"And don't get me started on the hair. It gets everywhere. I mean everywhere. The worst part is that her ladyship lets the cat get up on the furniture all of the time. So when she sheds it gets on all of the pillows. It gets down in between the cushions. Look at my uniform, look at it. Do you have any idea how many times a day I have to scrape it for lint and loose hair? Too many." Angel brushed her sharp shoulders out of habit.
"Too many.” Nevre nodded solemnly.
“And if that cat wasn’t bad enough I’ve been finding other creatures wandering around the grounds recently. There’s dog hair in the fondue fountains. Someone crashed a giant bird statue into the side of a building down by the market. The other day I swear that I saw a llama prowling the rooftops of the main hall.”
“A llama?”
“That’s right! It was staring into the windows of the high rollers lounge. I swear it was watching me. Judging me. How dare it!”
“I see.”
“There are a lot of... unconstrained animals in the Capital these days.” Angel scanned the street with her eyes. “I don’t like it.”
“Mmhmm.”
Angel glanced at the man walking next to her.
“You don't say a lot do you Nevre?” she said.
“Not really.” said Nevre.
“And what is going on with your uniform? There’s no badge on your breastplate. Did it fall off? Did it get stolen? Don’t you need that to display your rank?” Angel ran a finger over the divot on the breastplate.
“I don’t have one.” Nevre slouched.
“What? A badge?”
“No. A rank.”
“Why not?” Angel frowned.
“I don’t deserve one.” Nevre shrugged.
“Argh, this is terrible.” Angel gripped her stomach. “I am so hungry. Let’s stop and get something. I think there’s a bakery right around the corner.”
“I thought that we were on our way to get lunch?” Nevre asked.
“I’m not going to make it. I need something now!” Angel said. “Plus I think we need to get you out of the sun. You spend a lot of time in doors don’t you Nevre.”
“I suppose.” Beads of sweat were building on Nevre’s pale face.
“We had better get you some sun protector as well.”
#
Tasha and Ave poked their heads around a corner.
“That’s good advice.” Tasha said. “People that have indoor jobs forget to take care of their skin all the time.”
The two of them continued their observation.
#
*Ring-Ding*
The Bakery door swung open hitting a small bell that was hanging above the entrance.
The Panicked Trumpeter looked up over the counter of the shop. “Ah yes. Please come in. I will be with you in only a moment.”
Angel and Nevre strolled into the Bakery. Angel leaned over to look in the glass display cases on top of the counter. Nevre leaned against a wooden stool but didn’t sit down.
The Panicked Trumpeter crouched down behind the counter and opened a metal warming tray.
“Come on. Why aren’t you proving? Rise damn it. Rise already!” The Panicked Trumpeter hissed at the lump of dough in the tray.
(Meanwhile unbeknownst to the Panicked Trumpeter millions of yeast cells were, on a microscopic level, encountering far too much salt in the environment around them. They had collectively decided to protest their working conditions by not doing their job and refused to produce any carbon dioxide.)
The Panicked Trumpeter put an elbow up on the counter. “Yes, anyway, how can I help you?”
“What’s wrong with all of your bread?” Angel *Tapped* a finger against the glass display case.
“I don’t know what you mean.”
“The crust of this scone is so soggy I could wash dishes with it.” Angel pointed at a scone.
“Those are our extra moist scones.”
“Do they have extra butter?”
“They have extra moistness.”
“Your cinnamon rolls are as dark as brownies and your macaroons have holes in the middle like doughnuts.”
“That’s our line of healthy snack options.”
“How are these healthy?” Angel raised an eyebrow.
“Cinnamon is a digestive aid. So more cinnamon promotes more digestion.”
“And the macaroons?”
“We put a hole in the middle so there is less filling, meaning less fat.”
Angel pointed to a sign. “You’re selling them two for one.”
“Exactly! You can eat twice as many.” The Panicked Trumpeter clapped their hands.
“And what’s that?”
“That’s mostly-banana bread.”
“Mostly?”
“Yes. There is some kiwi in the mix, but that was a completely intentional decision and not because I ran out of bananas. Twice the types of fruit makes it twice as healthy.”
Did you know this text is from a different site? Read the official version to support the creator.
“Are you an Alchemist? Because you’re making a lot of health claims for a baker.”
“I’m actually a musician.” The Panicked Trumpeter smiled.
“Well then why don’t you change your tune and get me some regular bread.”
“What kind?”
Angel threw up her hands. “I don’t care! Anything that isn’t deep fried or filled with spices. And hurry it up. We’re trying to make it to lunch.”
“Sure, uh, let me see what we have in the back.”
The Panicked Trumpeter left the counter and walked through a door into the back of the Bakery.
Angel turned around in the foyer.
“Nevre!” she shouted.
“Hmmm?” Nevre looked over blithely.
“Stand up straight for pity’s sake.” Angel shook her head. “Are you always crouched down like that?”
“Sorry. I've been working on the carriages all morning.”
Nevre slowly uncurled his spine. His bones made a sound like pool balls being racked on a felt table. With a final *Crunch* his shoulders snapped into place. At his full height his reddish hair almost touched the top of the doorframe.
Angel finally saw how tall he was for the first time. “... that's more like it.”
*Ka-Thunk*
The Panicked Trumpeter dropped a crate of bread onto the counter.
“Here we are. Fresh from the oven. An entire box full of fresh baked baguettes for you to enjoy.” The musician smiled and nodded.
Angel took a step up to the counter and looked into the bread box. She sniffed. She frowned.
“Are you kidding me? Is this some kind of joke? Did I accidentally walk into a Thaleion?”
“I don’t understand what you mean.” The Panicked Trumpeter itched their shoulder.
Angel picked up one of the baguettes. “These things aren’t edible. These baguettes are so stale you could build a house out of them.”
Angel tapped the long loaf on the counter.
*It made a sound very much like a wooden mallet hitting a paving stone.*
“That is a gross misrepresentation of our bread. I will kindly ask you to retract your statement and leave our establishment.” The Panicked Trumpeter put on a brave face.
“I’ll do you one better. I will give your bread a chance to defend itself.”
“Huh?”
Angel reached up and grabbed the sides of the box of baguettes.
The Panicked Trumpeter grimaced. “They might be a little crispy but I assure you with a little added butter or jam I’m sure that they could be-”
“Butter or Jam!” Angel shouted. “I’ll show you the only thing these crimes against baking are good for.”
Angel heaved the entire box off of the counter. She turned and kicked open the door to the Bakery.
*Ring-Ding*
Angel stepped out onto the sidewalk. She upended the box of bread. The baguettes were scattered onto the sidewalk.
Tourists and townsfolk crossed to the other side of the street as the bread clattered onto the cobblestones. A group of local children gathered nearby to watch. Tasha and Ave tried to blend in with the crowd.
“Look at this travesty!” Angel picked up one of the baguettes. “These things are so stale that they’re as hard as rocks.”
She kicked several bits of bread into the boulevard.
“How could you feed this to people? It would be barely acceptable to feed these to rats!”
Angel picked up a loaf and pitched it across the street. The sturdy bread bounced into a storm drain.
The crowd of townsfolk started to move away from Angel’s outburst. The crowd of children on the other hand started to cheer.
Angel picked up a baguette and used it to tap on the window of the Bakery.
*Clack*
*Clack*
*Clack*
Standing inside the lobby, both the Panicked Trumpeter and Nevre winced with every tap on the glass.
“I hope your music is better than your baking…” Angel tossed the bread into the air. She reached an arm back and pulled the axe off of her back. “Because your bread deserves to be served like a shuttlecock more than it deserves to be served to people.”
Angel held the axe in two hands next to her shoulder. There was a tingle of magic in the air. As the bread fell back down she brought the axe around in a circle and hammered the flat of the blade into the bread. Her tremendous *Grand Slam* launched the baguette over the roofs of the nearby houses and into the lower stratosphere.
The group of children jumped up and started cheering. “Volant!” “Volant!” “Volant!”
Angel watched the loaf turn into a twinkle in the distance. She strapped her axe back onto her back. She leaned over, picked up the crate and one of the last loafs, and walked back into the Bakery.
She walked up to the counter and dropped the box right in front of the Panicked Trumpeter. The musician blanched.
Angel lodged the baguette in between the slats of the wooden crate. A sizzle of electricity ran over Angel’s square shoulders and up the axe strapped to her back. Angel started twisting her arm using the baguette like a prybar.
“Uh… what are you…” the Bakery Boy was visibly confused.
Angel continued to twist the loaf of bread.
The sides of the bread began to depress. There was the crispity crunch of crumbly crust as cracks cropped up at the corners of the carbohydrate.
Angel kept slowly twisting her hand. Tourists in the street stopped to watch the curious display. A group of children pressed their noses against the front window of the Bakery to see what would happen next..
The wooden crate vibrated under stress. The crust of the baguette had compressed as much as it could. Now the bread was starting to put up some resistance.
The Panicked Trumpeter tugged at their sleeves. Sweat poured down their forehead.
Angel raised a single eyebrow. The blade of the axe strapped to her back gleamed and with a final menacing twist she pushed the baguette against the frame of the box.
*Ka-snap*
The wooden crate snapped into a pile of splinters while the bread retained its shape.
The Tourists whispered amongst themselves. The children laughed and clapped. The Panicked Trumpeter cowered behind the counter.
Angel tapped the still intact loaf against the side of the counter. “What a travesty.” She pulled a wad of scrip out of her jacket and dropped it on the counter. “I’ll pay for everything in here. So that you can throw it in the trash. Come on Nevre.”
Angel walked back outside with Nevre following behind her.
“Hey Ms Travesty! Throw it!” Someone shouted.
Angel turned.
A child with messy brown curls falling over her shoulders and a metal brace on her right leg stood about three meters away.. The Eager Scholast lifted one end of a baguette she was holding like a racquet and waited for a pitch from Angel.
A group of children circled around the Eager Scholast and chanted. “Travesty!” “Travesty!”
Angel smirked. She pitched the last loaf underhanded in a slow arc to the girl.
The girl tried to mimic Angel’s movements, swung too hard, tripped, and slammed into the ground. But she hit the bread.
There was a *Crack* as the two loaves collided. The pitched baguette sailed down the street. The other children pumped their fists in the air and cheered. “Volant!” “Volant!” “Volant!”
One of the other girls helped the Eager Scholast to her feet. The rest of the children grabbed pieces of bread and chased each other down the road throwing chunks of stale bread at each other.
#
Tasha crouched down by a bench. “This town is nothing but excitement. But did you see that axe?”
Ave nodded. “I thought it was odd that she would wear it so openly. But now I’m sure. It must be a magic sword. One that gives her some kind of incredible strength. We need to be careful that she doesn’t catch us.”
“You’re right. Eins? What are you doing?”
Eins chewed on the end of a baguette that had rolled down the street next to them.
Eins looked up. “I wanted to see if the bread really was stale.”
“And?” Tasha raised an eyebrow.
“She was right. It’s terrible.” Eins licked its nose, then went back to chewing on the bread.
“Oh crap. Everyone get down!” Tasha pulled the others behind the bench.
#
“Is everything alright Angel?” Nevre looked back at her.
Angel looked down the street. She shook her head. “Yeah. It’s fine. I thought I saw something. It must have been nothing. Like I said before. There are too many stray animals in this city.”
Angel started walking. Nevre moved to keep pace.
“Come on Nevre, let's get a manicure. I need to relax.”