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Dwarves of Appalachia
Chapter 12: Check-Up

Chapter 12: Check-Up

     The outside of the old mine looked… different. Gone was the dilapidated and rotting wood that denoted the opening to the dangerous innards of the mountain. Now stood a very pleasant stone brick archway. Intricate carvings of dragons, griffons, and other mythical creatures dot the stones above the entryway as they rest on gently curved slopes.

     Zippy and Jerome both stopped but Billy Joe was too lost in her own head and continued on. Jamie, the ever-faithful friend followed swiftly behind as the pair of them wound up face to face with what looked to be a collection of ancient gargoyles.

     Each of the guardian statues was created from a different combination of animal aspects making them more monstrosity than gargoyle. One that stood out had a gigantic pair of cannabis leaves for wings and a frog head. Jamie liked that one.

     “Name your wish, only the truthful may pass. The foolish shall be punished.” Jamie paraphrased, putting their hand in the mouth of the statue when no other mechanism seemed evident. “Uhm, I’m here to visit, I don't have a wish right now.”

     The large quartz door slowly slid open, folding into a grove in the wall.

     “Guess that worked.” commented Zippy, a state of confusion and wonder overtaking his face.

     Stepping inside, the group of four were met with an elegant waiting area. Well, elegance is in the eye of the beholder as Jerome so quaintly says, “Looks like a strip joint.”

     Zippy, Billy Joe, Jamie, and even Will had to chime in with a combined, “WHAT?!”

     Jerome just nodded. “Yeah, single rooms that hold a few, really nice cloth an stuff, relaxed mood. It’s two women and a man wearing nothing but skivvies short of a strip club. Oh, and maybe a buffet.”

     Billy Joe popped up, the raw absurdity jarring her out of her near fugue state. “What kind of strip clubs have you been in where they have men and women on stage?” she asked in utter confusion and more than a small amount of shock.

     “The best ones,” Jerome replied with a wink and continued on through the room.

     The other three laughed at Jerome’s quip, the first real smile in days crossing Billy Joe’s lips.

     “Well, guess we better move on to the next room,” Zippy said with an air of finality, the other three nodded, walking into the first and only marginally complete room in the dungeon.

     Inside the room four targets arrayed on a wall at the end of the room. Massive bars of mana stopped anything still physically living from going too far. “What is this?” Jamie asked in confusion.

     “Basic repulsion rune. Magic given permanent form. Looks like it’s primarily… oooh solid-life. High-grade runework for the first room dontya think Will?” Zippy looked up, speaking into the air.

     Suddenly, a scratching sound could be overheard as the four members of the group looked up to a small lip in the ceiling. “Prove your worth. Full party needs a total of: 200” Read the engraving.

     The walls of solid mana also changed, revealing four Xs in a row.

     “Looks like a challenge,” Zippy said with a smile. “Too bad we don’t have any ammo.” he chuckled to himself, expecting what was going to happen next.

     A small hatch opened up in the side of the room, dispensing a pair of short bows with six total arrows and six throwing knives. Billy Joe walked over and picked up the wooden implement, picking up an arrow and examining it. “Not what I usually work with, but alright,” she said, lifting the quiver of three arrows and fastening it to her back.

     Pulling an arrow out she knocked it to the string, drawing it far back to her nose. Not a single person dared to make a noise as she loosed her first arrow, scoring the third closest line to the bullseye and the marking above them changed.

     “Total needed: 165”

     Billy joe breathed heavily, pulling the bow back to her nose again and aiming, biting her lower lip as she concentrated. The distance between the arrow and the target planned out in her mind she loosed the arrow. Striking true it hit a head-on bull’s eye.

     “Total needed: 115”

     “Sweet, alright, so she just gets the points and it opens?” Jerome smiled, understanding the challenge, at least, he thought so.

     “I don’t think it’s that simple. See those three X’s? Only one has changed, getting dimmer every time she fires.” Zippy countered.

     Billy Joe, breathing in and steadying herself, loosed her final arrow, striking just next to the bullseye.

     “Total needed: 75”

     When Billy Joe reached for the next quiver of arrows however, a barrier appeared between it and her hand. “Looks like it’s someone else's turn.”

     “I did these in college, they were kinda fun,” Jerome said, holding up three of the throwing daggers. Holding it by the blade tip and aiming it as expertly as he could Jerome pulled the blade back over his shoulder and with a quick whiplike motion threw it at the target.

     The blade, however, struck Jerome’s target backward, the hilt bouncing off.

     “Total needed: 70”

     Jerome nearly jumped with a line of profanity that would make his old buddies blush.

     “I’ll give it a try” Jamie said sheepishly, having never used either weapon before in their life. Blly Joe handing them the second bow, Jamie picked up the arrows, nocking their first.

     “Alright, what you need to do is focus on the arrow tip, try an’ bring it in line with where you want it to go, and then release it as quickly as you can. From there it’s just figuring out what you did wrong and trying to not do the same next time.” She said with a bit of cheer.

     Jamie pulled the bow back shakingly, nocking an arrow, but the first time they tried to fire it the arrow slipped. The string whizzing by and snapping them in the nose as the arrow remained stationary. Sending a short list of expletives tumbling out of the would-be archer’s mouth. “This… is ridiculous.”

     “Alright, try again, but pinch a little harder.” Encouraged the young woman from the sidelines.

     Jamie breathed heavily, then let it out in one go, trying to steady themself. Pulling the string back again Jamie aimed, letting loose of the string the arrow flew.

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     “Total needed: 75”

     The arrow whizzed past the target and impacted solid stone. “Oh come on!” Jamie angrily said as Jerome stepped back up to the plate.

     “Looks like we have the right idea,” Zippy said, pointing a thumb at the now completely black X and two fading ones. “Seems everybody has a turn.”

     Jerome and Jamie took turns back and forth with middling returns for the next ten minutes.

     “Total needed: 60”

     “Sorry Zippy, looks like I'm out of practice.” Jerome groaned in disappointment.

     Zippy just smiled, walked over to the pile of throwing knives picking up all three and splaying them from between his fingers he took aim, releasing all three. Visible threads of energy could be seen between the wizard and the daggers as each one struck true to a different target, a triple bullseye.

     “Total needed: -310”

     The wall of magic blocking their path dissipated and the four now smiling members walked through the rest of the incomplete dungeon.

     Coming upon the final door they heard the distinct sounds of talking.

     “Well, you said they’d be here ten minutes ago.”

     “Hey, I wasn’t the one making stuff that slows people down from gittin’ back here”

     The group of confused humans and gnome opened the door together; unsure what they would find. With a slow creaking noise Jamie did their best to be as subtle as possible, however, after a quick shuffling noise, everyone knew the jig was up.

     “So, who ya talkin' to?” Jamie said with a smile.

     Will, the burning flame in the lamp lit up. “Just… a new friend I suppose, this is a surprise. I was just expecting Jerome.”

     “Some sorta fancy opossum or something.” Jerome butted in. “That’s their new friend, met em while the lamp over there wouldn’t stop muttering to ‘emself.”

     “Hey, can’t blame me for being focused.” Will, the flame shrugged.

     “AAAAANYway.” Zippy interjected to get the conversation back on track. “What’s going on? I mean, I get the basic idea of the skills test but I doubt that will stop even a self-trained assassin.”

     “Oh, yeah, but on the first day at least the smallest a group can be will be four, I’m thinking five at most.” Will spoke happily from their pedestal. “Anyway, you all made it, and since none of you picked a wish, I’ve got some prizes.” The genie sounded giddy with excitement.

     “Prizes?” Jerome asked.

     “First day?” Zippy added.

     Will paused, “Oh, yeah I guess I haven’t told you all yet. I’m making a dungeon, like from the books. And as for the prizes, yeah. I can more easily control what kind of prizes get made. And if I make them more valuable than the average wish I’m able to grant, then, well; less fire, I hope.”

     “But why a dungeon?” Zippy asked. Confused why the genie would need a torture chamber.

     Jamie, catching on to the short man’s dilemma, “I don’t think they mean like the old kind. I’m pretty sure they mean the kind from the game. Where you go through challenges and fights for rewards and loot right?”

     Will, as if to answer raised a chest around the size of an old foot-locker out of the ground in front of the lamp. “Yep, you got that right. By the way, is there any old like legendary metal or something I could make these things out of? Sure steel and iron are great but I mean, really anyone can make that.”

     Not noticing the question, Billy Joe stepped forward. Her hands slightly trembling as she unlatched the chest. The lid swung open as if it was connected to springs as four items were inside. A compound bow, a meat cleaver, a monocle, and a small green gem.

     “What are these?” Jerome finally asked the genie.

     “I’m glad you asked. You four have to choose who gets what, but really I think this one will be easy. First, pick up the monocle, anyone?” Will instructed.

     Zippy, picking it up and placing it over his left eye with no further prodding smiled at everyone. “This… Oh this is just amazing, everyone else, please come look.”

     Jamie, taking the handed monocle placed it over their left eye and looked inside the box.

* Bow of true shot.

Arrows fired from this bow will divert from their path more slowly. Shots will fly further and more accurately. Warning: do not use substandard arrows, may explode when released.

Damage: Additional +15 pounds of draw weight (unfelt by user.)

* Cleaver of Casem

Effigies of meat carved or stuck by this cleaver will be alchemically transformed into flesh. Sufficient iron and protein needed inside of effigy. Must be made of foodstuffs.

* Gem of Deft Hands.

Lowers the weight of the Shield of Rogers. -30 lbs

     “Whoa, that’s awesome, freakin loot.” Jamie actually giggled to themself. “But wait, what’s the ‘Shield of Rogers’?”

      As if to answer the question when Jerome picked up the emerald Gem his shield he kept on his arm also glowed green. The black metal was small now, around the size of a buckler, cumbersome, but considering the strength of the barrier it makes; it was well worth it.

     Jerome, grinning at the flame in the lamp. “Steve?”

     Will, the flame, seemingly jumped inside of the glass container. “Fred. or Mr. depends how you know him.”

     Jamie and Billy Joe both looked confused at the sheriff as he spoke, “Someone from before your times. You did a lot of good with this one will, I’m sure he’d be proud.” Picking up the gem and pressing it to the shield; the shield seemingly flowed over the gem as it cast itself as a beautiful green star in the empty night sky. “I’m set.”

      Billy Joe upon seeing the bow’s stats grabbed it out of the chest as quickly as her hand was able. “An extra fifteen?! Do you know what I could do with this? That warning makes sense, if it really is stro…” Billy Joe continued mumbling in the corner to herself, finally finding something to at least temporarily keep her mind busy.

     “Hm, if I remember Clarice said I should look out for something like this. Being able to offer guilt-free meat would be a pretty big thing I’d bet.” Jamie picked up the cleaver with a glint in their eye. The dream of scavengers everywhere was to make the one big deal, the thing that could set them up for life. Jamie, had just found theirs with less than a week on the job.

     “Take this too.” Zippy said, tossing the monocle to Jamie. “Now then, how long until you’re ready Will? A few years?”

     Will, confused by the question, “Uhm… no, maybe like… four days at most or something?”

     The gnomish wizard looked surprised but still undaunted. “I thought you’d say something like that. How much power does one wish give you? There’s some charities vying for time with the necromancers I was able to bring with me, I’m sure a few adventurers or whatever could use a good paycheck and some good karma.”

     “Wait, I’m still confused about that.” Billie Joe broke herself out of reveling in her new bow upon hearing the death mage's title again for the second time today.

     “Confused about what? Necromancers? Well they’re magic users who specialize in life and death magic mostly, what’s so confusing about that?” Zippy asked.

     “I mean, how can they cure cancer and viruses and stuff?” She asked.

     “Well, Cancer you said? Cancer well, that’s when a cell gets too large, it doesn’t die off when it's supposed to and it drains the life out of nearby cells and the like to feed itself. With that logic you could refer to it as a sickness of life, thus, only someone well knowledged in death magic would be able to deal with such a foe. Viruses are very different but oddly similar, they require more precision and harder work, however.” Zippy stated succinctly.

     Will, keeping quiet during the explanation took their chance. “I’d guess unless it was a truly selfless wish which gave me more than normal… maybe three cancer patients and I’m nowhere near skilled enough to handle virus cleanup.”

     “Wait… You can cure three people of cancer per wish? Couldn’t I just keep wishing for three people who have cancer just not to have it.” Billy Joe asked, a glint of something unsettling in her eye.

     The genie projected what appeared to be a small axolotl shaking its head. “Nah, if you wish for other people you’d need a name, a face, and at least to have spoken to them once.”

     Zippy, quickly writing all of this down nodded. “Good, I’ll have a small stand set up before you open in three days. I’ll hire somebody to coordinate the challenge seekers.”

     Jamie, finally realizing what was going on gulped. Their small old town in the middle of nowhere wouldn’t stay small for much longer. Changes were on the rise and…

     “Oh, and did I mention, I found a guardian angel,” Will said, their flames growing brighter in pride.

     Zippy’s face, however; lost nearly every speck of its color, “oh shit.”