Along the lonely way after my wedding, only reliance and care of family always had braced me.

The brace eventually crumbled in the wake of the truth.

In my mind, the dreamland-like world had been ever perfect. Since my wedding date, it was eclipsed throughout; since today, it fell from heaven to dust, crushed into dirt. Since now, though the palaces remained grand, in my mind, gone were the nice landscape, leisurely amusement and poem. Not recurred.

All were changed.

In my lifetime, I had never cried so badly.

When my grandma passed away, I was really sad; back then I did not know that there was another sadness that hurt in the depth of mind.

Then I had Zidan and my parents and brother; now I cried in strange arms.

At the night, I could not remember what I and Xiao Qi said.

What I remembered was that I cried like a kid in his embrace.

Nestling against him, I was appeased by his breaths. I did not want to move and open eyes. When I woke, it was morning of the next day while Xiao Qi was gone.

Lying on bed, I still grasped his cloak on quilt. No wonder I dreamed of him accompanying me.

I felt lost suddenly.

Maids served me in dressing and breakfast. With blank mind, I was resigned to their arrangement.

A little maid, round face and big eyes, hold a bowl of herbal medicine, kneeling beside bed. She handed the bowl to me.

This little girl was shorter than I before marriage.

I felt pity to her and beckoned to her to stand up.

Her head drooped much and stood up carefully but the bowl tray slanted and the bowl fell. The medicine spilled much on me.

All maids were nervous and scrambled to clean, saying “Pardon”.

The little maid kept kowtowing, too frighten to say a word.

“Stand up.” I had nothing to blame. Seeing the stain, I signed, “Go to prepare for bath.”

The frighten maids reminded me of my current situation; I smiled bitterly.

They were as young as I. They were so humble like ants and struggled for living, and how could I despair.

After wounded, I had lain on bed and the maids wiped my body for cleaning. I had not taken a bath for days.

It was nice that it was cool in north. If it was hot, it would make me uneasy.

I had not sat before mirror and I did not know how I looked currently.

Even my families abandoned me and others did not love me, and I had to cherish myself.

In mist of bath water, I looked up and the mist covered my tears.

No one saw my tears but my smile like a flower, as same as that after my wedding. Back then how I smiled and survived; now I did same.

There were not hot spring and spices. In such a plain bucket, water was warm and clean.

I cleaned dirt and felt refreshing.

When I saw the clothes which the little maid held, I felt funny and annoyed. All the clothes were luxurious and gaudy but none of them was to my liking.

“Who will wear them?” I picked up a long robe with golden embroidery and pink peony pattern and checked a pair of emerald bracelet. I laughed with disgust. “do I wear these for opera?.”

The little maid flushed and hurriedly knelt for pardon.

“Forget it.” I beckon to her to take them back and was not bothered to check the clothes any more. “Give me a plain one.”

I turned and walked out of bathroom. Wet hair disheveled, I paced to mirror.

In mirror, the woman in white silk had long hair over shoulders.

White skin, glossy hair and long eyebrow, these were still mine but chin sharpened, face whitened, I got thin.

The eyes, as same as before, were different somewhere.

I did not distinguish the difference: the eyes in mirror were just misty instead of clear.

I smiled, so did the woman in mirror; however the eyes were not smiling.

“Madam, do you think this is nice?” The little maid presented new clothes, head lowering.

I looked back and smile. What she picked was a light-blue clothes, which was to my taste.

“What's your name?” When I was dressed, I examined the girl.

She kept looking down, not daring to see me. “My name is Yuxiu.”

“How old are you?” I asked her calmly when I picked a jade hairpin to hold wet hair.

“Fifteen.” Her voice was as weak as mosquito's

Hand pausing, I stared at her and felt a little sad. She was fifteen, as old as I when marrying.

I examined her. Though she was not as lovely as Jin'er, she was pretty and smart.

Recalling Jin'er, I felt sad again. Though she was maid, we had grown together like sisters. Now I could not dominate my life, not to mention her; neither did I know where she was.

I reduced to sudden unhappiness.

I walked to window and saw nice landscape in courtyard. Sunshine pierced shade of trees into room.

It was late spring. Summer is coming.

“It was sultry in room. Let's go out for a walk.” I dismissed the others and kept Yuxiu accompanying me.

Stepping out of door, I sensed the season -- warm wind blushing my face, sun casting its warmth on us, high pillars standing and eaves curving, trees being green and lush in courtyard. It refreshed me.

“Madam... Please wear robe. It is cold outside.” Yuxiu hurried up to me, robe in hand and care on face.

I looked back, touched. I smiled, “In this season, no need robe.”

In past, summer was my favorite season. It was hot in the capital. May was the late spring. Ladies in the palaces undressed thick clothes and wore gauzy ones whose sleeves and ribbons billowed in wind, looking like fairies in paradise.

When I told Yuxiu the summer in the capital, she was attracted totally.

We walked around the compound. The buildings and colonnades were simple and plain in style, looking like residence of common people; however the buildings were grand like official site. “Is here residence of the His Majesty?” I asked Yuxiu.

Confused Yuxiu hesitated and said, “Usually His Majesty lives here.”

With a nod, I basically realized that Xiao Qi usually lived in official building but he did not have his own residence built.

I heard that he from humble origin was economical; indeed he was so. If my brother were him, he could not stand so simple and plain houses.

Wondering about his life, I soon ask Yuxiu, “Usually what does His Majesty like doing in this residence?”

“Usually His Majesty is busy outside. It is midnight when he backs.” Recollecting something, she added, “Yes, he usually played chess with General Song; sometimes he read books, practice sword and drink wine alone. Nothing else.”

Mentioning Xiao Qi, Yuxiu was in awe and talkative.

I lowered head to snicker as I thought him square and his life stuffy.

“No girl singers here?” I ridiculed here. When I asked, I heard girls' laughter.

I paused and saw girls walking around colonnade ahead of us.

Seeing me, the girls were surprised and paused.

One of them knelt in hurry and called me “Princess”, and the others followed her.

I watched them. The two girls ahead of the others dressed like the king's intimate ladies: one wearing pink and narrow-sleeve clothes, the other doing plain ones and being younger and prettier than the former.

Their dress did not look like common maids. As soon as I saw them, I realized something.

My heart sank as if being pressed. I was choked awhile.

Yes... How did I forget this?

The girl in pink spoke before my uttering. “This is Xin'er, Your Majesty.”

When saying, she peeked up at me and glimpsed hem of my clothes. Her green earrings glittered.

The green earrings reminded me of the emerald bracelets. They were a set.

I woke up totally to it: who prepared the gaudy clothes for me.

Did you know this text is from a different site? Read the official version to support the creator.

“Xin'er?” I smile, “Since I had stayed here, is it you to prepare daily things for me?”

She slightly raised eyes. “It was my duty. I am afraid that the servants are clumsy and can’t serve Your Majesty well.”

So nice reply was like a hostess's tone to guest. I was so surprised as to laugh.

Seeing my laughing, she was bolder to look up at me.

As our eyes contacted, she was amazed and her eyes betrayed admiration.

“You look pretty.” With a smile, I told her, “I happen to need a smart girl beside me. Tomorrow, you come and work with Yuxiu.”

Face flushing and head rising, she ventured to say, “Madam, I serve in bedroom of His Majesty.”

Having turned away, I looked back and said coldly, “Are you saying to me?”

She tensed up, shoulder trembling and face paling.

I frowned and asked Yuxiu, “In this residence, is there any manners and etiquette?”

Yuxiu bowed and replied loudly, “Your Majesty, the manners in this residence are followings: only when the masters asked a question, does a maid answer it; the masters stands ahead, maid should not stare at them; when answering, the maid started with...”

The other girls who kneeled looked at each other and trembled. They bent lower and lower and their foreheads almost touched ground.

Xin'er flushed with shame, head drooping, lip tightening and shoulders trembling.

The pretty girl behind her kowtowed immediately, “We are sorry. We have no intention to offend Your Majesty. Please pardon us.”

I gave her a dry glance and said, “I like smart maid. Tomorrow, you come too.”

Neglecting their plea, I left without a word.

When we turned around corner of the colonnade where there was nobody else, Yuxiu could not help but laugh. “So nice. Your Majesty is here and they haven't position to be arrogant!

I paused and looked back at her, face falling.

Contacting my eyes, Yuxiu cringed and lowered her head, saying nothing any more.

I tightened my lips as if a big ice cube was laid on my heart. Awhile I could not control my breath which surged inside.

I should realize it: which man had no concubine? Not to mention him, a big shot, who was alone and young.

Letting alone a king, even a common official had some concubines; my passionate brother had more.

Before my brother married, he had had three concubines. His wife brought four concubines. Two years later, his wife died of disease. My brother did not marry again but kept more beauties.

After my mother who was the eldest daughter of the late emperor married my father, she ever allowed my father to keep a concubine. The concubine whose name was Han had died before I was born. Since then, my father had not kept any concubine and mother and father love each other so much.

So it was a common thing. However, despite the premise that so many men in the world, including my father and brother, kept concubine, the fact could not appease me. I could not distinguish my feelings -- irritation or bitterness or something else.

Since I had stayed here and met Xiao Qi, I had less and less awareness of myself.

In past, it occurred occasionally to me that he was alone in the border so to keep a concubine was possible. Back then I thought it was none of my business.

He was my nominal husband and indeed an ally for who my father exchanged me.

Thinking of it, I could not help but laugh while I felt so hurt innerly.

My hand held a pillar of the colonnade to brace myself but I still laughed.

Yuxiu was however feared for me. She held me at once. “I am wrong. Please calm down. Don't be hurt.”

“I am not angry.” I threw her hands off, keeping laugh to tears.

“Madam, what...” Yuxiu was at a loss, almost crying.

Seeing her panic which was indeed caused by her anxiety for me, I felt bitterer.

Leaning against the pillar, I was in a daze and looked around: my husband stayed with me; here was my residence; multiple servants were at my call; however only this little girl cared about me.

The scene before me became stranger and I suddenly want to go home.

But where was my home... the capital, Huizhou, or here?

Immediately chill penetrated my bones and forlornness occupied my heart.

My head drooping and hands covering face. I managed to suppress my forlornness. I did not raise head though Yuxiu called me times.

She suddenly jerked my sleeve and kneeled down to the direction of my back.

I turned and saw Xiao Qi, hands in back, standing at the end of the colonnade. Warriors behind him backed aside, with embarrassment.

He strode to me and I had not wiped off my tears as I was still in the mood.

He wore no armor but a block robe with big sleeve and broad collar. His bound and high hair made him handsome and crisp.

“How are you here?” He frowned while his voice was tender. “In north it is cold. Don't catch cold.”

Though his words were caring, my heart was hurt more. Drily I turned to him. “Thank you. Your Majesty.”

Still frowning, he stared at me with no more word.

Wind blew from the courtyard and flapped my ribbon and chilled me.

Staring at me, he seemed to say something but not.

I gave him a dry smile and left resolutely.

In my room, I sensed that I really caught cold. With eyes close, I kneaded my temples and felt much headachy.

I wanted to take a nap. Though eyes were close, I could not fall in sleep at all. Sometimes Xiao Qi's shadow flashed; sometimes my parents’ did.

Sometimes, my aunt occurred to me. I recollected what she said: without shelter of the clan, I had nothing.

This situation indeed resulted from the shelter. I was alone and drifting. A man dominated my life, happiness and glory.

Long ago, I had not been the infanta endeared in the palaces, not the littler daughter doted by parents, not Afu cared and treasured by Zidan any more. Those were gone forever.

Since the day when I had stepped into the wedding hall to be consort of Yu Zhang King, I was destined in my life to be with the man and was given his family name and was brought by him to unknown future.

In this remote place where wind blew strongly and wasteland stretched under cold moonlight, what I possessed was this man.

If he will, maybe he brought a brand new world to me.

If he left, did my whole world collapsed at once?

Tossing on bed, I shed tears.

In this world, even parents could leave me and who could not?

His words still lingered around me, which I could not forget: “Since now, you are my consort and the woman who spend lifetime with me. I don't allow you to be weak.”

If so, I would like to believe the lifetime that he mentioned. The lifetime was so long.

In the lifetime, there were not only him and me but many irrelative people and things.

They are irrelative, which I thought in the first place, until the girls in person stood before me -- his concubines, his women. How are they irrelative?

My thinking was disturbed by outside and dim voice, which fretted me more.

“Who is shouting?” I sat up with frown, tidying my hair.

Yuxiu replied, “It is Lady Lu. She takes the two girls here, Xin'er and Yuzhu, and they are awaiting outside.”

My face fell. It was the first time for me to scold the servants. “Is there any etiquette in this residence? This is my bedroom. Who is allowed to trespass on?”

The maids kneeled down, frightened not to reply. Yuxiu said cowardly, “Madam, Lu was ordered by His Majesty to take the girls here. She insisted on waiting until you wake up. We... dare not stop.”

A Lady Lu appeared again, which escalated my fret. I really wanted to see how many servants without etiquette here who looked down at me, the nominal consort.

“My order, those who shouted outside kneeled and waited in the front court.” I got off bed and had myself dressed up.