CHAPTER 38 - A BETTER PLACE TO BE
Ambria stepped out of the medical tent, instinctively turning to look at the towering tree of vines above her. It was well past dusk, so she could only make out the shadow of it against the starry background, choosing to look that way rather than activate her Darkvision. The sights through that trait never felt quite real, bathed in that monochromatic false light, and as a rule the Faun never cared to use it. Overhead, the sense of the tree’s presence seemed to both weigh upon and uplift her at the same time.
The Combat Healer had spent the earlier afternoon and evening lost in her own thoughts. She had left with the rest of the mud-covered players, mechanically getting new clothes and showering herself, but really not talking to anyone. With questions still coming at her from all directions regarding Kaisess, and only being able to say “we’ll know more later,” eventually she simply walked off. At first, she took up a spot overlooking the forest where the sun rose every morning, but eventually Callie, Pixyl and Jesca found her, and they were just too much for her. She could tell they were trying to brighten her mood, but she didn’t want it brightened. She just wanted time to think.
Finally, Ambria had to directly ask her friends to leave her be. She tried to be polite about it, but could tell Callie took it personally. She didn’t understand. Callie was alway so upbeat and able to take on anything life threw at her, to the point it was sometimes annoying. Typical, but still lovable, Gnomes. Finally, her friends got the hint and gave her some space, allowing the Faun to slowly walk the training field, or the forest close enough to see the camp. So lost in her head, Ambria never heard the dinner bell, which was fine. The thought of food made her want to retch anyway.
Eventually, the sun finally dipped below the trees and the sunset bell sounded. In theory, all the recruits were supposed to return to their houses to sleep, but it was more of a guideline than a hard rule. As long as people were quiet, they could manage their own sleep schedules, so people would often sit in the garden relaxing, or walk the grounds.
Choosing to walk, Ambria had eventually arrived back at the medical tent. Warily, she pushed her way in, finding Tasi cleaning the final remnants of mud with damp rags, Kaisess already gone, moved to a recovery tent. Without a word, Ambria started to help, and without a word, Tasi let her. It went fast, and in time everything was clean, the pile of dirty rags set aside for the Brownies to secretly retrieve and wash sometime in the night.
The subject of Kaisess and his condition they had been avoiding finally came up, and Tasi laid it all out. There was no emotion, just hard facts and prognosis. His knee was, of course, just fine. Ambria really hadn’t been worried about that. Shaman slow-healing was some of the best out there, especially for a complicated injury like a joint. Ritual magic was the only thing better, but that wasn’t available here. The stroke, however, had left its mark. Calmly, Tasi went through it all, holding Ambria’s hands like a parent might, and keeping her steady. His entire right side had some residual numbness. He still had sensation, but it was dulled and what Kaisess described as “a shadow of touch”. He still had motor control, which was good, but he had to concentrate to make his limbs work correctly, and they were weak and felt delayed, which was bad. He wasn’t likely to be able to walk, or if he did, it would be with difficulty.
Thankfully, ritual healing and some rehabilitation time would correct the damage. He’d need to return to the Nexus for the healing part, and then be stationed at a military medical facility for a few weeks because of his Curse for rehabilitation while he learned to walk again, but after that would be fully recovered. Tasi had said he was surprisingly understanding, taking the news well with no outward emotions. He’d even indicated wanting to come back for the next term, assuming he was back to full strength. Ambria took that as a positive sign, but it did nothing to dull the feelings she was directing at herself for missing the spell that led to the stroke in the first place
After leaving the Master Healer, Ambria wandered the grounds some more, passing a Dwarf on patrol that thankfully wasn’t in a chatty mood. She didn’t know where she was going, only knowing that forward was the only way she could go.
Ambria really had no idea what brought her to his recovery tent. It hadn’t been a conscious destination, and now she wasn’t sure what to do. She stared at the wood-framed door for several minutes not even really thinking, just mesmerized by nothing. She tried to move away, but no matter the direction, she just heard those shouted words repeating over and over in her head. ‘Fuck! He’s having a stroke!’. The only time she didn’t feel those words was if she took a step towards the door, and eventually she found her hand touching it. Finally, she soundlessly slid the latch aside, opened the door, and quietly walked in.
Kaisess lie in bed, bathed in the sliver of moonlight coming through the tent-flap window. Ambria could immediately tell he was awake and holding his right hand up, slowly trying to make fists with it. He had to concentrate to make it work, so hard he hadn’t even noticed her, and a couple times he flopped his arm back to the bed in frustration, only having to concentrate twice as hard to raise it back into position. Ambria watched him, her broken creation, trying to struggle. She wondered what he was feeling, both inside and out, and wondered if he felt as lost as she did.
Finally, she stepped forward, moving quietly up to the bed, the long beam of moonlight reaching out for her freckled face. She tilted her head and looked closer at the Tigerkin in front of her, still distracted by the struggle to move half his limbs. So strong, and yet felled by something so small, and all because of her mistake.
Kaisess eventually noticed Ambria, but he didn’t jump or scream or make any noise. There was indeed a moment of shock in those eyes, but it faded almost instantly. Then he smiled. Well, he half-smiled at first, the other half needing an extra moment to catch up. “Hi,” he said in a whisper.
“Hi,” the Faun replied, raising one hand in a weak wave.
They looked at each other for a time, neither sure what to say.
“You weren’t there when I woke up,” Kaisess finally said, half his face partly quirking in confusion and some of the words not sounding quite right.
“I was sent away,” Ambria replied defensively, before adding, “But I wanted to stay.”
With his good hand, Kaisess pointed above his head. “I heard what happened,” he said. “Does it hurt?”
Ambria reached up and touched the sharp point of her broken antler. She shook her head. “Not any more. They actually can’t feel anything directly. It only rattled my head a bit.”
“I’m glad.”
“I know, it must look ridiculous, all broken like this,” Ambria mumbled, blushing slightly in the moonlight.
“We all break,” the Tigerkin replied, shrugging his good shoulder. “Then we put ourselves back together.”
Ambria tried to smile, but it was really a weak one at best.
“May I?” Kaisess asked, gesturing towards Ambria’s head.
“Um … I suppose?” the Faun said hesitantly. She knelt next to the bed, slowly bowing her head forward. While her antlers couldn’t feel anything directly, what they might rub against was amplified into the bony growth areas, feeding the vibrations with intensity directly into a Faun’s head. Thus, even the slightest of touches, especially light ones, could deeply affect a Faun’s body, and allowing someone else to touch them gently was considered quite intimate.
Gingerly, Kaisess reached out, tapping his fingertip to the edge of the broken spike. He seemed to wince as he felt how sharp the break was. “Is this permanent?” he asked.
“No,” Ambria replied, trying to hide a grimace of sensation. “They fall off at the end of the summer, and then grow back over the next month.”
“I’m sure you’re glad of that. Just remember, though, battle scars are sexy.”
Ambria snorted. “It’s hardly a battle sc…” Her snarky reply was cut off as Kaisess extended one of his claws and ran it gently along the length of her broken antler. The point of his sharp claw rubbed along the hard, imperfect surface, sending magnified waves of sensation directly into her. She gasped as parts of her body suddenly woke to the moment.
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“I’m sorry!” Kaisess said in horror, pulling his paw back at Ambria’s response.
“It’s … it’s okay,” the Faun replied meekly, raising her head, but not standing. “Any touch, especially light ones, that rubs against them gets magnified straight into my head, which can affect my body, too.” Ambria gestured to the base of the broken antler, blushing even harder than before, and realized she was going to need a cold shower as soon as she could get out of here.
It took a moment, but the Tigerkin’s eyes went wide. “Oh!” he said in sudden understanding of Ambria’s response. “Oh my! I’m really sorry.”
“It’s okay. Really. You didn’t know.” Ambria tried to hide her face, but their eyes locked with each other for a long moment. “Maybe I should go,” she finally whispered, but for some reason made no attempt to rise.
After what seemed like an eternity of moments, Kaisess raised his paw again, extending a single sharp claw. The deadly point glinted in the beam of moonlight as Ambria’s eyes were transfixed on it. But, he just held it there, not making any movement to continue. Ambria could hear her heart pounding in her twitching ears, and she hesitantly bowed her head forward once again, offering her antlers to him. The touch of the Tigerkin’s claw as he ran it along the bony horn, amplified by its base and by the moment, sent repeating vibrations of bliss through her whole body.
But then, the waves crashed into the rocks as she remembered. She remembered why Kaisess was here, in this tent, and she remembered what she had failed to do that put him here. Her eyes snapped open in anguish and horror, expecting to find anger and resentment. But she didn’t. His eyes were closed, and he wore a gentle smile, both sides fully turned upright in the moment. There was no anger on that furry face.
Ambria shuddered again as another wave of sensations traveled through her. Her body was fully awake now, and the touch was so intimate; so … wonderful. Hesitantly, hoping she hadn’t misread the moment, the Faun unbuttoned her tunic, letting it fall from her shoulders. It made a soft sound as it landed on the floor, the only other sound she heard being the speeding heartbeat in her ears. She really wasn’t sure why she did this or even why she had even let him touch her head again. Maybe by offering Kaisess her body, she thought she could atone for her mistake. Maybe she just wanted to help Kaisess feel normal again. Or, maybe she selfishly needed to feel something, anything, for herself, if only for a moment. Maybe there was no good reason, and her body was simply responding to his gentle touch. Did it matter?
Unbeckoned, a single tear began to fall from Ambria’s eye as she looked at the smiling Kaises looking so content in the moment. She closed both eyes hard as more tears began to leak down both her cheeks. There was a brush of soft fur against one of them. It touched the slowly-falling tears, the droplets simply disappearing, absorbed into the savage-but-not paw of this broken Beastkin.
Ambria opened her eyes, watching as Kaisess pulled his tear-carrying paw back to his exposed chest. He looked at her. She tilted her head and looked back at him, and with his good arm he lifted the thin blanket, showing he wore nothing underneath. She shouldn’t. Maybe it wasn’t completely wrong but it probably wasn’t right either. But Ambria realized she didn’t care. Slowly, she untied her belt, and let her shorts drop to the floor, followed quickly by the rest. She never let her eyes wander from his, though, and he never from hers, the blanket held silently open, inviting her in.
She slid into the bed, straddling one of his legs with her own, still looking at his eyes as they looked back. The moon had moved, and now the light splashed his face, whiskers reflecting the brightness in the night sky back to her. She lay her head on his chest, the yellow and black fur so very soft under her face; so very soft against her body. She felt a moment of his concentration before his right arm was finally commanded to embrace her, holding her close and safe.
The Faun lay on the Tigerkin’s chest listening to his heart beating, as if calling out a rhythm to her. With every breath his body rose and Ambria rose with it. As she slowly rose and fell, that steady rhythm chanted and pulsed through her, a slow cadence that with each beat seemed to carry her forward somehow. Soon, the little Faun felt tears fill her eyes again, and they flowed into the soft fur of the one she had almost killed. Then, it started as a nothing, and then a twitch, and then a jerk. Finally, she let out a little squeak as she began to weep, and soon all the emotions she’d been struggling to understand all day flooded into her, and quietly she wept as her body shook.
Kaisess simply held the Faun. He could feel her every jerking sob. He could feel her breath blowing hotly across his chest as it came in gasps and the soaking tears as they drenched his fur. His heart pulsed against hers and he seemed to welcome her pain, as if offering to pull it away from her, to help her feel whole again.
Eventually, Ambria slowed her shudders and then stopped, her breathing returning to normal and her pulse quieting to the slow beat of an exhausted sleep. Kaisess lay there, damp with tears and probably with snot, but he didn’t care. He held the Faun with his defective arm, while he stroked her gently with the other, just being where he was needed in that moment.
Hours later, or minutes, she wasn’t sure and it didn’t matter, Ambria woke from her slumber. She wiped her green eyes with her hand and reached for the soft fur that had been her pillow. It was dry now, so she’d been sleeping for a while. A soft paw had been stroking gently up and down her back, but with her movement, the light scratch from the hard edge of an accidental claw caused her body to shudder and warm. Kaisess was awake, or maybe he had never slept. She looked into his eyes as he looked back, saying nothing and saying everything.
Twice that night they made love in the slowly-moving voyeuristic moonlight. Ambria took the lead, and the half-broken body of Kaisess responded. Ambria relished the orgasmic catharsis that made her feel alive once again, and Kaisess the same, realizing that while he may be broken, he wasn’t beaten. It truly was a love they found, too. It might be love only for the briefest of moments, in this waystation to a distant warzone, but in that moment they each loved and were each loved in return.
Eventually, Ambria lay contentedly on the Ranger’s chest, making happy little sounds as he returned to holding her, running claws lightly up and down her freckled back. Her heart beat in perfect rhythm with his, their breathing had calmed and become as one. They found they had connected in a way not just physical, Ambria’s beautiful afterglow now wrapping them tightly together. Together they soon slept, relishing the remnants of the night that would soon fade, when the real world demanded their attention once again.
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Eventually, the nearly-dawn call of a bird roused Ambria from her slumber, and she needed a moment to remember where she was, and then what had happened. The chest that was her pillow rose and fell slowly, the thumping of its heart still mingling with hers.
Kaisess could tell the Faun was trying not to wake him as she slipped quietly off the bed, but their gazes locked. She stopped, frozen, almost in a primal instinct of fear, before slowly starting to move again. She pulled away and stood, reaching for her under-clothing on the floor next to the bed.
But Kaisess reached out to stop her, and she did. He looked at her, trying to etch into memory every curve of her body, every line, every one of her cute freckles. He followed the spindly lines of her antlers, finally ending at a sharp point. He worked to remember the little dimple of embarrassed confusion on her forehead at being put on display, that slowly turned into a dimple of understanding, and finally one of sultry permission as she let her arms fall with an inviting, mischievous grin. She stood like that, letting Kaisess take in her naked image, feeling warm at being gazed upon and admired.
Ambria eventually raised her arms, stretching her body tight, before slowly turning so he could look upon her from behind. Kaisess remembered it all, scanning with his eyes, following the patchwork of freckles from her shoulders as they ran down the center of her back. He memorized the shape of her hips, the red of her long hair, and the erotic whip-like swish of her fur-tipped tail. She looked back over her shoulder, a sly smile on her face as she bent teasingly and ever-so-slowly to fetch the clothing she had dropped. Kaisess watched her body move and muscles flow as she slowly dressed, saying nothing, simply remembering this vision.
Finally, she reached for her tunic. Turning, she slowly and mischievously buttoned it closed, Kaisess watching happily as she covered herself once again. She smiled with a coy, sly seductiveness. It had been a night they both needed, to get them through a moment of confusion and pain and doubt. Their fates had come together, meeting in a moment neither would ever forget.
Ambria turned to leave, but a soft paw on her arm stopped her yet again, and she turned back to face the broken Beastkin. He grasped her hand and pulled her gently forward, and she knelt next to him again. Kaisess took her chin in his paw and pulled her gently forward, while he struggled to sit up to meet her. They kissed, oddly for the very first time, and Ambria felt warm and wonderful and alive. In this moment, she realized she may never be fully free of her guilt, but she now understood its place. She could move ahead and she would heal in time, just as he would.
“Someday, and I don’t know when,” the Tigerkin said quietly, a half smile slowly forming into a full one as he carefully formed the words, “I’m going to find you again. You don’t have to wait for me, and I don’t expect you to. If you’ve found another by then I’ll understand. But on the chance you haven’t, I’d like to know the rest of you.”
Ambria blushed and looked up. “I’d like that, too,” she whispered. And she realized, she would.
With a final, single kiss to her forehead, Kaisess released Ambria’s hand, as if bestowing a final, parting absolution for the mistake she had unknowingly made. The Faun rose and turned, before moving quietly towards the door. She pushed the latch aside and quietly snuck out, looking back only once, forever etching him into her mind as well. His promise of reuniting someday may come, or not, but she looked forward to finding out if it would.
Gently closing the door, she slid the latch back into place. Smiling, Ambria closed her eyes and leaned her forehead against the wood frame. She stood there, lost in her thoughts and relishing the moment; enjoying the fading maelstrom of all that had happened. She took a deep breath and turned to walk back home.
So lost in her own thoughts, Ambria never saw the sweaty and nearly-naked Cheetahkin that had stumbled to a shocked and confused halt only a few meters away.
It was obvious where Ambria had been, and fairly easy to guess why. Jesca fumbled for some words. Any words! But she could only point and croak out, “Your … your tunic is on inside-out.”
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