'How the bloody hell did he just…. suck it all off like that, it was huge?” Shouted Sandra Bright.

Sandra was watching the CCTV footage from topside, all pretence of maintaining a clam professional demeanour had gone out of the window after the first mug she smashed. The leisurely evacuation turned into a pitched battle with a pair of Trigger users and that woman in silver. The bat bitch was encroaching on Endeavour levels of irritating. Sandra reassured herself that the job bas basically done. But doing the bare minimum has never been her way, she would be going above on beyond for the company.

“Do we have eyes on the albino prick?”

“Ms Bright, I don’t think he is an albino he….” pointed out a beleaguered member of the evacuation crew.

“You know who I mean, where is he.”

“Racing down the stairwell. He just shot past aquatic warfare, Instruments of genocide and the gift shop.”

“Jokes on him! there’s a sale on in the gift shop.” Said a female operative

“Why would he stop in the gift shop? Why does a secret underground research and manufacturing facility dabbling in dark and mysterious things have a gift shop?” said Sandra Bright asking the real questions.

“Well, sort of answered you own question there boss, the place needed cheering up a bit. The big man himself came in here a few years back an I still remember what he said.” The member of staff paused, gathering his words “We are not some faceless evil organisation, we want happy healthy staff, just because we experimented on a few kids here and there or fed kids to monsters… or turned some kids… you know what fuck it, I’ll have a gift shop built and put on duty free prices.”

“Praise the Luminary” the workers all said in unison.

Sandra Bright remained stony faced. She admired Cerulian’s touch with the common man. But she also filed away the idea of a shop selling discount booze as an easy win for later. For now, she had a plan to keep the interlopers contained. If they died, it was a bonus win, if not, all they had to do was delay then long enough to get back to HQ and help with the launch.

“We need to keep them separated. seal the floors between them and us off and send the cyborg after the main group. You know, the expensive one we made with a gangsters brain. As for Endeavour, try and corral him to the holding cells and run him down with the cheaper robots. It will be harder for him to fight if he has to protect a bunch of disabled children.”

“To be fair, they were not disabled when they came in…but I guess thats why we got the gift shop.”

“Just send out the bloody robots.”

A large axe took the head off an unfinished looking cyborg. Bits flew everywhere, most of those bit were marine bits, but the odd squishy part or suspicious fluid gave a routine robot bashing a grim edge. Zara was of a mind that a person should know what is was being killed before they killed it, not after its head was severed and bouncing around the corridor.

“Boom! headshot” Shouted Dyna, who was having not one the same issues.

The big furry murder machine was dressed for work and currently building up a foul temper over how unsatisfying all the metal toys were. He couldn’t eat them and they did not even make a satisfying squeak as they died.

He felt the eyes on him, but John Barrington did his best to ignore them. He was getting on better with that cat now it was bigger and he was hoping it would keep that way. At least Charlie seems like he could be reasoned with now.

This content has been misappropriated from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.

“How many is that now?” He shouted over the sound of metal hitting metal.

“Dunno Dad, Maybe thirty five maybe?” Dyna took aim and shot another mechanical assailant through its eye. “Sorry, thirty six.”

Charlie just swished his tail, he had not quite mastered counting beyond more is better and where is my food, make it be more as well.

“I have a question Zara.”

“I’m not going to like this am I?”

“Is that what you wore around Myles? I can’t help notice it’s clingy in all the right places. Did it get cold a lot during training?.”

“Dyna, you know very well we don’t talk about the uniform. It’s community girl-code basics and a one way trip to the dog house for men if and when they bring it up.”

“I’m just saying, If I needed to work to catch the attention of a guy I’d wear probably wear something on the tight side too. Not that I need it, I can still probably get him to sleep with me without parading myself up and down.”

The bat wing shaped blade drifted in a downward arc, passing through metal and assorted squidgy bits like they were made from warm butter. The movement seemed so casual but the former enemy it bisected would disagree. former because when a beings left half is falling in the opposite to its right half it has become a neutral party. The hypothetical disagreement would have pointed out that there was nothing casual about cleaving through a head and torso worth of metal in on go.

“Could you repeat that, I couldn’t hear you over the sound of how good I am at killing things with my axe.”

The two heroes starred daggers at each other.

“I don’t see the appeal myself, he’s very white… not in a racial way, okay, not just in a racial way. I mean he just looks likes someone dressed up a glass of milk like it works in an office. Well, that and I don’t like men, obviously.

The two heroes turned turned and looked at John Barrington.

“Thats not what Mum said.”

“John… there are a lot of rumours about your mission to Thailand.”

“Seriously though girls, can we park this until later we need to get to the lower floors and make sure what I assume are large piles of evidence stays there and isn't teleported out and Thailand was purely for training purpo…”

The perfectly rational explanation for why he was in that sauna in the first place was cut short by a loud hiss. A door that looked more like a vault than any means of egress pulled open spilling cold smoke along the floor. Through the brightly lit fog stepped a hulking figure. Its footsteps felt heavy and ominous. The black armour plating spoke of inevitable death. The baker boy cap it was wearing just made it look like an arsehole. The protruding crotch area gave off the aura of a thousand red flags.

“My friends call me Brian” It said it a thick cockney accent. “But you lot can call me Industrial Penetrator Demolisher, the ultimate cyborg gangster.”

The robot gangster was greeted with blank stares and silence. Followed by more silence. The giggling.

“John stop laughing, I think it’s being serious.”

“It’s wearing one of those hats off the telly show, what was it?… Blokey Plonkers.” Said John, answering his own question “Now any little shit thinks they are some kind of bad arse when wearing one.”

“What exactly is it supposed to be penetrating anyway?” Asked Dyna, while giving the baker boy a severe side eye. “It sounds like some sort of automated rapist… we should probably shoot it.”

“Ain’t raping anyone. When you slags see what I have to offer you’ll be begging for it.” Said Industrial Penetrator Demolisher or Brian to his friends. “And my hat is fucking perfect. So for the uncalled for remark you moggy looking bastard, you get to see my equipment!”

The behatted cyborg made a gesture as if presenting his crotch. An iron spike revealed itself and began to move like a pneumatic drill.

“Now how about you lovely people line up for Uncle Brian to BRRRRRRRRRRRRR while I BRRRRRRRRRRRR and when I’m done with that I’ll dust you all off and stick it right up your BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR with a jellied eel.”

“Guys, I think the rude parts are making his mechanical willy go faster and louder.’ Shouted Zara, compensating for the volume of reciprocating motion.

No one had chance to comment on Zara’s observation as Industrial Penetrator Demolisher lunged towards them, crotch thrust forward and buzzing dangerously.

Myles knew he was walking into a trap. It was obviously a trap. The sign had lit up with an arrow and the words JAM DESTRUCTION FACILITY in flashing red letters. He knew it was a trap, but he couldn’t forgive himself if he didn’t at least check. But because he knew it was a trap, that made it fine and not a stupid reckless move that the others would shout at him for. The metal door was no match for Myles’ foot, especially since it had not been locked. The room was badly lit, but he could make out several empty cells. It had been some kind of holding room.

He stepped into the room, keeping his awareness on high alert. There was no jam. What there was however was a trio of young teens locked in a cage. Smaller than the cells and abandoned in the evacuation, the naked cruelty on display disgusted Myles. The middle kid was all scruffy golden hair and grit, he put himself in-between Myles and his fellow captives. Myles took an immediate liking to him. the kids he protected were an asian girl and a boy who seems to have gone grey well before his time.

“It’s okay.” Said Myles soothingly as a man wearing an intimidating rabbit themed ancient weapon could manage. “I’m Myles, I’m a normal human under all this armour and I’m going to get you out .”

Myles located the lock on the cage door, summoned his Glaive in a flash of red and cut the locking mechanism from the cage. The Kid stayed where he was glaring at Myles. The stand off dragged on until the kid leant to one side to peer behind Myles. There was a very audible growl, but not a natural growl, a growl that sounded synthesised with hisses and pops of a speaker. Then there were two, three, after that Myles could no longer parse out the individual growls from the hostile soundscape the cells had become.

“Kids, I much prefer to be clever about these things, I set traps, I like to make sure the fight is won before it starts. Fair fights are for the truly stupid.”

Myles turned to face the horde of android hounds. They were all sharp *edges and a bit janky. Something that would be a comfort if there were not so many of them.

“Lets get real fucking stupid.”