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Death is a Suggestion [LitRPG Necromancer Comedy]
12. It's a Good Thing I Have Six Hands

12. It's a Good Thing I Have Six Hands

Levi drew his sword. He caught the kobold jumping down at him with the two arms over his shoulders, while the two arms below caught two leaping lizards. In three quick slashes, Levi dispatched all three.

The rest of the reptiles reached him. He knelt and spun around, using his lower hands to knock them away. The lizards and snakes bit at his new hands, but the zombie arms felt no pain.

“Man, these things are awesome,” Levi said excitedly. He charged forward, running his hands over the ground. They threw lizards and snakes into the air left and right. Levi slashed the flying animals out of the air. Blood and visceral flew, splattering on the floor behind him.

Whoosh. Something flew at him from behind. He whipped around and grabbed a snake out of the air. It snapped, venom dripping from its fangs. Levi clenched his zombie hand and snapped its neck.

Two sharp pricks stabbed into his ankle. A snake drew its head back from two pinprick wounds.

Hot acid pain rushed into his leg. Levi hissed. He stomped the snake dead. “Healer!”

Colin hoisted his rod. Gold light swirled around his leg, but only for a moment. The wounds sealed, and the light faded.

He looked down, then up. “You know, I should’ve asked this ahead of time. Can you cure poison?”

“I don’t know,” Colin said.

Levi raised his brows. “I guess we find out together, then. Shows me for making assumptions.”

Another snake struck. Levi jumped back. Tapping his shoulder, he released the arms from his shoulders. They dropped to the ground, then pushed up, ‘standing’ on their fingertips. Levi hopped onto the platform formed from the overlapping spines. The arms carried him forward, into the remaining reptiles. The lizards and snakes struck at it, but their blows bounced harmlessly off the zombie arms. Levi crouched on the platform. He sliced left and right, slaying the beasts by the dozens.

His leg burned. The poison slowly seared higher up his calf toward his thigh. He flicked his finger toward a dead snake. Mana flowed from his chest, and the snake jumped up. It wrapped around his leg just under the knee and cut off bloodflow, forming a makeshift tourniquet. The searing pain no longer climbed higher. Unfortunately, in return, his leg began to go numb.

“Hey, Colin,” he called.

“Yeah?” Colin asked.

“I don’t think you can heal poison.”

“Oh. Th-that’s unfortunate.”

“It’s okay. I’ve got it handled.” Levi patted his leg tourniquet. He finished the last of the lizards and snakes and hopped off the arm-spine platform. The arms threw themselves into the air, and the spines latched around his torso once more.

Colin glanced at it. “You know that kills the flesh, right? Unless you remove it and get it treated, your leg will die.”

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Levi shrugged. “I’m a necromancer. I’ll figure something out. And maybe it’s one of those poisons that just hurts a lot but won’t kill you.”

“How do you plan to find that out before you lost your leg?”

“Luck.”

“Luck isn’t a plan.”

Levi spread his hands. “Luck is all we’ve got. Luck, and the ability to freely manipulate the dead. So, you know. I’m not that worried about killing my leg. Worst case, I just become a selfromancer.”

Colin flinched. “God.”

“No, you’re right. I’m already a self—”

“Can we move on? Or rather, do you need to wait?” Colin glanced at his leg.

“What’s the point of waiting? My leg will die if we sit around. Honestly, my best bet might be to stuff you full of EXP and level you up until you can cure poisons.” Levi paused. He squinted at Colin. “You are still levelling up, yes?”

“Yes,” Colin confirmed.

“In your healer class?”

“Yes!”

“Okay, okay. Just checking. I mean, I dunno. You could be levelling up in Zombie or something. I don’t know how being undead works. I barely know how this System works,” Levi defended himself.

Colin nodded. He took a deep breath and pointed onward, deeper into the dungeon. “Let’s keep moving, then. See if I can get a poison-healing skill and fix your leg.”

“I’m kind of warming to the idea of a zombie leg, honestly,” Levi said, shaking his leg. Pins and needles prickled at his flesh as the restricted bloodflow really set in. He stumped along. His ankle was already numb, and refused to move correctly.

“I’d rather avoid that. Only one of us needs to be undead.”

“I’d only be partially undead.”

“That’s too much.”

“What, are you only happy if we’re one-hundred-percent in different categories?”

Colin cracked a grin.

Levi shook his head at Colin. “Where are these jokes coming from? I thought you were shy.”

“When I don’t know people, sure. And I died, so,” Colin said, shrugging.

“What’s death got to do with it?” Levi asked.

Colin shrugged. “Guess you’d have to experience it to find out.”

“I did! I did. You were there,” Levi said, pointing at Colin.

Colin raised his brows. A thoughtful expression crossed his face. “I was there. Huh. I guess death just hit different for me.”

“Damn. Hitting me with that ‘skill issue.’ Can’t even fucking die right.” Levi muttered. After a beat, he chuckled. He shook his head and staggered on.

“What?” Colin asked, following him.

“Some things never change.” Levi turned. He pointed. “Look.”

Colin looked. A wide tunnel opened to the side. It ended in a huge dead-end room, one that stood completely open at the moment. From where they stood, they could see gear and broken weapons piled up along the wall, tossed aside from previous challengers.

Levi waggled his brows. “Does that say ‘boss room,’ or what?”

“If this is more a kobold warren than a proper dungeon, will it even have a boss room?” Colin wondered aloud.

“Only one way to find out.” Levi pointed. “Besides, look at those bags. Some adventurers less stupid than us might have actually brought an antidote. If I can’t rely on you, I’ll have to rely on other dead people.”

He glanced back. “Get it? Because if this is a boss room, and their gear is here, then they’re—”

“I got it,” Colin said, rolling his eyes.

Levi strode into the room. He rested one hand on his sword, ready to attack, but nothing lunged. A big round room stretched all around him. The lost gear laid on the ground opposite the entrance, all piled up in one big lump. Levi glanced toward the far end of the room, checking to make sure nothing waited there. He paused, then looked up.

The ceiling was clear.

He breathed out. Turning around, he pointed at Colin. “Remember, you always gotta check the sky.”

“Did you have to do that a lot, back home?” Colin asked jokingly.

“All the time. Constantly. It was a life-and-death essential,” Levi said distractedly.

Colin fell silent. He looked at the floor, then back at Levi. “Sorry. I forgot.”

“Why’re you sorry? You had nothing to do with it.” Levi held up a bottle. “What do you think this is? Antidote? Potion?”

“I, uh…”

Levi popped the cork and sniffed it. He shrugged. “Smells medicinal.”

Colin startled. He took a step back. “Levi…”

Levi tossed back the bottle. He made a face. “Yuck. This world needs to learn about putting sugar in medicine. Either that, or this thing was topical.”

“Levi!”

“What?” He looked back. His eyes widened. A grin flashed over his face. “Hello.”