Chapter 43 - FOREVER FRIENDSHIPS

Commandant Xera didn’t hear the knock on their office door the first time, and it took the second, much more insistent knock, before they looked up. “Enter,” they called.

“Good afternoon,” Master Healer Tasi said, smiling, as she walked in, closing and latching the door behind her. “I knew you’d still be here. It’s Homeday and you should be relaxing, you know.”

“We all got caught up with the Bogwump nest, and I wanted to get all this done before the end of the day,” Xera replied defensively.

“Still…” Tasi trailed off as if it were an oft-repeated lecture.

“How is Rowani? No complications?”

Tasi shook her head. “No concern. The kids really did do a great job on their healing. I’ve seen sixth-weekers that couldn’t do that well. I think working under pressure really made them come alive, Ambria in particular. She’s much more focused and in control after the incident with the Tigerkin Ranger last week. As for Rowani, I sent her back to her cabin with a mild sedative that should keep her calm at least until the team is back. It was all I could do to get her to accept that, though. She wouldn’t allow anything longer-lasting.”

Xera frowned. “Let me know if you need me to step in.”

“She was a lot more injured than she let on. If not tended to, she wouldn’t have made it. Thankfully, she should be fine. She just needs to take it easy for a couple days.”

Xera set aside the requisition form they’d been reviewing. “Was there something I can help you with?”

“That depends,” Tasi said, setting a medium-sized basket on a small table, along with a thick, wooden bucket.

“On?”

The Master Healer looked at her friend, before sitting in a chair at the table. “That depends on you.”

“How so?” Xera asked, both curious and confused. “Is something wrong?

“Well,” Tasi replied coyly, opening the basket. “I have here a fine and incredibly rare bottle of premium Paven Dalash. If you’d like, I can open this and we can have an uncomfortable conversation as friends.”

“Paven Dalash? That distillery closed, what, at least fifteen years ago. I’ve not had a glass of that in … forever it seems.” Xera then grew suspicious. “What’s the other choice?

Tasi turned the bottle so the inviting label faced the Commandant. “The other choice is that we can have a much more uncomfortable conversation, but I’ll be exercising my position as the camp’s Master Healer and overriding your authority. Trust me, you don’t want me to do that.”

“Tasi? Is something wrong?”

“That … would be part of this conversation.”

Xera actually had a concerned look on their face, but a slight smile from Tasi helped ease it somewhat. “I think I’ll go with the first choice.”

“Good! I hoped that would be your decision. Now put the paperwork away, and lend me a hand.”

Still wary, Xera pushed aside the rest of their work and walked away from the desk. Tasi had reached into the basket, pulling out a plate of cheese slices and thin pieces of an herb-flavored bread, along with a small sampling of fresh sweet butter and a berry-flavored jam.

Xera took two real-glass glasses from her sparsely-decorated shelf, along with a steel corkscrew, and brought them to the table, sitting when Tasi gestured towards an empty chair. “Paven Dalash, you say?”

“Uh huh,” Tasi confirmed with a grin, setting the basket aside on the floor before shifting her seat to be opposite her friend. Taking the corkscrew, she used it to remove the wax-covered wood stopper, handing both back to Xera while setting the bottle aside to breathe.

Xera sniffed the stopper, inhaling deeply. “Oh my,” they said, taking in the scent of the premium alcohol. Then they saw the label on the bottle. “Why does that look familiar? How old is that?”

“It was a gift from you when Delin was born,” Tasi said, smiling.

“You’ve had that all these years? And have never opened it?” Xera gasped in amazement. “Why?”

“I was waiting for the right moment.”

Xera grew wary again. “And this apparently awkward conversation is that moment? Are we celebrating or …” the Commandant trailed off equally curious now.

Tasi picked up the bottle and breathed deeply the scent. “That remains to be seen.” She then gestured towards the bucket. “I actually brought ice. Would you like it with or without?”

“Ice? Really?”

“I found Cheena. Told her it was for medical purposes. I know you like it.”

“Well, usually I have to settle for having it warm, but if you have ice and won’t judge me …” Xera said, setting the corkscrew aside and gesturing towards one of the glasses.

Tasi filled both glasses with pieces of slowly-melting ice, before pouring a shot of the rich, distilled liquor into each. The splashing against the ice released a soothing aroma into the room, and both Fairies took a moment to savor it. Finally, they picked up their glasses, clinked in a silent toast and sipped back on the liquid.

“Oooooo,” Xera said with a whistle as they sucked in a breath. “That is really smooth…”

Tasi sipped her own drink, likewise sucking in a breath to enhance the flavor. “Wow. It really is. It’s a shame they closed down.”

“I can’t believe you’ve kept this unopened since your son was born,” Xera said, still amazed. “How old is he now? Thirty?”

“Twenty-eight,” Tasi responded, taking another sip from her glass. “He’s doing well, too. Still on staff with the High Commander.”

“Good for him,” Xera said, smiling nostalgically.

“Civilian though, not uniformed,” Tasi added with a chuckle.

“Well, nobody’s kid is perfect.”

Tasi chuckled again as the two clinked their glasses a second time. For a few minutes, they sat in silence, sipping the scotch-like alcohol while nibbling on jam-covered cheese and butter-covered bread. The sun was coming through the window, painting lines on the floor and making the room feel bright, despite Tasi’s cryptic reason for her visit.

“How long have we been friends?” Tasi casually asked Xera.

“Let me think about that,” Xera replied, their face scrunching slightly, mentally reviewing their life. “I think I was in my late thirties when I met you. That would make it almost ninety years. Well, except for the two years I hated you, that is.”

“I told you marrying him was a bad idea.”

“I should have listened. You were right. Two years lost.”

They clinked glasses again.

“You’re right, though. We have been friends for a long time, Xera,” Tasi said, sighing nostalgically. “Our friendship has outlived both my husband and my wife, as well as one of my children. Throughout all the things that have happened to us, we are the most sure thing in each others’ lives.”

“Why do you bring this up? You aren’t sick are you?” Xera wondered with a worried tone.

Tasi chuckled. “No, I am not sick! Or dying for that matter! I’m barely two hundred.”

“Then why?”

“Because I want you to remember that lifelong friendship. Because I want you to remember you can tell me anything. No judgments. You know you’re my best friend, to the point that if you ever needed help burying the bodies, I’d show up without hesitation carrying two shovels.”

“This sounds quite ominous,” Xera said, one eyebrow raising questioningly as she set her drink down. “What is on your mind?”

Tasi set her own drink aside and shifted in her seat slightly. “Xera, what is your obsession with Callie Archer?”

----------------------------------------

Xera looked stunned at their friend, unsure how to respond. “I’m not sure what you mean?” was the best they could ultimately do.

“Uh huh,” Tasi said, letting the original question continue to dangle in the air.

“Truly!” Xera said, now feeling a growing defensiveness. “She’s just a recruit. A little odd, with an amazingly-strange background, but still only a recruit.”

Tasi stared hard at Xera’s face, raised her eyebrows and absently picked up a piece of cheese, saying nothing, pushing the original question even harder.

Xera stood, paced hard a couple steps away and turned once again, their demeanor a combination of confusion and defensive anger. “There’s nothing untoward between us.”

“Funny you would respond that way, Xera. I didn’t make that accusation.”

“Oh, don’t you use that Listener doublespeak at me!”

Tasi smiled, knowing she’d been obvious. “Xera, this isn’t going to work if you don’t pull that military stick out of your ass and talk to me like a friend.” Without waiting for a response, she asked a pointed question. “What happened in the shower?”

“What? The shower?” Xera replied with clipped words.

“Callie mentioned it that night she told us where she was from. Something about you and her in the shower. You waved it away as unimportant, but I caught it.”

Xera stammered for a minute and then stopped, a strange look coming over her face, remembering back to the exchange the evening when Callie told them everything. “Absolute confidence? Truly as a friend?”

“You and she didn’t …” Tasi let the innuendo-laced question hang, as if drifting in the air.

“What? No! Nothing like that!” Xera snapped in retort. “Well, mostly.”

“Take a seat,” Tasi suggested, gesturing towards Xera’s vacated chair. “Have a drink, or maybe four, and explain it to me. All of it. As a friend, Xera. No Rank. Nothing leaves this room.”

“It’s … complicated,” Xera weakly said, as if resigned to this discussion.

“I’d bring the shovels, Xera, remember? Talk to me. What happened?”

Xera sighed and walked back to sit in their chair. Casually they picked up the drink, watching the ice melt for nearly a half-minute. It was hard for Xera to be open, even to their lifelong best friend. They walled off their personal self from everyone, even Tasi, just to keep the camp running properly and keep the rest of the Army happy. More importantly, they were able to keep the Army away so they all could do their work. But, Tasi said to put it all out, so what did they have to lose?

“Fine. All of it,” Xera finally said, still staring at the melting ice. Xera took another deep breath, trying to add a little more courage. “It was that first morning after they all received their Symbiotes. Callie got sick when she woke, so she was in the bathhouse washing herself when I came in for my own morning shower.”

“Naked Gnome in the shower,” Tasi said cooly, raising her glass somewhat mockingly. “Sounds interesting.”

Xera glared. “Stop. Please. You can scold me later if you must.”

Tasi looked at her friend, seeing just the tiniest hint of something in their eyes. Was it worry? Fear? Confusion maybe? Certainly something out of character. Tasi immediately straightened and put on a more serious demeanor. “Okay. What happened, Xera.”

After fidgeting for another moment, Xera finally opened up, almost in a torrent. “She was washing, and I briefly introduced myself. While we were talking, she received another reveal. One of her Ranger skills. She started to fall from the dizziness. I Flashstepped and caught her so she didn’t crack her head on the stone. Completely soaked myself in the falling water.”

“Flashstep? Really?” Tasi asked, now sitting up even straighter and really paying attention. “When was the last time you used that skill?”

“Probably ten seconds before this happened,” Xera said, gesturing to their missing arm and wing.

Tasi internally winced at accidentally dredging up that past. “What happened next?”

Xera shrugged. “I made sure Callie was safe and seated on the floor, asked a passing staff member to fetch robes for us both, and went to take my shower. Unfortunately, because my clothing was wet, nothing would come off with only one arm. Callie heard me grunting in frustration and offered to help me get undressed.”

“You let her? Really? That was…”

Xera held up their hand. “I know. But she offered, was insistent, and then pointed out the recruits had orders to help each other. I didn’t feel like sitting around in wet clothes all morning, so yes, I let her.”

“What happened with your wing, then? She didn’t …”

Xera laughed, “Oh yes, she did, but not the way you mean. Somewhere in there, she accidentally hit the base. Hard!” Xera gestured generally to a spot behind their back. “That almost sent me sprawling with pain. Callie was instantly apologetic and absolutely beside herself that she hurt me.”

“That had to be excruciating!” Tasi said, wincing in sympathy.

“Oh, it was, but I told her it was nothing and tried to hide it. She already felt bad enough, she didn’t need to know how much it really hurt. Anyway, she continued helping with the rest of my clothes, and eventually I was undressed. Fresh new robes had arrived for both of us, and she left. Totally innocent.”

“But it wasn’t, was it,” Tasi said, narrowing her eyes. “You had a naked, wet recruit rubbing against you as she took your clothing off. That had to have been …”

“I know!” Xera exclaimed, leaning forward and pounding their head lightly on the table. “I was so focused on the start of the term, that I just didn’t …” The Commandant trailed off, head still banging the table.

Tasi smirked, added a handful of fresh ice to Xera’s glass, and then poured more of the premium into it. “No judgments, I promise.”

“Really?”

“I’ll at least wait until the end before I judge you,” Tasi said with a comforting pat on Xera’s arm. “Something else happened, didn’t it?”

“I … felt something,” Xera said with a resigned sigh.

“What? You mean physically?”

“No, not like that.”

“Okay, explain it.”

“You know what life is like being Between, especially with the older generations,” Xera sighed. “There’s no contact. There’s no … touch. No intimacy. The Fae won’t have anything to do with you. The other races don’t understand and see you as strange or even a novelty. We’re practically shunned during that time. It’s very lonely.”

“I remember,” Tasi said, recalling the times she had been between genders as well.

Xera gestured again to their missing arm and wing, continuing. “This just makes it worse. I’m seen as weak, Tasi. I can see it on the faces of other officers when I meet them. They don’t speak it, but those eyes all say, ‘How can this armless, wingless, Between be a General’. Nobody in the command echelons takes me seriously. And other Fae, especially the more traditional Fairy? I’m broken without wings. I’m … less than a person, heaped on top of being Between. Even the younger winged recruits look the other way at first, even if they don’t mean to.”

Tasi wanted to point out Xera was wrong, or exaggerating, but she knew there was some truth to it. While she, of course, didn’t believe any of that, other people weren’t always so kind, at least instinctively. She could see how Xera could feel like this.

Xera looked up into the eyes of their friend of decades. “It sounds foolish, and probably improper, but Callie helping me undress, that skin-on-skin contact, made me feel alive again.”

“You have feelings for her, don’t you?”

A case of theft: this story is not rightfully on Amazon; if you spot it, report the violation.

“What? Of course not! If anything, I’m a hundred years older than she is. Way too large an age difference.”

Tasi raised an eyebrow. “Sounds like a pretty weak denial to me. Attraction, at least?”

The Commandant looked at their glass, and after a pause, shook their head slowly, providing not an adamant denial, but a clarification. “It’s … not like that. Not romantic or lustful feelings. It’s really hard to explain.”

“Try. Help me understand.”

Sighing, Xera took a long, long sip of her drink, refilled it and finally worked up to the words. “The next night, Callie came to us with her story of another world. A world where there are no Fae, no Beastkins, no Ogres or classes. Nothing at all like here. Only Humans that hate each other and fantastical machines that fly and all the rest. You could see how afraid she was, of both what was happening around her as well as what might happen if we sent her away.”

“I remember,” Tasi confirmed simply, not wanting to interrupt Xera’s momentum.

“After she and Yulayla left, I sat alone in this office for … I don’t know … at least two hours. Maybe more. I was dwelling on that moment of touch that whole time. Do you know why?”

Tasi shook her head.

“At the time of the shower, Callie hadn’t even been in our world a full day. Everything around her was different and new and terrifying. She should have been scared of me, probably even terrified. I was some … strange creature from her legends. She had just had a Symbiote shoved into her head and was in the process of receiving all her skills. Nothing was making any sense to her. She had every reason to run away from the moment. But she didn’t. She treated me … like a person, Tasi. No rank. No fear or pity or wariness for being Between or missing my limbs. Simply as a person that needed a moment of assistance. And that was in spite of everything she was facing.”

Xera looked almost angrily into Tasi’s eyes. “Nobody I’ve met since the Battle of Betrayal has truly treated me like a …” Xera swallowed, “like a normal person on first meeting. At least nobody that I didn’t know before that day.” Xera then thumped the table hard with a finger in rhythm with the next words. “Not one … single … person.”

Tasi sat back in her chair, mulling over what Xera had just said. She wanted to dispute it. She wanted to tell Xera that other people weren’t that way. But Xera wasn’t wrong. The Fairy, especially the older generations, did treat the Between with at least subtle disregard. It wasn’t necessarily hatred, but more because being Between was a fleeting moment of change for someone. To many, the feeling was that the Between person would soon be gone, and it was best to wait until the transformation was complete to know the new person they became. Intimacy was possible, but culturally discouraged, and thus one of the reasons why the Fairy remained in that state for such a short time, usually only a few weeks. Xera had been Between for years now, hiding from their own haunted memories until they were finally ready to face them. It was no wonder they were craving any kind of touch. Being forced to remain stoic and aloof as the Commandant would just add to the feelings of isolation.

“So now I feel…” Xera continued, gesturing to their missing arm. “I feel something for the first time since the day I lost this.”

“So, you do feel something for Callie, then. You are attracted to her.”

“No, my friend, for the first time in a long time, I feel something for myself. I don’t know why a simple innocent touch and moment of kindness did that, but I finally feel like a person again, because she treated me like one in a tiny moment of helplessness, when she had every right to be afraid of me. Before, I almost felt like, to borrow a term from Juniper, a Nothing.”

Tasi thought hard over what Xera said, as the Commandant went back to gazing into their drink, lost in a private moment. Her friend had been avoiding dealing with their trauma since the Battle of Betrayal, mostly using work as an excuse. Could this moment of accidental touch be the catalyst leading to finally moving forward? Tasi realized she needed to tread carefully, lest her friend retreat into themself again.

“So … what next then?” Tasi hesitantly asked.

“I don’t know,” Xera said forlornly. “I don’t know what my next step should be, or if I’m even in a position to do it given my responsibilities here.”

“The Army will go on, with or without you.”

“You know what I mean,” Xera said, glaring a little. “Nobody else at Command believes it’s worth what we’re doing, despite how much we’ve proven ourselves. And there is still a war on.”

Tasi sighed. That was always the shadow over everything and it was unfortunately hard to argue with. There was a war and it had no end in sight. Even with the Symbiote soldiers, it was largely a stalemate.

“Well,” Tasi said, sipping on her drink again. “There’s a few things we could do.”

“Such as?”

“Let me ask you this question, and just tell me the first thing that comes to mind.” Tasi leaned forward in her chair. “In a perfect world, what would you want to happen?”

Xera began to instinctively answer, but Tasi cut them off. “You don’t get to say you want the war to be over. That’s too easy and you know it. What do you want to happen for you?”

Scowling at having their obvious answer cut off, Xera swished the ice in their glass, once again watching it melt. “I think I want to be gendered again,” Xera finally answered, almost in a whisper. “I’m not sure who, but at least the idea no longer repels me.”

“It’s becoming more accepted to stay Between, you know. It’s a lot better than it was even thirty years ago.”

Xera nodded. “I know, but I’m ready for something different. I’m ready for my … for my next chapter.”

Trying not to let her smile of relief show, Tasi gave a confirming grunt. This was progress. This was real progress. But it needed more than that. “No,” Tasi said flatly.

“What do you mean, ‘no’?”

“Xera, you retreated into Between and stayed there all these years to avoid dealing with your loss at the Battle of Betrayal, and your ongoing survivor’s guilt. You threw yourself into this project to avoid facing the same thing. You may finally be starting to feel like a person again, but you’ll never be a happy person until you can get through those things.”

The two stared at each other for several long seconds. One presenting the truth, and the other unsure if they could accept it.

“You are not wrong,” Xera finally said, drawing the words slowly out. “But I’m not sure I’m ready for that.”

Tasi scoffed. “You’re General Xera-fucking-Dalnara. You’ve been awarded two Silver Swords, however many Bronze, more than a couple Heartstones from your injuries, and at least a half-dozen Medals of Distinction. The only person in this camp with a higher medal for valor is Major Celeste, and she’s young and crazy. You’re nearly Topaz in spite of your injuries, which you could get to if you put your mind to it, I remind you, and you run a training camp creating the best damn soldiers in the Three Kingdoms. You don’t get to claim you finally have the strength to leave Between, while still claiming cowardice on the hardest part.” It was harsh words, and Tasi was worried she’d gone too far. There was a smoldering moment of anger in Xera’s eyes as they looked at each other. Would the bonds of friendship that permitted such directness hold?

“I’m not really sure how to respond,” Xera finally said, a slowly cooling, simmering tone in their voice.

Tasi shrugged, quirking her lips up slightly. “And frankly, if you’re so touch-starved or just need to get laid, then I’ll come over on Lastday. I’ll even bring flowers if you want me to.”

That broke the icy temperature around the table and Xera couldn’t help but laugh, with Tasi soon joining in. “Don’t tempt me!” Xera finally said between breaths, pointing at her friend.

Still smiling, each took a moment to sip their drinks. Tasi spread some jam on a piece of cheese, offered it to Xera, and then prepared a second for herself.

“So, what do I do?” Xera finally asked.

Tasi sighed, but smiled at her friend all the same. “Xera, you are an amazing leader and military officer. The soldiers you are forging here really are the best ever fielded. The camp runs efficiently, with little or no disciplinary concerns. Hell, with Tazrok in charge of discipline, there has been only, what, perhaps three minor incidents so far, none needing more than a harsh glare from him to settle it. Your people, the recruits, military and civilians alike, all admire you, despite what you may think. How is it you can be so great at all of that, and so absolutely awful at taking care of yourself?”

Xera almost giggled, but it sounded a little hollow, too. “Years spent working on and perfecting ignoring my own problems. Plus, you’ve always been there to see me through, if it gets bad enough. I don’t thank you enough for that.” Xera held up their glass. “To true friendship.”

Tasi smiled and tapped her own glass in return, “Absolutely. True friends.”

“So, again, what do I do?” Xera asked, raising an eyebrow.

Tasi settled back in her chair. “Do you really want to leave Between? Do you know where you want to go? Think about your answer for a minute, please. You don’t have to become your next.”

Xera stared at nothing for a long time while Tasi gave them some space, before finally nodding their head. “Yes. I think I’m ready for that, and for what else I need to do. I feel I need to move forward. I’m not sure where I want to go yet, though.” They looked at Tasi. “The real question is when. I can’t afford to be in Chrysalis for a week, at least not anytime soon.”

“You could and you know it. You have this place running amazingly well. A little preparation and things would continue to function just fine while you were changing. Galin and Thorn believe in your vision, as do the rest of the senior staff.“

“So you’re saying my duties here aren’t a good excuse?”

“That’s exactly what I’m saying. Xera, it’s only one damn week.”

“Let me think about that a bit, then,” Xera said, almost sounding as if they were looking for excuses. “Review the schedules and all that.”

“Uh uh,” Tasi said, shaking her head.

“What do you mean?

“Two things,” Tasi continued, setting her glass down and holding up two fingers.

“What’s that?”

Tasi switched to a single finger, tapping it on the table. “First, you deal with the Battle, at least a little bit. You need to work through how much it is still eating at you. Maybe talk to a Listener for a bit? Hell, get some Dreamers from the Shamans and go Walkabout for a few days; that’s always a fun time. But do something to get inside your own head! You have to get right with who you are now, at least some, before you get to become the next you.”

“I would be willing to talk to a Listener, I suppose.” Xera said reluctantly, before looking expectantly up at their friend.

“That someone can’t be me. You know that. You're my best friend, and I’m not even trained that well for it. Scryer Yulayla, however, is a trained Listener, and you two seemed to get on well. Otherwise, I can ask Medical Command to send someone. I’ll word it so it’s a simple request to add a Listener to the staff. But honestly, I think you and Yulayla would work well together. She has a similar … outlook on things.”

“Maybe the Shamans would be a better choice,” Xera chuckled, rolling their eyes.

“You can always keep that as a backup plan. Their drugs are really good.”

“Let me think about that, too. For a day maybe. About Yulayla that is.”

“Fine. You let me know tomorrow. I’ll talk to Yulayla first, if that’s the way you want to go, so it seems less like an order. You wouldn’t want to get punched, after all.”

“No, I wouldn’t,” Xera laughed. “What’s the second thing?”

“Let’s talk about when,” Tasi said flatly, tapping the table with two fingers. “You’re going into Chrysalis the second week of the extended session.”

“What? You can’t just pick a date. I need to …”

“I can, and I just did, otherwise you’ll find an excuse not to,” Tasi said, a firm tone in her voice. “It’s the best time. Unless you want to do it over Midsummer, that is. But that’s less than three weeks away and you need more time to get your head together.“

“But why that week?”

“By doing it in the extended term, you have, what, about eight weeks to prepare what you need to, and also get your head on straight, or at least straighter. Plus, many of the recruits will be gone, and the ones that are left will be largely self-sufficient. Kela will be reorganizing for next term and she has that down perfectly, so there’s no need for you to be involved. Then, after you come out, you’ll have a couple weeks to get used to your new body before the next term starts.”

“But…”

“One of those two times. You pick. I’m not going to let you push this off until after the next term.”

Xera could see in their friend’s eyes it was a lost battle before even really trying to fight it. “Fine, extended term then. But I get a day to change my mind. I may find I prefer to wallow in my own self-misery for another year or five.”

Tasi smiled, but inwardly sighed deep with relief. She was fairly sure Xera wasn’t going to change their mind, even if they didn’t see it yet. There was too much of a subtle excited look on their face and in their tone. Tasi hadn’t expected this to happen from this meeting. It really was supposed to be about Callie. But if this chance encounter with the Gnome was enough to get Xera to take forward steps, then she wasn’t going to turn down that opportunity. Speaking of …

“We still need to talk about Callie,” Tasi said, trying to be light as she refilled the glasses with a little more ice from the bucket, followed by a fresh drink.

“What about her?” Xera asked.

Tasi gave her friend a hard stare.

Xera shrugged, not understanding the issue.

“Xera, you put a second-weeker in charge of a combat mission. Someone who, I remind you, has no military background and knows nothing of this world or what's out there beyond these walls. I wouldn’t call you out in front of the others, but this did not strike me as a wise idea.”

“Reynard will take over if needed.”

“No, Xera. Something had to make you pick her in the first place. Why not pick that Bearkin Paladin, or even the Prince? They seem like they’d be better choices, at least only two weeks into the term. Why her?”

“Lots of reasons, really.”

“What’s the biggest one, then?”

“Bunkerball,” Xera said flatly without a pause.

“That game they play? The one that injured Kaisess? What about it?”

“Did you know that when she checked out of medical last week, after her mana drain episode, and after you specifically told her to not do anything stressful for the rest of the day, she did anything but? She walked onto the game field and took over as Field Marshal. She took over a game she’d never seen before and that Gnomes don’t even play because of their size. She became the Marshal and her team actually followed her, coming together as one. Celeste said they would have beaten the camp team, only the Ranger getting injured ended play. Reynard also said the camp team was losing to Callie this week.”

“Okay, so she’s really good at disobeying my orders.”

Xera shook their head and laughed. “She’s a strategist, Tasi. And a charismatic one at that. Remember the Black Lotus bloom? ‘She just took over’. Those were your words.”

“I guess I hadn’t thought about it that way,” Tasi said contemplatively, rubbing her chin.

Xera continued. “You also saw that right here in the next room when we gave her the mission. How long did it take for her to put together a plan and fill out a complete team? After she got over the initial shock and I gave her a starting point, that is.”

“I don’t know. After Juniper gave her the details of what was wrong, it took Callie a few minutes to work with her on the map. Then a few more to ask some questions and come up with the team members, including having Rowani fly out. Not very long.”

“Exactly. Do you know how long that planning would have taken normally? Just for something as simple as a Bogwump nest?”

Tasi shrugged her shoulders.

“At least an hour, if not two, of planning and plotting and bickering and waiting for the scouting reports, plural mind you, to come back. Then another round of arguments to determine who would be the best people to go, followed by planning all over again.”

“Seriously?”

“Tasi, she had a triangulated search area, a logically devised team made up of specific people she trusted, contingencies, and a reconnaissance plan, all in well under fifteen minutes. Probably under ten. Nobody in the room had any followup questions or concerns, except a few training inquiries simply to understand her thinking.”

“That … is interesting, Xera.”

“You saw that whole thing with making Juniper a recruit in exchange for Symbiotes? We may have eventually come to some solution, but she had one in … what … a minute? The same when she pointed out the Prince could speak for his father, so she could stay here. Or what about this strange Martialist class she’s taken to teaching in the mornings? I’m fairly sure that her doing so is getting Thorn points again, and because of that he’ll reach Topaz this week. It’s something he’s never seen before and she’s instructing him. I don’t know if this is because she was raised on this other world, or because she’s a Gnome, or if it’s just the natural way she thinks. Maybe it’s all of it. I want to see what happens if she’s given the opportunity, though.”

Tasi leaned back and pondered what Xera had just said. Looking at it through the Commandant’s eyes, she saw a bit of what they were talking about. But was it still too much? For a second week recruit with Callie’s circumstances, especially?

“Xera,” Tasi finally said, her tone careful. “I think I understand a little of what you are saying. But, you’re also emotionally entwined with her because of what that experience in the showers has done to you. It’s obvious you are quite fond of her. Hell, we’re all fond of her. I’ll just ask bluntly - are you thinking clearly?”

Xera started to feel defensive, but cut off an instinctively snappish response. Were they? Under any other circumstance would they have put recruits in charge of a live mission this early in term? At least someone with no experience of any kind? Xera actually didn’t have a good answer to that question. Were they being objective? Thinking about it, they really weren’t sure. “I’d like to think so,” Xera finally replied.

“That’s a fair answer, Xera. Don’t misunderstand me, I’m all for challenging the girl. But, let’s not forget she’s here for training as a Ranger, at least until extended term, assuming she even ends up a candidate.”

Xera frowned. Now that Tasi was right about. She was here to be a Ranger.

“Might I make a suggestion?” the Healer asked.

“Of course.”

“No more of these kinds of surprises on your own. If you see a novel way to challenge her, just like today, you get concurrence from Reynard, or at least Thorn. Tonight, pull Reynard aside and explain what you see in Callie, so the two of you can work to cultivate that together.”

“Reynard sees this in her, too,” Xera said, smirking. “That’s why he pretends to hate her so much. He thinks it’s a way to push her. Callie sees right through his bluster, or will before long.”

“There you go. If you want to push her, then do it together. At minimum, to be a check against any objectivity issues you may have, but also because he’s her trainer and you can’t go undermining him. Hell, if you two want, get Thorn and Celeste involved, too. She absolutely adores the girl, and her Pixie friend, too, because she sees herself in both of them, and Thorn would utterly academic himself all over the opportunity to help her excel.”

Xera nodded, absorbing their friend’s suggestions. They all made sense, in actuality.

“Last thing, then, and I’ll drop it,” Tasi said, a warning in her tone. “You have sixty-four other recruits here, if you include Juniper. Well, sixty-three with the Ranger gone. They require your attention, as well as the same opportunities to excel. Callie might be your little pink-haired project, but don’t you dare neglect the rest of them.”

There was a quiet moment in the room while that warning seemed to echo. Then, Xera started to laugh. It started simple, but then grew.

“What’s so funny?” Tasi finally asked, her voice growing lighter as a smile formed on her face, despite the topic at hand.

“You always know how to put things with me. Why is it we never married?”

“We courted each other for four months eighty years ago, Xera. We almost killed each other. We’ve tried twice more after that, too. If we had ever married, one of us would have been dead within a month.”

“Oh yeah, that’s right,” Xera said, mockingly nostalgic. “Well, let me know if you ever want to give it another go.”

Tasi laughed, assuming Xera was joking, although a tiny part wondered if they were being backhandedly serious, and then wondered whether she’d actually entertain the idea, too. They were great friends, but had been absolutely awful as a couple. Just something about their personalities became explosive when together intimately for more than a short period. Some might see that as sad, given how long their friendship had endured, but being colleagues and best friends simply worked for them somehow. Who knew, maybe another fifty years could change that.

The serious conversation now seemed to be satisfied, and talk turned to other subjects. Discussions on the latest news from Tasi’s children and grandchildren, a little bit about the latest in military politics and gossip, and other things generally inconsequential. The bottle of Paven Dalash was capped, about one-third remaining, and set on Xera’s shelf for another time. They used the melted ice as water to sober up a little bit as they talked, while clearing the plate of the remaining cheese and bread.

Xera had been left with a lot to think about, and it was one of the many reasons they found Tasi so infuriating to be around, and one of the reasons they loved her so much. She always forced Xera to think, which was a good thing, but it also was exactly what they sometimes didn’t want to do. Thinking too much dulled one’s instincts, and instincts needed to be just as sharp as a person's mind when it came to battle and leadership. That was a lesson they’d learned the hard way.

A person’s mind. Xera rolled that word around in their head. ‘Person’. Why did such a little word suddenly mean so much now? Why had it taken so long, and had it really taken nothing more than a little Gnome helping them undress, to begin to see a new path forward in life? Callie had said it was the little things that made her trust Xera. Maybe it was nothing more than a little thing that made Xera finally trust themself.

Tasi studied the sun shining through the window. It had moved across the floor, showing time had passed. She wasn’t sure how much, maybe a couple of hours, possibly three. The Bogwump team was surely there by now, probably already breaching the nest. She worried about them, like she did any team facing something dangerous. But, when finished with Xera, she’d make sure everything at Medical was ready on the chance someone needed care. Reynard and Celeste would make sure everyone was safe, though. Actually, she somehow just knew that Callie would make sure everyone was safe, no matter what happened.