Helt’s still asleep.

So’s big brother Noth.

Noth has woken up sometimes!

But Noth doesn’t stay awake for very long, or move, or talk…

I’m super worried about it.

I’m happy that I still have Jean and Elillith here with me at least.

Jean talked with me about a lot of things.

She even told me things about [Gifts] I never knew before!

I wanted to know these things for so long, but I’d been too afraid to ask.

What if they felt like I was even weirder for not just knowing this stuff?!

Maybe if I was better at reading then I could have looked it up myself, like Jean did, but…

But…

I’m just so stupid.

I learn so slowly.

Helt and Jean are so smart, and they learned to read and write so quickly.

Most of the time I have to get someone to read to me to try and help me learn it…

And it’s still not working!

It’s just… If Elillith reads to me, I get so tired…

When Jean reads her voice is too pretty, and I end up focusing on that instead of the book!

Helt reads too fast and I can’t follow along with the words…

And Noth has been so busy all the time… I don’t have the nerve to make him read to me a lot.

Plus I get really embarrassed that he knows I still haven’t really learned anything…

He must think I’m so dumb.

Everyone must think that.

I try my hardest, honest!

I’m just… not good at it.

I’m not good at anything.

If I were better, then everyone else wouldn’t have to spend all their time babying me.

If I were more capable at controlling myself then maybe Noth wouldn’t have had to clean up the mess me and my friend in the garden made.

Now the person I should be the most grateful to is hurt or sick or something.

And I think I’m also the reason Helt won’t wake up, too.

I’m the worst.

I make everything bad happen.

If only I had a [Gift].

If I could pick one and be like everyone else, then maybe I could finally be good.

Everyone could rely on me.

I could do things for my friends, instead of all of them having to do things for me all the time.

If anything bad happened, I could fix it instead of sitting there uselessly like always.

I want everyone to depend on me.

I don’t want to be worthless.

…My parents were right.

They knew I was worthless even before they learned what my [Gift] was.

Maybe they would have finally loved me if I had gotten a really good [Gift].

Then they wouldn’t have adopted my friends and sold us all.

And even if we did still get sold, Jean and Helt wouldn’t be the only ones able to protect us!

We would have never gotten caught and taken to the scary basement in the first place!

…But then we wouldn’t have met Noth and gone to live with him.

…Maybe letting us get kidnapped would have been fine, then.

I don’t wanna lose big brother Noth from my life.

He does so much for us!

We love him!

The day after I learned more about [Gifts] from Jean, I went into the greenhouse for a while.

I had a lot of thinking to do.

Jean was busy cleaning some more, so she didn't try to come with me.

I got to go into Noth’s secret part of the greenhouse for the first time in a while!

I looked at the pretty red flowers on the pretty red bushes.

I knew I wasn’t allowed to touch them, so instead I just looked.

Was Noth allowed to have such pretty red bushes because he was so special?

I’d never seen such amazing bushes anywhere!

They weren’t in any of the picture books about flowers that Helt had shown me.

They weren’t anywhere in the town I grew up in.

Even when we’d go out into town with Elillith on errands, I never saw them in any of the flower shops!

If they were so special, wouldn’t Noth’s dad have had some of his own?

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Were they hidden somewhere too, like Noth’s?

Or did these actually belong to Noth’s dad?

I think the greenhouse used to belong to him, too, so maybe?

I wish I could touch them.

I bet they’d smell and feel so nice.

I couldn’t stand it anymore and tried to touch the flowers again.

I know I was told that I’d get in trouble, but last time my friend made me eat them right?

That means that if I just eat the flowers I touch, then Noth won’t know!

They melted in my mouth like ice cream when I ate them last time!

But wasn’t the taste kind of weird?

It’s hard to remember…

I want to taste them again!

But also I lost control of my body after I ate them…

That was so scary and I made trouble for Noth after…

Maybe I shouldn’t eat them after all.

But still, maybe just a touch will be ok?

I wouldn’t get in trouble if I just poked one, right?

My friend showed up when I almost poked one and stopped me.

She’s finally back!

I told her all about how Noth defeated the demons we met.

She said that now she was one step closer to helping me one day!

She told me that since I helped her, everything went great, but she sounded really sad.

I was happy I was finally helpful, but I was really worried how sad she sounded.

I asked her if something went wrong, and she said no.

She said everything went perfectly, but that maybe she wished it hadn’t.

Did I somehow ruin everything again?

I thought I finally helped a friend, but maybe she’s just too nice to say I didn’t.

I asked her if I maybe screwed everything up, but she said there was no other way it could have gone.

She said she didn’t like what she had to do this time, but it was all for the sake of the people she cares about.

And she also said that I was one of those people!

My friend really cares about me!

We both hugged.

She’s gotten so good at hugging, she doesn’t even hurt me anymore when she does it.

But the mark on my back still keeps getting bigger and darker?

Maybe it’s not a bruise?

Oh well, at least it doesn’t hurt.

I don’t want to go see a doctor, it might be scary or hurt!

My friend still sounded a bit sad even after our hug, although she was a tiny bit better.

I asked if there was anything I could do to cheer her up.

I’ve got to do my best for the people important to me, just like her!

She seemed like she was going to say no, but there actually was something!

She said she missed sleeping.

She said whatever she was right now wouldn’t ever let her sleep.

She even hadn’t slept for decades!

That’s basically for all my life, but a bunch of times!

That must be awful, sleeping is great!

She said that the only way she could finally sleep is if she was in my body again.

I was really scared of it, since such scary things happened last time…

But she’s my friend!

I promised to do whatever I could for her!

She’s trying so hard to do what she can to help her important people.

She’s even doing things she doesn’t like for it!

If she’s gonna do things she doesn’t like, then I can too!

Besides, she promised to help me get the [Gift] I wanted one day!

How can I let one scary thing get in the way of helping her to help me?

I’m not a baby.

I won’t be the baby everyone treats me like!

I agreed to let her use my body to sleep!

…But also I made her promise not to do anything else, just in case.

I’m doing my best, but I don’t want to do something too scary, after all.

I ate the flower again.

This one melted like ice cream just like the last time, but it tasted a little different.

This one tasted like… a crunchy leaf?

It’s still better than the squirmy taste from last time I think.

I wonder why the different flowers have different tastes when they’re all red?

Maybe one day when I’m big and smart I can look it up in a book like Helt does.

The mark on my back hurt again like last time, but I think everything hurt less than before?

Maybe I’m just getting used to it?

Maybe if I do this with my friend often enough it won’t ever hurt.

Then I can help her a lot!

I didn’t even collapse this time either, hooray!

All of a sudden I just started moving without me doing anything.

My throat was humming, but I wasn’t doing it.

My hands undid my ponytail and my hair came down.

And then when my wrist flicked, something amazing happened!

A big wind blew, and a bunch of pretty fallen petals and leaves from all over the greenhouse came together in front of us.

It made a cute, soft nest for us!

That’s incredible!

My friend is so amazingly powerful!

She laughed and told me this was nothing with my own voice.

I can’t wait 'til I get to see what else she can do one day!

Maybe if I let her use my body more often I’ll get to see some more super awesome things happen!

My body yawned.

I crawled into the little nest and curled up like a cat.

My eyes closed, and before I knew it I was drifting off to sleep.

I thought sleeping with someone else in my body might feel weird, like moving did.

I didn’t think I’d also fall asleep, too!

But weirdly enough I actually felt the most comfortable that I ever did!

I had a really good sleep.

I dreamed of every single good thing that I wanted to happen.

I dreamed about all the cool [Gifts] I’d seen, and how my life would be with them.

I dreamed about having fun with my friends.

I dreamed that everyone laughed and clapped and cheered for me.

I dreamed that I didn’t have to feel worthless any longer.

Everything felt so right.

I was right.

I didn’t want any of these dreams to end.

When I finally woke up I felt disappointed.

None of it was real, but it felt like I’d lived through it all first hand.

It felt like something got taken away from me.

Maybe because my friend had finally left my body?

She pet my head and said not to be sad about having a good dream.

But how can I not feel sad about it?

I told her I had to go back now.

Helt and Noth were still asleep, and I missed them.

I shouldn’t be leaving them alone for so long while they’re still sick like this.

I had to be responsible and take care of my friends!

My friend told me that I didn’t have to worry.

She said that Helt would wake up today, and that Noth would wake up tomorrow.

She even promised me!

Wow! My friend is so amazing, she even knows about important stuff like this!