I held tea cup tray and moved tea leaves in water with cup cover. I kept silent.

The woman who kneeled before me in the yard wore new clothes and bracelet, face paling and head drooping. She was Lady Lu, with who the two concubines had kneeled long in front yard. I ordered her in and left the two outside.

After she kowtowed, I drank tea and said no word, leaving her kneeling.

When I was dressed, Yuxiu already told me something about employment in the residence. Now I knew the general information.

Lady Lu was the second wife of Military Advisor Lu, and the Advisor worked under Xiao Qi. Shortly after Xiao Qi returned from the capital, his housekeeper, who worked for him for decades, died and nobody took charge of the affairs in the residence. Advisor Lu recommended his new wife, who he married in Ning Shuo, for temporary housekeeping. Lady Lu from rich family was literate and able. She did good management of the residence. Xiao Qi never checked the housekeeping. The lady was in charge of daily affairs like a housekeeper.

One more years ago, Lady Lu picked two beauties from her kin and sent them to the residence for serving Xiao Qi in bedroom.

As Yuxiu told, Xiao Qi was recently busy in military affair and seldom had intimacy with the concubines. Though Xin'er and Yuzhu served him in intimate way, they were not given a formal identification. As I stayed far afield in Huizhou and there was no other intimate woman of Xiao Qi in the residence, they acted as hostess and excepted that in the future they would be conferred formal title on, ranking themselves highly.

I realized that Xiao Qi at his age must have had concubines in Ning Shuo. However I did not hear that he had any child. I asked Yuxiu, but she was still teenage and could not understand my intention.

Laughing bitterly, I thought that it was nice for him to have no child. Having lived in the palaces, I had not seen other else but many affairs for emperor's favor and crown princess.

All servants in front yard were frightened to be silent, heads drooping. Sweating, Lady Lu was kneeling and her arrogance had been gone.

I laid tea cup on table and said drily, “Anything told to me?”

With a tremble, Lu kowtowed. “Your Majesty, your servant was ordered by His Majesty to take two girls here for apology and punishment.”

“When did I mention punishment?” I gave her a smile. “It sounds abnormal.”

Seeing nervousness in her eyes, I was proud with smile. “If so, I dare not receive them and you take them back.”

The lady's face paled. After hesitation, she braced herself. “Your servant is foolish. His Majesty sent these two maids to serve you... Your servant is sorry for not teaching them well, and ventures to take them here for begging your pardon and punishment.”

I gave her a frosty glance. In the first place she wanted to disguise the accident as a trivia and to keep the girls remaining. She was indeed bold but not tough. As she sensed the change, she deserted the girls and fawned on me.

“It is so.” I sat leisurely and rightly, smiling. “What did His Majesty said?”

With a moment of hesitation, she whispered, “His Majesty said... Now that Her Majesty needs the two girls, let it be.”

I looked down and smiled, feeling mixed emotions.

Intentionally I scolded the two concubines. As I expected, they thought them treated wrong and went to complain before Xiao Qi. By this accident, I wanted to see Xiao Qi's response, from which now I knew that he did not take them to heart.

I felt relief for his response, which was my original expectation. Xiao Qi was not an emotional man who did not offend his royal consort for the concubines. However his cold treating them made me feel sympathy of the kind. History proved that no woman could be favored in her whole life. Let alone aged her, and even when she was favored, she could be abandoned anytime like a toy.

Seeing me silent, she flattered with a smile, “The two concubines have regretted. How to punish them, please give me an order.”

“Deport them.” I said in frosty way.

With a shock, forgetting etiquette, she was astonished to raise head to see me. “Your Majesty means...”

I looked down at her, half smiling and saying no word.

“Your servant gets it.” Lu was dumb for a while, and then lowered head with a kowtow. In trembling voice, she said, “Your servant does it right now.”

In the first place, she thought I just lorded it over them by insulting the two concubines. After all they were concubines of Xiao Qi and now degraded to be my maids, so I had enough awe. At most I degraded them to do trivia labor work. When I was calm, they would had chance to be restored. Maybe Xiao Qi also thought that I was just jealous as one of his women. Watching my manicured and white nails, I smiled.

At all they underestimated me.

The two concubines never stepped into my room before they were taken away.

Beyond the court, their cry and scramble took place and faded away.

I walked to the door and paused in silence. As I stepped back to room, a blow of wind flapped my ribbon.

I looked out. In yard, tree shade grew much and the residue of flower in late spring fell like a shower in breeze.

Women's fates were like the flowers.

Perhaps they were pitiful because their fates were wrong -- choosing wrong way and meeting wrong people.

Inevitably some people's fates were wrong; but if in future life they resigned themselves to their fates, their life would be peaceful. The more miserable cases were that their ambitions was so overriding while their fates could not reach the ambitions and that they were coerced to march ahead in tough way; they finally weathered through it or died in the way.

When was I so cold-hearted?

I paced and passed the servants who all bowed to me.

They stood seriously and were frighten with silence. They saw the two dominant girls being deported within half day; even I could not be bothered to give them a glance.

In past, those servants bowed to me because they held me in awe; now these servants held me in awe only because I was cold-hearted and dominating. Perhaps I was born in the family of powerful ministers of generations and the blood in my body was cruel.

Since then, no one in the residence disdained and disobeyed me, excepting Xiao Qi.

I twitched my lips to smile because in my case, there was no wife and concubines scrambling for his favoring; additionally, I felt shameful for the scrambling.

My family name and blood never allowed me to accept the shame. To the prestigious Yu Zhang King, the chief general and my husband, I await his response to my decision.

In front of desk, there was a pile of rumpled papers. No painting was finished on the papers. On the papers, I sketched waterfront pavilion and stage, verdant banana trees and red cherry fruits, which seemed to be the past landscape. At loss I watched the unfinished paintings and my mind was disturbed.

May was the season to relish cherry. “We share cherries under trees; red and juicy fruit we pick; the boy takes green ones to eat; for her smile he leaves girl the sweet.” The folk song was often popular in the teenage in the capital. Back in a day, a teenage boy had shared cherry with me.

Walking down memory lane, I quivered my wrist and a big drop of ink fell on paper, diffusing.

“Spoil it again.” Having laid off brush pen, I stood up with a mild sigh.

Writing made inner peace and painting amused mind. My current mind was bothered so much that I could paint nothing.

I stayed indoor days and engrossed myself in painting and writing. It seemed that I was leisurely.

It was really leisurely, or piqued, which I myself knew.

Days pasted while Xiao Qi had not any response. His concubines being deported seemed to have nothing to do with him, while also he did not care for what I had done. No one cared about it any more, as if a stone that was thrown into deep pond sank soundlessly.

In these days I did not even talk a while with Xiao Qi. He came and saw me, and left with a glance.

In two times he came without notice at midnight while I slept. In my room, candles still lighted and I read on bed, but he asked maid not to notice and just stood in yard for a while, and left.

When he stood outside, as I knew, Yuxiu dared not tell me and just glanced outside.

I pretended to be unaware of him by blowing out candles and fell into sleep.

What he intended was that I firstly yielded to explain it to him.

I sat alone before window and had blank mind to pen and paper for half day, when it was sunset moment.

Yuxiu and other maids were busy in preparing for my dinner. She had served me for days and been familiar with me. As she became bold, she worked more smartly. The girl in her fifteen could be so smart, and she must have suffered much. I had more sympathy between us.

“You leave. I can serve alone.” With a veteran tone, she dismissed other maids.

I gave her a smiling glance while she looked around and sneakily open a hamper.

“Madam, I found a nice thing.” She smiled with bent eyes and snub nose, looking cute.

A strong bouquet diffused and surprised me. “You get rice wine!”

“Be quiet, or someone hears it.” Yuxiu looked out of door and whispered with a hand covering her mouth. “I stole it from the kitchen.”

Her action amused me. My naughtiness was piqued as I had never drunk stolen wine.

Since I stayed at Ning Shuo for would healing, doctor suggested not drinking wine for times. Now my wound almost healed, and I had not taken a sap of wine yet. As I smelled the bouquet, it made me happy and forgot my fret.

I dismissed the other maids. We moved small table to the yard under tree shade. I forced Yuxiu to stay and drink with me.

To my surprise, the girl liked wine too. When we got a little drunk and our face felt hot, we became talkative.

The story has been illicitly taken; should you find it on Amazon, report the infringement.

Yuxiu told me that her father had been boozy. When he was drunk, he often beat and scolded her.

“Where is your daddy?” I was drunk somewhat. Hand supporting forehead, I asked her with frown.

“He had died long and my mommy was gone too.” She lain face down on the table, murmuring. “Sometimes, I even yearn for my daddy scolding. He was gone and I am alone.”

I sank into the memory of my father, feeling bitter and hard. When I went on asking, she already fell into sleep.

Under the shade and dark of night, her face was red and she was actually a kid. I shook my head with smiles. With half bottle of the wine, I staggered to garden where I would find seclusion with flowers and shades and alone finished the wine.

Serenity enveloped the place where crickets chirped under the bright moonlight while a few stars twinkled and thin cloud drifted.

“We share cherries under trees; red and juicy fruit we pick; the boy takes green ones to eat; for her smile, he leaves girl the sweet.” I unconsciously hummed the song again. When my legs buckled, I sat on a white rock beside me. My hair had been loose, falling. I took off shoes. Holding up the bottle, I drank with head up.

At same midnight and in the same moonlight, whom I ever get drunk with?

I managed to forget the name but could not discard the image of his white clothes.

My vision blurred. I knew it was illusion but I would rather get into it. It was transient that the illusion was gone; shades were dark and night was silent. Bitterly I held the bottle and poured wine onto my face to sober up.

The bottle was empty. I raised head up to take the last swig. Suddenly the bottle was gone in my hand.

Someone behind me grabbed the bottle and held me.

“Stop, Zidan...” Smiling with eye closed, I indulged myself with my illusion.

Before I opened my eyes, my waist felt tight and my body rose, as I was held up by lifting my waist.

I felt like floating in dream, and I muttered, “I have been married. Don't you know...”

His arm held me tighter.

Tears falling, I closed eyes tightly as I dared not see Zidan's face. Sadly I told him, “He, he is kind to me. You leave...”

He paused and went on to hold me tighter so that I could not move.

I pushed him but my hand touched cold armor.

It astonished me. Having looked up at him, I was almost sobered up: before me it was scowl of Xiao Qi.

I was shocked to faint and dizzy, without uttering a word.

Xiao Qi held me to bedroom, not talking with me. He bent to lay me on bed. In unlit room, I could not discern his expression but I only saw his side face which was frosted in the moonlight.

My chest cooled as my clothes was undressed below my shoulders.

“No!” I sudden woke up to it. Pulling up clothes, in panic I shunned him in bed corner.

He gave me a cold stare in which anger flashed. “No what?”

I panted so fiercely, heart throbbing fast, that I shook my head and cringed at bed corner.

When he stooped again to me, I was startled to escape, but he grasped my wrists.

“Your clothes are wet with wine. Undress it quickly. What do you think what I want to do?” He flew up. His hands opened and pulled off my wet clothes and underwear.

I was dumbfounded as I was naked -- porcelain skin exposing before him.

It was not the first time for him to undress me and to see my body. I was his wife; it was normal to let him see, but it was not allowed to do by this offensive way.

Again he stooped to undress me, and I slapped him.

“I am your husband.” Without raising head, he grabbed my hand. “I am not the one that you slap as you want.”

He stared coldly at me, tightening his lips. “My woman could be pound, and not be capricious.”

I took a cold breath and got drunk further. I vented on him my anger and suffering which were held back for days.

“Also, I am your wife, neither your enemy nor a wild horse that you try to tame.” I looked up at him. As soon as I vented, I sniffled, shedding tears. I turned my face aside since I was annoyed by my tears that could be restrained, which betrayed my vulnerability.

Pondering for a while, he loosed my hand and stroked my face.

I suddenly removed his hand and shouted at him, “If I were capricious, I might have not stood your humiliation. The past three year after the wedding, I have been alone in Huizhou, keeping virtuous, while you stayed here to enjoy the concubines... Xiao Qi, hand on your heart, do you really take me as your wife?”

He was dazed, staring at me.

“I do not care for the reason why you married me nor you take me as wife. Let bygones be bygones. I don't complain.” My tears gushed and voice trembled. “From now, I do not care for how many concubines you keep. You stay in Ning Shuo while I return to the capital. Far afield to keep peaceful respectively. You keep being Yu Zhang King and I do infanta. To be strange bedfellows, I prefer...”

“Shut up!” He refuted me angrily.

He pinched my chin so hard that I could not speak again.

His eyes opened wide, bright in the moonlight, and my image was reflected in it. In my eyes, his was reflected too.

At this moment, we were respectively in each other's eyes, nothing else in our world. No one spoke while I was trembling, shedding tears on my cheeks to his palm. I had never known that I had so much tear which seemed to be held back for the past three years and all shed now.

He gave me a long stare in which his anger drained somewhat and gloom appeared.

Be silent for a long while, he said in depression, “So heartless words, you blurt without hesitation.”

I was shocked as he said the word “heartless”. I got dumb for the word.

“Do you indeed not care?” He stared me down. His eyes were gloomy, instead of usual pressing.

His question beat me.

I did not care really for our marriage and about this man? The marriage and the man had changed my life. Did I cheat myself -- I did not care?

In his eyes the pale moonlight was reflected. I felt immersing desolation as if Xiao Qi in this moment became another man who was neither chief general dominating the kingdom nor the king impacting the royal court, but a lonely man.

He was lonely too; I doubted it, but apparently I found the strong desolation in his eyes.

Moonlight like water flowed through my heart that was softened to exude bitterness.

Keep staring, he asked, “Now that you do not care, why do you take the concubines serious?”

With an impulse of irritation, I blurted out “Who take them serious? I am annoyed for you...”As soon as I uttered the words, I found a reckless slip of the tongue but could not take it back. I was embarrassed, biting my lips and looking into his eyes in which warm feeling gradually emerged.

“What makes you annoyed?” He leaned over me, half-smiling. “Because I had other woman or I did not care about it?”

His two questions showed insight into my mind and made me shameful.

I glared at him, struggling to escape his holding. The nuisance gave loud laughter instead. He grasped my hands and pushed me on pillow. He overlooked me so close that his warm breath brushed my neck. “You this woman always doesn't speak in right way, and doesn't tell the truth until being pushed too far.”

He drove me crazy and I did not care about any manner -- kicking and beating him.

He whispered with smile. “It is so. A dragon lady! It is then one who was passionate beside the cliff.”

I happened to set my right hand free and tried to give him an angry slap. When I heard the cliff, I was surprised and loosened my hand. The scene was still vivid: his hands, his sword and his eyes... He held my hand to press on his chest. His armor was cold.

I saw him blankly and was filled with love. My anger melted.

“Why wearing armor?” I asked him tenderly. It was late. Did he yet going out?

He gave me a mild smile. “I am going to inspect barracks and guard.”

“It is over midnight...” I frowned, recalling his busyness for days. My heart sank. “Something happen?”

“Nothing, but in military affair, we should not slack anytime.” He smiled, restoring his usual seriousness. “It is late. Go to bed.”

I nodded and wanted to say something but nothing. When he left, I recollected something and stood up. “Wait! Your cloak is here... It is cold outside...”

Contacting his warm eyes, I faded down my voice with blush.

He said nothing and turned to take the cloak.

I looked down.

Suddenly he raised my face. Before I realized it, his lips covered mine... Transiently my world spun as if burning storm enshrouded me with strong manhood, irresistible. It was like a great attack, forceful, quick and direct, to break through the deepest defense in my heart.

It was so long ago for me as to forget: ever a teenage lover kissed me tenderly. Beside the nine-bend colonnade at Yaoguang Palace where fragrant breeze blew our attires, the warm and elegant boy stooped to kiss my lips. Warm and delicate kiss amazed me whose eyes widened.

The first kiss ended with my hardhearted scream. “Ah, Zidan, you bite me!”

Zidan, Zidan.

I buckled while he held my waist with an arm. The strong arm was the one of Xiao Qi, my husband... My world changed. The warm and elegant boy had long gone with my past.

Xiao Qi's voice was hard hoarse, “There is no one between us.”

With a quiver, I closed eyes and lowered head. He already knew the love between me and Zidan as early as the date of wedding. In past, people in the capital had known that Shang Yang Infanta and the third princess had been a perfect couple. He already heard my drunken missing Zidan.

I suddenly felt cold when I found I was barefooted on floor.

Xiao Qi saw me disheveled and barefooted and gave me a smile. He held me up to bed again.

He stared at me tenderly; a wrinkle between eyebrows looked like craved one.

“From now I have no other woman.” He smiled again and stood at once. “Between us, no third.”

He left without looking back. In a daze I saw him walking off. It was a long while that his breath still lingered.