Levi headed up the grand staircase toward the second floor. Like on the first, a long corridor led toward the left and the right. To the left, cobwebs choked the hall. To the right, the rug was worn and stained. The center of the hallway remained free of cobwebs. Altogether, it appeared as if someone had continuously paced the hallway. Back and forth, back and forth, until the dirt dragged in on their shoes became indelibly ensconced in the rug.

“You getting the vibes that vampire chick was just a liiiiitle bit clingy?” Levi asked, taking it in.

Colin raised his brows. “You think all this is from her?”

“Either that, or the Count has a problem with recruiting overly-devoted headcases,” he muttered. He followed the path to the right.

The stain ended at the door at the end of the hall. Levi tried it. To his surprise, it easily swung open, neither locked or fully closed. Not a hint of a squeal hid in its well-oiled hinges. Heavy curtains choked the light, but a single ray remained, enough to illuminate the room. A grand four-poster bed laid empty. Lush rugs and a plush chaise spoke to luxury, but both were threadbare and moth-eaten.

“Hello? Anyone home?” Levi called.

No response.

He stepped inside.

From around the edge of the bed, a coffin came into sight. It laid on the floor, its lid open. A desiccated corpse stretched out inside it, arms crossed, feet pointed. Fangs protruded from its gaping jaw. The single beam of sunlight fully illuminated the coffin, beaming down on it.

Levi whistled. “Damn. Talk about ‘if I can’t have you, no one else will.’ I think our friendly vampire chick took rejection a little hard.”

“Are you sure that’s the Count?” Colin asked.

“What? Who else would it be?” Levi asked, confused.

Colin gestured. “It’s wearing a suit.”

Levi turned. He looked at the corpse again, then back at Colin. “So?”

“So… men wear suits,” Colin said.

“Woooow, Colin. Way to be sexist. Women can wear suits, too. And for that matter, men can wear dresses. Don’t assume the corpse’s gender just because it’s wearing a certain outfit. Jeeeeez.”

“What? No! I just mean, we’re in a, like, semi-medieval society. People could get executed for wearing the wrong clothes!” Colin said, flustered.

“Colin the oppressor over here. Wow. Didn’t know I was hanging out with that kind of zombie. Gosh, Colin. I know you’re undead, but there’s no need to be regressive, too,” Levi said, shaking his head in disappointment.

Colin blushed, a sight to see with his pallid flesh. “Shut up! You know what I meant.”

Levi grinned. He walked over to the curtains and yanked them shut, cutting off the sun. Darkness fell over the room, save for a glittering crystal on the bedstand that emitted a low, warm light. He nodded at Colin. “Steal that shit.”

“Steal what?”

“The glowing crystal,” Levi said. “That’s gonna be mega useful if we encounter a full-size dungeon.”

Colin hesitated, then nodded. He picked the crystal up off the bedstand.

“Wow, first you stereotype, and then you steal from her? Wow, Colin.”

He dropped the crystal as if he’d been burned and whipped around to glare at Levi. “You told me to!”

Levi snorted. He grinned. “I’m just joking. But seriously, nab that crystal.”

“You nab it.” Colin put his hands behind his back and backed away.

“What? I summoned you from the dead, and you’re making me do all the hard work?” Levi asked, mock-startled.

“I brought you back from the dead first. And more effectively.”

Levi put his hands up. “Alright, alright. Fine. I’ll go steal the crystal.”

Colin stood back. Levi crossed over and grabbed the crystal. He tossed it to the Armalgam, who stuffed it into his bag. “There we go. That wasn’t hard, was it?”

Colin glared at him. “You’re the only one making it annoying.”

“What? Me? Would I do that?”

An angry look was his only response.

Levi wandered back over to the vampire. He crouched down. “I took the sunlight off you. You gonna wake up, or…?”

Colin edged along the outer line of the room. “Maybe you need to feed it blood.”

“It? Is that how you refer to women?”

Another glare. Colin shut his mouth.

“Aww, no, don’t give up. I’m having a great time over here,” Levi said. He reached out and grabbed the vampire’s chin, tilting it left and right. “Blood is a good idea. That usually works, right?”

He reached up to the Armalgam. The Armalgam handed him its concealed knife. Levi held it over his palm. He gazed down at the vampire. “If you are some random male vampire and not the Count, I’m going to feel so stupid.”

Taking a deep breath, he slashed his palm. Blood welled up in the cracks of his hand. He poured it into the vampire’s mouth.

Blood splashed into the back of the vampire’s gaping mouth. Nothing happened. The corpse remained desiccated. The vampire didn’t so much as twitch.

“Did you know that you are not supposed to feed passed out people water? Even if they passed out from heat stroke. They might choke on it and die,” Levi commented.

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“And this came to mind now, because?”

“Well, I thought magical stuff would happen. I didn’t think I’d just pour blood into someone’s throat.”

Colin sighed. “Have you considered that she might be dead?”

“What…for real?” Levi looked at the vampire. He frowned. “She is pretty dusty.”

“She was bathing in sunlight for a long time. Months, if not years. And Ician ‘defeated’ her before that, whatever that entails. It’s not impossible that she’s just…” Colin looked at the desiccated corpse. He shook his head. “…dead.”

“No! I refuse to believe it. I can’t. She isn’t dead. She can’t be! I refuse!” Levi paused. He sighed. “No, but yeah. I mean, she looks pretty dead. You might be right. But vampires are hard to kill. Come on, Colin. What else? What else can we do to revive vampires?”

“Um… sometimes they require the blood of a virgin, or something,” Colin said.

Levi pressed his fingertips together. “Question. Do we qualify as virgins?”

“H-huh?”

“I mean, I had sex in the world I came from. But I haven’t since I came here. Is this my original body that I’m in? In which case, I’m… probably not a virgin. But if instead, our souls alone were transferred here, and new bodies materialized upon our arrival, then we are virgins. Probably. This does also make a few assumptions about what this world considers virginity. Is virginity a quality that transfers with the soul? Or is it a bodily property?”

Colin threw his hands up and shrugged.

Levi sighed. “In any case, we can’t just run around, kidnapping virgins. That’s strictly baddie territory. And since we aren’t…” He paused. He squinted at Colin. “We aren’t…?”

Colin looked away.

“You are? Even in your original world?”

“I, uh. Didn’t get out much.”

Levi gestured him over. “Colin. Come here. Drip some blood in this nice lady’s mouth.”

Colin hesitated. He looked at his hands. “I’m dead. Will my blood work?”

“She’s dead. Why not?”

Colin shrugged. “I guess.” He walked over and offered his hand. Levi slit it. He kneaded the flesh and finally squeezed a drop of blood out. It clung to Colin’s hand, refusing to drip. He lowered it to the vampire’s lips and wiped it off in her mouth.

The vampire trembled. She shivered. Her body tensed, and her hands clawed toward her center. She swallowed dryly, barely able to force the blood down. “M…more…”

“Pick me!” Levi called, raising his hand.

With surprising quickness, the vampire jumped upright. She lunged for Colin. Colin tensed in fear. He raised his staff to block her advance.

“I’ve got you, brother!” Levi leaped in front of Colin. The vampire latched onto him and sunk her teeth into his neck.

She drank deeply. Levi threw his arms out and closed his eyes, giving himself up to it, then frowned. He stood up a little bit and glanced around looking for Colin. “This is bullshit. I don’t feel anything. It hurts and it feels cold, but that’s it.”

“What? Did you expect something else?” Colin asked, crossing his arms.

“Of course I did. In vampire shows and books and stuff, it’s always like… ecstatic, you know? Their eyes roll back in their head. Their knees go limp. They moan in pleasure. It’s like they’re cu—”

“I get it,” Colin interrupted.

“Right. But it didn’t feel like that at all. I mean, this whole experience is kinda shitty. It just hurts. It sucks, man.”

“You are literally getting sucked.”

“But it’s not supposed to feel sucky.”

Colin sighed. “Isn’t everyone’s first time supposed to suck?”

“Like you’d know, cherry boy.”

Colin stared at him.

“Also, it lasts so long. It’s always like, a quick shot and it’s over in the movies. But I’m just sitting here, waiting. It’s so boring!”

“Have you never donated blood before?” Colin deadpanned.

“Yeah, but I thought it’d be sexier having a sexy vampire do it.”

“Honestly? That’s on you,” Colin stated.

The vampire slowly reinflated. From a skin-and-bones sundried corpse, to a lush, plump human being. Two soft hands gripped his shoulders. Well-shaped legs tangled with his. A reinflated chest pressed against him, and the vampire gasped a breath in between guzzling blood.

Levi glanced down. He looked back up. “I take it back. This isn’t so bad.”

Colin rolled his eyes.

At last, the vampire’s face re-plumped. Dried out dark hair grew shiny once more. A handsome woman with high cheekbones drew back. She took a deep breath. Her face twisted in disgust. “Where did my virgin go? I didn’t wake up for this ordinary trash blood.”

“And I didn’t want to be ordinary-trash-sucked. What was that? Where was the romance?” Levi demanded.

“Why would I waste my charm on trash like you?” she asked, taken aback. “Now tell me, filthy man, where has my virgin gone?”

“If you’re asking about the one who woke you up, Colin’s right there. He is a little dead, though. If you’re asking about that girl who was creepily obsessing over you, she’s gone. We killed her,” Levi said.

Colin startled. He looked at Levi. “You’re just admitting it?”

He shrugged. “Yeah? She was a creepy stalker. That was a good deed. Why wouldn’t I admit it? Plus, I’m an honest person who doesn’t tell lies.”

Colin gave him a deadpan look.

“Creepy stalker? Oh, you mean Valere? Ah. Yes. I do need to punish her. Placing me in the sunlight for a decade after I sought out a new servant is less than ideal,” the vampire murmured, mostly to herself.

“That’s one way to put it,” Levi agreed.

“I don’t think the switch will be enough this time. Perhaps the pommel horse…? No, for her, a bit of neglect ought to be worse,” she mused.

Colin frowned. His brows furrowed.

Levi coughed. “Your nighttime plans aside, er… it’s nice to meet you?”

The woman took them both in. She drew back and bowed elegantly. Now that her body had reformed, the suit fit her perfectly. Tailored trousers with narrow ankles drew attention to the length of her legs, while the suit and vest were carefully cut to reveal the fullness of her form. She stood back upright. “Apologies for not greeting you immediately. I am the Count of this small town, Count Isadora Novoline, but you can call me Isa. Whom do I have the honor of greeting?”

“I’m Levi, and that’s Colin. I’m alive, but not a virgin, and he’s a dead virgin. Nice to meet you!” Levi stuck his hand out to shake.

Isa gave him a look. She offered her hand to Colin instead. Surprised, Colin took it. She knelt and kissed the back of his hand. “If only you were alive, my sweet, we could have known one another so well.”

“Oh, come on. Discriminating asshole,” Levi complained, rolling his eyes.

“Shut up. I already drank your blood, and it was one of the lowest points in my long life.”

“It didn’t taste that bad.”

“It’s the principle. If another vampire smelled you on me, they’d never let it go.”

Levi startled. “Vampires can smell virginity? From blood? What kind of metaphysical bullshit is that? I mean, in the first place, we haven’t even established if virginity is a property of the body or the soul, and now you can smell it in the blood someone else drinks?”

She cut her eyes at him dismissively. “Obviously. What a stupid thing to question.”

“Is it?” Levi muttered to himself.

“In any case, I do owe you some thanks for awakening me. Is there anything I could do for you?” she offered.

Levi drew himself to his full height. In her riding boots, Isa remained about an inch taller. He smiled at her and offered his hand again. “Join me. As my companion.”

“What? For how long?”

“I don’t know. Until I get bored,” Levi said, shrugging.

“What are you trying to accomplish?”

He grinned. “I’m kind of a big deal, you know? I’m like, part of some kind of prophesy of the world’s end. So I need strong people on my side, to help me level up faster so I can get super strong and kill all the other gods’ Champions, or whatever.”

“Is that why we were recruiting the Count? I thought we were doing it because vampires are cool, or something,” Colin asked to himself.

“Shush, you. It’s a good and noble quest.”

Isa looked him up and down, shocked. “You’re a Champion?”

“Yes.”

She frowned. “I thought Champions were strong.”

Colin snorted.

“I just became a Champion! I need time to get strong,” Levi complained. “If I get strong companions, I can level up faster and beat the other Champions.”

“Who is your god? If you’re really a Champion, you have a patron god. If it’s one I’m aligned with, I’ll follow you,” Isa said.

Levi gave her a thumbs up. “Good news! It’s the Goddess of Death!”

“Oh.” Isa walked over to him. She put a hand on his shoulder.

“You’re undead, so I know you’re aligned with the Goddess of Death—hey, hey, what?”

Isa gripped him by the collar and dragged him toward the window. She pushed the window open and shoved him toward the daylight. Her skin sizzled where the sun landed on it, but she ignored it, too intent on pushing him out.

“Hey, hey, hey—” Levi grabbed onto the window frame. He latched on with all his strength. The Armalgam spread out, grabbing onto every inch of wood it could reach. “Talk! Use your words! Let’s talk!”