A few years have passed since I came to be with my Noth. I’ve gotten to watch every trial, tribulation, and triumph of his up close with my own two freaking eyes, and I’ve been eating. it. up! It’s like I’m watching a mega high definition movie from the front row seats, and even though I’m doing my best to stay out of the way and watch this awesome show unfold, if things end up taking a turn that I can’t stand I don’t just have to shout at the screen and be upset, I can just freaking step in and fix things!

Of course, the problem with that is that I’m enjoying everything way too much, even the bad scenes.

Watching Noth get worried, sad, angry, or scared was just so de-li-ci-ous. It was like binge eating chocolate every time I saw it. Heck, with our bond I could even feel that he was feeling those things, and it was just great. And when he felt jealous over me when I was telling him about that favour? Ooooh it felt like coming in from the cold and taking a nice warm soak, I loved it for a multitude of reasons. If I can I’m gonna milk that feeling for all that it’s worth, Noth permitting! Although hey, it’s not like I don’t share in his good feelings too, so it’s not like I only like when he’s feeling bad stuff, even if it is weirdly pleasurable. The only real saving grace to all of this (for Noth) though, is that I feel an equally large sense of pure satisfaction whenever he overcomes an obstacle or defeats one of his ‘monsters’. I’ve never gotten to experience such a raw and profound satisfaction before in my previous human life. And it seems like the feeling grows larger with greater targets. The removal of Jeck alone managed to take me out of commission for a few days from the serenity of it, and he's not even that great of an evil comparatively!

Really, I think this is all the God-dess’s fault.

This stupid angel body she gave me really feels like she tainted it with some weird stuff.

Like for instance with Noth’s dad!

If I’m being honest, I really don’t care for the guy. Like, a part of me feels bad for him since I know all his circumstances and stuff, but like… I just can’t stand how weak he is. Weak weepy people like him are just one of the things that I can’t stand. If it’s something that Noth thinks is the right thing to do, then I don’t really care what happens to him. But when Noth used the madness on him? Oh yes. Yeeessss. Whenever Noth uses his wishes it feels good, like nice little butterfly kisses, especially now that he’s getting the hang of them, but that… When he used that power it just felt sooo goooood~. It felt good the whole time until he made it stop. Even the short while he used it on Jeck it felt good! I need to find ways to get him to use my true powers more! But for now I’ll just have to content myself with the nice loving caresses of him using my first power without the training wheels… Once he figures out how to use it reliably, anyways.

In all honesty, feeling how this body reacts to these powers is scaring the crap out of me. I know what I am. I know what the God-dess made me. I know I can’t escape all of this. I hate thinking about it, but it’s only a matter of time before these growing feelings and instincts take me over and everything comes crashing down. I can only hope that I’ll still maintain some tiny bit of rationality when it happens… At least enough that I don’t try to harm Noth. The good news is that I have a handful of years before it all happens, thankfully. Angels were never intended to last over a decade anyways. Until then I’ll have to do my best to help him gain enough power so that when the worst does happen, he’s at least vaguely ready for it.

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I’m also surprised at how quickly my boy’s growing up and learning to handle all these harsh situations… Is a total lie! Pretty sure Noth has those natural buffs a main character gets in stories that makes them so different from everyone else. Viva la God-dess and its story! But to be fair it’s not all just natural character buffs. Because… well, you see…

I cheated!

Even though I love this Noth and I know that he’s physically the same one as the Noth that I fell in love with, and even though I know for sure he’ll grow up to look the same as he once did, now that I’ve entered in and changed the course of his story, there’s no guarantee that he’ll have the same emo villain attitude like he did before. Hey, what can I say? I’m a sucker for depressed bad-boy characters I guess. Besides, my goal was to save that particular Noth, and somehow even though this is all freaking wonderful, it feels a little sad that I couldn’t do anything for the Noth that I knew from before. I thought really hard about how to fix that after I first met this little child version of him and realized how different he might end up being… and then I found a nice opportunity.

I infected his soul a little bit while he was dreaming.

I just put a little fragment of him in there on the night before we confronted his father. Not enough to take him over per say, or to really change him all that much, but just enough to influence him a little bit. My hopes are that the old Noth’ll help to guide him a little, and maybe somehow his actions will also let that poor little fragment find peace. Really, though? A part of me just did it because I wanted him to realize deep down just how much I’ve saved him from the shitty life he could have had. It would suck if it was only me and the God-dess who knew how different things would have been for him. And as a plus, I get to keep a little bit of the previous beloved villain inside of this new love of mine.

My new love… he’s quite a different boy. It’s to be expected, since his life hasn’t swirled down the toilet quite to the extent that the previous one’s had. This Noth has hope inside of him, and he even makes plans for his own future. He’s proactive. He’s motivated. It’s not like this one can’t fall into the trap of moping like the previous one could, but now he actually has goals, and things that he wants to protect. He’s able to afford nurturing the gentleness that he’d always tried to keep, but had been forced to give up in his prior life. And yet, I love that he’s still held on to that characteristic ruthlessness of his! And he’s still a loner! And still a little bit gloomy! And calculating! I can’t wait to see what he grows up to be~!

Not like any of this matters at all in the end though, I’d still love our current Noth like crazy no matter what he turns out like!

Another difference that’s so interesting to see is how things have changed since his father didn’t die this time. We got to meet a whole new character that had only ever been referenced before in the book: Jeck Felitt. That snake was never part of the main story before, not even mentioned in Noth’s tragic backstory, so it really caught my eye when he showed up one day and started making a big fuss. Can’t say I’m upset about it at all though, considering his arrival helped Noth to use my powers even better. If these new developments are gonna help him to learn his abilities and get even stronger faster, then I’m all for it. And as a bonus I get to see tons of new situations unfold!

Something I’m not enjoying, however, is the constant gaze of the God-dess that I can feel boring into us. It’s oppressive and heavy. I can also feel its hand moving things around in the background. The ministrations are almost enough to go unnoticed, but not for me, not in this body. No matter how small the influence, I can feel it happening.

And I don’t LIKE it.

I don’t care if it’s the all important deity of this world or whatever, this is my world to change. It said so itself!

Only Noth and I are allowed to change things.

Anything the God-dess changes will just have to get fixed.