Two hours in, Nick regretted having an AI game master. The technology was still in development, and later versions would get better, but this AI was not Tyler. Tyler had a way of softening blows, knowing the lore they created, and giving the game a human touch.
“You are in a dim corridor. You have three goblins ahead of you. They do not spot you. How would you like to proceed?” the AI woman asked.
“Ugh, it’s like one of those games we used to play in elementary school. What were they called? The ones where you filled in the noun, verb, and adjective first and they end up hilarious?” Derek asked.
“Mad libs?” Nick’s forehead wrinkled. “I think?”
Derek snapped his fingers. “Mad lib! Every time this AI woman hesitates before speaking, it feels like she’s filtering words from a generated list.”
Nick massaged his scalp, staring at the computer. “That’s exactly what AI does. It makes more sense than mad libs, but still the same process.”
“It doesn’t have to sound like it is.” Derek pressed the spacebar down. He held up Alejandra’s character sheet. “Hraktar pulls out his great sword in anticipation.”
The AI took this in, calculating it. Nick waited until it finished before pressing down the spacebar. “Grizzizzik does not wait. He throws three rat daggers in rapid succession at their heads.”
Derek took over, holding down the spacebar. “Milo smacks his crossbow with his magic wrench and fills it with fire mana.”
Nick waited for the AI to calculate this before continuing. “Ezekiel clutches his symbol of the Great Lady and readies himself.”
The AI hadn’t finished loading it when Derek leaned over. “And Princess Clarissa readies her bow with enough time to watch Ezekiel—”
Nick cut Derek’s speech off by slapping his hand away from the spacebar. “No! No romance.”
“Come on. The sexual tension between Princess Clarissa and Ezekiel is off the charts.”
“No, it isn’t. They are simply fantastic friends who hug a lot,” Nick said. Laughter burst from Derek. “I’m serious. Princess Clarissa is my sister’s character, and we’re not romancing each other.”
“Ezekiel isn’t your character. He’s Rafael’s, so there shouldn’t be any weirdness,” Derek said.
The dark glare returned to Nick’s eyes at the mention of Rafael. “I’ve played Ezekiel longer, so he’s more my character than his.”
The dryness in Derek’s gaze could have evaporated the Amazon River. “Fine. No romance. Missed opportunity, I say.”
The AI began speaking. “Grizzizzik, roll to check if first dagger hits.” A number pad showed up on the screen. To see if the dagger pierced through armor, Nick had to roll the d20. If he rolled higher than the goblin’s armor class, or AC, it would hit. Only the game master knew the AC of the bad guys, but goblins usually had a low one. Nick grabbed his dice. He rolled for the first hit. “Ouch, natural one.” There was an attack bonus per weapon, whether adding a +1 or higher to the number on the dice. It was always a blessing, but a one was a fail no matter what. He put the number in.
Derek held up his dice jail and gave it a shake. “Does it need a time out?”
“I’m good.”
“Grizzizzik, roll to check if second dagger hits,” the AI said.
Nick rolled his d20 again and beamed at the next number. “Seventeen, plus attack damage…” He did the math in his head and typed in the numbers. If the goblin didn’t get hit with this number, he’d be surprised. And worried.
The AI took a moment to calculate. “Roll for damage on second goblin.”
Nice. That meant the roll was high enough to pierce through the armor and he could inflict damage. He checked his character sheet, then at the miniatures in front of them.
“This is a sneak attack since I’m next to Hraktar.” Nick picked up a d6 and his d4.
Derek’s grunt was low and pained. “You abuse that so much.”
“Read the handbook. It’s perfectly allowed.” He shook the two dice. It wouldn’t be a lot of damage since it was a dagger, but goblins didn’t have many hit points, anyway. After playing this long, he knew goblins weren’t much of a threat.
Derek lifted his chin to check Nick’s character sheet. “How many rat daggers does Grizzizzik have left?”
“Another dozen or so. That rat infestation was bad in Tillymount, and he collected a lot of sharp bones and teeth.” The d4 and the d6 clattered to the ground. One and three. Four, all together. Nick groaned. “I’m not rolling well tonight.”
“You cursed us all with your flippant attitude about wanting to see how bad things get.” A fizz announced Derek had successfully opened his soda. “You have only yourself to blame.”
Nick flashed an obscene gesture at Derek as he tapped the numbers in the AI device.
The computer loaded a response. “Grizzizzik gets three points piercing damage from fallen rat dagger to the foot.”
Derek snickered as Nick wrote that down in his hit point box. He hated rolling natural ones. Three seemed like a lot for accidentally dropping a dagger, especially considering they were all level six. Damage from nat ones were annoying, and Tyler rarely did them past level three.
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The AI continued. “Center goblin gets hit. Other goblins notice you.”
“Gets hit is such a boring way to say it. At least Tyler will take comfort knowing we’re not replacing him soon,” Derek said.
They had a short skirmish between the characters and the three goblins. Even though Grizzizzik failed to hit on his turn, Hraktar wiped two goblins out with his great sword, and Milo finished the last one with a crossbow bolt infused with fire. According to the AI, that goblin simply died, but Derek described how in Milo’s bolt obliterated the goblin in great detail.
Nick stared at Derek, eyebrows raised, as his friend finished describing the pile of ash at their feet. “What was this about CCNC being cheap man’s therapy?”
“I have no idea what you mean.” Derek ate another tortilla chip with salsa. “Milo straightens his suspenders, proud of his crossbow.”
“Princess Clarissa lifts her hand for a high five,” Nick said.
“Milo enthusiastically gives one.”
“See! Those two are friends.” Nick pointed at the figurines of Milo and Clarissa. “Why are those two friends, but Ezekiel and Princess Clarissa need something more?”
“You don’t ask why romance comes to you, Nick. You accept it,” Derek said.
“Yeah.” Nick’s eyes bounced over Derek’s face, taking in any facial tics. His friend could hide emotions pretty well. “Sorry about your breakup with….” Nick realized too late that he didn’t remember Derek’s summer girlfriend. That was Nick’s bad, trying to give comfort and ending up ruining it.
Derek grabbed a fistful of pretzels. “Oh, yeah. She moved. Totally fine, we broke it off as friends. We’re in high school. Relationships aren’t supposed to be serious, right?”
Often his friend had no filter with his emotions until moments like this when he seemed more hurt than he let on. He blamed Derek joining drama in middle school. Nick didn’t know what to do, so instead, he smiled. “Yeah. Sure.”
“Maybe you should wait until Alejandra’s eighteen to—”
Nick slammed his finger against the spacebar. “Grizzizzik loots the bodies.”
Derek cleared his throat to do an impression of Princess Clarissa. “That’s disgusting, Grizzly Bear!” It wasn’t quite how Evelyn did it, but a way closer impersonation than if Nick tried.
“I ignore her since I’m supposed to role-play as Princess Clarissa.” Nick tapped the paper next to Ezekiel’s.
“Yeah, I know. And we’ve had little banter between Grizzizzik and Princess Clarissa because of it. Those two are always fighting each other.” Derek sipped his soda, smiling. “Almost like siblings.”
“Some of us aren’t capable of having conversations with ourselves. My acting can only go so far,” Nick said.
The AI woman interrupted them. “Grizzizzik finds twelve copper pieces and a map of the catacombs.”
“Ha! See, Clarissa! Sometimes it’s great to loot the bodies of the dead,” Nick said.
Derek let out a high-pitch shriek, placing his hand on his heart. “Did you just call me Clarissa?”
“I sure did,” Nick said as Grizzizzik.
Derek looked like he was about to say something, but closed one eye instead. “Yeah, I’m not sure what the Princess would say to something like that.”
“A lot of hemming and hawing sounds about right. I’ll ask her when I see her again.”
Derek lifted a finger at him. “No, you won’t. Because no one is supposed to know we’re doing this.” He leaned over and hit the spacebar. “Milo is curious about the map Grizzizzik found.”
The AI calculated before revealing a map on the screen. “Oooooh,” Nick and Derek said, leaning in to see it better.
Derek snorted. “This idiot AI gave us a map with the monsters, too.”
“I think you’re right.” Nick traced with his finger. “Torraq is right there in the center of the lair.”
“Ha! It comforts me to know our AI overlords aren’t smart enough to take over yet. Oooh, there are even dinosaurs in this lair. Pretty sure some of those are at a higher level than we are. Tyler wouldn’t let us run into them, but the AI might.”
Nick squinted at the screen. “Personally, I’d love to avoid all the monsters if we can. We don’t have a lot of healing potions left, and I’d rather not spend a mana slot healing everyone before we fight Torraq.”
Derek lowered his soda, a light in his eyes. “Stealth and deception, here we come.”
They maneuvered their team through the dungeon. It was almost too easy. It was better, because he wanted to face Torraq soon. They started this game late and were creeping closer to his father’s strict curfew.
The universe seemed to think was hilarious, because it took them a good ten minutes to pick the lock to the main chamber. Once they did, the chamber was before them.
“Grizzizzik checks for traps,” Nick said.
“Grizzizzik, roll for perception on traps,” the AI said.
He grunted as his dice clattered to the table, then winced. “Five, total. That was a bust.”
“There do not appear to be any traps,” the AI female said.
“I don’t believe that for a second.” Derek hit the spacebar. “Milo finds a rock in his void bag and tosses it, trying to set off traps.”
“Milo must roll for perception on traps.”
Derek dropped his die down the dice tower. “Woo-hoo! Seventeen plus three is a dirty twenty! Where was that while we were picking the lock?”
“You know with absolute certainty that there are no traps,” the AI female said.
Derek seemed to deflate. “Seriously? But that was a dirty twenty. At least Tyler would make me feel like I accomplished something with my roll.”
“Well, I mean, it was only dirty, not a natural.”
Derek took another bite of stone cold pizza. “Alright, then you give me something. That was wasted.”
“Not wasted. We now know there aren’t any traps in this main corridor. Let’s get to the lair.”
“I need a human to give me something. The AI can only go so far,” Derek said.
The smile struggled for control on Nick’s face. “Did you intend for that to come out how it sounded?”
Derek lifted his eyes to the ceiling as he thought about what he said before snorting. Nick took another swig from his soda.
“Pretend you’re a GM, Nick. What else does Milo find?”
He placed his soda back down, licking his lips. “Milo glances up, realizing these walls seem far more fake than he remembers. Why, yes, look at that. In one of his rare flashes of genius—”
Derek’s spine stiffened as he placed his hands against his cheeks, his face contorting in over-the-top hurt. “Rare flashes?”
Nick ignored him. “—He realizes he’s nothing more than a miniature. That there are two giants above him, happily munching on snacks large enough that could have cured hunger everywhere. They are guiding his very movements. He raises his little miniature hand, wondering if it was his own choice to move it or from some design of the gods above him. Gods not mentioned in the pantheon he knew.”
The hurt on Derek’s face changed to mild annoyance, but he let Nick continue.
“Then it all snapped back, and he found himself in the corridor again with renewed energy to vanquish Torraq from the city of Osvoroth.”
Derek rolled his eyes. “Fine.”
“I mean, hey, if you want, I can give him a few points of psychological damage.” Nick struggled to pick up his d4. The pyramid shape of the die always gave him a struggle.
Derek slapped Nick’s hand away. “Milo is good, thanks. You’ve given him enough of an existential crisis. Let the AI keep going.”
“That’s what I’m good at. Making sure no one else can trust me with things.” Nick took another sip of soda. The overt hurt and annoyance dropped from Derek’s face, and his friend grew still. Derek opened his mouth to say something, but Nick pushed the spacebar. “Everyone moves forward slowly through the chamber to the door at the end.”
Derek ran his tongue over his teeth, but dropped whatever he was about to say. Nick meant it as a joke, but sometimes his dark humor got him in trouble.
There were no traps, but it seemed like there should be. Perhaps that was all part of the plan. The group rushed through the short corridor.
“‘We take this slow, like we planned. Something is going on. I’ve read too many books to think this isn’t a trap in itself,’” Nick said as Ezekiel.
“And what does Grizzizzik do?” Derek asked.
“Ignores it all.” Nick pushed down the spacebar. “Grizzizzik grabs all the rat daggers he can carry, bursts through the door and throws every single one as fast as he can.”