At the end of the hall, they stepped out into the grand foyer. Cobwebs cloaked a crystal chandelier. A sweeping grand staircase led up to the second floor, arrayed with a plush red carpet. Two plinths held alabaster busts of dignified men, one on either side of the door. Large vases filled with long-dead flowers stood on either side of the staircase.

“There we go. Now we’re starting to get some real vibes going. I was worried this was just going to be a derelict manor walking sim kind of quest, but I’m finally feeling like we’re going to actually fight someone,” Levi said. He spun around, gesturing around them. “Look at this room. That chandelier! Even the vases and the busts! It’s ideal for a midboss. There’s gotta be something in here that’s willing to fight us.”

“Is ‘willing’ the right word?” Colin questioned.

“Yes. We need levels,” Levi confirmed.

Colin sighed. “You’re right. You are right.”

Levi turned. He gazed down the hallway behind him. “You can come out, now.”

Silence. A rat scurried somewhere down the hall.

Levi sighed. “Come on. You were monologuing aloud in the basement. I pretended not to hear you, but the house is quiet as fuck…and now that I say that, I’m starting to think that maybe my levels have enhanced my senses or something, because I probably shouldn’t have heard you. But I did! So get your ass out here and be my goddamned midboss.”

Silence stretched for another few beats. The hallway door creaked open, complaining every inch of the way. A woman in a long black mourning dress stepped out from the hallway. A heavy black veil obscured her face, but couldn’t hide her beauty or her pallor. She lifted her hand. Long, black nails slid from her fingertips.

“Now we’re talking,” Levi said, grinning.

“You will not take the Count from me,” she growled, deep in her throat.

Levi lifted his hands, gesturing for her to wait. “Hold on. We’re not taking anyone from anyone. What do you mean, take the Count from you?”

“We’re not?” Colin asked.

Levi nudged him. “She doesn’t know that.”

She narrowed her eyes. Firmly, she repeated, “You’re not taking the Count.”

“Wait—like sexually? No, no. No worries. He’s all yours,” Levi said, waving his hands.

The woman squinted at him. She lowered her head to stare him in the eyes. “The Count is a woman.”

Levi blinked. “Okay, never mind. I am a threat to your romance. If she’s into men, anyways.”

“She isn’t picky. That’s the problem!” the woman howled, and launched herself at Levi.

Levi swung his sword to meet her. Her claws met his blade. They clanged, as solid as steel.

Without hesitating, she jabbed her other hand toward Levi’s gut.

Levi jumped backward. The pale girl pressed the advantage, chasing after him. As she closed in, he suddenly planted his feet and lunged. He cut her stomach open.

Bats fluttered out. The woman laughed and melted into a cloud of the small mammals. They fluttered around the room, biting and clawing at Levi. Pinpricks of pain burst out all around his body.

Levi gritted his teeth. He swung his sword. On his back, his bonus arms clapped bats out of the air. Small black bodies dropped to the ground, crumpled.

An arm formed out of the bats. It clawed at Levi’s back.

“Levi!” Colin shouted.

Rolling forward, Levi dodged the blow. The Armalgam pushed him back upright. The vampire girl reformed behind him. She snarled and rushed Levi. He spun around, raising his sword. Once more, claws and blade clashed.

“Levi, should I—”

“Not yet. Hold!”

She slashed at him, left hand, right hand, left hand, right. He parried them, but she forced him back. One step at a time, retreating across the floor. She was far stronger than him. Each blow left his sword trembling. He laughed, eyes wide. His heart beat fiercely, loud in his ears. “Hell yeah!”

“You fool. I have you.”

Levi’s back hit the wall. Shock crossed his face. The vampire girl’s eyes flashed. She drew back her hand to deal the death blow.

This story has been stolen from Royal Road. If you read it on Amazon, please report it

His shock melted to a cheeky grin. “No, you.”

Shoving off the wall with the Armalgam, Levi thrust his sword directly into her heart. She gasped. Her death strike fell limp, whole body shuddering in pain. Dark blood seeped from the wound.

And then she laughed. She straightened. “Did you think this would—”

“Colin, now!”

A blast of gold light seared across the room. It landed soundly on the vampire girl’s back. She shrieked. Her skin blackened. Her body caught aflame. In her last moments, she lunged for Levi. Her canines extended into snakelike fangs.

“Nope. If anyone’s biting me, it’s big momma. Accept no substitutes.” Levi threw his bonus arms forward. She sunk her teeth into the Armalgam, not Levi.

She screamed in frustration. Yanking her teeth free, she pointed at him. “I’ll be back. I’ll be back! The Count is mine. Mine!”

“We’ll see what the Count has to say about that. Consent is key!” Levi shouted back at her.

Gold light consumed her. With a final enraged growl, she faded into ash.

Levi dusted off his hands. He nodded at Colin and spread his hands. “Heal me!”

Colin gave him a deadpan stare. He didn’t move at all. The gold light finished destroying the vampire girl and fell on Levi, healing the bites and scrapes he’d accumulated from the battle.

Levi sheathed his sword. He stretched, then scowled. “That chick was strong.”

“She looked like it,” Colin commented.

“No, I mean… strong. I underestimated the Count. If that girl was just an underling, no way in hell I can control the Count.” The vampire girl was stronger than him. Physically stronger. And she was just an underling. The Count was her boss, and doubtlessly far stronger. There was little chance that the Count’s stat total was lower than Levi’s.

“I always thought that plan was insane. What’s our move? Are we retreating?” Colin asked. Absent-mindedly, he adjusted the gloves, and they cracked. The dry skin shattered, leaving nothing behind. Colin grimaced. Shaking the scraps away, he put on a new pair of gloves.

“Last pair of gloves?” Levi asked.

Colin nodded. “But that’s not important, because we’re leaving, right?”

Levi frowned. “Leaving? Are you insane? We came here to recruit the Count. I’m not leaving until we meet her. Only one thing changes.”

Colin cocked a brow.

Levi grinned. He leaned in and whispered, “Now, we ask nicely.”

--

A black-cloaked man climbed the mountain alone. Up, up, endlessly marching toward the peak. His black cloak flowed in the breeze, but the deep hood never swayed far enough to reveal his face.

He stopped. Turned.

“Wanna enter the dungeon? It’s ten bronze,” a muscular man challenged him. He hefted his axe. Blood stained his clothes, and recent cuts marred the cloth, so fresh their edges weren’t yet frayed. Nonetheless, the skin beneath was unbroken, either thanks to a powerful potion or a regenerative spell of some sort.

“By whose authority do you call this a dungeon? This is a kobold warren,” the black cloaked man returned.

“Ha? My authority. I said it’s a dungeon, so it’s a dungeon. Why’s everyone playing wordgames these days? First that grifter duo—I shouldn’t have let them through. Then that kid I sicced the gremlins on, he had some harsh words before he turned to his sword. I didn’t understand none of ‘em, but they weren’t nice. Now you. I’m gonna be talked to death, here!”

The black-cloaked man frowned. The lower portion of his face was visible below the deep hood, but no more. “Only the Church can designate or administrate dungeons.”

“So what? It’s all the same to the adventurers. They pay to go in, they get EXP, mana, whatever, everyone’s happy.”

“The Church has strict regulations on dungeons for a reason,” the black-cloaked figure returned.

The axe-wielder harrumphed. He spun his axe and thumped its long handle on the ground. “You want in or not? Ten bronze! I’m not afraid to sic the gremlins on you.”

The black-cloaked man chuckled, deep in his throat. He twitched his cloak aside, revealing the hilt of a blade. The hilt was wrapped in white and set with silver, like a decorative sword. “No need. I only have a few questions before I’m done with you.”

Nodding, the axe-wielder gestured for him to speak. “Then out with ‘em. I don’t have all day.”

“Have you seen anyone suspicious lately? Any strange people? Obviously isekaied individuals, with unusual techniques?”

The axe-wielder rolled his eyes. “I just told you, didn’t I? There were two guys. One was real chatty, and the other was pale and silent. They grifted me out of twenty bronze, so if you see them, make sure they get that back to me.”

“Anyone else?”

“That boy I sicced the gremlins on. The words he was spouting—well, I sure as hell ain’t heard ‘em before. One day, I sic the gremlins on him and cut him up, real easy. I don’t mean to brag, but I’m at least as strong as a level fifty otherworlder, as long as I’ve got the gremlins on my side.”

The black-cloaked figure snorted under their breath. “I doubt that.”

“What was that?” the axe-wielder demanded.

“Please, carry on.”

“Anyways, I overwhelmed him with numbers and a bit of the old venom-dipped axe. Easy fight. I mean, he came in strong—must’ve been at least level 100—”

The black-cloaked figure laughed aloud. “Like hell.”

“Excuse me? I say something funny?” the man demanded.

“No, no. Carry on.” Straightening, the black-cloaked figure schooled their expression back to neutral.

“Anyways. The next day, he comes back… night and day. Totally different fight. I didn’t even get the chance to fight back before I was flat on my ass.”

The black-cloaked figure lowered his head. “A Champion. It must be.”

“A Champion? You think? He was strong, but not that strong. You know how those ee-say-kai people can be. Anyways, they both went through the dungeon.” The axe-wielder hefted his axe and held out his hand. “Ten bronze.”

“That won’t be necessary.”

“Haaaaa? I’m the one who says if it’s necessary or no—”

Ssszt.

The black-cloaked man stood on the other side of the axe-wielder. He sheathed his sword. “Thank you for your services.”

“What services?” The axe-wielder went to turn, but only his upper half moved. It slid sideways, then slumped to the ground. His knees crumpled a second later. The two pieces of the axe-wielder laid on the ground.

“What—how—I…” He screamed, unable to express the horror of his situation.

The black-cloaked figure reached out. He pushed on the gate. It fell down, carved into a dozen pieces by a slash too fast for the naked eye to see. Inside, the gremlins huddled back. The ones who could fled, while others simply froze, afraid to attract the black-cloaked man’s eye.

The black-cloaked man harrumphed. He stepped into the kobold warren, leaving the axe-wielder to die screaming behind him. “Daring to pass off a kobold warren as a dungeon… such blasphemy.”

Flicking his cloak, he left the axe-wielder behind him.