PART XII - CATHARSIS

The six sat or lay on their beds, happily warm in a post-soup haze. The anxiety of what was soon to happen faded from a roar to a dull hum, and Callie found she was actually looking forward to the Symbiote procedure in a way. Not so much the idea of something crawling into her ear, but more as if she felt calm and ready to face the challenge.

“I think they drugged the soup with something,” Lena said. “I’m feeling really mellow.”

“Me, too,” Pixyl said dreamily, her eyes closed and face content.

“I think you’re right, Lena,” Vanis said. “It makes sense, if you think about it. Most people would be scared, so something to take the edge off …”

“Stop analyzing, Vanis,” Callie said crossly. “Just enjoy your soup buzz.”

Xin giggled in a very un-Xin-like fashion while Tazrok seemed to hum a low, soft tune, his deep sounds spreading out like ripples on a pond throughout the room.

Seizing on the music, Vanis held out a hand and tiny beads of lights began to dance and swirl in time with Tazrok’s slow musical tempo. From time to time one or two would blink in a bright color as they pinwheeled through the air.

Callie watched the star-like lights as they twisted and bobbed. She felt herself getting lost in emotions and so many things from the day seemed to slowly step forward, asking for analysis. She had done a really good job compartmentalizing the most crushing feelings, but now they finally demanded attention. She was lost. Confused. A stranger in a fantasy land. She missed her home. She missed her mom.

Her mom. The thought slammed into Callie’s chest like a shockwave. She tried to push it aside, push it away, push it down, push it anywhere. Her mom. Somewhere out in that strange universe, Callie’s mother was crying over her dead, train-wrecked body. Or if not that, wondering why she never came home and wouldn’t respond to messages. Somewhere, her mom was sobbing in the pain that the last part of her family was missing, or dead.

And Callie began to weep. It started slow and quiet. Soon, she curled herself into the smallest ball she could and suddenly all the terror and anger and confusion and pain of the day crashed upon her like waves. The thought of her mother’s pain turned the waves into a deluge of agony. She shuddered as she sobbed, occasionally gasping for breath, before another sense of her mother’s loss slammed her again. Callie wept. She wept not for herself, but for her mother, alone and in the dark.

Nobody said anything. Everyone had known it was coming. They had seen Callie doing all she could to hold herself together all day long. It was only a matter of time, and that time was now.

Lena quietly came over and lay on the bed next to the little Gnome and held her like she thought a mother might. Lena had never been maternal, but for Callie, a part of her strangely felt invited to be. She didn’t stroke her hair and say it would be okay or any other platitude. Callie was simply held; told without words that there were people here for her.

Somewhere in there, Vanis ended his light show, tiny beads of sweat on his forehead from the strain of the channeled casting. Outside the windows, the sun had yet to set, but tiny streaks of dusk’s reds threatened.

And Lena held Callie. And Callie cried. And in their own ways, everyone cried with her. Even Pixyl, who had known the Gnome for such a short time, could feel Callie’s pain, and in her heart she wept with her.

As for Tazrok? He never stopped his slow song. The low hum provided a slow, steady river that piece by piece carried away the heartache they all felt with Callie, replacing it with a calm, contented feeling. And although he did not know it, for the first time Tazrok allowed himself to open to the wide world, and for the first time, he touched the heart of Gaia.

It took time, a time nobody cared to measure, before Callie’s sobs ebbed. Lena slowly unwrapped herself and stood, running a hand under each of her eyes. She returned to her bunk and lay down, using the last of Tazrok’s song to cleanse what pain she had helped lift from Callie’s heart.

Callie herself unfolded and sat up, rubbing her eyes with the heel of one hand and eking out a weak smile. “Thank you,” she said quietly. “I’m sor…”

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Vanis held up his hand. “No need to apologize.”

“O-Okay,” Callie said. She looked around the room, at the faces of her new friends, and for the first time that day, felt truly safe. She knew she hadn’t processed everything, but had processed enough for right now, and she was good with that. “I’m going to go for a short walk.”

Lena quickly sat up. “Are you sure?”

Callie nodded. “Yes. Just a few minutes. Out to the fountain to throw some water on my face. I won’t be gone long.”

Lena still had a worried look, but lay back in her bed. “Sure.”

Callie left the bunkhouse and walked solemnly towards the central garden. Stepping off the stone path, she removed her sandals and walked barefoot through one of the grassy patches. She made fists with her toes, her tiny Gnome toes, and just let the remnants of emotion drain through them and into the earth.

“Are you alright, Little One?” a deep voice asked Callie, startling her out of her daze.

“What?” she snapped, looking around. Sitting under one of the trees sat a fur-covered Beastkin. He had dropped his robe, revealing his shoulders and chest, wrapping it around his waist. Callie looked closer, recognizing the Bearkin, Koda, from earlier. “Oh, it’s you.”

“It is. But that doesn’t answer my question. ‘Are you alright?’.”

“I am. I just needed a little air. It’s been a hard day for me.”

“Mmmm,” Koda said, rubbing his back against the bark of the tree. He made a happy little grunting noise as he wiggled.

“What are you doing?”

“My back was itching, so I thought I might scratch it,” he said, wiggling again against the tree. “I also think they put something in the soup, so I’m a little …”

“Stoned?” Callie suggested.

“I’ve never heard that term used that way, but it sounds about right.” He rubbed again, letting off another happy groan. “Would you care to join me? It feels really good.”

“That’s okay,” Callie said, wrapping her robe tighter. “I think I’ll keep my clothes on.”

Koda opened one eye. “It really wouldn’t matter, I saw you earlier shooting your bow with your training group.”

“Oh, you saw that,” Callie said, groaning. “Are you going to tease me about that, too?”

Koda opened both eyes, shocked. “Why would I do that?”

“Well, besides seeing me naked in front of everyone, I did call you ‘Bear Guy’”.

The Bearkin huffed. “Yes, you did. And I think the name may even stick with my fellow recruits. But I deserved it. I was showing off to the others; trying to fit in. I was wrong, and I apologize.”

Callie saw sincerity in the Bearkin’s eyes. “Apology accepted.”

Koda gave a deep nod of acknowledgement, and scratched his back against his tree again. With a chuckle, Koda asked, “Want to hear something amusing?”

“Sure,” Callie said, her eyes narrowing in suspicion.

“The two you were with today? The Cheetahkin and the Gnoll? They are my housemates. I was away from the cabin when they came from the shower, so we had not yet met.”

“That must have been awkward,” Callie snickered.

“It was, but I believe they have accepted my apology. At least I hope they have. You can never tell with the Gnolls.”

“Ah, to hell with it,” Callie said. She turned her back to Koda and quickly shrugged partly out of her robe, pulling it tight around her body again, just above her chest, but leaving her shoulders and upper back exposed. She backed up against another tree and rubbed up against it, the bark scratching an itch she didn’t even realize she had. “Holy shit, this feels good!”

Koda grinned a big bear grin. “It does, doesn’t it? I think even more so because we are …’stoned’ as you said.” For a minute, Koda and Callie rubbed their trees in silence, both letting off occasional moans of relief. “Your archery demonstration was excellent, by the way,” Koda finally said.

“Was it?” Callie asked? “I honestly don’t remember most of it.”

“It was. When you said you were looking for the Ranger tent, I somehow didn’t realize you were in fact one of the Rangers, even with your wood block.”

“I know. Gnomes can’t be Rangers,” Callie sighed.

“Why?”

Callie stopped rubbing her tree, a little shocked. “Really? That’s all I hear from everybody. ‘Gnomes can’t be Rangers’, ‘Gnomes can’t be Rangers’” she said with a mocking, singsong snarl. “It’s been getting a little old.”

“Little One, anyone can be anything they want to be. Do not ever let someone tell you otherwise.”

Callie looked into Koda’s big bear eyes. “You … you actually have no idea how much I needed to hear that, Koda. Thank you. Truly.”

Koda nodded deeply and then rose, his back slowly scratching along the tree one last time. “I see the Healers will be at my house soon, so I must be on my way. May you have a wonderful night, Little Ranger.”

“Callie. My name is Callie.”

“May you have a wonderful night, Ranger Callie.” Koda bowed his head one last time, before turning to leave, shrugging his way back into his robe. Callie watched him go, a warm feeling of possibly belonging hitting her for the first time since arriving in this strange world. Smiling, she checked for onlookers and, seeing none, put her robe back over her shoulders before heading to the fountain.

The water from the fountain was cold, and Callie splashed it over her face. It was refreshing, washing away the final dregs of her breakdown. She noticed the same little red beetle, or one that looked like it, was still hanging out on the stones, looking for its next meal to snipe. Across the yard, a few groups of three people, races hard to tell at this distance, were entering the various bunkhouses. They must be the Healers making the rounds for the Symbiote procedure. Tasi would be visiting soon.

With a sigh, Callie returned to her new home, vowing she was going to be brave and not ask to be knocked out.