March 16, 2039
Barthel, Ky (Formerly)
‘Why would anyone be a forest ranger?’
The question had been posed to Clarissa multiple times. The return of magic had made forests… unpredictable, however, the perks were not to be underestimated. One such perk, respect, when someone could live on there own for a near indefinite amount of time in the woods other people tend to notice.
These three noticed. Garth the goblin Gunslinger, Wallace the wolfman Warrior, and Ned.
“So, we’re past the pitfall traps and the falling logs. Has anyone seen a single enemy yet?” Ned asked from one of his many, many mouths. Ned, was both an apprentice necromancer as well as an eldritch being. Floating roughly five and a half feet above the ground was a head-sized mass of writhing tentacles and mouths. The mouths constantly devouring other tendrils and mouths as more just appeared out of the center of the unknowable mass that made up Ned.
Garth, annoyed at the ease the small being who used clothes hangers and string to wear loose mage robes off of his form which was oddly unphased by gravity, had had enough. “Listen you little pile of hentai fetish bullshit! I had to climb fourteen feet out of that pit using roots, ROOTS! While you hovered directly above constantly asking, ‘Is he up here yet?’ I swear to the mighty god of petty vengeance if I EVER find a way to get ahold of you without you slipping away I will use you as a basketball!”
Clarissa walked over to her heaving teammate as he caught his breath, “Comeon, we’re at the door to the third room. If we quit now, then you don’t get your sixty bucks and those three cancer patients have to wait another day.”
Ned stuck four and three-quarters tongues at the goblin as the red-raced green complexioned man had both hands hovering above his holsters. “Not my fault you weren’t powerful enough to…” Right as the eldritch horror was ready to get itself shot; Wallace, the only sensible member currently; flew open the door to room three much to Clarissa’s relief.
Inside the room, four large Komodo dragons stood. Each a different neon bright color; red, green, blue, and black. Behind each dragon stood a roughly six-foot tall skeleton cackling madly as they all raised their bows.
“FORMATION!” Clarissa yelled out, getting behind Wallace as he raised his massive tower shield. Garth and Ned both pulled up the rear behind her as they hushed their argument. Now it was time for business, now it was time… for pleasure.
“RAAAAGH!” Wallace yelled as he rushed the room, arrows plinking off the well-made material. Wallace’s health slowly dipped, ‘580/610’ showed in Clarissa’s vision.
“We got chip damage, not much but be careful. Ned, do your thing!” Clarissa yelled out, her long fiery red hair nearly blocking her vision as she leaned down behind wallace to take cover from the arrows, drawing her new favorite weapon.
Sword of Irwin.
This wooden sword is lined with Crocodile teeth. For every successful wildlife relocation, gain points depending on species and number successfully relocated with either no harm, or in better condition than found.
LV: 9
XP: 4520/9305
Damage Bonus: 15 blunt. 60 ripping. 15 bleed per second on avg hit. (subject to anatomy)
Current Bonuses:
Enhanced Bleed: Teeth secrete a powerful blood thinner doubling both bleed time and damage. Gained from successful relocation of 12 magically enhanced crocodiles.
Enhanced Durability: Wood is magically enhanced by the spirit of the Elephant Ancestors. Gained when rescued and nursed baby elephant back to health after being caught in poacher trap. Tensile durability of weapon is quadrupled.
The Stats of her blade flashed in Clarissa’s vision. An evolving weapon, something most gamers would kill for in most circumstances. When she had seen it in ‘Savvy Scavengers’ earlier that day she just had to have it! The fact it was dirt cheap due to the requirement of being a conservationist was merely a bonus.
“Holy Cows, Pigs, and Sheep!” She laughed, stepping beside wallace as the slow skeletons reloaded their bows. “Who knew it was retroactive! Hey Wallace the sword updated once we got in here! You should see this!”
“One at a time!” Wallace groaned as the green and red komodo dragons slammed into his shield with their bodies. A sizzling and cracking sound coming from the slowly buckling metal, “Little help here?!”
Garth pulled out both of his guns, a model older than a century but powerful nonetheless. Pouring his mana into the classic pistols the goblin gunslinger fired four rounds, working his way inward. Each bullet scored a kill magically shattering the skeleton’s skull so it couldn’t reform.
“I got the other two!” Ned laughed, horrible and wonderful from his twenty-five and five sixth current mouths. The four skeletons now missing their heads quickly reanimated, filled with the life magic of Ned. “Bone-brains! Attack!”
The four skeletons, no longer needing eyes or even eye-sockets focused on the two enemies closest to them using their new master's eyes. Drawing handfuls of arrows they lunged at the blue and black glowing lizards.
Clarissa, now free of the archers pinning her down rushed in front of the struggling warrior. The teeth of the wooden blade bit into the back of the red glowing lizard as it screamed, not in pain, but in rage at whoever would dare hurt its magnificence.
Ripping her sword back and slashing the flesh of the beast open the komodo dragon fell at Clarissa’s feet with a gurgling noise as its spine was shredded.
The green glowing lizard turned its attention from melting Wallace’s once pristine shield with corrosive acid onto chasing down the ranger.
“Uh-oh.” Clarissa mumbled.
The beast was on her in a flash, rushing at her with a speed which the bulk of the monster shouldn’t be able to reach.
Just as she thought this run was over and she would be turned into one of those beautiful motes of glowing light a bullet whizzed by Wallace's shield; impacting right in the middle of the beast’s head as a mushroom started to bloom from the wound.
“Gotta use magic or an effect to kill them, match the color, ya loudmouths!” Garth nearly hissed at Ned, who’s skeletons were almost hilariously flailing against the reptiles on the other end of the room, not even moving their health bars.
“They don’t have any magical equipment and as far as I can see the highest strength on these things is a five, FIVE!” Ned bellowed in frustration. “What am I supposed to do when two of these things barely equal an average level one teenager!?”
A smirk crossed Garth’s face, “Not my fault you’re not powerful enough.” As he pulled on his mana, dropping another fifty points per gun he fired off a shot; one containing ice magic, and the other containing death, matching the colors of the enemies perfectly.
The wolf sized lizards both went down, the enemies in the room all evaporated as a chest appeared at the end of the room next to the door leading ahead.
Common knowledge dictated that although you only get the boss prize if you forfeit your wish, the prizes on the rooms there were fair game.
“We gotta save some for Aliester, that log trap got em and he’s gotta be waiting for us back at the ready room.” Wallace, the ever honorable announced.
None of the group had any problem with it. Even Clarissa the dexterous with her mighty score of fifty six could still wind up with her pointy ears jutting out of the mud.
Wallace walking forward threw open the chest. Five Silverish bars of metal with large ‘I’s carved into them. “Looks like we got five bars of indium. I think the guy in town is buying these for forty a pop, decent payday for everybody; counting that shield of fluid repulsion we found in the secret chest in the log room.”
Even Ned and Garth couldn’t complain, the local adventurers' shops would give them a good deal on an acid-proof shield.
***
“Don’t you think ‘bleed’ working for the red aura is flying a little loose with the color rules?” A voice from far back in the dungeon said with an air of sophistication and class.
“Nah, blood’s red, meat’s red, besides, I checked their party, none of them know fire magic.” The other voice responded, almost child-like in tone.
“You’re too nice, you know that.”
There was a shuffling in the darkness in the direction of the sophisticated voice. As an ancient near 100 year old wood paneled game console came to life once more. The simple joystick controller being lifted off of the dusty ground.
“I call boss.” They said, an air of bloodlust in their voice.
“Sure, but if you can’t beat my high score today I’m picking dinner, and it’s gonna be curry again.” came the voice from the middle of the room. Patiently watching as their companion wrested control of the floor boss.
A low, drawn out gurgle could be heard from the darkness as the feeling of competition was lit anew with the fires of hell. Or in this case, the fiery bowels of hell.
***
The large wooden door creaks open into the grand large room. Grass, green and lush filled the room from wall to wall, a fake sky above shining down on the army the four shall face.
Countless numbers of small hamsters decked out in full plate armor riding iguanas lined the floor. Only one was anything above average size for the species.
One massive hamster in the middle of the room riding an alligator with larger, more muscular legs stood in the middle of the room, surrounded by the tiny army. The army waited for the challengers as the four moved inside.
The massive throne of silver, plants, and so many other things arranged in beautiful sculptures stood to the side of the boss room as it does on every day. In the throne sat the form of a woman, covered in thin but modest white cloth all over her body. A hood was drawn up, signifying that she would not be battling today; unless someone did something dumb.
“We’ve come to fight the final challenge.” Clarissa said, stepping forward and showing the back of her hand to the boss and the angelic woman, the other three doing the same. Ned having to show a tendril with the triangular combination rune on the back. The rune signifying their wish or lack thereof was locked in, unable to change now that they have stepped foot in the dungeon.
The woman on the throne looked down at the challengers. Unbeknownst to them, a smirk crossed her face as she saw Clarissa’s tribal tooth sword. The Sword of Irwin.
“Why do you wield such a weapon? Only the true of heart are able to gain its powers, and truly, that is a rare and endangered quality.” The angel said playfully, her voice had an allure, not sultry but instead calming, reassuring, as if whatever hero, god, or ideal you worship was talking directly to you.
Clarissa stood tall, her smile wide and teeth showing. “I wield it because I can. I’ve already unlocked the first two blessings, in my hand this piece of wood and teeth shall be mightier than Caliburn!”
The woman on the throne laughed. A sound like a gentle rain landing on the grass on a sunny day. The formality in the challenger's tone making her embrace her role, “fair enough human. As a reward for being able to unlock even a modicum of my master’s kindness, if you survive, I shall give you yet another relic useless to all but you.”
Ned in the back of the group started fidgeting, his tendrils clacking as half of the mouths drooled. “A gift from the guardian of the dungeon?? Clarissa last time I heard this happened that Sherrif out there wound up with…”
A case of content theft: this narrative is not rightfully on Amazon; if you spot it, report the violation.
Ned couldn’t finish his thought as Wallace let out a mighty battle cry. “RAAAAAGH!” his dented and half-melted shield glowed a pale purple color. He only had to think about his class skill, Bulwark.
Damage mending itself as the wall-like shield repaired itself, and then, improved itself. The creaking of steel could be heard as the shield rearranged itself, a large wedge carved out of the top to catch and break swords. The sides looked to be riveted together.
Garth, from the back, laughed. “Ya know, if you weren’t a musclehead before this, I doubt you’d be able to lift that thing.”
Wallace laughed back at his friend, “I know, even know I got maybe fifteen minutes before I’m too sore to move. Let’s do this!”
As if to answer him directly the massive hamster-knight in the middle let out a bellowing roar. The roar of a hamster, so, pretty much just a long drawn out squeak.
Wallace surged forward, slamming his shield against a tide of over thirty of the tiny hamster-knights. Although they were small, Wallace could see his health and stamina. He didn’t have much left in the tank, and every minute in his armor drained just a little bit more of that precious green bar.
Soon the tiny forms saw they made no leeway as the lead hamster called out again. “Munch, munch, munch,” the entire army of hamsters pulled out a glowing sunflower seed each, nibbling on the edges they cracked it and ate the nut inside. Immediately after every mouth in the army pointed towards wallace as over one hundred sunflower seeds a second were shot from the cumulative mouths.
550/610… 510/610… 470/610…
Each tick of damage taking only a second to register as the tiny wave of well-disciplined death pushed against the unmovable. “I’ve not got long here, Ned I need some healing, Garth, why are these things still moving?”
Clarissa darted to the side, dodging the initial wave of hamster-knights. Fifteen cornered her just to the right of the door as she tried to swing around the back and take the true boss out as quickly as she could.
The force of tiny bodies making her cut off her advance. Angling low and swinging her sword the flat end caught the armored hamsters; dealing primarily blunt damage as there was no way to cause such armored foes to bleed with her weapon.
“One second,” Garth, finally reloading his six-shooters took aim at the rising tide of hamsters crashing into Wallace’s shield now that the volly had ended. “True Ice Shot.”
Garth fired the pistol in his right hand, as soon as the bullet left the barrel it was encased in garth’s mana, forming into his class skill. The heat was leached out of the air around the bullet as it sailed above the heads of the tiny cavalry units.
“HA! YOU MISSED!” The squeaky gigantic form in the center of the army exclaimed. Right before the ground below and even the soldiers themselves erupted as a horde of icicles exploded out of them.
Garth took a break, breathing hard. The Gunslinger class he’d been gifted with was incredibly intensive when it actually used its mana. After the elemental shots to take out the komodo’s he was sitting at only 30 mana left of his base 320. However, forty or more knights had fallen to his attack.
Bellowing with rage the massive hamster knight in the center charged forward, destroying the ice blocking his way with his mighty lance.
Ned, finishing his channeling into the corpses turned back around into the boss room, a smile on all fifty-eight and four-tenths mouths. “Oh, this is gonna be fun.”
Neds many mouths laughed as both the green glowing komodo dragon with mushrooms growing out of its face and the blue komodo dragon covered in sheets of ice that could almost be its armor now pushed their way into the room.
Both of the massive corpses slammed against the hamster knight’s mount. Knocking him to the ground as the beasts undead nature quickly let them rip the mount to shreds while ignoring the chunks of flesh being ripped out of them.
Clarissa, looking up from the fifteen or so scattered hamster knights screamed out the information now that it was readily available to her dungeoneer’s glass.
Sir Ham-Ham.
“When we work together, it gets better!”
Level: 17
Health: 1050/1120
Mana: 120/120
Stamina: level 2
Highlight Stats:
Dexterity: 33
Endurance: 22
Luck: 15
Clarissa was unable to get a full stat-sheet. Something about not having high enough Intelligence but she felt that was just rude.
Still, garth raised himself back up off the ground. The pounding headache abating slightly. Taking aim and quickly firing off three shots at the advancing puffy knight.
Sir Ham-Ham 870/1120
The numbers appeared above his head for all to see. The bullets, however, had bounced off of the armor, leaving large dents where they had hit.
Along with the dungeon’s own mana he had finished off his pool. It was a rule that every bullet or arrow fired in the dungeon have a small piece of mana embedded in it. Just enough to keep the will of the user inside of it to avoid ricochet catastrophes.
“Garth’s out, mana depletion!” Ned called from the rear lines as one of the bony skeletons from the previous room came in to lay the gunslinger down against the wall gently after passing out from mana-overload.
The green komodo pushed forward, the small hamster knights unable to deal enough damage for it to notice as it slammed into the back of Sir Ham-Ham. 850...830…
The damage was enough for Clarissa as she pushed forward, using her sword as a racket to knock the tiny cavalry out of her way as the metal armor of the boss was being corroded by the elemental lizard.
However, the last thirty or so hamster-knights in the room had other ideas. Jumping off of their mounts with what could only be barely less than the bosses agility they aimed for her face, lances ready. Doing her best to stop herself and use her weapon to block she stopped around twenty or so with the flat of her blade. Messages then started appearing in her vision.
You have been grappled. Six enemies grappling.
You have been poisoned. Poison of slowing remaining duration. 5 sec…4…
Current health… 140/180...120…
Screaming Clarissa ripped at the tiny metal-covered forms, grabbing anywhere she felt the heavy assailants and threw them off, into the walls, into the ground.
Looking up from her predicament the boss had been pushed back some, now down to only 600 health. Not many scratches or cuts on his body but such was the nature of chip-damage. The real scar was on the massive rodent’s back.
The Komodo dragon lay dead… again… at his feet. however the armor of the bosses back had been destroyed. In places it had fused with skin, in others, it had just melted away leaving nothing behind.
“Wallace! Drop the you know what!” She almost laughed as she began running at the boss again.
“You got it! Ned, I need some healing, I’m about out of stamina!” Wallace yelled back at the lovecraftian healer. A pale white glow surrounded the large man as he pushed back, breaking the Hamster’s second lance with his newly formed but badly damaged bulwark shield.
“Warrior’s Challenge!”
A wave of energy came off of the large man, slamming into Sir Ham-Ham. The knight's eyes grew fiery red, his mouth started foaming as he attacked Wallace with renewed vigor. The warrior’s health started tumbling.
Letting loose a powerful animalistic howl the beastly knight spat the words, “Honor’s Claws!” The hamsters hand like claws glowed golden and lengthened as it rushed at Wallace's shield. The magical attack carved deep into the Warrior’s Bulwark, the shield barely held together but the rivets on the side as it began looking like an antique washboard.
480….330….180…
Clarissa’s blade struck true. The crocodile teeth biting into the exposed backflesh of Sir Ham-Ham. Ripping it down a gush of blood smacked against her face as she looked at the health bar above the boss's head for all to see. Notifications filling her lower vision as she watched the spectacle.
Critical Hit: Body, Spinal shot. Effect: Double Damage.
Critical Hit: Primary Musculature. Effect: Stamina Leak.
Critical Hit: Shredded: Bleed effect X2
450/1120...390…
Wallace’s leg buckled. His health hitting thirty from the last barrage before Sir Ham-Ham stumbled; just as the final contingent of hamster knights riding their iguanas became visible in the corner of his eye. “Well shit.”
Clarissa spun Sir Ham-Ham around, doing her best to break the taunt on the boss now that the damage had been done. All she had to do was wait him out.
330…
Pushing the knight back from his target with the flat of the blade she smiled at the rodent, every second she put him off balance was a second closer to victory.
270…
The Knight regained his balance, pulling his final weapon, a shortsword from the scabbard at his waist. Letting out a bellow he charged at the woman who had caused him such pain.
210…
Slamming her sword back against Sir Ham-Ham’s she was able to deflect the first strike with little effort.
150…
The knight pulled his sword back, raising it over his head.
90…
Clarissa Roared as well, righting her sword and readying to block just as the blade descended. She heard a loud crack come from her right arm holding the weapon. But gripping her wrist with her left hand she was able to hold on.
30… Bleed Effect has run its course.
“OH COME ON!” She screamed as the hamster beared down further, forcing her own blades crocodile teeth to start biting into her flesh. Looking into the desperate, rage filled eyes of her attacker she heard his now weakened voice bellow.
“NO WAY IN HELL AM I EATING CURRY FOUR DAYS IN A ROW!”
Sir Ham-Ham… Health 0/1120
She saw the readout on the dungeoneer’s glass right as the armored form went limp. Ned stood in the back of the room… by himself.
“What happened?” Clarissa asked, trying her best to catch her breath.
“Stragglers took some easy kills from the wounded it seems. Dungeon’s playing for keeps this time.”
Getting up from the pile of blood and remarkably minimal gore she did her best to clean herself off. Right as she was clearing the tiny lances and arrows from her hide armor something caught her attention in the corner of her eye.
Reaching up to catch the item from the guardian of the dungeon.
Necklace of Goodall.
The wearer of this necklace may speak to animals. One must be willing to listen.
“Wh...WHAT?!?!” Clarissa nearly screamed, such an artifact must be worth thousands, millions, hell maybe more.
“Maybe you’ll be able to use it. It’s been sitting in that old antiques shop for over a year now.”
Suddenly, the throne was empty as the sound of wings could be heard throughout the room. Ned slowly hovered up to Clarissa. “Looks like we’re in.”
Giddy with excitement now Clarissa cleaned her weapon lovingly. It had been dumb luck she’d found a group missing one for today’s limit of 5. It was also the greatest luck in the world that she survived her first dungeon-run when many in the town hadn’t.
Stepping through the final door to the chamber of treasures…
Gold coins, silver jewelry, ancient prototypes lined the walls of the grand chamber of the dungeon. Antiques and artifacts alike, however, everyone knows the rule of the dungeon.
Take none from the hoard lest you face the dungeon’s wrath. A simple rule, heck, even the old movies warned of similar things in a genies cave. Greed was punishable, and it WAS punished here.
Ned, floating up to the lamp in the middle of the room.
“One wish for each who faces the trials and lives!” The voice boomed out of the ancient mining lantern.
“Looks like, Tevon, Carl, and Angelique.” Ned spoke, pulling out a small list so he could keep the names straight. For a being who arguably didn’t have a face or eyes, he was far better with faces than names.
“IT IS DONE!” The voice from the lamp chimed out.
Ned's face had a few smiles as the eldritch left the room.
“I… I’d like.”
Before Clrissa could stumble her words out to the powerful being who could literally bend space it spoke again.
“Hmmm, you’re… Unique? Aren’t you? Two legendary items, both considered useless due to the greed and lack of selflessness in others hearts. Two of my finest creations.”
A red light shot out of the lantern, bathing Clarissa in pure mana. The raw essence of creation and it spoke to her. It spoke to her about every animal, every life she has saved. It spoke of freedom and family and of peace. It spoke of war, of the invading armies and heartless humans. One word and a title echoed in her mind.
Protector.
Hunter of Hunters.
Suddenly, the mana was no longer swirling around her.
“Wha… What was that.”
A low, happy chuckling could be heard echoing through the chamber. “Check your new status screen.”
“Sta…” Her mouth hung open, unable to finish as she did just that. Status screens were only given to those who had classes, those gifted by some physical manifestation of mana be it god, genie, devil, demon, whatever. The old scroll-like design of the screen gave it a feel of craftsmanship.
Clarissa
Class: Conservationist.
Approx-lv: 31
Strength: 14
Endurance: 30
Dexterity: 62
Intelligence: 21
Wisdom: 50
Magical APT: 10
Luck: 12
“Your wish has also been granted.” The voice calmly, happily said as a large egg carton appeared in front of Clarissa.
“Are they… are they really?” She began crying.
“One dozen Dodos, ready to hatch in a few mere weeks.” The voice happily said, the sound of birds chirping could be heard within the actual words.
“Th… Thank you so much.” Clarissa openly wept tears of joy. Her dream, the true dream of any Conservationist had been realized. The return of lost innocents.
“Now, get the heck out of here! You’re way too over-leveled for my usual run. Go hunt the real monsters of this world.” The voice boomed with authority, if not a small laugh. Then, continuing. “I’ll send you a letter when I have something worthy of you.”
‘Why would anyone be a Forest Ranger?’
The thought came unbidden. Clarissa smiled as she twirled her sword effortlessly in her palm, laying her pendant over her neck, and whistling a cardinal’s tune.
“I suppose, the job has its perks.”