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Dungeons Are Bad Business
Volume 2 Chapter 35:

Volume 2 Chapter 35:

Mewling like a kitten, a tiny blue-green slime floated across the office like a miniscule balloon. It bobbed up and down as it did so, and when it bumped into the far wall and stopped, it squealed until Kai gently nudged it and turned it around.

“It’s a shame they don’t stay this cute,” the bonsai treant said as he watched the little slime waft back across the room. “Don’t you think so, Vee?”

The [Dungeon Master] tore his affectionate gaze away from the little slime just in time to see one of the other specimens – which was substantially larger and mean looking – diving toward his head. He ducked beneath it and batted the minion away, smirking at the thwacking sound of the impact.

“For sure,” Vee said as he deflected another attack from the angry slime. “But I think the bigger ones are better suited to our purposes here at Crestheart. How old did you think they were, again?”

Kai thought for a moment, then called Dandelion over for further clarification.

Looking slightly uncomfortable, Dandelion turned its head to the ground and said, “The first slimes started changing about eight days ago after we gave them some of the red refined ectoplasm, and the little one only got its splotches the day before yesterday.”

Vee blinked. Dandelion’s speech had improved significantly since he’d last heard it speakk. Heck, it was easier to understand than Do, now, though it had taken on a hint of Kai’s slightly grassy lisp. Uncapping his pen, the [Ghost Maestro] made a note to bring both of those things up with Rortenferry the next time he spoke to his old [Professor], then returned his attention to the matter at hand.

He took his [Ghost Baton] out of his pocket and prodded the littlest slime as it drifted by. It wasn’t as squishy the way a slime should have been, but it didn’t feel like proper ectoplasm either. He tried to look at it with [Third Sight] too, but the multi-colored flickering that he saw inside its little body was too erratic to be of much observational use.

“It’s always something new,” Vee muttered under his breath as he started collecting notes on the new creatures. No doubt Rortenferry would want all of these details in addition to seeing the new slimes for himself.

When he finished, Vee looked over at Kai. “So how many of these ecto slimes did you say there are back in the menagerie?”

“In addition to these three there are six or seven that have been acting strange for the past few days and might be on the verge of transforming. We’re feeding them with the same red ectoplasm, but our supply of it is almost out. I was kind of hoping you could make us some more? I brought a cube for you to look at too.”

Reaching into one of the many compartments on his barkbody, Kai drew out a tiny cube of scarlet ectoplasm and handed it to Vee. The [Ghost Maestro] examined it closely, but he saw nothing unusual to indicate that it’d be capable of causing the slimes to morph after consuming it. Why did this batch cause such a strange effect when the rest hadn’t?

“I’ll see what I can come up with,” he said as he set the cube aside on his desk. “On the off chance that I can’t replicate this ectoplasm though, is there any other way we can get more ecto slimes? How have your attempts to split the ice slimes been going?”

Kai wriggled his branches and looked away. “No successes yet. There’s a trick to breaking the core into clean pieces that I haven’t figured out yet, though my [Creature Sense] has improved enough to where I think I’ll get it soon.”

“Any other updates on the menagerie’s slime population?”

“One of the specimens that Dandelion has been working with a lot is starting to show some signs of becoming a Royal Slime as well, so if nothing else, there should be a lot more slimes available to the dungeon soon.”

“Glad to hear it,” Vee said as he snapped Reginald away from the big ecto slime’s hungry attentions. The hat snarled at the minion, and the creature growled back. Reginald looked up at Vee.

“Keep that thing away from me, Boss, or I’ll teach it a lesson it won’t forget.”

Vee couldn’t help but smirk at the hat’s bravado. “And how exactly would you do that?”

Reginald summoned his yellow spirit hands and balled them into fists. Like a kid getting into their first schoolyard boxing match, he waved them back and forth awkwardly, and Vee shook his head.

“I’d hate to have to have Hanako repair my board, so I’ll see what I can do. Kai? Can you give us a hand, here?”

The bonsai treant clambered back into his barkbody, and after a moment the construct’s eyes blazed back to life. He stomped forward and a pair of vines shot out of his forearm. They wrapped around the belligerent ecto slime and formed a net of sorts, though that alone wouldn’t be enough to hold the minion for long. Dandelion got close enough to carefully lace some bits of warding fern around the vines, its hands moving with the deft skill of frequent practice. Once the last bit of fern was attached, the slime shrank and calmed down. Kai repeated the process for the other large slime floating around, then set them both down on the floor. The little slime was deemed cute enough to avoid being netted for the moment.

Vee stared at the little minions, and wondered how he could use the larger specimens in Crestheart. By themselves, they weren’t particularly impressive, and the [Dungeon Master] didn’t want to add minions to the dungeon if they weren’t going to accomplish anything. Sure, in the best scenario, they were annoying, but that wasn’t enough to justify their inclusion. Not to mention, their numbers were too limited to justify using them as pure fodder. That might change once Kai managed to stabilize a population in the menagerie, but for now they weren’t a terribly attractive prospect.

Unless…Vee had a thought.

[Plotting +1]

Closing his eyes, the [Ghost Maestro] focused on his bond to Do and said, “What trap crystals do you have lying around down there?”

The [Dungeon Maintainer]’s deep voice came back through the bond. He rattled off a series of traps including [Snowsplosion], [Icicle Spears], [Frost Shot], and others. Vee considered the possibilities for a moment, then asked Do to bring up all of the traps that shot projectiles.

He looked over at the nearest viewing crystal. Down in the dungeon below, a level 27 [Sword Dancer] was descending toward the champion’s arena to battle Alforde.

***

Alforde heard the telltale squeak of the stairs outside his arena and stood up. After carefully marking his page and depositing his book behind the chest he guarded, the [Dungeon Champion] picked up Slammy and closed his eyes. He focused his thoughts as Sacha had taught him, and then said, “While I may be about to fight, I am more than just a combatant.”

His emotions swirled inside his plates, coiling themselves together as he opened his eyes. Lifting his helmet and squaring his pauldrons, Alforde summoned his cape and furiously whispered, “I am the [Dungeon Champion] of Crestheart!”

The words felt a little thin in the air, but he didn’t have time to reflect on it because the doors swung open and a woman stepped inside. She brushed bits of ice and snow from her arms and shoulders and adjusted her black hair as she stepped onto the platform. Her outfit was simple but vibrantly colored and she carried a thin silver rapier in her right hand. Floating in the air behind her were three additional blades of a similar size, but that wasn’t all Alforde noticed about her. There was something else too. An invisible ring, or aura perhaps, that surrounded the adventurer. It felt like steel to his senses, and Alforde tightened his gauntlets around Slammy’s handle.

The woman bowed, and Alforde responded with a curt nod. He still went back and forth on what was the best way to greet a challenger, but responding to courtesy with some of his own couldn’t be a bad thing. He introduced the rules and handed over the SSB, only for the adventurer to refrain from taking it right away.

“I understand that you have a Reflection,” the adventurer said. “I would like to ask you to summon it now, if possible.”

This tale has been pilfered from Royal Road. If found on Amazon, kindly file a report.

“And why should I do that?”

She shrugged, and Alforde felt the invisible ring of steel get bigger. It covered half the stage. “I believe that you’ll need all the help you can get. If what I’ve heard is remotely correct, my level is noticeably higher than yours.”

Alforde flexed his plates and braced his legs, but decided to do as she asked and summoned Shadowforde. His Reflection took a position behind the adventurer and nodded, and the armorsoul swallowed a bitter frustration. He did not like being dismissed so easily. He couldn’t let it get to him, though. For all he knew, the woman’s request was simply a tactic to knock him off his balance, and he refused to let it affect his focus.

To be a champion is to be unshakeable.

With a patronizing smile, the woman popped the SSB and the battle began. Alforde advanced cautiously, readying himself for the woman’s first attack, but it never came. Instead, he found it harder to walk after a few steps as the woman’s invisible ring buffeted his legs. The armorsoul stopped, trying to understand what exactly he was up against.

Since approaching was off the table, Alforde decided to probe the adventurer’s skills with a ranged attack. Twisting Slammy’s handle and opening the weapon’s head to reveal the [Frost Shot] crystal inside, Alforde fired three frigid projectiles at the woman. They were all cut down by her floating swords, and the woman tutted as she took a step forward.

“Is that it? Really?”

More pressure assaulted Alforde from all around, and his armor echoed as if it was being struck by dozens of swords at once. It was distracting as could be, but the [Dungeon Champion] managed to get his hammer up in time to block her first proper strike. The force of the impact was staggering, and he slid back a few feet. Once he pushed the woman’s sword away, Alforde retaliated with an aggressive [Combo Attack].

Or at least, it should have been an aggressive [Combo Attack]. Instead, thanks to the relentless pounding from the woman’s aura, Slammy moved slowly and sluggishly through the air.

With the gleam of a cat about to pounce on a mouse in her eye, the adventurer ducked past Alforde’s guard and jumped into the air. Spinning around once, she kicked him squarely in the chest.

And to think, Alforde had thought the sword blow was strong! How wrong he’d been! Alforde tumbled helmet over boots off the stage and fell. He was still trying to process how she’d moved so quickly as he hit the ground and bounced back up.

It just didn’t make any sense. How much higher of a level was she?

Despair filled his cuirass and vanished just as fast. He wasn’t going to think about that right now, he was going to do his best to win the match.

Tilting his helmet and adjusting his left pauldron, Alforde gave Shadowforde the signal for an all-out attack and threw himself forward. He swept and jabbed, trying to land a blow of his own. None came close to landing. His Reflection’s fluid strikes were similarly rebuffed, and the adventurer [Stabbed] him with enough force to send him sliding once more. He didn’t get knocked off the stage this time, but it was an easy thing for the woman to finish the job with another armor-rattling kick.

It'd been less than two minutes and Alforde had already lost half of his stocks.

“Want to call it here?” the woman asked. She looked a little bored.

“I won’t give up that easily,” Alforde growled as he returned to the stage once more. If he could just hit her, he could take a stock back. She was stronger than he was, but Alforde was confident in his own Might.

Crouching, Alforde tried an [Unstoppable Charge].

Unfortunately, he was slowed by the aura once again, and the challenger stepped aside with contemptuous ease. Shadowforde tried to hit her from the side, but an almost lazy flick of the adventurer’s rapier dispatched the Reflection. Another kick took Alforde’s third stock, and the woman peered over the side of the stage.

“Honestly, I was hoping for more of a challenge,” the [Sword Dancer] said once Alforde returned once again. Her smile was gone now, having been replaced by a disappointed frown. “I’m shocked. Several of my fellow adventurers on the Open Call said that you were a worthy foe, but you’re overwhelmed by my basic Domain? Disappointing. The rest of the dungeon wasn’t bad, but I think I’m ready to be done with this now. [Steel Calligraphy].”

Her floating swords rotated so that they were pointing at Alforde. Alforde didn’t flinch. He was outmatched, but that wasn’t an excuse to give up. He wanted to be a champion who fought until the very end.

Heart Of A Champion activated, and a familiar red glow spread across his armor. The armorsoul’s vision went red too, and just before all four of his enemy’s blades struck his chest, he activated [Give No Ground]. Red mixed with gold as the [Dungeon Champion] did his best to endure.

True to its name, the skill kept him in place, but it wouldn’t last. A curving slice knocked Slammy out of his gauntlets, but Alforde didn’t dare try and retrieve his trusty weapon. Once [Give No Ground] wore off, the match would end.

Couldn’t he get a single stock? Was this truly the level of difference between them? The woman’s aura, her Domain, pressed on him, and Alforde had no way to resist it. That was what he needed! A Domain of his own, one that could slow and inhibit the woman’s attacks the way hers impeded him.

The adventurer drew back and readied her blades once more. The pressure of her Domain increased even further, and Alforde felt as if he were surrounded by a dozen swordsmen all furiously slicing away at him. The gold light of [Give No Ground] around Alforde’s armor flickered and started growing dim, its duration almost at an end.

“Not yet,” Alforde said, willing the skill to last just a fraction longer. “Just another couple seconds.”

The woman gave him her most condescending smile yet. Shaking her head, she said, “And what good would that do? Waste both of our time? I’d rather that you didn’t, actually. You’re weak, [Dungeon Champion].”

Alforde’s Heart Of A Champion blazed and the red light covering his armor grew brighter.

“Maybe that’s true,” he said. “But I won’t always be. I’ll show you!”

He’d felt a skill bouncing around his helmet recently, and that was what he sought now. Please. Just one stock. That’s all I need.

An image of a glacier surrounded by screaming winds filled his mind’s eye.

That was what he needed. A winter storm. A Domain. A [Chilling Tempest].

The skill activated as Alforde realized its true nature, and the temperature in the room dropped rapidly. Alforde’s cape left his pauldrons and dispersed, sending jagged blades and bits of ice whirling through the air. They struck the adventurer as they moved out to form a circle that contained the entire arena, and the adventurer stopped in her tracks.

Maybe she was surprised by the sudden flash of power, or maybe the sudden chill genuinely took her breath away, but for a single glorious moment she was seemingly frozen in place.

Alforde knew that he only had a moment with which to act. He could feel his control of the skill slipping already, so he did the only thing he could think of.

“[Unstoppable Charge]!”

To be a champion was to fight until the bitter end, and while he was most certainly going to lose this match, he found that he didn’t care.

He was absolutely going to have the last word.

Crashing into the adventurer, Alforde ignored the furious blows of the woman’s blades as he wrapped his arms around her body. They both rocketed toward the far side of the stage. As she realized what Alforde meant to do, the [Sword Dancer] tried to break free, but for all her struggling, there was no escape.

As his momentum carried them both over the edge of the stage, the [Dungeon Champion] added his voice to the roar of his storm.

“I am the [Glaciernaut] of Crestheart!”

They both landed hard and Reginald’s voice announced the end of the bout. As he rolled over and looked up at the ceiling, Alforde was at peace.

He’d gotten a stock.

[Congratulations, you are now a Glaciernaut Level 5! – Deferred due to [Fair Fight]!]

[Heart of a Champion + 2 – Deferred due to [Fair Fight]

Main Character Sheets:

Vee Vales

Primary Class: Ghost Maestro (Locksmagister University), Level 29

Secondary Class: Dungeon Master (Oar’s Crest), Level 19

Tertiary Class: Guy-Who-Takes-Things-WAY-Too-Far (Self), Level 5

Might: 13

Wit: 31

Faith: 21

Adventurousness: 7

Ambition: 14

Plotting: 19 (+1)

Charisma: 13

Devious Mind: 22

Leadership: 17

Guts: 13

Intimidating Presence: 10

Citizenship: 20

Public Relations: 5

Determination: 1

<3**Infatuation**<3

Alforde Armorsoul:

Primary Class: Hammer Afficionado (Self), Level 21

Secondary Class: Right-hand man (Vee Vales), Level 13

Tertiary Class: Dungeon Champion (Oar’s Crest), Level 14

Additional Class: Glaciernaut (Sacha Silverblade), Level 5 (+1)

Might: 39

Wit: 12

Faith: 26

Adventurousness (Bound – Vee Vales): 8

Endurance: 20

Intimidating Presence: 12

Heart of a Champion: 8 (+2)

Citizenship (Bound – Vee Vales): 8

Vigilance: 6

Vanity: 2

Reginald:

Primary Class: Core Spirit (Unknown), Level ???

--~%@(%$@ &% (*$ #&#e !i$$ (#$%#$%#$@!)~--, #$v@& ????

Secondary Class: Loudmouth (Self), Level 38

Tertiary Class: Majordomo (Vee Vales), Level 15

Additional Class: Announcer (Vee Vales), Level 8

Might: 1

Wit: 33

Faith: 13 (+1)

Ambition: 27

Greed: 22

Deceptiveness: 27

Manipulativeness: 37

$#&*!@!!

Loyalty: 46

Patience: 8 (-1)

[#&%%%@%!#@__--#%]

Hop@#!! @#$@!@#

@#$@%%^

Citizenship (Bound – Vee Vales): 7

Bonus: Kai and Dandelion Character Sheets

Kai Ginficus:

Primary Class: Menagerie Caretaker (Vee Vales), Level 17

Secondary Class: Barkbody Pilot (Pachi Palmatum), Level 15

Tertiary Class: Verdant Builder(Self), Level 7

Might: 12

Wit: 6

Faith: 13

Green Spirit (Snowsapped): 16 (Normally 31)

Adventurousness: 6

Guts: 10

Citizenship: 5

Mentoring: 6

Patience: 3

Dandelion

Primary Class: Menagerie Caretaker’s Apprentice (Kai Ginficus), Level 11

Secondary Class: Gardener (Kai Ginficus), Level 4

Might: 9

Wit: 9

Faith: 7

Endurance: 9

Green Spirit: 5

Bashfulness: 6

Citizenship (Bound - Vee Vales): 1