The panther, Snow’s father, his attack still weighed heavily in my mind. Bellas’ death just added on top of it. I thought about death a lot. I thought that I was going to die someday.

I managed to survive the Nekodae’s attack against all odds. The experience never left my mind. I could still feel the weight of the dead body on top of me. The warmth of the blood spilling on me stuck to me. I’ve killed before but not like this. I killed as a cycle of life and always thanked the animal. I never purposely meant harm to any of them. Snow’s father was different. I was forced to kill him. I didn’t like it.

I kept having nightmares.

I slept with Claire for a few days until she built another room for the cabin in The Garden. I kept waking her up every night because of these bad dreams. The only comfort she gave me was the brushing of my hair while I fell back asleep.

“Do you feel guilty?” she asked one night before bedtime.

“I don’t know.”

“You’re far too kind of a child, Rae. You did what you had to do, don’t feel bad about it.”

“I don’t like killing. It’s better if we just got along.”

“I think so too, but the world doesn’t work like that.”

“Are the other cats like Snow evil?”

“Evil? Rae, nothing in this world is inherently good or evil. It’s a matter of perspective. It’s important for you to remember that. The sands of time aren’t bothered by such trivial ideas.”

“That doesn’t answer my question.”

That opinion of hers was confusing to me. I didn’t agree with it then and I still don’t. However, she was a person who was allowed to think like that. She’s a woman who has seen all. A girl who became numb to it all.

“The panther was just in his attack. You were forbidden to be in The Garden and Snow was forbidden to leave. You were also in the right to defend yourself.”

“Are they going to try and kill me again?”

“I talked to them. They won’t.”

“And Snow?”

Claire chuckled, “She’s your responsibility. I’m sure she’ll grow up to be a dependable sister for you.”

I did not know what she meant by that.

-

I was back in the Garden but things were different. I would like to put the blame on Claire’s presence but she wasn’t it. There was drama in the background between the Nekodae and the Dragons. Drama that Claire made sure to never escalate.The dragon kids weren’t allowed to be out without supervision. Even I could feel the tension in the air. The silence carries a certain amount of weight. The fields were more quiet than before.

Claire spent most days lounging around, either reading or taking naps anywhere she could. It looked like she felt more at home here. She looked more relaxed. I was left most days alone in the house. It’s not like I could go out and make my voice heard either. I was still recovering, physically and mentally.

I spent alot of those days alone. I barely even had Snow to keep me company. The cat spent most of her time with Claire. That’s one thing that made me feel really lonely. I thought Snow was completely warmed up to me. Seeing her prefer Claire over me hurt.

Eventually, I think Claire noticed as she brought some books to keep me entertained. There were dozens, enough for me to take weeks to finish them all. One, however, looked much different than the others. While all others had warn out covers, this one was devoid of color and design. I figured she must have grabbed it by mistake. The title of it caught my eye above all the others.

‘The basics of innate magic’

I made sure to read it when she wasn’t around.

It was written in Claire’s handwriting and drawings. It’s the first book I read of hers. I was never allowed to read them but for good reason. They contained countless things I shouldn’t have learned. Now this one was in my hands.

Before I even opened it, I realized that Claire has been using magic all along. I always thought it was weird how she can light a fire. I had to use rocks, lint, and friction as tools. She did this all with a snap of her fingers. I knew about the concept through the books I’ve read but it seemed make-believe. But this magic was real and was in front of me the entire time.

It didn’t delve deep into the complexities of creating anything else besides fire. There were symbols and graphs written down. For the first time, it was something I couldn’t understand. Reading it further I came to figure out that the letters and symbols represent words and math. This was chemistry and although I didn’t understand what it all meant at the time, I knew it was explaining how fire works.

Then Claire wrote how to ignite a flame on a fingertip.

Energy cannot be destroyed or created, only changed. All life is born with innate and dormant energy that bends this fundamental rule of the universe to its limits. To create fire, you find this dormant energy and push out outwards, using the friction of a snap to ignite it. I’m oversimplifying it to the extreme, but this is what I understood at the time. It’s something that takes years to figure out.

It only took me a couple of tries.

With a snap of my finger, I created a very small flame. I barely held on to it for a second before it disappeared. Excited, I kept practicing until I got good enough to have it last long enough to light a candle. I disregarded the small burn I was accumulating. The more I did it, however, the more tired I got. Before I knew it, I passed out on the floor.

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Claire woke me by nudging my body with her foot. “Is the floor that comfortable?”

Still excited, I leaped up, giving her my best smile. “Look what I learned!”

I snapped my finger and showed Claire the flame thinking she would be proud. Her indifferent expression turned into a scowl and she smacked my hand down.

“You idiot!” Claire yelled. Looking around, she found the book I was reading and cursed to herself. “Do you have any idea what you just did?”

“Magic? Just like you…”

Claire sighed then groaned. She kneeled to place her hands on my shoulders. “You didn’t read the book all the way through, did you? Rae, promise me you’ll never do that again.”

“Why?”

“If you would have finished reading, you would know.”

Yes, magic exists. It’s possible. It also comes with a great cost. The internal energy that one uses to conjure magic is that being’s life force. You trade away days and even years of your life by using magic. A simple flame takes a few days away from your life. A little fireball would take away a year or even more. It’s this trade-off that deters anyone from ever using it. The cost is just too great.

Or at least, this method was.

“You make fires all the time, though…”

“I’m the exception.”

“Do you hate me?”

"No. It's my mistake."

I remembered how we left things off when she left for three months. We weren't on good terms. I've stopped thinking of her as my mother because of it. Her attitude towards me was even colder. We hadn’t brought it up since the few days she was back. Everything just resumed. Seeing her get frustrated brought those feelings back.

“Are you mad at me?”

“Why do you think that?”

“I yelled at you and said I hated you. I didn’t mean it…I didn’t listen to you and went into the fog again. I keep causing problems for you and everyone in The Garden.”

Claire sighed, sitting down with her legs crossed. “That was my fault too. I shouldn’t have pushed you so hard. I was just frustrated at my own incompetence. I didn’t mean to take it out on you, Rae. And like I told you before, I didn’t want you to go in because it should have killed you.”

“But I still cause problems for everyone.”

“That’s okay. You’re still a kid. You’re supposed to be trouble. It’s my job to deal with them.”

“Even if I’m not your daughter?”

“You wouldn’t be here if I didn’t want the trouble.”

Those words cheered me up a little. I had been staring at the ground this entire time. I was able to look at Claire in the eyes right then. I didn’t see the mysterious woman who was raising me. I didn’t see Claire. I saw my mom again. I saw a mother who was comforting me.

“Do you have any other kids, Claire?” I randomly asked.

“No. I can’t have kids,” her voice was low and somber. “I did foster a few before.”

It occurred to me that I didn’t even know her age but everyone talked about her like she’s been around for dozens of years.

“How old are you?”

I unintentionally made her laugh. It’s something I hardly saw often. “Rae, you don’t even ask a girl her age. It’s rude.”

“I’m curious.”

Claire eyes her book on the ground. “Clearly. This body is 21, I think. Let’s just leave it as that.”

Again, she talked like she wasn’t human. It made me even more curious. I’ve watched how the dragons act around her. They all treat her as something divine. She had all of their respect and her word was always final. I’ve heard about her adventures with Frie and Fluer from their stories but I never learned new things about this woman. Even Bellas was referring to Claire as odd things that didn’t make much sense.

-

I went to Frie to learn more.

“What’s a Goddess?” I opened

“Are you seriously asking me that question?”

“Yes.”

I knew about The Goddess. I just didn’t know who she was. I thought she was something close like a queen; the ruler of the planet. Claire deliberately never taught me the concept of religion or God. Everyone kept mentioning her but not once explained anything to me. I just knew that the animals living on the island came from her. Bellas mentioned Claire was a child of this Goddess. I thought I should start there.

Before Frie could respond, Claire popped in out of nowhere, landing from the sky.

Unlike me, who could understand the dragon's language and them understand mine, Claire could speak it. It took me a while to catch it because I never paid attention to the sounds I heard.

“Frierenlus, don’t indulge her questions,” she said in their tongue.

“I want to know!”

“In due time,” she said to me. “Frierenlus, do you feel it as well?”

“Yes, for some time now.”

“Feel what?”

Claire turned to me. “Rae, once you’re fully healed, we will continue your training. We have to leave the island soon so I need you to be ready.”

“Why? What’s going on?”

Claire didn’t answer but Frie did. “A shift in the world is occurring. One that can not be ignored.”

I didn’t get much more than that.

The sudden news that we were leaving got me a bit excited. I would finally set out and start the adventures I kept dreaming about. I was finally going to join Claire and fight evil.

The training was hard. I felt like my body would break at the end of every session. This time, I didn’t complain. I’ve been in a position where my life was in danger. I knew I had to take things seriously now. There wasn’t room for me to fool around. There were things out there far deadlier and faster than the Nekodae panther that attacked me. I had to be ready.

Claire taught me more ways how to swing a sword. I learned that the blade isn’t the only weapon. The guard or the hilt could be used in many more ways than their intention, depending on the situation. She even taught me that I could fight even without a weapon. My fists were their own weapon. Although we didn’t get too deep into hand-to-hand combat, I learned enough to know at least how to defend myself.

At the end of most sessions, Claire and Fluer would spar. It was the first time I saw how far away I was compared to them. They fought in the sky so they didn't accidentally hurt me. Claire can’t fly so she used the force of their attacks and the dragon's body to stay afloat in the air. If she fell, she just jumped back up.

As a dragon who was dozen times larger than Claire, Fluer was just as nimble as she was. He moved incredibly fast through the air and his attacks could be barely seen. Any time I thought he was going to land a clean swipe at Claire, she deflected it with ease. It was unreal.

There was no way I could ever catch up. I couldn’t be done.

They were both monsters. Claire kept up and matched any move Fluer would do. It quickly became clear to me that she was holding back. She toyed with Fluer by constantly using his body and limbs as a platform to stay in the air. She flipped and spun up in the air like she was a dancer. She made moves that were unnecessary and only depleted crucial stamina. Claire fought nothing like how she taught me.

She was having fun.

The hypocrisy was clear to me. But when you're called the strongest being in the world, I guess there are only a few threats to ever worry about. Watching her dance in the air just confirmed to me that Claire was hiding something from me. It became clear that she wasn't human. She couldn't be.

I felt like I was similar. I felt I was different from every other person. I was born on the island, that meant something. Until I was abandoned as a toddler, my parents were with me. Were they human? If so, how long have they been on the island without anyone noticing? I questioned who I was and why I had this gift. Claire had a plan for me that went beyond my childish desire to join her on adventures. She could have simply denied my request. What was it about me that made her want to raise me? The mystery of my origin couldn’t be the only reason.

I found out how weird and feared my existence was once I left the island.