My mother cannot die.
She does not age and any injury she receives is immediately healed. A woman that time does not touch. There are creatures that transcend the ordinary, weaving tales that become legends whispered across generations. My mother, an immortal woman graced with what she calls a curse, was one such figure.
To the world, She was more than just a person; she was an enigma, a riddle that provoked awe and wonder. A person of worship. Her deeds were woven into folklore, her stories passed down through ages like treasured heirlooms. The mention of her many given names was enough to spark fervent conversations, to light up eyes with reverence, and to hush gatherings with the gravity of her presence.
But for me, she was none of this. Any name that I heard of never felt real. That’s not who she is and never wanted to be. To me, I just knew her by her odd name,
Claire.
It took me a long time to learn of her true age. She held her history written down in her vast and seemingly unending library. Every shelve, every book and every scroll holds a fragment of her unending journey through time. History that would take a lifetime to learn. From what I was allowed to read, I found that she at least dated to the birth of civilization.
Claire tells me that these memories of her is the only proof of the people who all lived and died before her. Records of their existence so they may never truly die.
It’s why I’m writing one now.
This is my proof of my existence.
As you read the pages of this diary, you will glimpse the secrets of the woman whose footsteps echoed across time. This is the story of Claire and me, her adopted child. Our story of the journeys throughout the world as I discovered the fantastical wonders of this world. My story of the neglectful and lonely way I was raised and her story of how this apathetic and cold woman came to accept me as her child.
A diary of a girl who was never supposed to exist.
-
My very first memory is of being held in Claire’s arms and of an old man with skin sunken into the bone roughing up my hair. We were just outside our small little house and I could see the ocean past the cliff we lived on top of. Claire was saying something to the old man with an annoyed look. As I became aware of myself, the words became more and more clear.
Then the old man asked, “Are you giving her a name?”
“Rae,” my mom responded with a smile.
It’s the very first smile I ever saw and I hold it dearly in my heart because I wouldn’t see another one for a very long time. In that fleeting moment, I saw a treasure I knew was mine. Her lips glowed as the sun was directly casting its light to them.
The old man got close to my face and tugged on my cheek.
“My, my, what an enigma you are. I welcome you to our wonderful world, little Rae.”
“She doesn’t talk or even tries. Don’t babies learn how to speak at her size? I don’t even know how old she is.”
“Hmm, I say she’s around two to three. Who knows if she was even being taken care of by humans before? You have a tough job ahead of you, Claire.”
“It’s not like I haven’t raised brats before.”
The old man laughed. “I wish I was alive when you were! Still, I never imagined our guardian would ever adopt a child.”
“I already told you why. It’s not like I have a choice.”
“Maybe it's destined.”
“I lived long enough to know there is no such thing.”
I wrapped my tiny hand around the old man’s finger.
“Perhaps you can achieve what I could not,” the man told me. “Treate Claire well, will you?”
I nodded.
“There she goes again, acting like she can understand.”
But I did understand. A gift that puzzled Claired and added more mystery to my origin. Although I didn’t know how to speak, it didn’t hinder my ability to understand the language that was being spoken. An ability that isn’t shared with any other living thing.
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I, Rae daughter of Claire, was never meant to live a normal life. That was decided when my parents abandoned me in the middle of the forest where Claire found me.
I’m told I was sitting against a tree miles deep on the island I grew up in. My mom found me with just a thin cloth around me and no evidence of anyone else being there. She tells me it’s as if I was created right then and there, like magic. There couldn’t be any other realistic explanation. After all, Claire was the only person living on that island. Only a handful of people know it even exists. My presence there was supposed to be impossible.
My home, this island, is hidden from the world. I say island but sometimes it feels like a whole continent. On the far southwest corner, a small wooden cabin sits on top of a cliff that leads to the beach, and then to the ocean. This is where I call home and although I don’t live there anymore, I can never forget it.
Towards the west, there’s a huge open field housing millions of flowers and fauna. We had a small farm where we got most of our food in the middle. Past it is the forest that nearly covers the whole western side of the island. Deep inside and hours away from the cabin, a river can be found. Following it leads towards a waterfall that fills a lake down below. I was found right outside this lake. This is as far as Claire would take me when she began to teach me how to hunt. Even when I began to venture out on my own, I still wasn’t allowed to go past it.
There’s a reason this island stays hidden.
A reason my mother lives here.
Reasons that always seemed strange to me until I left the island and learned of the outside world.
-
My next solid memories I have are around the time I was able to comprehend that Claire was my mom.
She had me sitting on a small stool in my room. She was squatting down, resting her palm on her cheek. She sighed, “What am I going to do with you?”
To this day, Claire looks exactly the same as she did there. A young woman who couldn’t be past the age of 21. She has long strawberry-blond hair that compliments her light brown eyes although it's not their real color. A color only known to me.
Claire is tall and slim. Her skin glows in the sun and has no imperfections besides a deep but small scar right where her heart sits. Her lips are thin along with her nose that tips slightly up. Claire sets the standard of how an angel should look like. But by just appearance, she looks no different than any other human.
No one can tell that she’s the most dangerous being on the planet.
She picked me up and held me above her head. “At least you don’t give me any trouble.”
I understood her completely. I wanted to respond but I hadn’t learned how to talk yet. All I could do is laugh in response.
“Maybe I should have left you at Denzel’s.”
In response, I started to whine.
“Oh don’t start now that I said that.” Claire stood me and walked me outside. She leads me over the cliff’s edge so I can see the sun setting down on the ocean’s horizon. To this day, I haven't seen a more beautiful sunset. A sunset that is a tale of fictions.
Standing at the precipice of the world, my eyes absorbed this beauty.. The salty breeze tousled my hair, carrying whispers of tranguility. As the sun, a molten orb of fire, began its slow descent toward the horizon, the sky transformed into a canvas of hues so vibrant they kept defying my imagination.
The sea, stretching out in front of me, mirrored the sky's kaleidoscope with a palette of its own – an ever-shifting gradient of blues and greens, each shade more elusive than the last. Waves, like poetic dancers, crashed against the empty sands below, their echoes merging with the haunting calls of distant seagulls.
“Take a good look, Rae. You’re the only other person who has seen this. Remember it.”
And I do.
It was just Claire and I, hidden from the world.
“What am I even doing? What do I even have to prove? I should have just left it alone,” she mumbled to herself.
I grabbed hold of her dress to tug on it, trying to let her know that I did understand her. I’ve always had.
Claire sat down on the grass with me. Her eyes didn’t leave the view of the ocean. “Maybe I’m going insane again. Why the hell do I want to hurt myself when you die and leave me alone, just like everyone else.”
I heard her, but I didn’t know what she meant by that. I didn’t find out Claire was immortal yet. Looking back on it now, I get why she didn’t want to raise me. She just found me and had no obligation to do so. I could have been left at the orphanage as she originally planned. And yet she chose me.
I’ve read many journals of her memories. Claire is amongst the living but there is no one who could ever understand just how much she’s suffered. No one knows just how many people she befriended and lost all the same. She vowed to never allow herself to love another person just so she didn’t have to experience the pain of losing them ever again.
Claire carries a perspective that can’t be understood. Her long life has alienated her from any other person. She can’t relate to anyone and they can’t relate to her. She now sees the world much less as human and more as an animal.
Because of this, she’s grown to show little emotion and be apathetic to nearly everything.
“I’m only taking care of you until I find out where you came from. I’m not your mom, I’ll never be. You’re not my daughter, just another brat to watch over,” she said so sternly.
That’s when she began to keep me at a distance, making sure she didn’t allow herself to get attached to me. It’s like she flipped a switch. I’m sure she was debating if she should raise me with love before then.
It was often lonely. Sometimes even frustrating. I even grew to resent her. But I get it now.
Once she opened up to me to the point where I could understand, I forgave her. Even now, after learning who I am, I understand why Claire only watched over me. It was that lonely upgringing that even allowed me to become the person I am. My unrelenting pursuit of her approval and praise made me surpass all the limits of the human body. I was able to become a hero to the world.
Although we’re physically the same age now, I’m proud to be raised by Claire, Knight and child of the Goddess. She might be the strongest being on Earth, but I’m now the strongest human just the same. A guardian to life just like her.
All because I was never supposed to exist, just like her.
My story of how I was able to make her love again. A love that she had only for me, but one that was strong enough that made her human. Love that gives her purpose to live. And love that saved me from giving up on the world, just as she had.