In November, 2023, several early chapters were rewritten to address multiple issues. This posting was made at the time those rewrites were posted to summarize those changes. I was originally going to delete this posting, but have instead left it in place for historical reference, on the very off chance an old reader returned and needed to be brought up to speed on the changes. The original posting has been placed behind a spoiler wall to simplify clutter, and is still available.
Greetings to all my wonderful readers,
As I mentioned in my Author’s Notes at the end of Chapter 28, for NaNoWriMo this year I wanted to go back and do some early-chapter rewrites. As I look back, they were honestly pretty bad, especially Chapter 4. They also contained several things that needed to be either excised because I no longer wanted to follow those plot leads, or retconned as they no longer meshed with elements that have organically developed later in the story. I still think there was a lot of good dialog, and I did retain a good portion of it. It helps to start revealing the personalities of Callie and the other five to the reader.
HOW ARE THINGS GOING TO BE UPDATED:
* The updates will be done soon after this Author’s Note goes live
* The Prologue was left completely unchanged. I've always been really happy with it.
* Chapters 1-7 are going to be completely reposted, with the old versions removed. Most of the comments are no longer relevant and would just be a distraction or confusing for later readers.
* I will post these with notifications turned off, so you won’t get a bunch of alerts. However, they will show up in the recently-updated list on the main Royal Road page - there’s nothing I can do about that.
* Chapters 8-11 will be updated in place. Comments no longer relevant after the changes will be deleted.
* Chapters 12+ may have a few minor updates made, but only for general internal consistency, clarity, or serious structural issues. I’m mostly happy with the quality of the ongoing writing by this point in the story.
* This Author's Note will be removed in a month or so, once current readers have come up to speed with the changes, and newer readers haven’t seen the originals.
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So, what has changed? Think of the below as ‘patch notes’ outlining some of the bigger changes, as well as why. I’m putting them behind a spoiler wall on the chance you’d rather go back and reread the new chapters again without knowledge of these changes. Honestly, if you have the time, I do recommend going back rather than just reading the summaries below (don't forget to start at the Prologue, as it sets up Callie's personal background).
Consider yourself warned about the wall of text that follows if you click on the button.
Primary complaints I wanted to address and general changes implemented in response:
* The infodumps are too many, too long, and too concentrated
* The number and concentration of infodumps has been greatly reduced.
* Some are still needed for world-building or laying out the ground rules of the ‘System’, especially history-related things which naturally would be told as stories. Some examples include: why Humans are hated, who the Free Folk are, how everyone has a class and how they get skills, as well as Jesca’s retelling of the Beastkin history.
* Instead, Callie is able to deduce a few things either directly from observation and context, or by puzzling them out herself. For example, the dump regarding perks is removed, and is instead reduced down to a single paragraph of Callie figuring out what they are by herself.
* Some dumps are moved elsewhere, if still needed, to spread out the exposition.
* Callie seems to have a personality shift from the prologue through the first few chapters, and comes across as scatterbrained, ditzy and like an 8 year-old, until there are some explanations in Chapter 9.
* * Callie now fights with her natural ADHD tendencies and struggles keep herself focused on what is happening to her. There are still cases of “Ooo! Shiny!” that happen, but it’s toned down. I’d think anyone would be distracted by seeing various Beastkin walking around, after all. But, Callie recognizes it’s happening, isn’t sure why it’s happening again since she had largely found equilibrium with it in her life, and struggles to maintain her focus.
* She’s still occasionally goofy, especially with verbal banter and snarkiness, which was important for me to maintain. It’s both a bit of a defense and coping mechanism for her, as well as part of her core personality when she’s comfortable with people, or when calling them out.
* As mentioned regarding infodumps, Callie works to puzzle some things out for herself, occasionally asking Vanis or the others to confirm her thinking. I think that helps re-emphasize that analytical side of her that we saw a bit of in the Prologue.
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FULL SPOILERS BELOW:
Below are even more-detailed by-chapter changes, along with some reasoning behind them, where appropriate. Seriously! We’re talking the literary equivalent of reams of technical gobbledygook. You’re being warned again, and if you proceed, may the Symbiotes have mercy upon your very soul!
* * Chapter 1:
* Callie no longer magically appears in the transport wagon. Instead, when people boarded for this final leg of the trip, they saw her already there and assumed the guards tossed her in after she was out drinking on her last night of freedom. The other recruits pay her little mind, except for the Dwarves, who are just jerks.
* There will be a plot payoff for this change eventually
* Chapter 2:
* References to ‘the Demi’ have been removed
* This was a plot thread I decided to remove. As I worked out the longer-term implications of it in my outline, things got too convoluted, and parts of what was ultimately still needed in relation to this have been moved elsewhere.
* There still are two ‘infodumps’ here because of worldbuilding (Demon War/Human history, as well as who the Free Folk are), but they have been polished and trimmed.
* I really don’t feel the Human situation can be moved or removed. Callie (and the reader) needs to know why Humans aren’t around and are considered ‘bad’, (and why it’s so important for Callie to say nothing about that part of her background). An explanation of why everyone is going to a military camp is also needed.
* The Free Folk are also referenced heavily by Xera in Chapter 3 during her speech, so the reader needs context for that, and to understand why this is a multi-racial society. The nature of Chapter 3 does not lend itself to this appearing there.
* Hopefully, the minor trims will alleviate some of the concerns people have expressed, and together, the total exposition only accounts for about 1000 words, and it's done with dialog to keep it moving.
* Chapter 3:
* Callie’s general ADHD goofiness is toned down, and she works to maintain focus.
* Pixyl is seen by Callie briefly, standing alone across the courtyard (Callie has no idea who she is at this point), and thinks she looks kind of pretty, despite the sour ‘leave me alone’ attitude.
* No specific reason for this, except to briefly show later characters, at least in passing, as part of the crowd. And because Callie thinks she’s pretty.
* Several other people are also seen that will be introduced as characters later in the story
* The infodump regarding ‘classes’ is trimmed and cleaned up quite a bit
* Something is still needed in the story, because you have to define that there is a system in place in the world, and since the next chapters are all about the classes/skills of the main characters being revealed to the reader, this is the right spot.
* The discussion of ‘starleaf’ has been removed
* Originally - I had this crazy plot thread where everyone was going to get stoned from candy before their Symbiote joining, and would all then be able to talk to their worms like they each had their own personal JARVIS. I dropped it quickly, as it would essentially result in six more characters in the ‘party’, and would just get too ridiculously complex. It also took away from it being special that Callie could occasionally talk to hers.
* The snappish correction Vanis makes to Callie regarding Commandant Xera’s neutral pronouns has been softened and turned into a clarification.
* I’ve never liked this exchange, honestly, and I wanted to change it. I think I was able to make it much better, and even show Callie participating in the conversation, instead of simply being scolded.
* Reference to being hanged for desertion has been removed.
* Execution as a punishment just didn’t really fit with how Xera’s personality ultimately developed. They would just send them to the front and make the deserters someone else's problem. Plus, with the Curse, if someone does manage to run, ultimately they’ll pay for it.
* Chapter 4:
* Xin reveals, as a Volunteer, she was ordered by the Army to train at being a Shaman, whereas before arriving, she paid her class little mind as she focused on being a Spearmaster.
* Minor change, but does have some much-later plot implications
* Infodump regarding methods of skill acquisition trimmed and cleaned up
* Still needed as we move into the party reveals, and to outline the skill-based nature of the system (that almost any skill can be learned by anyone with time and effort).
* Infodump regarding mana/stamina REMOVED (partially moved elsewhere)
* Infodump regarding traits REMOVED
* Infodump regarding perks REMOVED (Callie eventually self-deduces)
* Infodump regarding hybrids/specialists REMOVED (Callie eventually self-deduces)
* Infodump regarding Tiers REMOVED (moved elsewhere)
* Xin no longer demonstrates Ball of Light (nor gets in trouble for it)
* I honestly liked the scene a bit, but it didn’t fit right with how the other infodumps were shifted or removed, and served little purpose except in service to those discussions.
* Chapter 5:
* Tazrok gets a headache, consistent with his later uses of his mysterious Chieftain's Inspiration skill
* Scryer Earick asks some people to list their perks as part of the intake process
* In part, this is what helps Callie (and the reader) figure out what perks are on her own
* Scryer Earick reveals to Xin that Shamans are much more useful than Spearmasters to the Army.
* This helps Xin ultimately to feel more confident that being a Shaman isn’t all a bad thing, and sets the initial stages of her embracing it.
* Callie, having heard the Scryer mention Hybrids and Specialists, is able to deduce what they are herself, and remembering Xera mentioning that all the Recruits are an advanced class, puts that together as well.
* The two recruits in the other line that are in awe of Vanis being the prince are both white Tigerkins, which will eventually be revealed to be Koka and Moka
* No huge impact, but again allows later characters we meet to make brief appearances before they are formally introduced
* Juniper is a little more ‘Junipery’ in dialog than originally written here, and more curious than anything
* Originally, Juniper wasn’t going to be much of a character, just a minor comic relief to introduce Callie to the idea of charms, and occasionally pop up for a laugh. But with bringing her back into the story at the party, and integrating her into the ongoing cast of background characters, she started to become more interesting than just some Fae comic relief. Thus, the first interaction needed some work for consistency.
* Chapter 6:
* Juniper no longer references the ‘roots calling to her’. Instead, she’s really just watching everyone and makes an appearance out of plain curiosity about the strange Tazrok.
* As mentioned above, this is more inline with her personality later in the story, where she is largely oblivious to social graces and just does what she wants, within the confines of her agreement with Xera, because she wants to be around people and is just curious.
* The whole ‘Tree Humper’ joke was removed. Now there is more of a focus on trying to put what a Druid is into a concept that Tazrok can understand, since it’s so outside his worldview.
* Honestly, I thought it was funny, but it didn’t make sense to me that the slightly-updated Juniper would even understand that it was funny, and her laughing about it didn’t work as a result, and then it just started to fall flat. So … yoink!
* Tazrok now calls Rowani ‘kitty lady’ to her face, waving down at her
* I pictured the scene of Andre the Giant in The Princess Bride waving and saying ‘Hello lady!’
* There is a passing vague reference to ‘the Goblin from last term’ and ‘another strange combination’. It is purposely not expounded upon.
* As a result, Rowani is ultimately a little more accepting that Tazrok could be a Druid, but still incredulous about him actually being able to be any good at it
* Callie deduces what perks are from overhearing others and the results of her own scry, concluding they are in part a body of knowledge magically imprinted on you, much like how skills are received.
* Callie now skips over describing electricity, since there was no previous discussion about mana to compare it to. She instead brushes it off as not relevant at the moment.
* Chapter 8:
* Xin demonstrates her Chameleon Skin trait (moved from earlier chapter)
* Callie still wants to build a blanket fort, but the story reveals that she had a little ‘introvert’s nook’ back in Chicago under her bed that allowed her to have a space that was away from the world.
* ie, she has a reason for it besides just being goofy
* While Callie is in the latrine room, the other groupmates comment more on Callie’s ADHD-like focus issues, and less on her emotional swings (since she’s swinging much less now). More credence is placed in the fact that attention issues are very common to Gnomes.
* Chapter 9:
* Very few changes here. The Beastkin History infodump from Jesca is left as is with some very minor wordsmithing. It’s needed, I feel, to help understand the great many varieties of Beastkin and get the terminology laid out for the reader, as well as talking about lifespans of the various races. It also helps set up Callie eventually meeting Vonn.
* Eventually, some long-past elements of the Beastkin history become plot-important
* Chapter 10:
* Lena, Koka and Moka briefly discuss Vanis at the intake line
* Small infodump about Tiers (moved from Chapter 4) at the end of the chapter
* Needed to color in the Symbiotes and their ability to improve skills as people rank up, and to plant the seed about what will ultimately become unique melded skills and perks. It also equates it to ‘levels’ in RPGs for readers who haven’t fully made the connection yet (a beta-reader who had no LitRPG background was confused).
* Chapter 11:
* The ‘infodump’ regarding mana and stamina is moved here from Chapter 4. By this point, Callie has largely figured out what mana is on her own, coupled with memories of conversations with her college gamer friends, so just needs some confirmations and to understand the underlying recharging mechanics of it and about stamina.
* Chapters 12+:
* At this point, any further changes are very minor, and mostly just made for internal consistency, or general prose cleanup.
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