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Dungeons Are Bad Business
Volume 2 Chapter 129:

Volume 2 Chapter 129:

Vee walked into the [Apothecary]’s shop expecting a dingy, poorly lit mess. The kind with jars of floating bits of monsters crammed onto sagging shelves and “aisles” that only existed in the owner’s imagination. The kind that smelled like both death and unnatural life simultaneously, with a hint of cheap lemon candy added for good measure.

What he found instead was nothing of the sort. Or, rather, it was dim inside, sure, but the lack of lighting was clearly intentional. It cast moody, modern shadows on the walls, giving the place more of a trendy coffee shop vibe than the bloated corpse of a store owned by an aspiring [Mad Scientist].

Vee appreciated that.

He looked around at the portraits and etchings on the wall. Most of them he vaguely recognized from the annals of famous adventurers he’d read as a kid. While he didn’t really remember their names, half-formed recollections of daring deeds and great voyages fluttered to the forefront of his memory.

It wasn’t just people on the walls either; there was also a collection of drawings Vee recognized from Epscot Roosgerald’s Monster Manual. Here for the first time the shop showed some of the darkness Vee had expected; most of the drawings were for nightmarish beasts Vee hoped to never see in the flesh. Peanut-shelled Spider-sentries with their half-dozen glowing eyes and their cracked carapaces from whence they got their names, Blistering Cactipodes who ran on two legs and hugged their prey to death, Crawroses with a mouth on every petal, and plenty more.

The shelves were free from dust and organized well, though there were many jars filled with mysterious goo and even more mysterious floating contents. Somewhat oddly, they were all wrapped with decorative little strings and other bits of prettification that made them seem like interesting novelties and not horrifying body bits.

Vee appreciated that too.

A middle aged man with graying hair and trim square glasses was sitting at the countertop, reading a thick book. He didn’t seem to notice the trio approaching, though he looked up when Vee coughed politely.

“Help you?” he asked, in a surprisingly strong voice.

“I’m suffering from Overcooled, and was hoping you could give me something to shake it off.”

The man’s eyebrow went up. “Why’s that? Most people like being Overcooled.”

He shrugged. “Besides, it’ll probably dissipate on its own in a few hours or so. Maybe a day at the most.”

Vee shook his head. “I’m not most people, and I didn’t get it intentionally. I just upgraded my primary class and it popped up.”

The apothecary closed his book and rubbed his chin. “I see. Upgrade statuses do tend to linger sometimes. Let me go grab some things. I don’t think I have anything ready right now, but if you don’t mind waiting a few minutes I can whip something up for you.”

That was fine with Vee, especially so given his status effect. He said as much, and the [Apothecary] walked off to the far shelves and started sorting through jars with practiced expertise.

Instead of watching the man work, which would probably be boring, Vee headed over to an etching that’d caught his eye on the way in and stared at it instead.

It showed four grinning young men standing over a bloody behemoth’s carcass. They all wore armor and carried weapons that looked like they’d been cobbled together out of random monster bits: pieces of shell for shields and armor, horns for lances, mandibles for maces or rip-swords.

One of the men looked familiar: Vee Vee turned to the [Apothecary], who was coming back to the counter with a trio of jars carefully tucked under his arm.

“Is this you?”

The [Apothecary] stopped and gave Vee a small smile as he looked at the picture. “Aye. Those were the days. My friends and I were all [Dauntless Hunters], and we thought we were going to be [Heroes] one day if we slew enough behemoths.”

The smile faded and he shrugged on his way back to the counter. “Didn’t end up working out, as you can see, though I guess getting comfortable with chopping up and using bits of monsters is a skill that helps me quite a bit these days. Sorry that took so long, I’m having a bit of a shortage on some ingredients lately.”

“Oh? What kind of shortage?”

The man shrugged again. “Nothing outside the norm, I suppose. There’s a whole network of [Monster Dealers] that I order from, but ever since that mess with the bandits a while back they’ve been inconsistent as heck. Give me a few minutes, and I’ll have your remedy done in a flash.”

WIth the ease of practiced professionalism, the [Apothecary] opened the jars and started extracting ingredients. Vee walked around and looked at the other images, listening to the steady rhythm of the pestle pounding and pretending that he hadn’t seen the copious amounts of slime that’d come off the first ingredient. Ignorance, bliss, et cetera.

A few minutes later, the [Apothecary] poured a brown sludgy liquid into a vial and set it on the counter. “There we go, all done. It’s a little thicker than normal, but it should take care of your issue.”

“Thanks, what do I owe you?”

“Hmm…let’s go ahead and call it one silver fleur, thank you kindly. The Status Effect should fall off in twenty to thirty minutes, depending on your metabolism.”

Vee thanked the man and picked up the vial, decidedly not asking what all was in it and pinching his nose shut as he drank. The slight thickness of the mixture and the bitter tang he still tasted confirmed his wisdom on that account, and when he was done he paid the man and took out one of his slime cleaning flyers.

“I don’t know if you’ve heard anything about this,” Vee said, passing the paper over to the [Apothecary], "but it’s something you might find beneficial. See, much like you I’m interested in finding ways to utilize monsters in daily life.”

The man cocked an eyebrow and looked at the flyer. “Slimes, eh? I don’t suppose you’ve got some acid-spitting ones around, do you?”

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“Afraid not,” Vee said. “My dungeon doesn’t use them, so I don’t have any in my herd. Why?”

“Drat. I’m low on acid slime cores too, and they’re darned useful in all sorts of recipes. I was hoping that I’d found another potential supplier.”

Vee ran his hand through his hair, thinking. “I see. Sorry about that. I don’t suppose regular slime or ghost slime cores could work instead?”

“Ghost slimes? Don’t know what those are, but regular ones aren’t any good. They’re too small. Acid slimes have got real big cores on ‘em.”

“Got it, got it. Well, I’ll come by again and let you know if we ever end up getting some of those acid spitters. Now, about these slime cleaning services we offer.”

***

One surprisingly easy sale of slime cleaning services sealed and a timer ticking on his Overcooled status later, Vee left the [Apothecary]’s shop with a newfound sense of confidence and a list of monster names beyond acid spitting slimes that might potentially lead to future business.

“See, boss? This is why you keep me around,” Reginald said, flopping forward to leer down at the paper with a wide grin. “You were just going to stop there with the cleaning service bit and call it good.”

“Yeah, you did good,” Vee admitted. “That was a nice bit of conversation steering.”

He looked down at the list. Some of the names were vaguely familiar – Spikespitter Lizards, Pint-size Punchers, Scalemongers – while others like Roundheart Claggles or Ornamental Zilleen were total mysteries.

There were probably a dozen names on the list, and Vee planned to pay special attention to the union’s monster ordering manuals when he got around to scouting his next purchases to see if there were any matches.

Perhaps there was a chance for some…recycling…income.

[Plotting +1!]

Although, even if that was the case, Vee wasn’t sure it’d be viable. Talking to Kai and the Kartine twins about adding some acid-spitting slimes to the herd was one thing, purchasing large amounts of other monsters they weren’t familiar with was another.

“You’ve got that crossed-eyed look of yours, boss. What’s on your mind?”

“I’m just thinking about the options. If we want to get into wholesale monster dealing on any sort of scale, we’ll have to expand the menagerie by quite a bit. That’s doable, I think, but it might not be a good idea.”

“Why not?” Reginald asked, peering up and frowning. “We’ve got plenty of space in abandoned Westown. Heck, if we wanted to we could turn into a full service monster retreat.”

“It’s not just the space,” Vee said. “Though you’re right on that count. The bigger issue is that it’s pretty far outside our current goals and skillset. Kai and Dandelion are limited in what they can do at any given moment in time.”

“So? The Kartine twins can help and if we need more than that you can just hire a few people and things will work themselves out.”

Vee drummed his fingers along Reginald’s brim.

“Are you intentionally screwing with me? There’s way more to it than just hiring people. We’d have to make sure they had relevant skills, put safety measures in place to make sure no monsters go rage in the city, and handle a million other little details. It’s not just a snap your fingers type of situation.”

Reginald whistled.

“Gawain’s beard. I was just brainstorming with you. Jeez. That [Apothecary] sure knows his stuff. You’re basically back to your normal self, with all those little stumbling block details at the forefront of your mind.”

Vee cursed at his hat and stuffed his hands into his pockets. It was properly dark outside now, and to Vee’s surprise his appetite was fading. He didn’t know whether that was on account of the [Apothecary]’s remedy or if all the food he’d eaten was finally starting to catch up with him, but either way he passed a half dozen restaurants without any impulse to go inside.

Maybe it was because he was focused on it, but much like sobering up in the evening after an afternoon of drinking, a few flickers of clear normal thought were starting to bubble up in the back of his mind.

He settled on a few key thoughts. Full-on monster raising was not what he wanted to do, but if he could find a way to collect extra fleurs from the cultivation he needed to do for Crestheart anyway it’d be foolish to leave those fleurs on the proverbial table.

Putting some of his flyers up where they’d be seen by passerby, Vee finished the night wandering around and talking to Alforde and Reginald and resolved to talk to Kai in the morning to see what the treant thought about the acid-spitting slimes thing.

He also decided that the next day was as good a time as any to go ahead and set up his new forge.

Main Character Sheets:

Vee Vales

Primary Class: Ghost Smith (Self), Level 8

Secondary Class: Dungeon Master (Oar’s Crest), Level 24

Tertiary Class: Guy-Who-Takes-Things-WAY-Too-Far (Self), Level 7

Might: 15

Wit: 41

Faith: 25

Adventurousness: 7

Ambition: 16

Plotting: 20 (+1)

Charisma: 18

Devious Mind: 29

Leadership: 22

Guts: 16

Intimidating Presence: 11

Citizenship: 24

Public Relations: 8

Determination: 7

Persuasiveness: 6

Bargaining: 4

Patience: 3

Competitive Spirit: 1

Pragmatism: 1

<3<3 Infatuation <3<3

Alforde Armorsoul:

Primary Class: Hammer Specialist (Self), Level 6

Secondary Class: Right-hand man (Vee Vales), Level 19

Tertiary Class: Dungeon Champion (Oar’s Crest), Level 18

Additional Class: Glaciernaut (Sacha Silverblade), Level 11

Might: 59

Wit: 15

Faith: 28

Adventurousness (Bound – Vee Vales): 9

Endurance: 33

Intimidating Presence: 15

Heart of a Champion: 14

Citizenship (Bound – Vee Vales): 9

Vigilance: 11

Vanity: 2

Single-Mindedness: 1

Reginald:

Primary Class: Core Spirit (Unknown), Level ???

#$&Q#$)(@#$#@#$%!@#$##%#%()@#$**@@##

Secondary Class: Loudmouth (Self), Level 43

Tertiary Class: Majordomo (Vee Vales), Level 21

Additional Class: Announcer (Vee Vales), Level 14

Additional Class: Hyperthymesiac (Self), Level 5

Might: 2

Wit: 37

Faith: 17

Ambition: 29 (+1)

Greed: 24

Deceptiveness: 27

Manipulativeness: 42

$#&*!@!!: !!!

Loyalty: 47 (+1)

Patience: 11

Irritability: 25

Remorsefulness: 17

Expository Prowess: 23

#%$Pragmatism*#$: @#61$5

Hop@#!! @#$@!@#

@#$@%%^

#4^5#*&_!+++#(@$#

Citizenship (Bound – Vee Vales): 9