A few months later, I came home from work one day and found Emmy and Angela cuddling on the couch, kissing and murmuring to each other affectionately. I sat on the edge of the sofa and ran my hand over Emmy’s back, then leaned in for my kisses.
Unable to contain herself, Angela said, “We have amazing news!”
“Yeah?” I asked, using my other hand to stroke her cheek. Her eyes were wide with excitement and the look of elation on her face was impossible to miss.
“Lee finally got to talk to the head researcher at that lab in Seoul,” Emmy said, smiling. “They are willing to try with us.”
“What lab?” I asked, puzzled.
“Do you remember when I told you that Lee had read about a laboratory in Korea that had experimented with removing the DNA from an egg cell and using it to fertilize another egg?” Emmy asked. “Lee convinced them to try it with our DNA, but under some caveats.”
"Are you saying- can I really be the father to your baby?” I asked, stunned. Yeah, I did remember that Emmy had mentioned it, but I’d thought it was just some sort of sci-fi fantasy dream and not something that could actually happen.
“That is one way of looking at it, yes,” Emmy agreed.
“We could really, actually have your babies, Lee!” Angela said, her eyes brimming with tears of happiness. “Can you imagine? We could both have little babies and they would grow up together- not twins, but not separated like most brothers and sisters are!”
I didn’t know what to say. My head was spinning with the idea that this could actually be possible. I had, at some level, been thinking about asking Andy and Jenna if Andy could donate so we could have children, but this, this was… well, it was overwhelming.
“Don’t you want this?” Angela asked, alarmed at my silence.
“Oh, baby, I want this so bad,” I said. “I’m just… I never thought this could be a thing, and now, to hear that these people are willing to try it for us…” I said, and leaned down and wrapped them both in my arms and pulled them into a crushing hug. “Oh, God, Ange, Em, this is amazing news, but it doesn’t mean I’m going to stop trying to get you both pregnant by myself.”
“I would not want you to stop,” Emmy said, a big grin on her pretty black face. “In fact, I think that it would save us a lot of money if you could do it yourself.”
“So, I’m guessing one of the requirements is that we bring huge suitcases of cash?” I asked.
“That, and tell no-one at all,” Emmy confirmed. “There are no legal prohibitions in Korea against trying it with human DNA, but the researchers do not want to face the inevitable questions that would come if the experimentation with human embryos were to become public.”
“I guess that makes sense,” I agreed. “What do they need to get started?”
“I do not really know yet. Lee just talked to the head man yesterday, so it was… an exploratory discussion. He agreed in principle if the lab was funded well enough, and secrecy from all parties was guaranteed. Since we agree to those rough terms, the rest is negotiation. I will tell Lee that we wish to proceed to the next step, and we can firm things up.”
“Babies!” Angela said, looking up at me. “They will be the most beautiful children the world has ever seen.”
“They’ll be girls,” I commented. “No chance of having a boy.”
“Because the three of us only have X chromosomes to contribute,” Emmy said, agreeing.
“I can just imagine our daughters,” Angela said. “Lee, however much money they want, give it to them. I want this more than anything.”
“Yes,” Emmy agreed. “This is worth any amount of money.”
“You are the two most beautiful women on Earth,” I said. “I can only imagine how beautiful our daughters will turn out.”
We made love that evening, the three of us. It was tender and gentle, with a lot of kissing and touching, a lot of holding each other. Emotions were very close to the surface, and tears were frequent as we showed our love for each other.
The idea that I could have my own biological daughters with these two amazing, sweet, and loving women kept hitting me right in the heart. Emmy and Angela understood exactly how I felt, just as I understood it when their eyes grew moist with emotion. The silence spoke volumes, the depth of our feelings on display.
It was only after both had drifted off to sleep did I take a moment to ponder what it meant that both of them seemed to assume that they would have babies with me, but neither had mentioned having a child with each other. Was it understood that that would happen later? Or was there some other dynamic at play? Did they see me as the father figure of the household? Thinking that it didn’t really matter whatever the reason might be, I drifted off to sleep imagining a little baby Emmy and little baby Angela in my arms.
Of course, nothing like that happens quickly, and even after the back-and-forth was finished and the terms were agreed upon, the lab in Seoul needed to prepare and we needed to do our part. We had to go to a local fertility center for hormone testing, then a couple of rounds of medications to increase our egg cell counts.
It was unpleasant enough for me and Angela, but miserable for Emmy. She developed terrible cramps for a couple of days after each round of shots, and general nausea for a few more days beyond that.
I hated to see Emmy suffering like that, even though she did very little complaining. I did what I could, but Angela was really the one who was there to help Emmy through the worst of it. She hovered over Emmy, attending to her every need, whether it was heating pads, mild broth soup to eat, or just some affectionate cuddling.
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I don’t think Emmy regretted any of it, despite how bad she felt. She had her eye on the prize and would have gone through much worse if she had to.
I can’t say that Angela and I enjoyed the shots or blood tests, but they just weren’t all that bad for us. For whatever reason the treatments that really kicked Emmy’s butt didn’t hammer us as badly, or really, at all.
The actual egg collection was the same basic thing but turned up to ten. Yes, it was invasive and really not pleasant to give much thought to, but for me, that was it. Angela had minor cramps for a few hours afterwards, but again, Emmy suffered badly.
All she could do is lie in bed, curled up into a little ball in pain for the following couple of days. Knowing that two more rounds would be required, I was strongly tempted to tell the Koreans that they’d have to do with the seven mature eggs that had been collected that first time, but Emmy wouldn’t have it. The lab had said they needed at least twenty eggs each from Emmy and Angela, and twice as many from me. Emmy was totally committed to giving them what they needed, no matter what it cost her in the near term.
As for me, I had no problem with going in for collection four, maybe five times, even though that meant I’d be on the hormones well into summer. If Emmy was willing to go through the hell she was experiencing, there was no way I was going to air my relatively trivial complaints.
Of course, it was during this time that The Downfall’s song hit the charts with a vengeance. ‘Born To Die’ was everywhere that spring- passing cars’ radios, the stereos in clothing boutiques, bar jukeboxes, and so on. It seemed that any place that had recorded music on, at some point Emmy’s powerful voice would sing, “Most of all, I was born to die.”
I’ll admit that the song wrecked me just about every time I heard it, but I’m putting the bulk of the blame on my overactive hormones from the treatments. To be completely honest, it had hit me hard the first time Emmy played it, and I hadn’t been on the treatment back then, but still- it’s my story, and I’m sticking to it.
Angela and Emmy were on the tail end of their treatment and collection schedules when the song became unavoidably ubiquitous, but I still had a couple more months to go. A couple of months of overly strong emotions, but like I said, it was nothing compared to what Emmy had gone though. Still, it sucked to be brought to tears at any hint of the song that was rapidly becoming the big hit of the summer.
Angela, always one to wear her emotions on her sleeve, blew up at Emmy one day when we were all out to eat a nice lunch and ‘Born To Die’ came on the restaurant’s stereo system.
“Why?” she demanded, wiping away tears. “Why did you make that song? It hurts me every time I hear it! It hurts me right here,” she said, putting her hand on her heart. “Em, I love you! I…” she said, breaking down and sobbing right there in the restaurant.
“Oh, baby,” Emmy said, resting her hand on Angela’s shoulder, completely ignoring the stares that we were receiving from the other patrons.
Of course they all turned away when I gave them a ‘mind your own business’ glare, but really, I couldn’t blame them for being curious about the scene Angela was making. She was sobbing uncontrollably, and Emmy had moved over to hold Angela and kiss her tears away.
“I did not record that song to make you sad,” Emmy said, her voice soft and soothing. “That was not my intention, and I never expected it to become so popular. I am sorry that it makes you sad.”
“I know you didn’t, Em, but I- it’s just, every time I hear it it makes me cry, you know?” Angela choked out, her pretty face red and blotchy. “I never want to hear it again. I want you to live forever, with me and Lee, together, forever!”
“I wish that, too,” Emmy said, stroking Angela’s hair. “I wish we could all live happily ever after and forever.”
“Why can’t we?” Angela demanded. “Why won’t you see a doctor, Em? Why? Please, baby, for me. For us.”
“Oh, Angie, Angie,” Emmy said, holding Angela’s head against her chest as she crouched next to Angela’s chair. “It is not a thing to be cured, like a case of food poisoning or something. Being moon kissed is a mixed blessing, and to accept the good, I must also accept the bad, just like everything in life. This is the way it is, baby. If I were not moon kissed, I would not be the person I am. It is an important part of me, and I cannot give it up. This is not a thing that I would desire, if it were even possible.”
By this point the waitress handed me the check that I’d signaled for, so I just handed her a C-note and helped Emmy lift Angela from her chair so we could leave.
I drove us home, listening to the soft sound of Emmy comforting Angela in the back seat. I couldn’t make out the words, but the meaning was clear. Angela was loved, and Emmy never wanted to hurt her.
Back at the house, Emmy led Angela to our bedroom, then gently undressed her and tucked her into bed. She took off her own clothes, indicating I should do the same. The two of us slid into bed on either side and cocooned Angela between us. We kissed and held her, stroking her hair, sharing the intimacy of skin on skin.
“Ange, babe,” I said to the still softly crying beauty. “No matter what else, never forget that we both love you very, very much. You are our treasure.”
“I love you, too,” Angela replied, sniffling. “That’s why this hurts so much.”
“I know,” I said, and I really did. “I feel the same way. I wish I could wave a magic wand and make it all better, but I can’t.”
“Em,” Angela said, turning back to Emmy. “If I’m only going to have you for a few more years, I want them to be the best years anybody ever had. I’m sorry for yelling at you in the restaurant. I never want you to second-guess your art. You make the music you need to make, and I promise, I’ll support you. You’re the most amazing artist I’ve ever known, and I don’t want you to change what you do just for me.”
“Baby,” Emmy said, climbing on top of Angela and holding Angela’s head in her hands. “My music- my art, it’s all about emotions. My own, but also the emotions of others as I imagine myself in their place. Your emotions are true, and important. Feel them, and share them with me. This is important to me, Angie. I love you- all of you, and I want all of you. Don’t hide yourself from me, baby. Be true to yourself, and let your truth shine for me.”
This set off another round of tears as Angie clung to Emmy, pulling her down. Emmy was content to rest her weight on Angela and let the contact comfort the dark-haired beauty. I wrapped an arm around Emmy and snuggled in, holding the two close.
I’m not sure when the caressing turned sexual, but after a while we were no longer merely holding each other for emotional support, but actively making love.
Sometimes words just aren’t enough, and love for another person can only be expressed through more physical means. At first, Emmy and I focused on Angela, but after a while, Angela and I turned our attentions on Emmy. She was the one who was going to leave us too soon, after all, and we both desperately wanted her to understand how much she meant to us and how huge a hole she was going to leave in our hearts when she passed.
Emmy was so beautiful, so full of life and energy, that it was hard to fathom how she could grow ill and die in a dozen more years at most. Angela and I both wanted every bit of Emmy that we could have in the meanwhile, and that evening, that’s what we did.
Emmy was everything for us. She dominated our senses as we touched her skin, as we tasted her unique flavor, as we savored her delicious scent. She filled our hearts as we gave her pleasure in every way we knew how, needing to experience her completely.
Angela and I both knew that the day would come far too soon when we wouldn’t be able to do so, so we were having our dessert first, metaphorically speaking.
Later, after Emmy had fallen asleep between us, Angela and I held hands, making a silent promise to each other that we would give Emmy all the love we could in her remaining time, however short that might be.