I asked Claire to train me how to use a sword just like her. At the time, I just wanted something new to do. It was also an excuse for me to spend time with her. Books that told stories of hero’s adventures to defeat evil became my favorite to read. I thought if got good enough, I would also go on my own adventures. After all, that’s what I thought Claire was doing when she left the island. The idea that one day she’ll let me tag along became my motivation to get strong.

At first, practice was really easy and basic to follow along so it felt like I wasn’t learning anything. She just had me practicing sword swings, form, and flexibility. I found it all boring so I often complained. The fantasy books I read all described their swordplay to be much cooler than anything I was doing. Claire insisted this basic practice was necessary for me before I actually learned how to spar with her.

Around when I was seven, she came back home one day with a wooden dummy so I could practice with. It still wasn't anything exciting but at least it felt good hitting something solid. I practiced as much as I could, sometimes to the point where my arms gave out. Sometimes I would take it too far and try to copy exactly how Claire would move but I lost my balance every time. The way she spun and swung her sword was too fast and precise to be copied. She had a way of making her swordstyle feel like a dance.

The winters were always brutally cold. There were times when it would snow so much that it was impossible to leave the house. Claire would use that time to teach me basic education. Things such as basic math and how to write. She also used that time to learn that read any language she threw at me. It was a quiet and calm time. It was that winter when Claire allowed me to spar with her.

"Your hair is getting awfully long," she commented as she tied it up before we went outside.

"How come it's white?"

"I don't know, you tell me."

"Do we have to practice today? It's too cold."

"It’s good training."

"It's too cold!"

"Stop complaining and get dressed. Grab your sword and meet me outside. I want you to land a hit today."

At first, Claire had me use a wooden sword to practice my movements. Once she felt I was ready, she brought a real metal sword for me to use. It was much heavier than the wooden one and it took a long time to get used to. Compared to hers, mine still felt like a toy. And even the one she practices with pales to the one she keeps locked in her room; the one she takes on her trips.

Our little spars were always Claire on the defensive and never swinging. All she did was deflect the metal sword in order for me to get experience with light combat. Not once she expected me to land a hit and now she was. I was excited.

I put on my snow boots as fast as I could and ran outside where Claire was waiting in the middle of a blizzard. This was new, but I didn’t think too much of the snowstorm. The reality that I couldn’t move as well in the snow hit when my ankles sunk into the snow. Then a strong gust of wind pushed me to the ground.

"What if I cut you!?"

"I wouldn't worry too much. Stance!"

I got into position, just how I was taught. My feet were evenly apart, one hand on the handle pulling the sword behind my shoulder and resting the sword flat on my other arm with the hand holding up the hilt. The Schlussel stance.

The heavy snow on the ground, the layers of clothes, and the raging storm only hindered my movement. Even if it was clear, there was no chance of me ever getting the upper hand on Claire. Every time I moved in or tried to block, she easily had me beat. Each spar ended the same way, with me on my back and the tip of her sword right above my neck.

We did this for a while until the cold became too much to bear and my movements became rigid. Tired and desperate, I threw my blade at her thinking it would hit. Claire knocked it away like it was a toy.

"What are you doing!? Stop treating this like a game! You're only going get yourself killed!"

"This is too hard! I don't like practicing in the snow!"

"Get up. Try again."

I do as I'm told but when I lunge my attack, I trip over myself. Claire quickly snatches the sword off my hand before I can fall on it.

"What the hell was that?! Are you even trying?"

"This is stupid!" I cried. The tears were instantly freezing on my red face and I couldn't take the cold anymore. "I hate you!"

"Rae!" I heard behind me as I bolted back inside the house. I was old enough to know not to expect her to follow me. She wasn't interested in comforting me. I knew Claire wasn’t like that.

Every time she came back from her trips, she brought me something from the outside world. My room was littered with these gifts. Most of them were toys or plush animals. Sometimes she brought back clothes that were ten times more colorful and comfortable than the ones she would make. The winter clothes I wore all came from the other lands. She came back from her last with a mirror. Before that, I never knew what I looked like. I looked at myself to see how many tears were clinging to my cheeks.

.

My hair is white as the snow on the ground. Wavy and long but the ends were always in knots. Claire often compared my eyes to be the same as the ocean outside. Sparkingly blue and bright. And unlike her narrow diamond-like eyes, mine were big and wide. Under them, I had faint freckles that I never liked. It’s weird seeing your reflection for the first time. It’s an acknowledgment that I exist. That I was a child.

I still hadn’t met any other person besides Claire. She was the only reference to what a human looks like. I couldn’t even imagine the world being full of them. The thought of other people existing sort of scared and excited me. There was going to be a time when I’d meet them, so I wanted to be a hero to them. Remembering that calmed me. I was being weak.

“Are you done sulking?” Claire’s voice gave me a good scare from behind. “It’s a bit too early to care about your looks, Rae” she joked. Or at least I think she was.

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“Go away.”

Claire picked me up from the floor and sat me on my bed. “Don’t be frustrated that you’re able to move the way you want to. You’re still treating your swordplay like it’s supposed to be fun. That’s what's holding you back.”

“You’re too strong! I can tell you’re not even trying either. And it’s snowing outside, how am I supposed to stay balanced?”

“And what about it?”

“You’re a big meanie.”

Claire roughed up my hair and sat next to me. “In a real fight, do you think the weather is going to be perfect? Sometimes it’s going to snow. Sometimes the ground will be muddy from the rain. Sometimes the ground won’t be flat. You are never going to have a fair fight.”

“You don’t have to yell at me, I’m still learning…”

“Why do you even want to learn the sword? Are those fantasy books influencing you?”

“I want to be a hero and fight monsters, with you.”

“It’s dangerous.”

“I just have to fight monsters, how hard can that be?”

“Well, that depends. Some are so weak that anyone can kill one. Then there are others where only specialists can fight. It’ll take you a lifetime before you’re even ready fight the ones I do. ”

“And those are?”

“The ones only I’m able to handle.”

“No one else can?”

“There are a few people, but it’s mainly my job.”

“Where do monsters come from?”

"A plague that fell from the sky."

"A plague?"

"A long time ago, a calamity fell from the sky. It was a plague that rampaged and nearly killed everything. The world was in the brink of dying. In a desperate attempt to save itself, the planet bestowed upon her gift and opened a door to a realm for shelter. Eventually, the plague was stopped and sealed away. It was enough for the circle of life to go back to normal. Except the plague was never killed and so its influence still leaks out from time to time. That's where monsters come from. They’re a lingering corruption from long ago," she explained, playing with my white hair.

"Whoa!"

Claire's explanation was dumbed down for me to understand. She didn't even get close enough to begin to scratch the surface. There wasn't a need for me to know the details. She explained things like that a lot. Even when I asked stuff about her she never went into too much detail.

I knew she held many secrets. Claire never shared where she was going or what she exactly did. She hardly explained why she lived on this island and refused to tell me what was beyond the fog in the forest. The only thing I knew about her was that she loved to read. Learning about the monsters she fought was the most I have ever gotten her to share at that point.

"Do they ever come here? I'll beat them up!

She giggled, "I'll make sure you can handle it when they do."

"You'll take me with you when I'm strong enough, right?"

"I can't keep you on the island forever, so yes. You just have to listen to me. I know it's hard but I can't have you dying on me."

The next morning, Claire woke me from her bed. It wasn’t her usual time and so I was groggier than usual. “Hey, Rae. I have to leave the island for a couple of days. Stay out of trouble,” she said while nudging me awake.

“‘Kay.”

It was odd. Claire never left before sunrise. Even then, she took her time to prepare for her trips. She was out the door by the time my eyes fullied opened. All her coats and winter hats were left untouched in her hurry. The snowstorm was still going on.

Nevertheless, I stayed home and awaited her return. The most she was ever gone was five days. It was lonely, much more lonelier than usual. The snow silences the world outside so when Claire was gone, I was left to my own thoughts. I couldn’t even leave the house for the next two days because the snow was too high.

When Claire came back, an overwhelming sense of relief went through me. She was gone for seven days and I had begun to think the worst.

“How was your trip?!” I greeted her with my biggest grin.

Claire tossed the bag she carried over her shoulder to the side and kicked off her boots. She then gently placed her sword against the wall and sighed.

“Have you been training?”

“A little bit. I had to wait for it to stop snowing.”

“Wait for me outside. Today we’re going to work on defense.”

“Okay!”

It took Claire ten minutes to join me. The way she walked was off. It was slower, tired. “Try your best to block or deflect my attacks. I’ll be saying where I’ll swing. Are you ready?”

I nodded and she didn’t waste a moment to lunge towards me. I wasn’t ready and I barely managed to deflect her sword away but it left me disoriented. She was moving faster than usual.

“Left! Right! Down! Down! Up! Right! Right!” She yelled out swinging, each attack barely being deflected. The next one knocked me down to my butt. “Get up.”

“You’re going too fast.”

“Is that a problem?”

“I’m not used to it.”

“Didn’t I tell you to stop complaining? Right! Right! Left! Right!”

Claire swung even faster this time. Harder too. I only blocked the fourth attack and broke the sword, flinging me back. “Ow! You’re going too hard! Ah, my sword!”

“You’re not improving fast enough! Get it together, Rae!”

“You’re going too fast!”

“Then just get used to it!”

“No. This is too hard! I’m just a kid, Momma!”

“I told you to stop calling me that!” Claire yelled.

Claire was mad. The anger in her voice was unlike anything I heard before. She raised her voice before, but not like this. It was fine to get frustrated at me because I sometimes didn’t listen to her. It was fine when I was doing things that could get me hurt. This was different. There was no reason to get mad at me for not keeping up. It wasn’t like she didn’t expect me to.

“Fine! I dont even care anymore! I hate you, Claire!”

Claire didn’t join me in the cabin until nightfall. When she did, she went straight to bed. I ignored her and she ignored me. Even then, I could tell something was bothering her. There was never a day when she didn’t take time to relax before going to bed. That night was the exception. There was no dinner, no bath, and no writing in her journal. It was straight to bed.

When I ran over to her bed to join her like always, Claire was already asleep. I was violently woken up by falling to the floor. “You’re getting too old! If you try this one more time, I’ll take away all your toys.”

“Okay…”

Under her breath, I heard her say, “I shouldn’t have kept the brat.”

It was obvious that Clair was frustrated at something. As distant as she was, Claire was acting too differently for it to be normal. I wouldn’t find out what was going on until later, but I wish she didn’t take it out on me. I know she didn’t think of me as her daughter but I was still impressionable. I still had feelings. We weren’t close. She was only taking care of me but I still considered her my mom until then. That night forever changed my relationship with her. If she wanted to be called Claire, then that's what she would get.

That’s what I decided on when falling asleep. She was just a mean lady who lived with me.

We were both forcefully woken up by the ground beneath us violently shaking. Confused and startled, I stayed in bed. I heard Claire jumping out of her bed and sprinting outside. She ran back inside to get changed. That’s when a loud burst of a roar shook the walls alongside the ground.

Claire ran into my room, “I have to leave again!” she said hastily before running back outside. I followed her to only see another snowstorm raging on. The winds were much more violent this time. Claire was staring at the sky in the direction of the forest. “What the hell does he think he’s doing?” She said.

“What’s going on?”

“Go back inside and wait for me. I’ll be back soon.”

I looked at where she was staring.

There was no snowstorm at all. It’s just the wind blowing all the snow on the ground. Deep and far inside the forest, I saw what looked like a mountain slowly rising.

Claire then bolted towards the forest. When I say bolt, I mean bolt. Like a lightning strike, she was gone, leaving an explosion of air and thunder as an after-effect. She was there a second ago and then disappeared faster than I could even see. This was her true speed. This was just how powerful she was.

I wanted to ask her all about it when she came back.

She was gone for the next three months.