“House! What was that? You’re having me lose to farm girls now.” The Panama Pilferer shouted at the taller woman.

Lady House slowly turned. She and two Servers were standing backstage from the arena. The two servers moved to stand in front of the angry man that was walking towards them. Lady House waved them away.

She smiled. “You know the rules Meeker. The judges have the final say on the value of summoned goods. Besides, losing to a ‘farmgirl’ is good publicity. It makes people think that anyone can win. It encourages participation.”

“It was humiliating.” said Meeker.

“The more people that play the game the more opportunity there is for talented individuals like yourself. Don’t you agree?”

“Don’t give me that crap. I pay good money for your information. And I can’t very well continue to pay if I keep losing to small town randoms.” Meeker paced back and forth in front of Lady House. She watched him circle without moving her head.

“Then let me soothe your ego and your purse. Angel, make sure that our loyal patron receives a second pick from the collected goods today. I have more important business to take care of.”

A woman with a black suit and battle axe stepped out of the shadows. Meeker flinched at her sudden appearance.

“As you wish.” Angel said.

Lady House turned.

“I’m busy too, you know.” Meeker grumbled.

Lady House walked away without even pretending that she was listening.

#

Meeker slammed the door to his apartment.

“I’m back.” he said. He started stripping out of his disguise. He hung his panama hat up on the coat rack next to the door.

*Tip*Tap*

“Welcome back.”

A razorback boar the size of a couch tiptoed into the front room of the apartment. The floorboards sagged with each step taken. The boar delicately maneuvered around several tables and chairs, each one had a tea set stacked on top of it.

Unlawfully taken from Royal Road, this story should be reported if seen on Amazon.

\\∞,Q,>

“How did it go?” The Boar asked.

“Sandbagged again! I was this close.” Meeker held up his fingers. “Then some blasted farm girl with a corncob pipe and wooden shoes pulls the fanciest tea set I’ve ever seen out of thin air!”

*Tip*Tap*

The boar winced. “I’m sorry that it didn’t go well.”

Meeker frowned. “No, no. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to yell. Come here.” He spoke in a hushed voice.

The boar pranced over. Meeker started gently stroking the coarse fur on its back.

“Oh my sweet Pente. This town isn’t big enough for the two of us. I’ve known it ever since I rescued you from that Dungeon. It was destiny. You and I are meant for bigger things. What do I alway say?”

“Just one more job and then you’re out for good?”

“No, after that.”

“Ummm, that our ship is about to come in?”

“No, not that either.”

“That the other members of the Haberdashers don’t have your vision?”

“That’s right. That’s it darling. They don’t have my vision. But guess what?”

“What?”

“Now they do.” Meeker smiled. He crouched down so his face was level with the giant boar’s snout.

Pente tilted its giant head to the side. “Golly Meeker, I don’t get it.”

“I’ve got a plan. A big plan. And I’ve gathered together every Hatter within five districts to pull it off. This is it. The big one. The scheme to end all schemes. And you want to know the best part?”

“Gosh Meeker, what is it?” Pente’s eyes sparkled with excitement.

“That haughty hag House will never see it coming. Ha ha ha. Can you imagine it? The look on her face when we make off with the prize pool for her entire tournament!”

“I know you can do it Meeker. You’re so smart.” said Pente with complete and utter sincerity.

“I know darling. Who always takes care of you?”

“You do.”

“That’s right. And besides, today wasn’t a total loss. I did get these.” Meeker held up two cardboard packages. Tea sets rattled inside.

“What are they?”

“Two of the better pulls from the banner event. House would have let me walk away with my own summon, but I managed to trick her into giving me another one. Double the prize. Not bad eh?” said Meeker.

“That’s great Meeker. Only…”

“What?”

“The house is getting awfully full.”

Pente and Meeker looked around at the apartment. Every table, cupboard, shelf, and bookcase was covered with tea cups.