30-50 Feral Hogs. While a notorious internet meme from Billy Joe’s early childhood, the statement made is moderately true. In parts of the United States, wild boars are a genuine invasive species known to wipe out entire ecosystems when left unchecked. These boars will oftentimes travel in herds and they are of the few animals on the planet where a bullet to the skull might only piss it off.
All of this was true before the return of magic.
The stage was set, a large, mint-condition colosseum at first glance. On closer inspection, the seats lining the grand battlefield were bleachers made out of marble. Metal rails guard potential pedestrians against falling in. The outer area of the battlefield was rough stone engraved with what appeared to be racetrack markings. The middle, however, was a raised hill of dewy grass.
Five large boars, their manes a burning red with roaring flames stamp around in a closed huddle, the greenery singes at their every step. Five more boars stood behind them taller, wider, and with deep glowing amber eyes sporting coats of pure darkness, as if light simply fell into their fur never to escape.
“Alright, Hot-Hogs-and-Chilly verses…. What is your team’s name?” Jed asked the five of them as they stared blankly at the frankly massive animals.
“Uhm…” Ned said, tapping his chin.
“TEAM UHM!” Jed announced loudly to roaring applause and cheering from the remarkably empty colosseum.
Two of the small boars rushed at the group, although they were on fire, their run was actually very slow. It seemed more like they were trying to hop at them, jumping instead of charging.
Billy Joe grabbed two compatriots per arm and quickly ran behind a silverish barricade with them while the boars were still a good distance away.
“What’s going on?” Ned asked, looking around as he barely escaped Billy Joe’s grip.
“Fire pigs! Now, anyone got a plan?!” Billy Joe nearly screamed at the fragile-looking young man.
“They aren’t rushing us all at once, I say we pick off the two eager ones and then figure out the rest after.” Gus said, Esmerelda, spreading her wings wide and letting out a loud piercing call in agreement.
“I can work with that,” Mark said, picking up a metal pipe from behind the barricade that had been partially covered by sand, tossing a second to Billy Joe.
“Alright, you two handle those, Billy Joe, you guard us. Ned and I will come up with a way to take out those big ones.” Jamie replied as the five of them stuck their hands in the middle of a circle, touching fingers.
“BREAK!” The five of them lept into whatever action or inaction was required of them.
Gus and Mark jumped out from either side of the metallic barricade. Mark’s metal pipe and Gus’ flaming green sword in hand.
Billy Joe grumbled at having to use the small short bow which was nowhere near as remarkable as her own magic bow which had grown to match her size. Alas, she had left her fine weapon at home. So now, using the small bow meant for a normal-sized human she knocked a weighted arrow and took aim at the boar charging at Gus. “Outa the way, I can’t get a clear shot!”
In a fit of frustration, she threw her bow behind her, unable to find a way to use it effectively she held onto her metal pipe. The bow flew from her enormous strength, falling behind the barricade where Jamie picked it up and with it still warm from Billy Joe’s touch, was somehow able to fire it.
The two fiery pigs rushed forward, smoke and sand tossed up behind them as Mark charged forward toward his as well. Letting out a battle roar that was more of a wild scream; the Orc brought down their pipe directly on the boar's face, knocking it back and dazing it.
Mark swung metal pipe down again, making blood spurt from the fiery pig’s nose as it squealed and started to run at him again. Mark quickly dodged to the side as Gus’ familiar Esmerelda dove in, slamming into the wild pig's face. With another squeal, the flaming pig threw Esmerelda, however, the pig’s face was now a charred, desiccated mess. The white milky eyes of the pig indicating severe blindness. 74/150… Blinded...
Mark, knowing how dangerous wounded animals can be, quickly threw a rock to his right and closed in from the left, delivering a devastating blow from behind while the boar while it was distracted.
Gus pulled his flame-wreathed sword finally free from the second boar's spine after it had been caught in the beast. Both the charging boars were now down. The quest icon changing in the corner, updating.
Snack Central Station
Round 1 of 3*
Remaining Enemies:
Hot-Hog: 3/5
Chilly: 5/5
Reward: TBD, Skill Progression.
Jamie shouted from behind the barricade, “LOOK OUT!” Causing all three of the front line fighters to turn at the thunderous noise coming from the other end of the colosseum.
The five extra-large boars were moving in a slow huddled charge at the three warriors. The remaining hot-hogs in the center. As the massive lumbering beasts move, the one in the far back trips on something and falls, burying its snout in the dirt as the group goes on without it. Soon, the lone boar starts shivering, the air getting colder all around it as a snowy fog builds up.
340/350...330/350...
Billy Joe yells from behind, “The firey ones have to be slow to keep up with them, try to separate em. The big ones take damage if they start shaking but they have so much health it’s ridiculous! Gus, send yer bird to finish off that one in the back. We don’t need any surprises.”
Gus flings his arm out, Esmerelda taking off in the direction of the lone boar while the Fomorian stands alongside an Orc and a High-Elf, awaiting the tide of piggy-flesh.
A weighted arrow slams hard into the Chilly on the far right, causing it to stumble and separate from the group. However, one of the Hot-Hogs stays behind with it this time.
312/350…
150/150…
“Gus.” Billy Joe pointed at the face-planted pig and the smaller boar frantically running around it.
“Got it, Boss Lady,” He chuckled and separated from the group, running around the flat outer edge of the colosseum toward the straggling hogs. His legs start moving far faster than he thought possible. “Hey, everyone, you might want to check this out!” He called, but due to both his distance and the impending hog stampede, only Ned could hear clearly.
“Okay, Just you and me Mark. Three big ones and two little imps. Divide and conquer dealing enough damage to take down all of those tanks normally just isn’t in the cards.” Billy Joe said.
Another arrow flew, impacting another Chilly. This time however the beast merely paused, looked at the arrow, and suddenly the entire group of five pigs began genuinely stampeding, causing Mark to panic.
Billy Joe grunted as two of the massive Chillys slammed against her, only blocking the first with her pipe. The red bar in the corner of her vision indicating her own health barely moved and a smile spread across her face. Looking at the dazed Chilly’s health.
315/350...
“Hey, Mark. Handle what I miss, okay?”
Shadows grew and twisted around Billy Joe as she let out a low cackling laugh, her smile wide enough to give Gruescheth a run for his money. Her teeth seeming sharper than normal as she slammed her metal pipe hard into the side of the Chilly’s head who landed the hit on her. A loud crunching noise and a hollow sound erupts from the collision as the boar crumples to the ground. Critical Hit X2… 127/350… Crushed debuff… Stunned… Billy Joe ignored the ongoing list of status effects her decisive blow had caused.
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In the far back, Esmerelda has finished off the lone Chilly and has moved on to helping Gus deal with the Hot-Hog.
Mark slams their pipe down on one of the invading hot-hogs as a weighted arrow slams into the Chilly that had been running to impale the Orc on its oversized tusks. The massive beast slowed as its head dug up dirt skidding to a halt as Mark gripped their pipe, taking a baseball stance, readying themself for their bloody job.
The Fomorian woman’s vision was tinged with red, her snear growing as she gripped her pipe. An animalistic urge to destroy everything in her path began to well up in her chest. Billy Joe shook her head, “no, gotta stay in control.”
She barely dodged the final Chilly as it rushed from her left while the Hot-Hog circled behind her. As the smaller pig moved she quickly dodged to the side, making it ram straight into the larger of the two. Grinding her teeth then biting her lip she held her weapon with an iron grip as she slammed the pipe down with a hollow ringing sound on the back of the Hot-Hog’s skull. 0/150… Critical...
Billy Joe reared back, ready to strike down the Chilly in front of her as Esmerelda flew in, wrapping her brilliant wings around the beast’s face it let out a howling squeal of frustration before falling forward.
Mark was bouncing around from side to side avoiding one of the last remaining Chillys as Gus walked slowly back to the group down the middle of the arena. His sword was stored away and the corpses behind him didn’t seem to have any markings on them. Esmerelda, upon finishing the Chilly in front of Billy Joe flew back to Mark, blinding the rushing boar as it chased after the Orc. Wanting the beast not to suffer Mark raised their pipe, bringing it down with a hollow crash on the back of the pig’s skull.
Billy Joe, shaking herself back to her senses gave the High Elf a weak grin, “Kill stealer.”
Jed clapped from the stands, walking down slowly as a chest appeared in the middle of the room, seemingly out of nothing. “Divide n’ conquer I like it. Not many of the groups thought to bring the bow from the skill test room. An you, you’re not even reborn and you figured out a way to use a projectile in this twisted dimension. Real clever using yer friend’s residual energy to get off a few shots.”
Jamie blushed from the compliment as Ned was jogging quickly up and down the road like rock paving while making mental notes.
Mark, Gus, and Billy Joe wiped the blood and viscera from their faces and bodies. Looking at the other two Gus spoke with a laugh, “That… was not fun. Next time we’re bringing something to kill em faster.”
Billy Joe and Mark both looked sick to their stomach from the violence they’d wrought in the arena in stark contrast to the son of a butcher. They both took a deep breath, trying to wipe the blood away from themselves only to find that it had already disappeared.
“Oh, ifn’ yer worried about em sufferin', they don’t feel pain. Least the ones in er’. Honestly, they’re just barely smarter than the overgrown sea-bugs two doors down from us. Killin’ em and lettin' Majesty’s Will remake em brings em back smarter each time, so really it’s a help. All they can do now is mindlessly attack anythin’ in front of em, and that aint no way ta live. Makin' ‘men from monsters aint easy after all.” Jed said, stepping close to the railing.
“What about the other two fights? Wait, they’re all dead?” Billy Joe called.
“Yep, already all gone. Your little sharpshooter finished off the stragglers. As for your first question, however, I lied.” Jed responded with a big smile on her face.
Marks jaw dropped, but caught themself before they said anything too foolish, “Why you little… I mean, thank heavens, I surely wouldn’t want to fight a Deer…” The sarcasm was oozing.
“Oh you won’t haveta wait long,” Jed said, winking and shrugging, motioning them to open the chest.
Inside the chest was a medium-sized shield. The insignia of a black hole dominated the wood and metal design.
Gus spoke up, telling the group what he saw.
Shield of endless consumption.
This shield will ‘eat’ projectiles that it blocks instead of allowing them to impact its surface. It can be paired with a dimensional storage device to retrieve ingested projectiles.
“Dibs,” Billy Joe said, not anyone in the group objected to it considering she had the Bag of Poppins and no one else wanted to carry that much metal, even if it was reduced by 40%.
“Hurry on. Walrus owes me like thirty candies or something so I wish you luck.” Jed said with a chuckle taking a deep slurping gulp of the sodas in her hat.
“I thought you only had three riding on us?” Ned replied.
“Oh honey, he gave me 10-1 odds as soon as he saw you.” Jed replied with an evil smirk on her face as she held up a third metal pipe that looked very similar to the railing surrounding the colosseum.
Ned grumbled, barely audible as the group moved forward toward the final room. “Wanted to fight whatever the shield monkey is… didn’t even get to fight the pig…”
The final door was a gigantic chunk of obsidian engraved with gold. A single white opal appeared in the middle of the twelve-foot door almost like a peep-hole. Words appeared on a massive two-dimensional scroll-like screen.
Current Challengers:
2 / 5
Health:
700/1120
You are:
Next in line.
“Huh, I suppose it’s self-explanatory,” Jamie said aloud.
“So, It seems the boss isn’t instanced like the rest of this place. Just gotta wait for them to lose.” Billy Joe said coldly
“How do you know they’ll lose?! Who knows?! They may win.” Gus said triumphantly.
“Two out of Five. That health is ridiculous, haven’t you noticed? We only have around a hundred each. Nah those challengers likely won't have a chance.” Ned spoke up.
“Just a hundred?” Billy Joe asked confusedly, “I have… let's see…. 2325.”
“WHAAAAA?!” Ned, Gus, and Mark’s jaws dropped in confusion.
“Huh, that’s more than the boss isn’t it?” Jamie spoke up, far calmer than their companions. “Also, wait, didn’t you have only twenty-three hundred even earlier?”
“Yeah, I thought my number is weird, maybe it’s a glitch or something. I’m not too sure why it went up either,” responded Billy Joe, looking around with a light blush.
“A glitch?! Yet again, this is real freaking life, how can there be a glitch?!” Ned screamed, his voice cracking.
Jamie just shrugged, a look of resigned acceptance in their eyes, “Will’s winging it.”
“Will?” Ned asked, “The woman in the lobster room and even one of the bandits said something about Will, who are they?”
“The Genie,” Jamie replied again, confused at their allies confusion.
Ned's mouth fell open once-more, “Y-y-y-you know the genie?!”
“Yeah, they were born in Jamie’s shop.” Billy Joe responded.
Ned's pale face went paler in pure shock. “A genie?! And these peo…”
Challengers:
0/5
Please Come In.
The obsidian began moving, it creaked open slowly like an unoiled door. Billy Joe grabbed the handle as it was a few feet higher for anyone else to comfortably reach, pulling open the black door the group of five walked inside.
The final room was nature incarnate. Twin waterfalls fell from opening in the wall to the right and left, the room itself had to be nearly the size of a football field. Massive ponds gave the room a sense of symmetry while Trees littered the banks of the water with no care for design. Birds could be heard chirping and another fake sky could be seen above… but it was much higher up than before.
A bridge allowed the group of five to walk over the small creek connecting the two ponds as they neared a massive throne on the far side of the clearing. It almost looked like an island connected by a bridge in the front, and a sandbar leading to the next room, all surrounded by crystal clear water.
The throne was silver, with green and many other colors showing themselves only if you squint. The throne itself was made up of silver metallic sculptures of trees, birds, plants, insects, and animals; all arranged in a selfless manner as if to welcome their status as a throne. A tall woman, however not as tall as Billy Joe, sat upon the throne. A little over seven feet tall; her features were draped in a thin white dress with a reflective finish.
The angelic woman was drinking from a glass she put down on the side table of her throne. “Please, give me a moment, I’ve just fought five fights in a row and could use some refreshment.” Her voice was cultured yet did not make you feel as if she was looking down upon you, this regality wasn't one who stood behind others but instead spearheaded armies.
“Sure, care if we have some too?” Mark said, holding their stomach.
“Please, put yourselves at ease. The few groups still in the colosseum are still fleeing the Chillys, there is no rush.” She said and a penguin came out from a side tunnel, carrying a platter of cold sandwiches.
Jamie looked down questioningly at the plates. “These safe?”
“If you mean was the meat entirely created by the genie, then yes. They come from what I can only describe as a food replicator. You see they’ve made this magical microwave that….” The Angelic woman in the throne proceeded to regale her guests with the various near science fiction developments she had seen in merely a day.
As the five of them listened something else was afoot.
***
Hm? What is this? They come for a fight and have lunch. What a delightfully different Idea… Oh, different? I like that word, I think I will be very different.
A wisp of golden-black mana slowly floated around the edge of the western pond. Watching, waiting, and listening.
“It was some great luck we came when we did, I was getting pretty hungry too.” The tall grey woman said.
Luck? Oh is that when things become different? I like this luck…