for the sake of war. The group of military generals of humble origins took vantage and the clans in imperial court retreated.
The brilliant heyday of the kingdom had gone.
In competition of decades for power, most aristocratic clans had lost.
Wang's and Xie's clans were the only two that still stood and competed against the generals' group.
Especially, Wang's clan had wide and solid foundation and deep and broad connection of power. Qi Yang King from Wang's clan commanded army of two hundred thousand soldiers that stationed in south.
As long as the kingdom existed, no one could ruin my clan, and even the incumbent emperor could not.
My father was a big shot in the court of the late and incumbent emperors. He was appointed as chief Minister cum chief commander, and the emperors bestowed Jin Guo Duke on him.
My uncle was appointed as Minister of Military, leading royal guardian.
In the capital and the states, many officials were my father's disciples.
Wang's clan always had a few candidates for inheritance. The population of my grandfather generation had dwindled. In my generation, the children of Wang's eldest son was just my brother and the daughter me. However my father's siblings had populated everywhere in Langya. Some of them held high and important official position in the capital. Wang's connection had prevailed deeply in the kingdom.
My mother, the First Jinming Princess, was the only younger sister of the incumbent emperor, favored by the emperor's mother.
My aunt was the queen, first wife of the emperor, being a motherly model of the kingdom. She had manipulated my cousin into being crown prince.
My name was Wang Xuan. Title of Shang Yang Infanta was bestowed on me when I was born.
My infant name was Afu, which my family preferred.
In my childhood, I could not tell royal palace from residence of Jin Guo Duke.
Much half of my childhood was spent in the palace. Even now there was my bedroom in Phoenix Pool Palace.
My mother was the favorite daughter of the emperor's mother and I am the only daughter of my mother. My aunt ever said, “The First Prince was the most beautiful flower in our kingdom and my little infanta was the most crystal clear dew on the flower.” Back then my aunt and I had not realized that though dew was tender and beautiful, it disappeared after sun heating, as the beautiful was transient.
My childless aunt often kept me with her. She taught me etiquettes of royal palace and let me study with princes. Even I was allowed to sleep on her Phoenix-pattern bed in Zhao Yang Hall after I was tired after playing.
I warmed to her bed and pestered my mother for the same one.
My aunt and my mother looked each other, smiling, while my brother laughed at me. “Silly Afu, only queen has qualification to use the bed. You want to marry the crown prince, don't you?”
My mother laughed with surprise while my aunt sighed, “It is pity, Afu is too young.”
I was seven year old that year. I did not understand marrying while I always disliked the rude crown prince.
After two years, the crown prince was ready to marry while I was nine and too young to marry. Thus the bride of the prince was designated to be an elder sister from Xie's clan.
The bride was Xie Wanrong, known around the capital for her talent and beauty. I liked her so much and the emperor acclaimed her for her style of mother model.
However, my aunt disliked her and the crown prince showed apathy towards her.
The reason was Wangrong was a niece of Concubine Xie who the emperor doted on.
Concubine Xie has long been a thorn in my aunt's flesh.
Though Xie's clan had been edged out, my aunt kept hostile to her son -- Zidan, the third prince, the third son of the incumbent emperor.
Around the capital, the most handsome was Zidan, and my brother was the second.
My brother and I were sent to imperial palace as class mates of prince in academy. The crown prince was rude and naughty; the second prince was physically weak; only the third prince grew amicably with us. We often studied and played together, so we are intimate.
Since we were the favorite kids of the emperor’s mother, we played wildly.
Despite of any mess that we got into, we were shielded from any punishment as long as we hid in the Longevity Palace of my grandmother, the emperor's mother. Her arms protected us from any storm of scold and even the emperor could not punish us.
Usually, my brother was a recipe of the mess while I was the beneficiary of the mess and the third prince, Zidan, was the scapegoat.
The mild boy with royally-inherited handsomeness and elegance was meek and quietistic, like his tender and emotional mother, as if he never got angry at anything. Whatever happening, he calmly stared at you with tender smile.
The careless and joyful time flew away, of which we were unconscious. We three reached adulthood, debuting our glamor.
Each time we three appeared together, and we provoked envy and praise.
When Zidan and my brother passed anywhere in the palaces, the young palace maids peeped at them behind curtains or besides corridors.
In palace feasts, girls of the clans and royalty were delighted by my brother's glance. Zidan was more glamorous than my brother and noble prince, and nevertheless he was not such a favorite of other girls, because he accompanied me.
In the banquet of the emperor's birthday, when we stood side by side at the first time and toasted for the emperor's birthday, he was tipsy and accidentally dropped his cup, so he turned to Concubine Xie and said, “Honey, see, these celestial kids has descended from the heaven and is celebrating my birthday.”
Concubine Xie liked me so much, while my aunt disliked Zidan.
After the banquet, my aunt told me that I had been grown up and was forbidden to be close to the princes.
I did not care it. Favored by my mother and grandmother, I get close to Zidan behind my aunt's back.
In autumn of the sixth year of Yongxi Period of the emperor, the mother of the emperor, namely my grandmother, passed away, with title of Filial Kind and Respected Grandqueen.
It was the first time for me to face death. Despite of mother striving to soothe me, I could not accept the fact.
After grandly funeral, I still went to her Longevity Palace where I held her favored cat. I sat alone and await my grandmother coming out and calling me “my little Afu” with a smile. In a late afternoon, I was scolded by my aunt, so I ran into the palace. I dismissed all maids and stayed in a daze.
Sitting beside Wistaria vine that grandmother herself had grown, I raised my head and saw its withered leaves falling one by one. Life was so transient and gone suddenly.
In early autumn, cold deeply pierced my heart through thin clothes. The cold extended to my fingers. It was so cold that I am solitary and helpless.
My shoulders felt warm suddenly, and I felt warm hands holding me.
Familiar atmosphere covered me. Suddenly slight fragrance of Magnolia was filled in my space.
Zidan looked down at me with affection. His eyes teemed with the lost that I had never seen.
I was still to see his face, eyes, look and breath that was both familiar and strange. I felt lost, nervous, and happy.
By accident, a leaf fell onto his head.
He brushed off the leaf and his long fingers touched on forehead, from which a wonderful thrill slid into my heart.
“You are beautiful when frowning, but I am sad to see you unhappy.” His voice was tender and sad, which made my cheeks flush.
Seeing my flushing, he smiled and hugged me tighter.
This was the first time for him to tell me that I was beautiful. In past many years, he saw me growing up and told me that I was meek and smart or silly and naughty, but not beautiful. Like my brother, he held my hands or pulled my braids many times but he had never hugged me as such.
His hug was warm and comfort so that I wanted to stay in long.
That day he told me that in the world, each one had his or her fate, such as birth, aging, illness and death and whoever, rich or poor, noble or humble, always had a hard life.
When he talked, his eye glittered with kindness, melancholy and sympathy.
My heart melted as if spring warm water flooded it.
Since then I would not be afraid of death.
My sadness for the death of grandmother lasted short. After all I was teenage and even the biggest sad curve could be flattened.
Besides, I had a new secret.
A subtle change took place in my mind.
Before long, my newly-adult brother was initiated into royal court as an official. For hardening him off, he was sent to my uncle. Ordered by the emperor, my uncle was to harness river in Huaizhou City. He took my brother to there.
After my brother left, only Zidan and I stayed in the palaces and home.
In warm spring, beside red palace walls and under green willow, the beautiful girl in thin spring attire often asked the handsome boy to play together. Zidan, I want to see you painting.
Zidan, we go to riding horse.
Zidan, we play chess.
Zidan, I played new music for you.
Zidan, Zidan, Zidan...
For each asking, he smiled and accompanied me patiently to meet my any requirement.
Sometime he got tired of me, and deliberately gave a heavy sign. “So naughty. How will you be my wife?”
As long as he said so, I always flushed fully, like a cat whose tail was stamped, and turned to run away.
Behind me, Zidan's gentle laugher followed. His laughter sounded long in my heart.
Other girls were reluctant to grow up and leave home and afraid of the ceremony of adulthood.
Once they were grown-up, matchmakers came for proposing. Their parents sent them out to marry a strange man, with who she lived a whole life. It was terrible to think it.
Luckily I had Zidan.
The crown and second princes had been married. In the capital, only Zidan could match me in age and rank.
I was not afraid of it that even my aunt disliked Zidan, not mentioning those fops.
My mother had acquiesced in the fact that I love him. Occasionally she visited Concubine Xie.
When I was thirteen, the families of high rank who visited my father to propose me were so many that the threshold of Jin Guo Duke's residence was flattened.
My father declined them with an excuse that I was kid.
Since then, I hated time being long and could not wait. Proposing was not allowed until fifteen.
Zidan had been nineteen and could marry soon. If I were old enough, Concubine Xie had asked the emperor to designate us as couple. I was worried about the fact that the emperor designated other girl as his wife before I was old enough.
Once I got angry and shouted at him. “Why are you so old? When I grow up, you are old guy!”
When I was fifteen, Zidan was twenty-one. In my view, he was old in that time.
Zidan was dumbfounded, being silent for a long while. He just glared me with embarrassment.
Nevertheless, Concubine Xie could not see me in fifteen at my ceremony of adulthood, because she had passed away.
She was thirty-seven, as beautiful as the figure in painting, as if she escaped aging.
Despite of my aunt dominating, she never competed with her for the emperor's love, being subject to everything.
I believed it again: the beautiful thing was transient.
Because of a cold that worsen her healthy, Concubine Xie could not wait and eat the plum that was sent specially to her from faraway place in every spring.
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She had been weak but never complained about anything. Even when she lay on bed due to her sickness, she kept herself tidy. She was never messy even when dying. With a tinge of delight, she slept forever.
At that raining night, mourning bell tolled long and all palaces lamented for her death.
That night Zidan stayed alone in her palace, silently shedding tears which poured down cheeks, wetting his collar.
I stood behind him long while while he did not sense me until I handed a silk handkerchief to him.
He raised his head, a drop of tea falling on the handkerchief.
The expensive silk handkerchief should not be wetted. If so, its crease could not be flattened.
I wiped his tears with the handkerchief while he held me into her arms and asked me not to cry.
I found that my tears were more than his.
The handkerchief was hidden later in depth of box. The slight crease and trace were Zidan's tears.
Without mother, he was forlorn in big royal palaces.
Though I was muddleheaded, I already knew that mother's clan was important to a prince.
Xie's clan was has-been. Zidan benefited long from the emperor's love to Concubine Xie. Just the love incurred my aunt’s jealousy of him. An emperor could favor a concubine and estrange his queen but he could not protect a prince to offend the powerful queen's clan. The former was his family affair while the latter was related to kingdom.
Back then, I still hold that as long as I married Zidan, he could be protected by my clan and stayed safe in palace.
However, my aunt's fierceness still astonished me.
By traditional filial regulation, children should observe mourning for their dead parent for three years.
However, the royal members did not follow the regulation; they just observed in palace for three months and then chose a trusted palace follower to replace them in mausoleum for the rest time. Once one year was over, they could marry.
After Concubine Xie's death, my aunt gave Zidan her order that he was so filial that he himself observed the mourning himself for three years.
Although I kneeled before her palace and appealed, my aunt ignored me. Helpless mother took me to see the emperor behind my father's back, and she begged the emperor's order of keeping Zidan.
After Concubine Xie passing away, the emperor seemed to age ten years.
Usually he looked like kind father only to Zidan, instead of solemn emperor.
At this time, he however gave the order to keep his favorite son.
He said that the mausoleum was a safe place and nothing was bad.
Looking at me in tears, the emperor signed heavily. “Such an cute girl. You are also from Wang's. Unfortunately.”
I did not see Zidan off that day. I was afraid that he was sadder to see me crying.
I hoped that Zidan could leave with usual smile as the proudest and noblest prince in my mind. No one could see his sadness and tears.
When Zidan's carriage reached Taihua Gate, Jin'er, my intimate maid, had waited there.
Jin'er gave him a small and old wooden box in which a thing was my substitute to accompany him.
At that moment, I silently stood on city wall and saw distant him stopping carriage and bending down to receive the box.
He just gave a glance to her and turned away, letting nobody see his expression.
Jin'er kneeled and kowtowed to him, and then rose and stood aside.
He did not look back. Whipping horses on, he left us in dust.
Five days after my birthday, my brother took me to take part in the ceremony of feasting the army.
My father often said that usually Wang's daughters much outdid common men.
However, the world of shining spears and armored horses eventually belonged to man and it was so far from girl's pink and tender world.
An aristocratic girl lived her whole life under protection of father and brother and husband. Fighting in battle was a legend to her. I was not interested in the ceremony but was curious about those men.
My mother always told me that it was not good for a girl to have too much curiosity but I did have much.
The legendary man and his feats were so interesting and mysterious.
It was a man who made me curious.
The man's name was heard too many times. He was said to be either a god or a demon.
Mentioning his name, my aunt, father and brother spoke with serious tones.
Even Zidan mentioned it with a complex tone that I could not understand.
He said that it was lucky for our kingdom that this man emerged but catastrophic for people.
A month ago, came news of victory that our army defeated south barbarians.
It took only nine months for our great army to conquer the faraway south barbarian tribes. The army crushed them without any resistance. Total twenty-seven tribes surrendered and their territories were merged into our kingdom. Our territory extended south six hundreds more Li (a unit for measuring length, one li was half kilometer). The feat awed surrounding countries. What's more, the army cut off route of southwards retreat of treasonable army from Shu Area, so that the treasonable army had to guard in Jianmen Pass.
The victory excited our kingdom while only my father had expected the achievement. He smile slightly and relaxed with a ghost of worry. I did not know what his worry was.
After a few days, our army returned to the capital.
The emperor ordered the crown prince and officials to meet the army at suburban of the capital and to feast them.
The blood of south barbarians shone our general’s armor. The general wielded their sword to expand border of the kingdom, shining in the capital. He was the only king not from the royal clans, who boasted acclaimed military achievements and led millions of soldiers. He was Yu Zhang King -- Xiao Qi, who was said to be both god and demon. From royal court to streets, no one did not know his reputation.
Born in humble family, he joined up at sixteen, and was promoted to be a Canjun (an military officer of low rank) at eighteen. Then he followed Jin Yuan General to march north and to fight against Tujue. In the battle beside Shuo River, he played a masterstroke: he led a hundred of cavalry soldiers to attack the back of enemy troops and to burn their baggages and provisions. By himself, he killed one hundred more enemies that were piled up like a hill, while he received twenty-one wounds. At last he returned successfully. Tujue's troops suffered heavy loss and then were attacked head-on. They collapsed and retreated far. Our army recovered Shuozhou and Hezhou that had been occupied for many years and occupied six hundred Li fertile land north to Shuo River.
Xiao Qi distinguished himself at the battle. He was greatly promoted to be a deputy general of front and regarded highly by Jin Yuan General. In the three years when he guarded the border, he repelled a hundreds more attacks of Tujue. In those battles, he killed thirty-two generals of Tujue, one of which was a favorite son of Tujue King. Thus Tujue suffered a big loss. Xiao Qi's prestige spread widely in north. He was entitled Ning Shuo General and acclaimed as “Heaven General”.
In the fourth year of Yongxi Period, the military commander of Diannan, controlled big army and ganged up with Bairong Tribe. Afterwards he rebelled and made himself king. With the emperor's order, Xiao Qi, the Ning Shuo General, led his army to suppress the rebellion. His troops blocked the enemy's front troop at Luolang Pass. On the other hand, he detoured via Qianzhou by blazing a trail on steep and high mountains and attacked the central area of Diannan. In detour, his troop confronted troop of Yidi Tribe that had been affiliated into Diannan. He ordered the tribe to surrender and was refused. In a fit of anger, he took his troop to slaughter all population of the tribe. With the victory, he routed Bairong tribe and then reclaimed Diannan. The chiefs of the rebellion group were beheaded in public. Taking the vantage, Xiao Qi conquered all tribes in south-west area within two years. With the brilliant achievements and exploits, he led army of millions of soldiers and then he was appointed as “General of National Protection”.
In the seventh year of Yongxi Period, southern barbarian tribe invaded our kingdom shortly after Xiao Qi suppressed rebellion in south west area. He led his troops for second conquering. In the south border where flood and plague were rampant, his troops fought toughly. The flood ruined road and rear supply was interrupted. He and his troops sank into danger. In the front, he was determined to fight his way across Lancang River. They pushed the tribe back eight hundred Li. The tribe would have not force to invade again.
That year, owing to his unparalleled achievements, Xiao Qi was elevated to be Yu Zhang King, who was the only king from the humble.
In the eighth year of Yongxi Period, the king's army rested and reorganized in Dianzhong for half year. They marched southbound and routed other barbarian tribes. It took nine month to conquer the total twenty-seven tribes that were affiliated into the kingdom.
During the very ten years, Yu Zhang King fought in battles around borders. He saved the kingdom from endangerment. He was a pillar of the kingdom and the heavyweight in the royal court.
They returned with victories and royal court and the public were excited. In the first place, the emperor himself had decided to meet Yu Zhang King at the suburban but he had been ill long time. He had to order the crown prince and officials to do it.
Many times I heard the battles in the fronts mentioned by my father and brother, and I was shocked by the appalling fighting.
“Yu Zhang King” was like a curse that made me associate him with killing, victory and death.
Eventually, I could see the legendary man depicted as both god and demon. I could see the invincible troops in person. However, without any reason, I felt fearful, and I did not know why.
Not all soldiers were allowed to enter the city, so the king led three thousand armored cavalries in, which just sufficed to shock the capital.
Thousands of people crowded besides streets and windows of high buildings teemed with faces. In early morning, my brother occupied a floor in Yaoguang Pavilion which was the tallest one around the area of Chentian Gate. On the floor I could overlook the troop marching into the city.
The road leading to city was covered with red carpet, flanked with royal guardians in polished armors and bright-yellow royal canopies and high-stick feather fans and hanging flags. At the end of the road stood a high terrace.
At midday, musical instrument were played. After three sounds of golden drum, the crown prince in dark-yellow court attire, followed by the officials, ascended the terrace.
Distantly, each face was obscure. Judged by attire colors, I thought that the man in red left beside the prince must be my father. I pulled at my brother's sleeve, and tenderly said, “My dude, when will you wear the court attire and stand in the official limelight?”
My brother glared at me. “Bad girl. When do you not say with irony?”
Rolling my eyes and smiling, I were to ridicule him the moment a deep and long horn sounded and the gate opened slowly.
At the moment the whole city seemed to fall into solemnity.
Suddenly, the dazzling sunlight of middy was eclipsed and abruptly a chill emerged in the atmosphere.
Instantly, endless black iron tides, which glittered in sunlight, emerged in my eyes.
Highly held was a big and black flag with golden rim, on which a silver word “Xiao” was, billowing in wind.
The black armored cavalry marched gravely in nine lines. In front of the lines was a man in full armor and with a big sword. A white tassel on his helmet, he sit tightly on a totally black horse. His horse pacing alone and ahead, he held rein, leading the nine-line cavalries. They marched in unison. Each footstep resounded through Chaoyang Gate.
As music ended, the general with white tassel on black horse stopped horse, slightly raising his right hand to gesture stop to his cavalries, who halted at once. Their actions were immediate.
The man drove his horse forwards and stopped a distance before the terrace. Having dismounted, he took off his sword and handed it to ceremony official. Step by step, he ascended the terrace.
My brother's voice sounded bitterly behind me. “It is Xiao Qi.”
The man was so distant and his face was obscure. Looking far at him, I unexpectedly felt suffocated.
He stopped three steps from the crown prince, slightly lowered his head and kneeled on one knee.
The prince unfolded yellow silk roll and loudly read the emperor's edict of bestowal and reward.
Due to the distance, I could not hear his voice clearly but could see the black armor and the helmet with white tassel glittering with cold in midday sunlight.
The prince finished the edict, and Xiao Qi received the edict roll with both hands, and rose and turned to his cavalries. He towered firmly, hands stretching out to hold the roll.
-- Long live His Majesty.
The voice was so resonant that we on the pavilion could hear it somewhat.
At the moment, the three thousand cavalries in black armors uttered the same greeting in unison, which resounded through the city.
All the other people were deafened by the resonant voices which even eclipsed grand royal honor guards.
The royal guards on flanks were in golden and polished armors and held shining swords and sabers, while the cavalries, on whose armors dust in travel still remained, however outshone the guards who were usually glorious and now looked gaudy.
They were the soldiers and generals who ever soaked in enemy’s blood which polished their armors.
Their sabers and swords went through bloodbaths, so did themselves.
The strong and combative aura went only with those who experienced bloody battles and feared no death.
This legendary man who seemed to come from bloody hell was standing above people, overlooking them like a god.
Feeling throttled, I was surprised to find myself unbreathable and my hand sweating thinly.
I had never known there was such a man in the world.
I was used to august royalty. Even standing before the emperor, I was not awed a little.
Now I dared not look steadily at him though our distance was long.
He seemed to give off blazing and piercing light which was cast on people.
Unusually, my brother had been keeping silent, watching the ceremony. His hand clutched tea cup, his knuckles whitening.
I tightened my lips, having a strange feeling -- inspiring and confusing.
After the ceremony, we went home by carriage. In a trance I was wordless.
My carriage stopped at the gate of my residence, and a maid approached to lift up curtain. I did not see my brother stand before and help me out as usual.
To my surprise, I leaned out and saw him sitting upright on horse, holding his luxurious rein, stroking his white horse, musing.
“Dude, here we are!”Approaching him, I aped maid to bend down and smile.
My brother roused from reverie and squinted at me. Sighing, he threw his opulent whip to his attendant and jumped off.
When we stepped into courtyard, oncoming my mother in formal dress, followed by Auntie Xu and maids, looked like going out.
“Ma, do you go out?”I smiled and held her arm.
“As it happens, the queen wants to see me. You did not see her in past two days, and go with me.” Mother tidied a strand of hair loose from my temple. She smiled and asked, “How was the ceremony? Is it interesting?”
I laughed privately. Mother always took us as children, thinking that my brother liked to be a pleasure-seeker.
“Yu Zhang King's army is magnificent and powerful.” My brother was serious. Looking at her, he sighed. “I feel shame at seeing him. A man should be so!”
To her surprise, she frowned little. “Kid, don't tell nonsense. What's the shame? At a military man kills here and there.”
Head drooping, he said nothing. Although he often argued with father, but before mother, he dared not retort.
“What is your status? How can you compare with the humble man?” Mother's voice was low but got severe.
The last man she liked was a military man from humble family. Now when listening to what brother said, she was irritated.
Seeing mother's displeasure, I said, “He is kidding. Don't be bothered. Let's go. Aunt is waiting.”
As saying, I dragged mother to leave, and winked back at my brother.
It was against to expectation that my aunt asked my mother to talk in private in inner hall; I was kept out.
I could not be bothered to wait them, so I went to the crown prince's palace to see Wanrong.
I told Wanrong the ceremony and Xiao Qi as vivid as I could. She and the others were dumbfounded.
“I heard Yu Zhang King having killed thousands of people.” Weishi, a concubine of the prince, felt appalled and disgusted, a hand pressing her chest. A woman continued to say, “It must be more than thousands, I am afraid that it is incalculable. I heard he is addicted to drinking blood.”
I was displeased privately and thought them ridiculous. When I tried to refute her, Wanrong shook her head. “How can we believe the rumors? If so, isn't the man slandered to be a devil?”
Weishi sneered. “Too many killing is not a kind way. Bloody hands are demon's.”
I disgusted Weishi who was impolite and arrogant to Wanrong by her favored by the crown prince. I immediately squinted at her. “What is the kind way? Now beacons of war were lit around our kingdom. A kind way can make invaders retreat and return to peace?
Weishi's powdered face flushed. “In your wise opinion, killing is kind?”
My eyebrows rising, I sneered. “Now that war breaks out, where is kindness? Even if killing takes place, Yu Zhang King does for our kingdom and people. He is a pillar to support this kingdom. How can you slander such a meritorious general? If he and his soldiers do not bleed around borders, how can we enjoy the peace?”
“Well done.”
My aunt's calm and elegant voice sounds abruptly outside the hall.
All of us stood and saluted.
Wanrong stood aside to usher her in.
My aunt followed by two palace attendants came in without my mother accompanion. I looked out of the hall. My aunt said blandly, “Don't look. I already asked her to go home alone.”
I was surprised to look at her, confused for a while.
With poker-face, my aunt sit in the first seat, scanning all of us. “What are you busy in, Wanrong?”
Wanrong said submissively, “Your Majesty, we are drinking tea and chatting.”
Aunt had a smile on face but none in eyes. “What's the interesting thing? Tell me.”
“We just listen to Infanta...” Wanrong was candid and tried to tell the truth. I interrupted her. “They are listening to me talking about new tea of this year. It is better than before.”
I took a tea cup from a maid and respectfully handed it to her.
She gave me a glare and turned to Wanrong. “You are allowing them to comment on officials in the court. Is it the regulation of royal palaces?”
“I am sorry!”Wanrong blanched and kneeled at once; other concubines did too.
“It is me who mention it. It is my fault. I am blamed and punished.”I tried to kneel. Aunt reached hand to step me.
By this opportunity, I held her hand and stared at her, tears in my eyes. “Aunt...”
She made eyes contact with me, and avoided the contact with a shock. She turned away.
“Forget it. All you leave here. Wanrong should discipline them more and all of you should obey the regulation.” She was gloomy.
Wanrong and other concubines kowtowed and left. In the empty hall, only aunt and I stayed.
“Are you mad at me?” I looked at her timidly.
She was silent to stare at me. Her weird look frightened me.
“I always took you as kid. Unconsciously, you grow up to be a belle.” Her lips moved to force a smile and her voice was tender. It was praise but I felt uneasy.
Before my response, she smiled again. “Zidan has recently written to you?”
Hearing the name, I felt hot in my face and bothered in my mind. I shook my head in a hurry, not telling her the truth.
She stared deeply at me as if she was lost. “Your love. I understand it. Zidan is a good boy. However, Afu...” She bit her tongue, looking miserable and keeping eyes and mouth close.
In recent years, I had been scolded by her for many times, but this time she made me so terrified.
I never saw her speaking to me in this mood. Subtly I had a bad omen.
I bit my lips hardly and tried to turn away and escape. I did not want to listen more.
Aunt suddenly spoke. “In your lifetime, have you been wronged? Have you complained about something?”
I was stunned. As for being wronged or my complaint, no one could wrong me in these palaces. The complaint is the only one -- Zidan leaving, but I could not tell her this.
“There seems no... My brother bullying me is counted in?” I forced a smile, pretending to be easy when our eye contact.
Aunt faded her smile, with a profound look -- Her fondness streaked with a ghost of misery. “As you have grown up as such, I am afraid that you have not experience a real wronging.”
In a daze, I stared at her and could not say anything.
She looked down and smiled miserably. “When I was teenage, I was like you, doted on and protected by my family. Nevertheless, we have to fulfill our destiny eventually by ourselves and could not be shielded forever by our clan.
Under her pressing gaze, I was benumbed with fits of twitch in my heart.
She stared directly at me and coldly said, “If someday you have to suffer an extreme wrong and to give up your treasure, and you have to do a very reluctant thing and to pay great cost, Afu, can you do it?”
I was startled, finger tips getting cold. Countless ideas recurred to me, tangling up.
“Answer me.”She could not bear my hesitation.
Having bitten my lips, I looked up to her. “It depends on what. Is it more important than my treasure?”
Her eyes were as cold and deep as a well. “Everyone's treasure is different from each other. What is the important and what is the deserving.”
Her gaze at me was so long that it seems to go through me to remote past. “I had my treasure that had ever been my greatest joy and sorrow in my life. However the joy and sorrow were only mine. Comparing to them, there was a thing heavier and deeper. I could not sheer off and desert it. It is our clan's glory and duty!”
“Our clan's glory and duty...”Her words hit me like a big hammer, and my heart was stirred to billow.
Her eyes gleamed in tears but with resoluteness.
“Back then war just ended and factions in royal court were so many. The four clans competed hardly. My brother, namely your father, married the First Jinming Princess, namely your mother, owing to his reputation of the Kingdom's First Talent. The marriage brought our clan supreme glory. My younger sister married Qing Yang King who controlled the army, and I must become the wife of then crown prince, so I would be queen to control other concubines. Thus Wang's powers were kept and could overwhelm Xie's. Our clan's position became solid so that its members could enjoy the glory and wealth.
I had never known that there were bitter and tough stories behind the perfect scenes of my parents' marriage and my aunt's top status of women in the kingdom.
My world sank abruptly into darkness. The world like fairyland in my mind suddenly faded out and its grey base was exposed.
In past fifth years, my perfect dreamland cracked like stained glass for the first time.
I dared not listen and consider any more.
However, once there was a crack in the glass, it expanded to shatter the glass.
Aunt stood up and approached me. Gazing on me, she said firmly, “Since we were born, we has been going with aureola and grew in glory. Except for the princess, we, the daughters of Wang's clan, are the most distinguished. As you was born and grew in the family, perhaps you can’t sense these. Since I was eighteen and became queen, I has witnessed many bitter and sad past, in which they rose and fell. Do you know that those girls from humble families had not clan's support and became miserable in these palaces? Their lives are inferior to ants'. Once you lost in the competition, despite of the celebrated clan that you are from, you have to live a miserable life, worse than common people...”
Aunt gripped my shoulders, and said word by word, “Our status, beauty and talent, which we are proud of, were bestowed on us by our clan. No clan, no us, and even our offspring will have nothing. We boast the glory, so we are accountable for the clan.