“Come on. Keep looking! It’s got to be here somewhere.”
“What does it look like?”
Champ Letterman crouched down behind a coffee table shouted over to his son. “It looks like a little metal disc. About a centimeter across. It screws on right here at the joint.”
Champ pointed to the joint of the nutcracker that was tied around his neck. One of the fastening nuts was missing.
Champ, Jack, and Ted were in one of the guest rooms at the Ocean’s Bounty. Most of the furniture had been pushed aside into the corners of the room.
Jack leaned down and peered under a couch. “I don’t see anything. It could have fallen off anywhere in the building.” Jack sat up on his heels. “Do you really need it? Why not leave it behind?”
“I can’t go in front of Lady House, the richest woman in the four Kingdoms, with a busted nutcracker. This is my badge of office. An un-summoned heirloom passed down in our family for generations.” Champ grumbled.
“Grandpa made that, and he passed it to you. That’s only one generation.” Jack flicked carpet fibers from his shoes.
“And when I pass it to you that will be two generations, making it plural. Making it… a Dynasty.” Mayor Letterman emphasized.
Jack rolled his eyes.
Ted lifted up an ottoman. He frowned at the empty floor underneath it. “Could we find a replacement part maybe?”
Champ nodded. “Good idea Ted. You two quickly summon something to fix it with.”
“Are you sure?” asked Jack.
“No time to debate. Don’t think! Just do it!”
“Okay!”
Ted and Jack leapt to their feet. The two boys held out their hands. Summon circles appeared.
*Ka-zap*Zap*Zap*
Two metal rings and a donut *Clattered* onto the table. Champ Letterman leaned over and examined them. He picked up one of the metal fasteners.
“Hmmm. The threads on this one are going in the wrong direction.”
Jack looked down at his feet.
Champ picked up a metal nut the size of a dinner plate with two hands. “And this one is more of a bracelet than a fastener.”
Ted looked down at his feet.
Champ held up a donut. “And this one is a donut.”
Jack looked puzzled. “Yes. Why did you summon that father?”
“I wasn’t paying attention. I had low blood sugar, that's all.” Champ took a bite out of the donut.
Jack rubbed his neck. “Maybe we can find someone else to summon a replacement? I’ve heard that Lady House has some of the best craftsmen in the entire Kingdom working for her.”
Champ looked down at his watch. “There is no time. I have a meeting scheduled with Lady House for exactly ten o'clock. I’m already dangerously late for being early. The two of you should head to your rooms.” Champ looked down at his chest. “Maybe I can hold it in place with one of my hands…?”
“By the way father. About earlier today...”
“What about it?”
“When I was in jail-”
“Don’t even mention it. We’re going to forget that little incident ever happened. We are all going to forget about it. Understand?” Champ looked back and forth between Jack and Ted.
“Yes father.”
“Yes sir.”
#
Privati slowly closed the huge carved mahogany door leading into her Aunt’s study. The *Thunk* of the door radiated off of the wood paneling inside the room.
“Late again Privati? Tardiness is not a trait of good character.” said Bede.
Bede stood in the center of the room. Privati walked up beside him.
“Early again Bede? If you keep bootlicking this much you’ll never get the taste of shoe leather out of your mouth.”
“Are the two of you finished?”
Lady House sat on the other side of a huge metal desk in the center of her study. A segmented metal conveyor belt ran up the side of the desk, through the middle, and then back down on the other side into a cutout in the floor. At regular intervals aluminium clipboards with papers attached to them would ride up the conveyor belt and onto her desk. Lady House scanned the papers as they moved past. A series of foot pedals mounted under her desk allowed her to stop the conveyor belt as she wished so she could sign one of the papers with a fountain pen.
Lady House looked over the edge of her desk. “Privati, did you clean up your shoe closet like I told you to?”
Privati rubbed her shoulder. “I’m almost done. I was busy finding more caterers for the final competition banquet. You said you wanted them ready ahead of time so I’ve had to pull in almost every freelance cook in the city.”
“I’m tired of seeing loose footwear in the halls. Get it done. Or I’ll ban you from the rooftops for three weeks.”
“Yes, aunty House.” Privati grumbled.
“Bede.” Lady House turned to look at her nephew. “Did you throw out your expired perfume yet?”
“I haven’t had time. I’ve been scheduling all of the lighting techs for the competition. It’s a lot of work.”
“It would have been less work if you had started it a month ago when I first asked you to do it.”
“What was that?” House asked.
“What was what?” Bede looked innocent.
Lady House continued. “We are about to host the most prestigious competition in the five Kingdoms. Every gambler and opportunist from one ocean to the next will be coming to my city to try and make their fortune. Many of them will be trying to cheat. So what do we need?”
“We need to be better at cheating than they are.” Bede and Privati said in unison.
“That’s right. I will burn this city to the ground before I let someone beat us. We, do not, lose.”
“We’re not going to lose Aunty House.” Privati assured her.
“You two have already lost a lot of time with Vance. Who I am sure, is up to something again.”
Privati looked at her nails. “Vance is harmless.”
“What was that?” House asked.
“What was what?” Bede looked innocent.
“Don’t be a smartass. I’m not talking about your backchat. What was that noise?”
*Scratch*Scratch*
Lady House looked up at the door. “Bede, let her in.”
*Sigh* “Yes, Aunty.”
Bede walked over to the study door. He turned the handle and opened the door a little, only to have the entire door suddenly shoved open in front of him.
Zestal barged its way inside the room. The enormous cat made a straight line for Lady House’s desk. But it also made no effort to avoid the cousins. Zestal playfully rubbed its hip against Bede’s leg, almost knocking him over. Then the huge cat used the flat of its head to bunt Privati’s shins out of the way. Privati stumbled to the side.
Zestal finally jumped up onto House’s desk and crouched down on one corner. The cat’s eyes flicked back and forth, watching the cousins over the top of the mechanical paperwork delivery system.
Lady House casually reached over and scratched the cat between its ears.
Bede *Grunted* and shut the door behind the cat. Privati looked like she wanted to say something. She didn’t.
“Do you two think I enjoy this?” House said.
Privati glanced around. “Petting your cat?”
Lady House’s eyes froze the blood in their veins. “No. Leave Zestal out of this. You know what I meant.”
Privati shrugged.
“Do you think I enjoy constantly making sure that you keep with the barest of responsibilities that I’ve handed to you?”
Bede put his heels together and *Siiighed* until his head was facing the ceiling. “No Aunty House.
House templed her fingers. “You two had better heed my words while you can. You have been given incredible privileges, but those privileges can be revoked. Despite your lack of appreciation I do not think that you two, or even your associate Vance, would enjoy having everything taken from you. Winning back what you have lost is much less fun than merely keeping what you already have.”
House settled back in her chair. “But I’m not even sure that the Moons themselves could keep you three from prowling the city like hyenas.“
Reading on Amazon or a pirate site? This novel is from Royal Road. Support the author by reading it there.
Lady House looked down at her paperwork. “Do either of you have anything else to say?”
“No, Aunty House.” “No. Aunty House.”
“Good. Then go get to work.”
#
The Inflexible Bouncer sat on a leather couch across from the doors leading to Lady House’s office. She chewed a strand of licorice. A brown paper bag of candy sat on the seat next to her.
As Bede and Privati exited the office she flicked a whip of licorice at them. The candy bounced off of Bede’s shoulder.
“Stop making extra work for me!” Angel shouted. She dug her hand into the bag of candy and pulled out a strip of taffy.
Bede flinched. “We don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Yes you do!” Angel proceeded to throw handfuls of candy at the cousins. “There were two fires in Kaseihgaeu today. Two fires! In a city with one of the most extensive public infrastructure in the five kingdoms.”
Privati held her hand up to deflect a sourball. “That could have been anyone that was involved with those fires. What makes you think it was us?”
“One of the fires was started by a girl that fell out of the sky.” She glared at Privati. “And the other was started by fireworks going off in the park.” She glared at Bede.
Neither of the cousins met her eyes.
Privati twisted one of her heels into the marble tiles of the hallway. “Why do you keep using Kaseihgaeu’s security to take care of public emergencies? You could always let the Guard handle it. Isn’t that what Guardsmen are supposed to be for?”
Angel stuck her pinky in the air. “Fie to that! Fie, I say. The Guard is about as useful as a gold plated catheter and twice as expensive. The sooner those bootlickers are out of the city the better.”
“Unlike your very cheap private security force…” Privati looked down at the chunk of licorice on the ground by her feet. “Are you going to pick that up?”
Angel shrugged. “Eh, the cat will eat it.”
“Ugh, I know. It’s so gross.” Privati shivered.
Angel pointed her chin at the cousins. “Hey. While you’re here. You got’em?” She wiggled her eyebrows in anticipation.
Bede *Sighed*. He walked over to the couch and drew a pair of tickets out of his pocket. He handed the tickets to Angel.
“Here. Just like you asked. I made sure to get you front row seats.”
“Nice. Don’t believe what anyone says. You kids are actually useful sometimes.”
Mayor Letterman, seated across the hallway, tried his best not to acknowledge the others as he waited for his officially scheduled appointment.
#
(Four Hours Later)
The door of the office opened. Lady House stepped out and shut the door behind her. The hallway outside her office was quiet, muffled by the night. Only a few persistent arc-lamps buzzed dutifully in their sockets.
House stretched her neck to the side once. *Crack* She was about to head down the hall to her bedroom when, for no reason at all, she turned her head and glanced over at the couches that lined the corridor in front of her office.
“Oh? Mayor Letterman. There you are.” She remarked.
With a start, Champ Letterman’s elbow slipped off of the chair he was resting on. He looked up and scrambled to his feet.
“Ah. Yes. Here I am.” He quickly wiped his eyelids with a hand. There was stubble on his chin. He frowned.
“It’s after midnight. Have you been waiting out here a long time?” House asked.
“Only a few hours.”
“Why?”
“We… we had a meeting scheduled.” Letterman tilted forward on his toes.
“I had completely forgotten about that.” Lady House said in a tone that did not imply sympathy. She glanced down. “Are those rug-burn marks on your pants?”
“Uh!” Champ quickly slapped his pants clean.
“Are those donut crumbs on your shirt?”
“Eh!” Champ quickly slapped his shirt clean.
“What’s wrong with your nutcracker?” Lady House pointed at the nutcracker that was dangling from Champ’s neck.
The Mayor impulsively slapped the nutcracker on his chest. The weakened woodwork winced under the wallop of his wild whack. With all the indignity the nutcracker could manage it slipped its chain and fell to the floor where it *Snapped* into two pieces. The wooden handle of the device slid over the marble floor tiles. Lady House stopped it from going further by putting her toe on it.
Mayor Letterman crouched low and held his symbol of office in his hands. His eyes were so wide they looked like two boiled eggs.
House picked up the loose wooden piece and carried it over to Letterman as he picked up the rest of the bits from the floor.
“I’ve finished all of my business for the day. But if you would like to join me in my study we can have a drink. You look like you could use one.”
#
“Can I interest you in a mild depressant? Grade two or maybe grade three if you like?”
Champ Letterman looked around the study. It was three stories tall, decorated more like a museum than an office. The walls were lined with bookshelves and display cases. A variety of deep sea fish skeletons were hung from the ceiling on wires. Lines of miniaturized arc-lamps were inlaid into the walls to allow visitors to easily identify the displays set up around the room.
“Sorry, uh, what were you asking?” Champ blinked.
“Forgive me. I didn’t mean to confuse you. I’m actually a certified Alchemist. I was trying to ask if you would like a cocktail?” said Lady House.
“Ah yes, that would be fine.”
House moved over to a wood paneled wet bar that ran along one wall. Green and brown bottles were lined up on several rows of shelves behind a huge glass panel. House pressed on the front of the panel. A perfectly cut section of the glass folded open. It was mounted on a nearly invisible glass hinge kept in place with a ludicrously transparent glass latch. The housing was assembled so seamlessly that the bottles appeared to almost float inside the container. House retrieved a bottle of whiskey from inside the case, then closed it again returning the illusion of the glass panel being one solid piece.
Champ Letterman stood on the opposite side of the study. He looked down at a chessboard the size of a dining table that was inlaid with red and white ceramic tiles. Thirty one polished nutcrackers were lined up on opposite sides of the board. They stood like patient statues. Which, being made of wood, was what they were.
Champ stared down at the table. “I was always under the impression that Kaseihgaeu didn’t have a Mayor. Why do you have so many nutcrackers?”
Lady House looked over. “Those aren’t mine. Or, at least they don’t belong to me in official capacity. They’re not a symbol of my office like yours. I acquired that collection over a long career.“
“What did you do to acquire them?”
“Fundraising.”
“So then, they’re like gifts that you received as thanks?”
“They’re more like trophies.”
Lady House walked across the room and handed a glass of whiskey to Champ. “Before our previous Mayor took his generous retirement he included a provision in the town charter. In the event that the election was delayed a Locum could be appointed by the local Craftsman’s Guild.”
Champ accepted the glass of alcohol. He took a drink and swallowed. “I’ve heard of that provision. Most Mayors avoid it. We, they don’t like letting offices go unfilled. And how long has the election been delayed?”
“Thirty one years.”
“That long? You run this gambling house, manage the city, appoint judges, pay the local guard, and you’ve never once been elected.”
“That is correct.”
“What a city…” Champ Letterman downed the rest of his whiskey. He leaned over and tried to sit down on what he thought was a shag covered couch.
“Grrr…” Zestal growled.
“Ah!” Champ caught himself at the last minute before he sat on the ‘couch’. He rolled sideways past Zestal and landed on the floor. The whiskey glass slipped from Champ’s fingers and *Shattered* on the floor.
“Son of a birch bark tree, I thought that animal was a couch.” Champ heaved himself up on his elbows.
House ran her hand over Zestal’s fur. “My poor sweet baby. Mistaken for furniture once again. You’re not hurt are you?”
“I’m fine.” Champ said.
House looked up. “Ah yes… good.”
Zestal snorted.
Champ tried to collect himself. “Your, pet is very large. What does she eat?”
“Whatever she wants.”
Zestal grinned.
VVVVVVVvvvvvvvVVVVVVV
Champ resisted the urge to start counting teeth.
Lady House tapped one of her fingernails against the drinking glass in her hand. *Ting*Ting* Zestal looked up, twitched its nose, then got up and retreated to a regular sized cat bed in the corner of the room. The cat delicately placed its paws into the bed and wiggled down until it became a mountain of fur curled on top of a tiny circle of fabric. A few seconds later a deep, rumbling noise could be heard as the cat snored away atop the bed.
Champ cleared his throat. “Yes, well, I’m sorry about the glass.” He looked around sheepishly. “Do you have a broom, or a servant bell anywhere…?”
“Don’t worry about it.”
Lady House held up a hand. There was a hum of energy and a magic circle appeared under the broken glass. A sheet of parchment paper manifested under the glass shards. Lady House twirled her fingers. The edges of the sheet curled up and folded themselves over each other creating an envelope around the pieces of the drinkware. As the magic circle faded all that was left was a proper paper parcel positioned perfectly to pack away the glass shards.
Champ picked up the paper containing the glass. “Impressive.”
“Thank you. By the way, how is your son? Did he get out of jail already?”
Champ stopped himself from dropping the glass again. He set the package down on a nearby table. Then he slouched down into a nearby leather chair. (He made sure that the furniture was actually furniture this time.)
He ran a hand over the streak of silver hair at his temple. “No, he got out earlier this evening. He’s already back in our rooms. Will you need me to sign off on any paperwork regarding his arrest?”
House sipped from her glass and looked out a window at the town. “There won’t be any paperwork.”
Champ draped his arms over the sides of the chair. “Thanks for that. I’m sorry that you had to see that. He really is very well behaved. He’s not normally so impulsive. You don’t know what it’s like, raising a son all by yourself.”
“Actually, I have some idea.”
“Oh?”
“I’ve been the sole guardian for my niece and nephew since they were teenagers.”
Champ slapped his forehead. “Oh right! Your assistants, er, your niece and nephew, I had forgotten about them. I didn’t mean any disrespect. I assure you that me and my son have the greatest respect for your town. This city is a model for the entire Kingdom.”
“And your city isn’t?”
Champ’s head rolled back. He stared at the ceiling. “You know it isn’t.”
House sat down next to Letterman. “Why are you trying so hard to make Star Town something it is not?”
Champ spoke to the ceiling. “I was handed my position. My father made sure of it. My position as Mayor was inescapable. But it didn’t even matter. Star Town is a small city at the edge of the Kingdom. We don’t have any special crafts. We don’t have a mana point higher than 1.2. Most of our young people go off to become Adventurers or Bakers or sailors and then never return. My father didn’t care. He only cared to use his position as Mayor to make sure that no one bothered him while he was in his crafting workshop.”
Champ looked sideways at House. “I was the one who was trained to be Mayor. My desires were irrelevant. I had a destiny that I had to fulfill. Only when I finally got the position did I realize how truly powerless I was. I’m basically a placeholder.”
Champ’s fists clenched. “I won’t let it be the same for Jack. I will make Star Town rich and powerful. I will make it so that when Jack becomes Mayor he will carve out a legacy that will make him one of the most influential men in the entire kingdom. I will make sure of it.”
His fists unclenched. “I just have to find something, anything, that our city can do better than the rest of the Kingdom. Some edge that we can exploit.”
House set her whiskey glass aside. “You could always pretend.”
“Pretend?”
“That’s right. Like my niece and nephew. After I took them in I made sure that they received every privilege. I gave them the best education, the finest food, the most fashionable clothes. I made sure that they would have every advantage to become the most respectable citizens in the Kingdom.”
House clicked her tongue. “And yet, they insist on indulging in frivolous activities. They keep getting distracted and causing trouble.”
Champ chuckled. “That sounds like Jack. I try to keep him on a strict schedule, but that boy is so willful. Why can’t children just do as they’re told?”
House nodded. “Indeed. I don’t know where they get it from. But the point is that around me they’ve learned how to pretend.”
“Pretend?”
“That’s right, pretend. They pretend to be quiet and well behaved. To be all the things that I raised them to be. They pretend, and I let them do it because one day I’m hoping that they become the responsible little children that I planned for them to be.”
Champ looked into Lady House’s eyes. “Pretend, huh…”
Soft moonlight rippled in through the windows of the study and mixed with the buzzing arc-lamps on Lady House’s desk. The mix of natural and artificial light bounced silver and gold off of Lady House’s champagne colored hair. Her curly hair coiled around her head like an evening halo, giving her an ethereal quality.
Champ *Coughed*. “It is uh, getting late. I have a schedule I need to keep. I should probably go.”
“You don’t have to go. Why don’t we talk some more about how annoying it is raising children as a single parent.”
Winsome House put her hand on Champ Letterman’s muscled forearm. Her manicured fingernails traced a path along the veins leading to his broad hands. Champ Letterman turned his wrist and opened his hand. He felt her fingers slide into his palm. Winsome House’s nails were polished, delicate, and unnervingly sharp.