Based on a request by TheDarkNeon

Karen on the Otherside

"Karen!"

Derek pressed his eyes open. His foggy brain tried to pull together the last poem he'd heard the teacher reciting. He tried to form some plausible excuse to explain his sleeping in the middle of class. The real one of stay up late watching movies wasn't likely to work.

"The connotation of the voices is self-consciousness!" He blurted it out as the world around him began to catch up with his brain.

He expected a general laugh and terse words from the instructor. Instead, all was silence. And he didn't see the room around him. He saw a field of silver, glassy grass standing almost on edge. Light twinkled through it like a thousand micro-rainbows shifting with every exhale of the breeze.

He gasped at the sight. Beyond the grass were trees that looked like tall snow crystals. Above, the sky was the only normal sight in color and form.

After turning around a few times, Derek took a careful step through the strange grass. Despite the fact the grass looked more like strange fiber-optics, it yielded like spaghetti to his jeans-clad leg. Brushing a hand past a tall stalk, he was surprised how it felt warm and kinda slick in the same way expected of cooked noodles.

What wasn't expected was the voice which rumbled from a nearby mass of stalks.

"Who's out there?"

Derek turned around and checked at his feet for someone lying on the ground. His mouth opened in shock when he saw that the stalks themselves bunched together into something resembling a head that peered out of the ground. Parts of the stalks bent in to shape a face. The hollow impression of eyes turned and looked Derek over.

"You're trespassing in the Crystal Garden! You have to pay the fee!"

Even stammering was beyond Derek. He wondered how fast he could run or if it would matter if he did. Before he could answer, something shifted in the face-like mass. It twisted to catch a bright sliver of rainbow.

"Wait…do I know you?"

This time, Derek spoke. "I don't know what happened. I just woke up here. I'm so sorry. Didn't mean to trespass or anything."

The face tensed up and listened carefully to Derek's words. "I know you…OH!...Queen Karen! Of course! My humblest apologies, Your Majesty. You must be out of the castle in one of your disguises again."

Derek's face contorted as he looked down at himself. The tone from the weird face was nicer, so he wasn't sure he wanted to contradict it. But he couldn't see how it could mistake a guy like him for a queen.

He was tall, lean, and (to his estimation) not particularly memorable. His messy hair was moplike with an upward curl. He had a big nose. None of that could be confused with a queen, even by the most myopic strange head. And his voice was rather deep, so he figured that should've been a tip-off as well.

All he could think to ask was, "Does that mean I don't have to pay a fee?"

There was silence followed by a roaring laugh from the mass of face. "OH! Queen Karen! That was a good one! Your voice sounds off though. It's higher. Song-like. Like a bird but rich and strong to always command your people. Inspiring."

Derek grimaced and felt a tickle in his throat. He spoke but the words felt wrong. And they sounded just like the face described. He swallowed and wanted to get as far away as possible. He quickly remarked, "So then…I must be off. Queen stuff to do. Back to the castle." Derek turned and walked through the grass as quickly as he could. He tried not to listen to how different his words sounded as he said them. The ground shifted and the face appeared right in front of him, like stretching out from a pool of water.

"But, Your Majesty…the castle is that way…." The face gestured in the direction Derek had turned from.

He put on a bit of a smile and attempted, "Ahh…thank you…uh, loyal subject." This new voice was really starting to annoy him. It did remind him of Keira Knightley, but he didn't much enjoy hearing it every time he tried to speak.

Past the strange field and trees, the land changed to normal forest. When he was out of sight of the face creature, Derek ran. He didn't stop until he found a section of heavily-wooded forest. Leaning against a tree, he muttered in girl-voice, "Crazy-ass dream. Come on, wake up. I'm gonna be in huge trouble."

Derek glanced behind him though, in case some weird tree monster would be next to appear. He rapped on the nearest trunk and was relieved to find the tree was just a tree.

However, he turned around to see a giant, pink spider in front of him, clad in a silken gown. Before he could tense up or yell, the spider gave a high-pitched shriek and pulled its legs in. A moment later, it sniffled and said, in a girlier voice than his, "You meanie! You scared me!" Little tears appeared around its segmented eyes.

At a loss for words, Derek could only manage, "Sorry…"

The spider continued to sniffle before finally saying, "You're forgiven. I'm Catherine Loom. I was just going to see The Face. He sent a message to me through my feet just a moment ago that he saw Queen Karen. Well, I rushed off forthwith."

Derek noticed the spider eying him a bit, at least as far as he could tell with its strange gaze. He edged his way along the trees and said swiftly, "I won't keep you then."

The spider advanced on him. "You sound so very familiar, sir. Have we met?"

"I don't think so," Derek told himself he would remember meeting a three-foot pink spider dressed in a gown.

Suddenly, the spider's mouth widened. "Why! It's you! My Queen!"

Derek shook his head. "You have the wrong person. My name is…"

But the spider wouldn't listen. "To think! Queen Karen so close to my burrow! It's quite an honor, Your Majesty, quite an honor indeed! But where are my manners…"

The spider nimbly curtsied despite the complexity of eight legs underneath her. Derek bowed his head and continued, "But I'm not…"

Still, the spider went on, "Are you in disguise? If so, I won't press for details. I know you have a lot of important stuff to do. I just adore your long, black hair and soft, gentle face."

Derek tensed as long, black locks curled around his head. The sensations in his cheeks told him that something had changed there as well. The spider brought its legs to its face with glee.

"Oh! Thank you so much for showing me your true face! It brings me such joy. Thank you, Your Majesty." The spider scurried away but stopped to glance around a tree with a soft giggle.

With slumping shoulders, Derek wondered how it had come to this. Idly, he still hoped this was all a dream and he would wake to a stern English teacher and tittering classmates. He would've preferred that. Instead, everything above his neck sounded and, probably, looked like a girl.

Stepping warily to avoid any more sudden encounters, Derek made his way to an ambling stream in a clearing. He checked for sentient birds and then bent over the water. He was clad in the same gray, collared shirt and plain jeans he could remember putting on in the morning.

The face he saw was so strange. The nose was slim but regal. The brow looked strong. And the eyes shone through the pale reflection of the water. Bending naturally brought a swarm of black hair to tumble over his shoulders and nearly touch the waters.

Derek sighed and tried to tuck it all behind him, but the effort was futile. After splashing his new face, he sat down on the shore. He took a few breaths. All was quiet, save the sound of someone singing nearby. The voice rumbled with the lowest bass he'd ever heard.

Cautiously, Derek stood. The voice echoed so that he wasn't certain which direction it was coming from.

Taking a look around, he picked one direction and stepped softly. It wasn't long before he heard a grumble underneath his feet and the deep, slow words, "Whaaaat's all this!?"

He had stepped across mud with a face. The features crumpled and reformed as he took his foot away from the ground. As he listened, he realized the words hadn't just come from beneath him but in all directions.

"Sorry. I didn't see you."

The ground rumbled. "Are you deaf too? I've been singing for ages. And this…is my spot. I'm older than the dirt. And I'm not mere mud for someone…to step on."

Over several minutes, the face explained (in what Derek hoped would be the condensed version) that it was an old spirit meditating with the force of the ground. It just happened to be staying here for the last couple eons.

Derek politely nodded and hoped against hope that, whoever this Queen Karen person was, she'd never met this entity. Alas, the mud spirit gave a curious pause during its diatribe to utter the ominous (for Derek) words, "You look familiar…"

Derek shook his head and said, "No. Sorry. Gotta go." As quickly as he moved, the mud solidified around his feet and grumbled, "The mobile are so rude…no. I know you. It'll come to me before an hour. I'm sure of it…"

Tensing, Derek tried to break the hold of his shoes from the mud. It was a futile effort, however, as nothing would budge. Resigned, Derek listened and hoped that the mud would lose interest in all this and let him go.

But the mud was quicker with its memory than it was with its words. "Ah yes! The face. I can…tell. Queen Karen. But no. Queen Karen always loved to sit and listen to my stories. Queen Karen was always polite to everyone with a smile on her face and tolerance of all. Always stopped by to share a nice word with everyone."

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Derek tensed as the sensations he felt weren't so much in his body but inside his head. Each comment the mud made seemed to shift his perspective. He couldn't understand why he wanted to rush away. The mud's stories were very interesting. And it would be rude to just run off. With a smile, Derek relaxed against the mud and found himself freed from it. Despite this new freedom, he had no urge to bolt. He crouched by the mud and asked how it was doing.

The mud spirit stopped grumbling and gave a light little laugh. "Yes! That's the Karen I remember, a face so kind and lovely. You'd bend over and rub my muck a little with your slender, soft hands. Skillful hands on womanly arms. Graceful in texture but strong from the work of a bold queen who's not afraid to get in the mud when she needs to."

Reflexively, Derek reached over to brush the mud just like it had said. It sighed and murmured, "Just like that. So divine. Such an honor to see you again, Your Highness. Thank you. I shouldn't keep you. I know you have so many duties as always. You've already listened to such silly mud for too long."

Derek found himself urging the mud for another story. It was a brief one, which only took an hour or two. When they finally parted, it took several steps for Derek to realize what had happened. It was like waking from a trance. He grumbled. Mental changes were something he hadn't figured on. He knew he had to be even more careful about where he went.

Mentally, he reiterated his name. I am Kerek…I mean Derek. It was just a little slip but enough to speed his steps. He rubbed his changed arms and hands together. Despite all the female pronouns, he was relieved to know his groin was mostly the same as always. There was a moment where he worried it felt different, but he figured that was just from having altered hands.

He blew a sigh in his changed voice and fussed with his hair. It was now he regretted never glancing at his mother's magazines about how to tie long hair into different, more convenient forms. Thinking of home sent a shiver through him. He pinched his cheek, tapped his shoes, and wondered if he should try eating random things around him like in stories.

The forest remained despite all his will focused on it to turn into something more familiar. He continued on over a crest and into a small valley. A low, purple creature fussed with a rock in the middle of the little valley. It looked like a cross between a foot-tall human and a rabbit. It whimpered a little and hit the rock harder.

Derek's intent was to not say anything and just make his way around it but what the mud creature had said compelled him to offer polite greetings.

The little creature turned and watched him in just the same way that he expected of a wild animal. It panted, nervous. Then, it quickly relaxed.

"Oh. Just a human. I thought it would be something I could eat."

Just then, a fluttering insect hovered by. The creature's animal mouth parted. Before Derek's eyes, its jaw stretched open what seemed like five feet, teeth flared, and swallowed the insect whole.

The creature added, "That, however, I can eat. I wouldn't try to eat anything human or which can talk. It's against the Queen's rules."

Derek smiled a smile he didn't particularly want to smile on a face that wasn't his own and waited for the inevitable.

It didn't take long. The rabbit midget sized him up and said, "My word! It is!" After the bowing was done, it added, "I didn't expect to see you like this. I mean. I figure you're in disguise, but you should be much shorter. You're just around five feet but you still command everyone. Dressed even in a simple gown with your strong, lean, and womanly legs showing. And your small…for a human… feet. That's what I always saw of you first…being so near to the ground."

A quick sense of wooziness filled Derek. After a moment, he was indeed much shorter and closer in level to the purple creature. It watched with fascination and said, "Yes! That's it. A common dress but womanly clothing befitting a beautiful presence."

Derek was so glad that it didn't say 'woman'. His groin was prepared to give a little twinge out of reflex. As it was, the creature had changed a lot about him. His legs, usually rather hairy and kinda boney, had a sleek texture like his arms but were quite muscular like some of the female runners he'd seen on the cross-country team in school.

He looked down at the simple, silver dressing gown. He had girlish sandals on his feet. Under the gown, he felt strange underwear pressing against him. Something like a feathery band wrapped around his chest but with no new flesh cradled underneath it. To his relief.

The creature seemed ready to say more but it paused to sniff the air and said to Derek, "My apologies to talk and run, Your Majesty. But I smell something especially nice for supper on the air."

In all politeness, Derek bid the creature a thankful farewell. Then, he sulked the way up the small valley and into thicker trees. He peered on the rise for some end to this forest and the creatures that inhabited it. He'd come to terms with the uncomfortable underwear. So long as it didn't quite fit him, he found that reassuring. The rest, he tried to ignore.

He did consider the possibility that once he was done changing into this queen then this strange little world would fade into the ether. But he wasn't quite sure he wanted to take that chance.

Walking in sandals actually felt nicer than walking in his shoes from before. He wasn't quite sure why, but he wasn't about to complain.

He walked on through the dense trees and slipped through an opening in a set of bushes. Soon, he came to a wall about waist high (now, at least). He checked it out to make sure it wasn't made of sentient stone.

After stepping carefully over it, he noticed that the land was much tamer on the other side. The trees soon cleared to grass and he looked across a clearing at a massive structure in the distance. It was a palace. He had a sneaking feeling it was probably Queen Karen's palace.

It was majestic. It looked like an Old World palace like Versailles (as he'd seen in a World History course) crossed with the jagged style of a Romanian palace (same course) and a little of the Forbidden City.

Instinctively, Derek wanted nothing to do with it, but he kept staring at it till he saw a tall man, who looked a bit like a butler even from afar, fly over on gossamer wings. He bowed to Derek first and asked, "Did you have a nice nap in the woods, My Lady?"

His expression had a kind familiarity which connected with Derek almost instantly. This man meant something to him. He couldn't quite place why, but he knew it was so. His mind fought him and told him it was all some sort of delusion but, all the same, he still felt the same persistent inkling.

This time, Derek had to ask, "I'm sorry, but I think I know you…"

The man folded up his massive wings behind him and chuckled. "I should think so. I've only known you from birth when your mother, the Great Queen Isalda brought you into this world. Though I often find you're not always with us in the same realm. But I so love your fanciful little tales, no matter how odd...with 'computers' and being a boy in school. I can't help but smile."

The man's words touched Derek. When he spoke of the Great Queen, he seemed to have a little flash of her with her wide smile and elegant gowns. And his memories of his class and his home seemed ever more dreamlike. How old had he been? What was his teacher's name? What class was he in anyway? Despite all his efforts, he couldn't recall.

This should've terrified him more, but he felt calm.

The man walked closer and said, "Isn't it about time to take off the rest of that silly disguise, My Queen? You are so very beautiful. A lady with a lovely figure, like your mother, rising at the chest and flowing inward and out to your strong hips. Strong but smooth. Smart but still silly. The leader of us all. You are our Queen."

The words rang inside Derek like a bell. He felt his body shift, flowing to swiftly fill the chest support wrapped around him. Standing with his new hips felt more comfortable than before. And his groin quickly went soft and softer. For a moment, he felt nothing there, then everything to be expected of a woman.

Derek was Queen Karen in every physical way. She brushed aside her hair. And inside her head, she was feeling the intelligence which the man…his name Theodous…had imparted on her.

Wisdom passed to her and she folded her arms as she asked, "So, what happened to the real Queen Karen?"

Theodus didn't try to lie. He could never lie to Queen Karen's face. "The other Karen fell in battle with a dark force which threatens to overwhelm these lands in death and chaos. These are desperate times where those who could've been Queen Karen but fell under…different circumstances…must be called upon to save this special place. I helped that along."

A full measure of Derek's presence remained despite all the words to awaken her. He felt the blistering urge to kick Theodus in the nads but had a faint feeling that the magical changes done to Theodus had not only given him wings but also protected him against just such an assault.

It would be pointless, but it would've made Derek feel better.

Instead, he stuck out Karen's tongue, folded his arms, and said, "If we need to save the world, then we better get started..."