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Dungeons Are Bad Business
Volume 2 Chapter 88

Volume 2 Chapter 88

Despite his enthusiasm, Vee knew that it was nearly time to go to sleep. His eyes were heavy and starting to burn, and he was vaguely nauseous too. It was nearly two in the morning, and he’d been up talking dungeon design with Alforde and Reginald since getting back to the boarding house at five the night before.

The table was covered in stacks of paper and tiny little ectoplasmic models that Vee had whipped together, the latter serving to fill in the gaps left by Vee’s explanations of his ideas when his attempts at using [Get The Picture] failed to help his friends understand his intent.

The [Dungeon Master] rubbed his watery eyes and thought about getting another cup of coffee, but his stomach rolled over in protest. That meant it probably wasn’t a good idea. He shivered as bone deep chills spread up and down his limbs, then yawned and told his friends that he should probably be heading to sleep soon.

“Bed sounds like a great idea, boss. I think we’ve got all the stuff we need anyway,” Reginald said, gesturing to the biggest pile of papers, which held their finalized plan. “Tomorrow we can go ahead and start actually bringing it to life.”

“I agree,” Alforde said, leaning back and shifting his plates in a mimicry of a full-body stretch. “We’ve taken all the advice we got from the [Bellwethers], and the dungeon is going to be a lot better as a result. You should get some rest, Vee.”

Nodding, Vee stood up and stumbled over to his bed. He was asleep almost as soon as his head hit the pillow.

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The next morning, Vee found himself wishing that he had a skill or class that let him absorb coffee through his skin. His limbs feeling unnaturally heavy, he showered and dressed, then headed down to Crestheart with Alforde and Reginald.

A grumbling [City Guard] opened the gate for the trio, muttering something about having his crossword session interrupted, and Reginald called out something nasty in reply as the gate closed behind them.

Vee stared at the lobby longingly as they headed inside the dungeon, sad that it’d be closed all day. Though he’d eaten breakfast before leaving the boarding house, his stomach – which was really starting to become a major player in his decision-making process – made it abundantly clear that it wouldn’t have minded a cookie or three to help get through the day.

Maybe he’d go back into the city proper for lunch, depending on how the work went.

Looking at his friends, Vee said, “Alright guys, are you ready? Any last questions before we get started for the day?”

Alforde shook his helmet. “I’m good Vee. I’ll go and start packing up that ectoplasm that you asked for, and then go find Do and the other [Dungeon Maintainers] while you move the walls out of the way.”

Reginald said, “And I’ll go talk to Kai about growing some decorative shrubbery and some warding hedges.”

“Don’t forget the ghost slimes for when you come back either,” Vee said.

His [Majordomo] grinned. “How could I? Don’t worry boss, I’ll get those first.”

Nodding, Vee watched his friends go their separate ways, then took a deep breath and pushed open the door to Crestheart.

Without its minions, tiles, decorations, or anything else, it didn’t look at all like he expected to – which was, of course, intended, but still jarring – and it took the [Dungeon Master] a moment to get used to the sight of the big empty rooms.

Knowing that the job wouldn’t be done until he did it, Vee gathered his will and activated [Walking Walls] so that he could clear each floor properly. It was surprisingly difficult to do, and Vee felt a bit like a person who can run a few laps around a track without issue being tasked with running two or three miles straight. He pushed on until the floor was clear, then wiped the sweat from his brow and headed downstairs to repeat the process on the second and third floors.

By the time he finished, he was gasping for breath and his shirt stuck to his back uncomfortably. He sat down to rest a little bit and ate one of his snacks to regain his energy. While he waited, he drew out his plans and looked them over, curious to see if his few hours of sleep had done anything to change his thoughts or plans.

It hadn’t, which was probably a good thing, and when Vee’s legs no longer felt wobbly, he stood up and headed back to the first floor. He understood where Neil was coming from with that whole “Dungeons are built from the bottom” thing, but he couldn’t wrap his head around it in practice and had decided to work his way down from the top instead.

The first floor was going to be a set up floor of sorts, introducing an optional quest to carry a small idol of some kind throughout the dungeon. Using a piece of chalk, Vee marked off a quarter of the floor’s space, which would serve as what the [Bellwethers] called the staging area. It wouldn’t have many minions, just a few ghost slimes floating around here and there, but would have all the triggers for [Aura of Fear], so adventurers would be under its influence before they plumbed deeper into Crestheart’s depths.

After that, he chalked out the rest of the floor, mixing small rooms with hallways, big rooms, and dead ends. He jotted down notes about minions, traps, and physical layout elements, checking off entries on his list of necessary resources as he did so.

He was nearly done when Alforde returned, carrying two large boxes of refined ectoplasm cubes under his arms. The armorsoul set them down and started unloading each piece.

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“How’s it going, Vee?”

The [Dungeon Master] shrugged and smiled. “I think it’s coming along nicely. I’m about to head downstairs to do the next floor. Want to come with?”

“Of course,” Alforde said. “Let’s go!”

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The second floor was going to be where most adventurers gave up their runs, if everything went according to kei…plan. It was going to start with a long and narrow hallway filled with elementals and skeleton mages, as well as light, hidden pillars in the walls and floor that were going to be painted with the bright neon orange that the union designated for official “instant kill” traps and pop out when adventurers stepped on or walked in front of them.

Vee still couldn’t believe such things were allowed, but the [Bellwethers] assured him that instant kill threats – typically disguised as spike pits, pools of lava, or garbage mashers on detention levels – were extremely common in other dungeons around the continent. Vee had checked his union rulebook, and sure enough, in a section he’d barely skimmed before, there was a whole list of rules and regulations for implementing instant kills in a dungeon. Since it had less than five floors, Crestheart could only have one instant kill room, and Vee intended to make the most of it.

He’d originally planned to have Nock start his harrying here, but felt that the weaponsoul would be wasted in such a task. Instead, he’d have the mercenary positioned to begin attacking right after adventurers navigated the hall, so that they’d be lulled into a false sense of security and would be expecting a brief respite from dodging.

Chatting with Alforde about thematics, special effects, and traps, Vee chalked in a couple more room layouts, and then marked off roughly a quarter of the second floor for the Mister Chills fight. He had some thoughts for ways to make the fight more interesting – though he wasn’t sure he could implement them properly until Reginald finished getting the rest of his [Core Spirit] levels back – and he wanted to have as much space as he needed.

With that done, the friends went down to the third floor and started laying out rooms for that too. The [Bellwethers] had recommended making the third floor the densest in terms of combat and physically demanding platforming, so Vee intended to make a simple path that led straight to a big room with his spinning disc platform in the center. Getting across the disc would be difficult and dangerous, since in addition to the heavy, swinging arm, Vee was also going to load the disc up with traps and have lots of minions waiting below to harry unfortunate challengers who got knocked off.

However, if challengers didn’t want to deal with that, Vee was going to give them a way out. They could choose to instead fight through a gauntlet of small rooms that were going to be filled with some new ghosts, and maybe also some higher tier minions if Vee decided to bite the sling-stone and buy them.

After writing down the last notes on the floor, Vee and Alforde headed down to Alforde’s arena. Vee didn’t think this needed much work other than some thematic tweaks – half-broken vaults on the floor, debris on the walls, etc – but Alforde raised a gauntlet and said, “Do you think we could add a couple permanent floating platforms? Maybe some that move back and forth relative to the main platform?”

Vee scratched his head. “Why?”

“I think it’d be exciting, and would expand the edge guarding elements to my bouts,” Alforde said. “Plus the drama of trying to get back to the main stage after getting knocked off by grabbing onto the supplementary platform would be thrilling for spectators, especially if it’s not consistent.”

“A floating platform would take a lot of power I’m not sure we have right now, but we can definitely add it to the list of things to add once Reginald has all his [Core Spirit] levels back.”

“Can we at least add some of those movable pillars to the regular stage?” Alforde asked, clapping his gauntlets together and tilting his helmet to the side. “I think it’d be a lot more interesting if the battlefield itself was an obstacle we both had to overcome.”

“We’ll see. For now, I think your arena is good enough to be functional, so I want to focus my efforts elsewhere.”

“That’s reasonable,” Alforde said quietly. Recognizing his friend’s dejected posture, Vee clapped the armorsoul on the back.

“With that said though, we’ll definitely be adding some extra lights and stuff down here so that you can have a better entrance before battles. We’ll have the SSBs and the rules of the bout on a statue or something right by the door to walk in, so you can just focus on striking fear into their hearts, okay?”

That cheered the [Dungeon Champion] right up. “I can use that new pose I’ve been practicing,” he said, standing up straight and letting Slammy rest on his left pauldron while pointing forward with his right gauntlet. “What do you think, Vee?”

“It’s very impressive,” Vee said with a smile. “Now come on. We’ve got all the easy stuff out of the way, and it’s time for us to actually start building. I’m going to need your help making the decorations and getting them installed.”

“You can count on me!”

Main Character Sheets (Unchanged from last chapter):

Vee Vales

Primary Class: Ghost Maestro (Locksmagister University), Level 32

Secondary Class: Dungeon Master (Oar’s Crest), Level 23

Tertiary Class: Guy-Who-Takes-Things-WAY-Too-Far (Self), Level 6

Might: 15

Wit: 38

Faith: 26

Adventurousness: 7

Ambition: 15

Plotting: 19

Charisma: 15

Devious Mind: 26

Leadership: 22

Guts: 14

Intimidating Presence: 10

Citizenship: 23

Public Relations: 8

Determination: 4

Persuasiveness: 5

Bargaining: 3

Patience: 2

Competitive Spirit: 1

Pragmatism: 1

<3<3 Infatuation <3<3

Alforde Armorsoul:

Primary Class: Hammer Specialist (Self), Level 5

Secondary Class: Right-hand man (Vee Vales), Level 18

Tertiary Class: Dungeon Champion (Oar’s Crest), Level 18

Additional Class: Glaciernaut (Sacha Silverblade), Level 10

Might: 56

Wit: 15

Faith: 29

Adventurousness (Bound – Vee Vales): 9

Endurance: 29

Intimidating Presence: 14

Heart of a Champion: 14

Citizenship (Bound – Vee Vales): 9

Vigilance: 10

Vanity: 2

Reginald:

Primary Class: Core Spirit (Unknown), Level ??

#$&Q#$)(@#$#@#$%!@#$##%#%()@#$**@@##

Secondary Class: Loudmouth (Self), Level 41

Tertiary Class: Majordomo (Vee Vales), Level 19

Additional Class: Announcer (Vee Vales), Level 11

Additional Class: Hyperthymesiac (Self), Level 5

Might: 1

Wit: 37

Faith: 17

Ambition: 28

Greed: 24

Deceptiveness: 27

Manipulativeness: 42

$#&*!@!!: !!!

Loyalty: 46

Patience: 11

Irritability: 23

Remorsefulness: 17

Expository Prowess: 23

#%$Pragmatism*#$: @#61$5

Hop@#!! @#$@!@#

@#$@%%^

#4^5#*&_!+++#(@$#

Citizenship (Bound – Vee Vales): 9