PART III - DEFINING YOURSELF

Waking Lena had not gone well. Cheena had finished her preliminary healing, addressing the open wounds and blisters. They seemed better, but were still mottled and melted, or whatever could be called healed in her current state. Certainly no open sores, at least.

The others of Ogre House had returned, Vanis and Tazrok were both in fresh, dry clothes, and both Callie and Pixyl also changed since they had gotten wet with water and milk while sitting on the floor during and after the new reveals. Jesca also came back, now dressed as normal, and offered her Fedora for the day, on the chance Lena might want it, since both of Callie’s hats would be too small.

With a final cast of magic, Cheena purged Xin’s sleep toxin before taking a step back so the rest could get close.

“Where … where am I?” Lena said as her eyes fluttered open. “And why am I wet?”

“Hey, hey,” Callie said in a calm tone. “You’re okay. You’re in the showers.”

“My head was on fire!”

“You were attacked by firelice,” Vanis said. “We got you here as quickly as we could.”

“Firelice? My hair!” Lena screamed, both her hands reaching up. Both Vanis and Xin quickly reached out, each grabbing an arm before she touched anything.

“Lena, it will be a shock,” Vanis said with a careful warning.

Lena’s face slowly filled with ashen dread as her arms were released. As she reached for the top of her head, her eyes fell on a pile of her long hair on the floor not far away. She touched her head, feeling the bumpy, mottled skin under the fingers that she didn’t yet realize had also been tended to. Everyone held their breaths, not sure what to expect.

Lena gasped as she ran her hands harder over her scalp, then she started to stand, her body still shaking from the remnants of Xin’s tail-poison. Vanis and Xin both stood with her, helping to keep her steady. “I … I want to see.”

“Alright,” Vanis said cautiously as he started to lead her towards the mirrored stall. He glanced at Cheena, who was wearing the same fretful expression as everyone else.

Shaking off the grips on her arms, Lena staggered forward, touching first the reflection and then reaching for the top of her head, almost unable to recognize the person looking back at her. “It’s … it’s all gone,” she stammered. “All of it.” Stumbling backwards in horror, she bumped into Tazrok just as her legs started to give out.

Tazrok again deftly caught his falling friend, gently scooping Lena into his arms before setting her carefully on the floor against the wall. He took a couple steps back so as to not crowd her.

Callie saw it coming a split second before Pixyl did, and they both rushed to Lena. They hugged tight just as long, mournful wails of heartache began. Lena cried, and cried hard. Not simple sobbing, either, but that ugly kind of crying, replete with wordless blubbering, shocked gasps for air, and both tears and snot running down her face. This continued for over a minute. Nobody said anything, simply being present for their friend.

“Lena, if there’s any way …” Vanis finally began to say.

“Get out!” Lena snapped between sobs. “Get away from me! Don’t look at me!”

“Lena …” Cheena started.

“I said get out!”

Everybody backed a few steps away. Everyone except Callie and Pixyl, who refused to let go.

“Go!” Lena snapped, angrily looking down at the two barnacles clinging to her.

“Let’s … let’s all give her some space,” Vanis said slowly, as he reached to peel Callie away.

“Fuck you, Vanis!” Callie snapped back to the Warlock, pulling away from him. “I’m not leaving.”

“I’m n-n-not, either!” Pixyl added, almost with a hiss.

“I said to go,” Lena blubbered as the waterworks started again.

“Fuck you, too!” Callie said as she held on. “I said I’m not leaving!”

----------------------------------------

“It … it doesn’t look that bad,” Callie said hesitantly. The doubt in her voice was fairly obvious.

“Yes it does,” Lena replied with a sniffle, her voice weak and resigned, trails of tears still evident in the milk residue on her cheeks.

“We … we can find a way to make it work.”

“How? This is all that’s left?” The Elf pulled on the remains of her hair, a single patch about four centimeters in diameter, still attached above and behind her right ear. It hung down, sloppy-wet and still sour with milk, clinging to her arm. She sniffled again, wiping her arm under her still dripping nose.

Callie was struggling to come up with positive words, and failing.

“I’ve been growing that since I was eight. Now it’s all gone. And my head is a mess. I’m a mess. Everything is a mess.”

“Cheena said she can fix your scalp,” Callie said, trying to sound hopeful. “She can do it tonight, remember?“

“But I’ll never grow hair again.” Snarling a little, Lena pulled again on the tiny, still-attached bundle of long hair. “And this is just mocking me, isn’t it?”

The others had all left, leaving Pixyl and Callie stubbornly behind. Everyone understood why Lena had yelled at them, and none of them bore any ill from it. It was a shock, and she lashed out at the first thing she could. They might have had the same reaction if it had been them. Still, they were all understandably worried for their friend.

“At least you’ll have a smooth head come morning,” Callie said, trying to be slightly-positive again.

“But I’m going to look ridiculous, Callie. I’m supposed to be this intimidating warrior, and now I’m just some bald … thing. Have you ever heard of a bald Elf? Ever? Especially a female?”

“What are you talking about? You’ll be ten times more intimidating than you were before.”

Lena returned a deadpan, dubious look.

Looking at Pixyl, Callie saw a similar unconvinced face. “Fine, you want proof? On my world, there’s this country called Wakanda. Their elite guard, known as the Dora Milaje, are made up entirely of females. All of them. And all of them are bald, too. They are the most badass warriors on the planet.” Of course, Callie didn’t add that Wakanda was a fictional country, and she quickly gave Pixyl a subtle shake of her head, since they’d talked about the Marvel stories before.

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“Badass?”

“Super badass, Lena! You never, ever, want to get between the Dora and whatever they are doing. They are both intimidating as hell and will totally kick your ass if they want to.”

“And they’re bald?”

“Completely!” Callie said, hoping she was being at least a little encouraging.

“But … “ Lena said, pulling again on the long, noodlish remnant of remaining hair. “This just looks ridiculous.”

“Cut it off, then. In fact, if she can, have Cheena do whatever she needs to so it doesn’t even grow back. Embrace it. Own it!”

“But what about Dregorio?” Lena said distantly, still lightly tugging.

Callie rolled her eyes at that. “Lena, you were an Imor crime boss! Or at least a mini-boss. You don’t need to define yourself by some guy. If he says something ugly, then stomp his ass and walk away! You deserve someone better than that.”

Lena sniffled. The flood of tears had largely stopped, although her nose still dripped a little. Her mood obviously was down, and it would take a while to adjust. She turned to look at herself in the mirror.

“No!” Calllie said, stepping into the way. “Don’t look, because that person isn’t going to be the person you are tomorrow when the skin has been fixed.” She held Lena’s eyes tightly with her own.

It took a couple more times of ‘don’t look’ before Lena got the point, but eventually she stopped trying, focusing inward instead. Callie moved to sit across from the Bladedancer, Pixyl yawning and leaning up against her. “What do you need?” Callie asked. “How can we help?”

“I … I don’t know,” Lena said with a sigh, tugging again on her last lock of hair. “It just seems like … like a big part of what made me me is gone. And I feel … I feel like I don’t know who I am anymore.”

“Who do you want to be?” Callie asked.

“What do you mean?”

“Exactly that,” Callie said with a shrug. “You are going to walk on to the training field different than you were yesterday. It’s a shock and it sucks, and I wouldn’t imply otherwise. But you have the opportunity to define who that new person is, unless you let everybody else do it for you. If you wanna be a badass bald bitch, then do it! Those that don’t accept it? To hell with them!”

Lena could tell Callie was trying to be helpful, and even Pixyl’s tired eyes were in agreement with the little Gnome. Still, her long hair had been a part of her since she was a child. It had been something she’d been able to keep close to her despite everything bad that had happened over the years. It was also the only thing her mother, her real mother, had ever really complimented her on, when she could be bothered to make an appearance. Now, in a foolish, stupid moment it was gone, and with it went part of that link to those memories.

“I’m just going to need time,” Lena finally said. “but I hear what you are saying.”

“We’re here f-f-for you,” Pixyl said quietly.

“We are,” Callie agreed. “Whatever we can do to help. Any of us. Jesca even lent you her hat for the day. We can get the Brownies to make you another if you want one long term. You might, so you don’t sunburn your skull, actually.”

“That’s a Ranger hat,” Lena said, scoffing a bit with a weak smile, since fedoras had essentially been accepted as part of the Ranger uniform. “Maybe, though.”

The three sat in silence for a little while, Lena being introspective, while Callie and Pixyl were just being present. It was hard for Callie to stay quiet though, although the light snores from Pixyl on her shoulder were a reminder that she needed to be. She tried hard, but finally it got to be too much. “I got Silver this morning. Jesca did, too,” she said, ending the silence.

“You did? That’s great! Did you get anything interesting?” Lena seemed a little thankful for the distraction.

“A few things. Believe it or not, I got that Sigil of Amplification that Kyra and the Sergeant Major use, but only at Iron Tier. I haven’t unlocked or tried anything, though. I learned my lesson when I got Bronze, so I want to be more-careful this time.”

“Strange,” Lena said, her brow furrowing. “Why … why would you get that skill? It seems a little odd for a Ranger.”

All Callie could do was shrug. “You’ve got me.” She had no idea why. Maybe her Symbiote could explain why it picked that one next time they talked.

“Twice you’ve had to lead b-b-battles,” Pixyl pointed out, awakened from her light dozing by the sounds of people talking and Callie moving her shoulders, “if you include when Vanis had to put you in command. If you had been louder, it c-c-could have helped. Imagine all the noise of a bigger fight with lots of Demons, all snarling and roaring.”

“Huh, I didn’t think of that,” Callie said with an appreciative nod. “Still, it’s not like I’m going to be doing that after we leave here. When we get to the fight, I’ll just be some Ranger grunt. Honestly, I’ll be happy to just be some Ranger grunt.”

“Well, now you can grunt louder,” Lena pointed out, a slight, actual smile appearing on her face.

Callie giggled at that. It was good to see Lena smile, and Callie’s giggle was infectious. Lena’s smile grew.

“I think I’ll get cleaned up a bit,” Lena finally said, flopping the tiny lock of hair to the side. “I’m covered in milk and I’m sure I’m a mess.”

“We won’t tell anyone,” Callie assured with a wink. “Soaking in the bath might feel good, too. We brought you a change of fresh clothes.”

“Good idea. We missed breakfast, didn’t we?”

“Vanis said he’d get us something that would keep and put it in Jesca’s cabin. They’re going to be cleaning ours, to make sure none of the bugs escaped. They need to fix the door, too.”

Lena flushed with embarrassment at the reminder of what she’d brought back. “I’m sorry about all the trouble,” she said with a bit of a melancholy tone.

“Don’t sweat it,” Callie said, waving a hand dismissively. “They’ll get everything cleaned up and it will be fine. Someday, you’ll be able to look back on all of this and laugh.”

Lena was dubious and not afraid to show it on her face.

“Well, it might take a while,” Callie conceded. “But someday, I guarantee it.”

“How do you do it, Callie?”

“Do what?”

“How are you able to just get past bad things so easily? You’ve been through so much since you’ve arrived, and yet … somehow you’re still sane, even thriving. How?”

Callie was about to give some kind of a flippant answer, but then stopped. It was a fair question from Lena, and it deserved a fair answer. Taking another moment, she tried to organize her thoughts.

“Mostly I try not to get stuck on things I can’t control,” Callie finally arrived at. “If I did, I wouldn’t be able to make a decision about what I wanted or needed to do, let alone how to do it. And I have people around me. You, Vanis, Pixyl … all of the other people here at the camp. I couldn’t get through this without them, or without you.”

“So I should just ignore this?” Lena scoffed, gesturing towards her mottled scalp.

“Can you really do anything about it?” Callie asked, encouraging Lena to think about an answer.

“Not really,” Lena said after a long pause.

“So why waste energy dwelling on it? Maybe someday, through advanced healing or something, that might change, but right now it is what it is. I mean, I know it sucks, but …” Callie shrugged again. She wasn’t trying to make light of Lena’s new situation, but dwelling on something she couldn’t control ultimately wasn’t going to help. Callie knew it was a process, though.

“Badass bald bitch?”

Pixyl giggled for some reason and Callie grinned. “If you want to be. After you come back home, you could get a wig if it really mattered to you. In the meantime, you could easily make Gold, if you wanted, which is pretty damn badass in and of itself. Being bald is just going to make you more so. Heck, the Major only left here mid-Silver when she was a recruit, so you’d be doing better than her.”

“Really? I somehow thought she left here well into Gold.”

Callie leaned forward conspiratorially and whispered, “She almost got kicked out for repeatedly hooking up with some Bladeweaver.”

“What? Really? The Major?”

“Yeah. She warned me and Pixyl to focus on training, so we didn’t end up like her, or one of us would be booted.”

“You two make for a really cute couple,” Lena said with a bit of a mischievous smile on her face. She seemed thankful for the distracting change in subject. “Has anybody given you any problems yet?”

“A couple nasty looks from some of the Dwarves, but surprisingly no. It’s only been a couple days, though.”

“S-S-Same here,” Pixyl echoed, a half-asleep tone in her voice. “Nola was confused about t-t-two females being together, though.”

“Xin was the same way,” Callie added with a slight giggle. “I don’t think the Lizardkin really understand the concept of gender very well. In fact, she wasn’t even sure if Pixyl was a girl.”

Together, the three of them enjoyed the light distraction, making fun of Xin’s complete lack of tact, and then eventually the fact that she knocked Lena out with her tail poison.

“That explains the bloody holes in my underwear, at least, and why my head and rear both ache.”

“Xera and Cheena both said it was good thinking, but honestly, I think Xin spiked you just to shut you up. You were making a lot of noise.”

“Well, how would you feel if your head was on fire?” Lena said defensively, but with a tiny glint of a laugh in her eyes, too.