We made it to the school quickly, as I hadn’t really gotten that far in the first place. I expected the high level hag to climb the walls or just blast a hole in them. Something suitably dramatic. Instead she just knocked on a door and said. “I have found one of your student’s pets. Please call young Hanno over so he may retrieve her.” A servant peeked through, saw me and walked away.

I frowned and screamed. “I’m a king! How dare you! I shall someday rule the world! And when I do, I will use your skin as a doormat. I will make a back scratcher out of your spine. I will feed you to my children!”

She tossed me into the air and then slapped me. I slammed into the ground with a loud “Boom.” My entire body felt shattered. I gasped for breath and spat blood as she just quietly said. “I have already contacted Ferdinand. I will know the location of your children by the time you wake up tomorrow. If you do not stay devoted to your mission. Perhaps I will bring a few of your children here. I’m sure their execution would give you some motivation.”

I glared at her as all of my bones slammed back into place. Why me? Who the fuck says that? Why is this world so mean? I was hungry! I just wanted food. After a few minutes Hanno sprinted into view and yelled. “Aya! I was wondering where you went.”

He sprinted over to me and I leaped into his arms. “Save me Hanno! Feed me food and don’t let that monster near me!” I saw the lady's smile twitch before she just glared and walked away.

Hanno quickly checked me over to make sure I was okay. Hanno turned to thank the old bitch. Fortunately for everyone she had already left. Hanno held me up so he was staring into my eyes and said. “How could you Aya? Why would you run away like that?” His stern tone irked me so I quickly explained. “I was just minding my business, gracing peasants with my presence. Then a demonic hag grabbed me! I screamed and cried but the evil devil stole me away!”

He listened but he still couldn’t understand me. So I knew what was about to happen. The hammer would soon fall. He steeled his gaze and said. “For the next two days! No three! You will be confined to the barracks. No following me, no stealing food. You will sit there and think about your actions.”

I stared at him in horror and screamed. “You can’t do this to me! You’re just like inflation! You act like a good thing but you are not good! Everyone thinks that more money is a good thing. I did too! Until it betrayed my trust and crashed the economy. You and the old lady are the closest thing to inflation I have seen in this world.”

This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road. If you spot it on Amazon, please report it.

I was about to say more but he looked away and said, “Don’t try to convince me Aya! Now go to your room!” He pointed and I sulkingly limped away as Loken walked over and said. “Hanno, why did you just ground your pet? I don’t think it remembers what happened yesterday. It’s just a lizard.”

Hanno frowned and said, “Aya is the most intelligent lizard you will ever meet! And you saw how she can change the size at will. She is smart, and I was gifted her by my father.” Loken spat on the ground and said. “Well, let’s just hope she doesn’t go feral. Although I’m sure our instructor could deal with her.”

I walked away by the time Hanno responded but still felt personally attacked by what Loken had said. I stomped into the barracks, surprised I had found the room and yelled. “Fuck this! I wanna see my kids, I wanna go home.”

I laid down in the corner and tried to imagine what my kids were doing. Diana is the oldest, and a queen so she should be taking care of all of them. I wonder if Felix and Jack are protecting their younger siblings? I wish I was still with them. It seems so dangerous for me not to be at home. What if more zorkmids attack? What if the rats find them?

I shook my head and decided to take a nap. Maybe Hanno would forgive me later? I was about to fall asleep when a genius idea plopped into my head. I slowly sat up and said. “What if I make Hanno forgive me?”

I mulled over the idea before shouting. “I am god! I am a genius! Seymoure Albert who? I shall buy his forgiveness! Then he will have no choice but to shower me in food and freedom. But how do I do that? An apology gift? Yes! Perfect!”

I got up and walked out the room, certain I was taking the correct course of action. This caused me to miss Hanno walking into the barracks and saying. “I’m sorry Aya, perhaps I was too strict. Why don’t we go get some food in the city and forget all of this happened?” He walked over to a mound of pillows and asked. “Aya?”

After searching through the entire room he grew furious and screamed. “Aya! I shall bind you to a chair and force you to recite the mantra of the seven tribes! You disobedient reptile! You unscrupulous character of defamation! You’re grounded for a week.”

I stood outside the room, terror filling my mind as Hanno slammed a fist into a wall. I gasped in horror when I saw the small dent. I sprinted away, now certain I would need to find a very good gift.

But what could I get him? What would he even want? Alright let's talk about what we know. He has a friend. He wants to unite humanity. He likes having a pet. Maybe I should get him another pet?

How about a horse? I remember wanting one when I was younger. But where am I going to get a horse? Are they in the wild? I listened closely to hear Hanno still shouting. “ You Villainous Bandit!” Okay he’s still mad. And very creative with his insults. Just gotta find a horse.