Invalid Login

I finally got home from my new job after an hour of different buses.

After kicking off my shoes and cracking my back, I set my bags on the kitchen table. I heated up some day-old pasta with cheddar chunks melted in a bowl for supper and slid my smartphone out of my bag after I'd had a few bites.

I thought for a moment on the third bus that I'd lost my phone when it slid off the bench while I napped (thank you, hardened cases). As soon as I moved to unlock it, I paused and rubbed my hands over the cover. It felt different. I had a flash of prickly terror where I feared that I'd accidentally swapped phones with someone else. Turning it on, I got a sudden zap of static electricity from the charging port. Ouch! I had a moment of strange wooziness, but it soon passed.

My heart raced and thoughts of how screwed I might be swelled through my head. But all the fear went away when my Adventure Time wallpaper was there and everything was in the right place.

Easing back in my chair, I made sure to backup my files to the cloud service and tuck it in my pocket. After finishing my supper, I resolved to relax with a bit of messaging friends before settling into my evening work. For the stress I'd put myself through, I deserved it.

My first try logging on was unsuccessful. It said simply INVALID LOGIN. That was confusing because it usually offered more feedback and error codes with a link. My wireless router in the other room was all green and the connection was fine. I tried a couple more times and figured it had to be some kind of specific service outage. However, logging into my other accounts and apps presented the same error.

I scratched my head and resolved that the only way to fix it was to keep trying. Eventually, something flashed and it logged on. Once my list was up, I scanned for friends.

Immediately, I was messaged by someone named, "Cutiebot2000".

Cutiebot2000 – Hi <3 Dougie! Howre u?

I marveled at the welcome for a bit until I remembered that Darren had a similar handle. I asked and got an immediate text raspberry and a correction.

Cutiebot2000 – Daryn, you goof! Whats up?

I rubbed my chin and wondered. I knew Darren didn't have a sister. I rolled with it for the time being and listened as 'Daryn' talked about her day.

It didn't take long before I noted some definite similarities. Same classes as Daryn was taking. 'She' worked in the same comicbook store as Darren. There were some verbal oddities like using the word "woop" a lot, which Darren did as well. Aside from that, all the phrasings seemed overtly "girly".

My best guess was that some sort of joke was coming. I remembered one of Darren's roommates had once pranked a friend by pretending to be a chick interested in him. The friend got him back by dancing on his bed in a lacy, lady's thong. Considering how we typically got along, I doubted a prank was what Darren had in mind.

While I sat there pondering, Cutiebot announced that her webcam was working again. I relaxed a bit and tried not to smirk. Here was the finish. Darren's webcam never worked and, whenever it did, he flashed scary sketches he'd done in front of the camera instead of his face.

As the little circle loaded up the image, I braced myself for whatever I was about to see.

But instead of a fanged wolf or a dragon, there was just a girl with long, brown hair grinning in the view and waving. She had on what was Darren's typical top with 'Russell's Teapot' in orbit around the sun, only the top was a short-sleeved V-neck. Her legs were crossed on her office chair and she looked really cute, even with the mediocre-resolution camera and poor lighting.

I waited again, expecting my friend to cross into camera view and say "GOTCHA!" But nothing happened. Eventually, she had to shut off her video feed due to "a buncha downloads". And I sat there perplexed as to what to make of it.

Her interests in movies and music were comparable to Darren's and she posted the same sort of long, philosophical musings. I resorted to pinching myself and wondering if I was totally out of it and had mistaken one friend for another.

Then, MiniManicore signed on. I sent her a message. Whenever I felt out of sorts, she always had calm and rational words to help me figure things out. I just told her that things were weird around, but I was glad to see her.

MiniManicore – Hey, dude. Weird how?

I explained the situation with a girl showing up on Cyberbot2000's account.

MiniManicore – Only know a Cutiebot. You mean her webcam is working again?

I questioned MM about Cutie and it was clear that whoever this was on MM had a crush on Cutie similar to the kind Rita had for Darren. I felt a little woozy. One friend mix-up was understandable, but I'd been talking to Rita for well over a year regularly and I knew her handle.

Putting aside the idea of a group prank on this scale, I asked MM for their name and who was on "Rita"s account.

That made them pause.

MiniManicore – What are you talking about? o.O? This is Rick. Same as always. Don't know any Ritas.

I wanted to be angry. I wanted to take my confusion out on MM and maybe put an end to this. But I couldn't be certain enough to muster the anger. So. I just told MM what I was thinking about everything.

I remember you as a girl named Rita for as long as I've known you. You've been my friend. And Cutiebot was Cyberbot and a boy. None of this makes sense ;_;

The sad ASCII didn't do much to vent my feelings. I shut my eyes for a bit and waited to hear a chime from the tinny speakers of my phone to announce MM's response. My stomach swayed. I felt like when I sometimes got into stupid arguments with close friends. I just wanted it over. I just wanted it resolved. I wanted things like how they used to be.

When the chime came, I took a breath and a quiet moment before I found the nerve to open my eyes. The words had the same feeling as MM always gave me.

MiniManicore – I'm sorry, my friend. I wish I knew what was going on. I'm telling you the truth.

I believed him/her. But I didn't know what to do about it. I kept his box open and checked out my other friends on my list for some kind of meaning.

Many of the names were similar to ones I knew but subtly different in similar themes. Instead of Nagasdad, there was Slitherchick. As a girl, she didn't seem much different. Just as pervy and hung out with the same group. I caught her in a group chat and the tail end of a conversation left me as mystified as his/hers usually did.

Slitherchick – So it's like that but with a kinda milky trail behind, you know?

CrescentQueen – Ewwww…>_<

Domino-on-Black – It seems to have its charm…

Slitherchick – Hi Doug! :D [https://e.deviantart.net/emoticons/b/biggrin.gif]

From what I could piece together, Slither was describing some sort of fantasy animal which wasn't quite a snake or a human. But it sounded clearly perverted.

On the whole, the conversation wasn't all that different. Usually, CrescentKing and Domino-on-White's reactions were reversed. I had a feeling their genders had been swapped as well.

I was long past grasping for any kind of explanation and well on my way to telling all what was on my mind, no matter the confusion and consequences which would likely follow.

Domino-on-Black – Moving might be a problem for something with that many nipples all over its body….

Slitherchick – At least it has a fun time getting there. It's a happy little thing!

CrescentQueen – Sooo gross!

Slitherchick – It goes squishy squishy crawling along!

I interrupted with the only thing I could think to say.

I think some people on my friends list have changed genders

Domino-on-Black – Is that a side-effect of Slither's slug person thing?

I mean seriously

This content has been misappropriated from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.

Domino-on-Black – Really? Any pics?

I told them the genders I knew them all as. Of course, they had an entire lifetime of memory to quote to the contrary. I stood firm. There was no way I could be wrong about so many people.

Eventually, I had to stretch. I delved into my experience from work. They'd put me on bug testing for software and I enjoyed it. I could work through a problem rationally and resolve even the wildest situations. Applying that approach to this left me frustrated.

Supposing my phone had somehow been tampered with, the extremes that someone would have to go to for all this were irrational.

After my tension lessened a bit with a good stretch, I looked through the rest of my list. For those who listed gender on their profiles or linked social media, every single one of my friends had the opposite from what I recalled.

The five guys I hung out with at my last job were now five girls. My ex-girlfriend was listed as male. It went on and on and messages, some full of worry for me, were piling up on the conversations I'd started.

Hastily, I found excuses to end them and signed off my account. I checked my log-in information. It seemed correct, although the password was strangely garbled.

I gave my phone a fresh reboot. The garbled password information was still there and no measure of clearing or reentering helped. Logging on again, I caught a brief pop-up about an invalid login, but it let me continue anyway.

Once on, several messages were waiting for me, all from the same, altered friends I'd just been talking to. With a groan, I set my status to away and looked over at my contacts. I had several numbers from friends on there. I tried my ex-girlfriend first. Her name and number in the system was the same as ever as "Vanessa Long".

It took only a couple rings before a deep-voiced man answered. I knew she had a new boyfriend, so I cautiously inquired, "Is Vanessa there?"

The guy chuckled. "That you, Doug? What's with the old pet nickname?"

It just got more uncomfortable from there.

"How are you…Van?"

"My ass feels great. How's yours?"

Words were quite impossible for me to utter, but I did manage, "Ah…"

"Come on. Don't be shy, sweetie. I know you've got something on your mind. It's been a while since your last call. I miss them."

That definitely struck close to what Vanessa would say. "How do you see me?"

"That again? Listen, you'll always be my friend. We're just way too intense for prolonged cohabitation. We rode each other raw."

I found myself making facial expressions to the phone even though the camera was off.

Not wanting to dwell on this line of discussion, I told 'Van', "Something strange is going on here."

"Strange? Are you okay? I can come over if you need help or anything."

I assured him he didn't need to do that. 'Van' pressed me to say more, so I just got it out.

"Something's weird with my apps. Usernames of friends have changed and…genders too."

A phone call didn't give me as much time to brace myself for 'Van's swift confusion. Quickly, his stammered questions softened to only one, "What can I do to help?"

I considered asking him to come over, but I'd already seen how my friends had changed with Cutie's stream.

"I'll call you back." I ended the call before he could answer.

I tapped the phone in my hands a moment before dialing up Marshall of my five friends I saw online. Knowing them as guys, they might be together in an old-fashioned LAN party. I had no idea what to expect with how things seemed to be now.

It took just two rings before an energetic girl answered, "Hi, Doug!"

Her answer surprised me till I remembered Marshall had Caller ID. I asked, speculatively, "Marsha?"

"Yup! How are you? What's up?"

I could piece together from the noises in the background that the other four were giggling and probably in a match, as always. I offered some quiet notes about checking in and wished them well.

I pressed the phone against my forehead and set it down on the table. There were still plenty of people left on my friends list, but seeing some of the names now, I had the inkling each and every one of them had been altered and I didn't have the first idea why.

A sudden knock on the door startled me with thoughts of Van suddenly rushing over. But I knew that was too far a trip to make in so short a time.

Peering through the peephole in the door didn't give me a clear impression of the person on the other side. I unlocked the door slowly and glanced out through the crack.

Standing on my doormat was an older woman dressed in a sleek, gray pantsuit with short, graying hair cropped around her head.

The voice that came out of her was a quick rasp of an impenetrable accent. "Hey. You sure have a royal cock-up with a side of crap-fries, don't you?"

"Excuse me?"

She nudged the door open and pushed in. "Your friends who were nesting birds are sitting pretty kitties. And the felines are all tweeting now. Correct?"

Her language was…I stood there a moment and stared.

"Now, Douglas Lewis…Shall I make this Roadrunner or Coyote? Speed through quiet and simple or talk it out?"

Assaulted by the quandary of how she knew my name and breaking through her lingo, I could only say, "Talk."

"Some things are right-o-taffy as they are and some things need a bit of the white-out and rewrite-out. You…are a tangled strand of words which needed more proofing. Easy in and easy out, one quick shift and that's what it's all about. However, errors make half-missed the same as passing the target and striking the crowd."

I shook my head slowly in confusion and she made her way over my smartphone.

"Shall I un-season and leave only the barest spices of words?"

I assumed/hoped that meant simpler terms from her. I nodded.

"You were meant to be a girl today in a rewrite of generalized reality. A simple change originating from your messaging login. But it didn't work and those connected with you through your login were instead rewritten."

That at least made sense to me. But I still didn't understand why or how.

"How come you didn't say it like that in the first place?"

She cracked a wide grin and noted, "Where's the fun in that?"

"Do I have any say about this…rewrite?"

"As much as rain can say it wants to meet the ground or not. But I don't make the weather. I just tidy up when the frogs start splatting."

I found her last analogy unsettling. She sat down at my chair and typed a bit on the screen. It didn't take long before she was done. She gestured for me to take a seat.

"What if I refuse?" I glanced at the door.

"Then you refuse. And what will be is what will be. But the puppy is porked and the water is falling. Gravidity and gravity are forces that have no rewind."

I looked into her eyes. They were flatly gray. In some ways, she seemed like that particular, strange lady who worked at the DMV. In others, she seemed so calm and at ease. Her smiles appeared so genuine.

Still, I felt tense. I didn't know what lay before me. I wanted to rage at her and toss her out, but I doubted it would do any good.

I could also see myself running and I edged my feet back a little, then I drew them ahead again.

"Are there any consequences if I refuse? What happens to my friends?"

"What happened to your friends is already part of what's happened. So far as consequences, the ground doesn't move. You reject and you face rejection in return. Like a foreign cell in the body of reality. It's not pleasant. Trust me, I know."

A quiet sternness slipped into her expression. Her lingo eased.

She was right. I could feel myself edging towards the phone. I held it in my hands.

"Invalid Login" was set on the page with my username. I long pressed the tab and there was another username registered to a 'Louise Douglas'. I selected it.

The gray lady commented, "May you never find yourself in need of another revision. At least any you'll notice…"

I last saw Login Confirmed before a strange feeling passed over me---

=======

I adjusted my hold on my phone and brushed at my long hair. I gave a quiet sigh and smile, like thanks for something…what it was, I didn't know.

But I felt so happy to see all my friends were online.