-I-

"Tell me again, kids. If they hold you tight and you can't run, what should you do with bad guys?" I gazed at my tiny disciples.

"Kick them where the sun doesn't shine and run!" some of them said, while the rest fidgeted on the floor, excited.

"Wonderful. Because you already know how to kick them there, now let's teach you side kick as I promised. Watch." I stood on my left leg, and they leaned forward. "Lift your kicking foot to the opposite knee like this. Kick. Roll your butt forward." I patted my ass, and they laughed. "Make sure your body is in line with your kicking leg. Then lower your body, and kick upward." My thigh muscle convulsed in pain, but I kept on smiling. "Tell me. What's the name of the move again?"

"Side kick," they yelled.

The mirror wall reflected thirteen excited faces when I stood behind them with Noel, my assistant instructor. I had an obsession with teaching children how to defend themselves against bad people, especially from domestic violence.

For the next fifteen minutes, Noel and I circled the small room, showing them the movement step by step.

"Now you think you can do it?" I asked.

"Hai, Jona Sensei!"

"Go on and practice." I clapped once. "Hajime!"

The majority of the kids fell onto the tatami mat on the first try. But no matter how many times they fell, nobody stopped training. I knew exactly how much it hurt to fall. Martial arts had been a part of my life since I was eight, and I had broken seven bones throughout the years. The seventh one was my hip bone six months ago.

I hunched over a Chinese boy who twisted a bit too much and fell on his side. "See that katana, Siew?" I pointed to a black scabbard against the periwinkle wall while correcting his stance. "Imagine you're trying to kick it off the wall."

He tried a few times and started to get the right posture. Impressed, I gave them a break, and the kids ran for the jungle gym in the next studio with Noel.

As I was stretching my aching legs in front of the studio, Noel's voice boomed over the screaming and shouting of the kids. "Pipe down, kids. Or I'll give you another round of kicks to practice."

I chuckled. He was a great teacher, but he was too strict at times.

A six-year-old kid, Myra, pulled at my karate gi. She looked as if she was sucking on a lemon. Tears pooled in her blue eyes, but didn't fall. "Sensei."

I kneeled and tucked her hair behind her ear. "Yes, princess. Hey, what's wrong?" The morning sun penetrated the window and teased her curls, making it more sandy than auburn. She looked like Princess Sofia.

"Noel Sensei said he'll teach me because you'll go somewhere. But I don't want him. He's always angry." She touched my arm. Her lower lip trembled.

I glanced at Noel who was eavesdropping. He continued showing the kids how to do a handstand. Then he landed on his feet, smiled, and wrapped his blue ombre ponytail around his neck like a noose. "Don't say that, Myra. You know I'm a sweetheart." He fluttered his eyes. "If you don't want me to get angry, stop acting like a spoiled kid."

"I'm not spoiled!" Myra stomped her right leg against the tatami. "Where are you going, Jona Sensei?"

I had planned to leave for my postgraduate research without telling my students, especially Myra. She was like a sister to me. Or to be exact, she reminded me of my six-year-old brother. She was the first student who registered in my class two years ago after I took over the dojo from my sensei, Kurosaki-san. Her mother had always been late to pick her up, but it never bothered me. I enjoyed babysitting her. We would spend our lunchtime eating while watching Sofia the First. When I was recuperating from my accident half a year ago, she would call every week and cried, asking me to come back and teach her, because Noel was too strict.

"Myra, Noel is a big brother. He has little sisters like you at home. That's why he's stern. But look at you. You've become so good at karate! You know why?" I asked.

She shook her head, but now, she was smiling.

"Because you're a smart girl, and Noel is a great teacher."

"I sure am!" Noel said, and that made Myra giggle before she puckered her lip again. The little crowd cheered when Noel stood on one hand.

"Remember when I broke my leg? Noel helped me walk again. And he has taught you better than I could ever teach you, sweetheart." I rubbed my aching hip.

"Sensei still hurts?" She patted my knee with her stubby fingers.

"I'm much better now that an angel has touched my leg," I said.

She giggled and hugged me. "I want to marry Sensei!"

The back of my eyeballs burned. I patted her small back. She had told me about her absent father a few times. Her mother didn't want to get married, so Myra wanted to gain a father by marrying me. I didn't get her logic, but I understood the poor child's sentiment. She reminded me of my past self. She just wanted a father's love.

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The doorbell jingled behind us. A dog's bark accompanied the bell.

"Karma!" Myra loosened her grip on me and sprinted toward my dog.

My heart thumped in my ribcage. "Myra. Don't!" I reached over, and her uniform brushed my fingers.

Aarón yanked the Great Dane's leash before she could knock Myra to the floor from overexcitement. She had pounced on me once, and I needed two stitches on the side of my head.

"Careful, nenita. We don't want Karma to break anyone's neck here," Aarón said.

My racing heart relaxed. "I've told you countless times not to run to her, Myra. You're only as tall as her legs. She could hurt you badly."

A tear overflowed from her left eye as she stared at her palm. "Sorry."

I sighed and looked at Karma. "Girl, sit."

She sprawled onto the vinyl and barked at Myra.

"Now you can play with her. Careful. Karma, sit," I repeated when Aarón let go of her leash and approached me.

His gray sweatshirt was soaked in sweat. Karma had just come back from a jog with him. It had been their routine for six years. Our apartment was awfully small for a dog as big as her to live in. As my business partner, Aarón would stop by the dojo with Karma every week to do his part in management. The kids, especially Myra, loved it when he brought Karma here. They would ride her like a horse around the dojo.

Six years ago, we had no choice but to adopt her. Our next-door neighbor, a demented grandmother, had died the day after I moved into Aarón's apartment. We knew she would die, or to be exact, she knew she would die that day. She had told us the Death God would take her away, so we needed to take care of her puppy. We hadn't had the chance to ask the grandmother the puppy's name, so Aarón started calling her Karma. She was bigger than an adult Rottweiler at the time. He had said: "Coz she's big and a bitch, let's name her Karma."

I still don't get the joke up to this day.

"Did you go to physical therapy yesterday? You didn't tell me anything. What did Dr. John say?" Aarón patted Karma's neck twice when she stood up, and she sat down again.

"He said I can go as long as I don't push my limit." I scratched the back of my ear.

He scoffed. "I really wanna believe you. But we've been roommates for five years, and I can tell when you lie. It's the Amazon jungle. Not the park behind our department."

"We've been roommates for six years." I rolled my eyes. "And you've paid for my tickets and everything. You have no reason to exclude me. I'm your RA."

"I appointed you as my research assistant before the accident."

Last year, I decided to start doing my Masters in Forest Science and Management under Aarón. I took a semester off because of the accident, but I always wanted to believe that I was healthy enough this semester to join the forestry expedition. But even the thought of flying sent shivers down my spine. Ever since I had the accident, I had an unexplainable fear of vehicles. I tried to go back to Lisbon last month, but I had a panic attack and couldn't fly. Still, I was glad I got to avoid seeing my father that day.

"And it has been more than six months since the accident, Aarón. I need to move around. I haven't trained for too long. The physiotherapy isn't enough. And... I didn't lie. Dr. John gave me his OK. And he's going with us for his pilot study too. So I'll be under his supervision twenty-four-seven. I'm gonna be alright. Please. Please bring me with you." I caressed his thick, hirsute arm. "It's the Amazon! I wouldn't get another chance to go there. And it's too late to stop me. The trip is tomorrow." I rested my chin on his chest. "Please. And... you know I don't want to have to see my father next month. If I stay here, I'll have to meet him for the appointment. Please, please, take me away from here."

He dropped both arms on my shoulders. "Can't you act cute like this every day? I love it when you act like a cutie pie. You always know how to seduce me." He tried to kiss me.

I pulled his thick arm and pressed it on his back. Pushing him against the reception counter, I said, "I was convincing, not seducing."

With his six-foot-three athletic frame, he could easily resist me. But he tapped the desk instead, playing along. "Ay, ay, Jona. Más suave. No seas tan rudo conmigo, querida." [Gentler. Don't be too rough with me, honey.]

I shoved him and peeked behind us. Myra screamed when Karma licked her reddened face. "You're nasty. There's a child here." I tried to pinch his solid abs.

"So it means I can kiss you when we get home, querida?" He bowed forty-five degrees when he kissed my hand.

My face heated up. "How about you go and kiss that call girl from last night?" I hissed, making sure Myra didn't hear us.

He shook his head but had enough decency to talk softer too. "That hooker was yesterday's news. You'll always be my bitch." He wiggled his eyebrows in the annoying way Jim Carrey would do in Pet Detective.

"You're helpless." I shook my head but chuckled at his statement. "Karma's your bitch. Not me."

Living with him wasn't easy. He would have fights when the women he brought home thought he was cheating on them with me. I had been slapped by enough women because he would leave his room after sex and sleep in my bed. He turned promiscuous after I rejected him six years ago. But I knew he still loved me the same, and I was shamelessly grateful for that.

"Fuck. I just wanna cure your celibacy. God, you're not cute when you're mean." He pushed my hand. The church bell across the street drowned his expletives. Then he hollered, "Hey, Noel! Jesus summons you."

"Kids, stop jumping around. Go to the training room and stand at ease. Wait for Jona Sensei," Noel shouted, and small steps thundered around the dojo. "Naomi, Chris, make sure they stay in lines."

"Yes, Sensei," Chris, the oldest kid in the dojo, said.

"Hey, can you give me a hand?" Noel passed me his uniform once he reached the reception room. "Thanks."

Aarón patted Noel's athletic chest. "Please pray for Jona's health when we're in the Amazon, will ya? I'm a Catholic, but I doubt God will listen to a blasphemous soul like me." He closed his eyes and sighed dramatically.

"Sure." Noel looked at me. "You need to be healthy for at least a hundred years more."

I shrugged. "I don't even enjoy my life. Why would I want to live that long?"

"Stop saying miserable shit like that. There's always a reason for everything. You'll find your reason for living, Jona," Aarón said.

"I know why I'm alive."

"That's being alive, not living life. You'll find it if you start looking. Maybe you'll find the reason there?" Noel hummed.

"The only thing I need to find in the jungle are trees." Quicksand in my chest sucked away my good mood. "Don't bother to pray for me. God never listens. I don't need that manipulative, worthless deity in my life." I threw Noel's uniform at Aarón. "Myra. Enough playing around. Let's continue training. Come." I pulled her from Karma's back. "Oyaoya. You smell like her. Your mother will nag me."

I tried to ignore my disrespect toward Noel, but guilt took over my conscience. So I turned around and bowed. "Sorry. I shouldn't say that to you... or to your God."

"Hey, don't do that." He held my shoulders. "It's fine, Jona. You know I get it." The church choir started to sing. "Damn, I'm late. See you guys later." He touched Aarón's shoulder and joined the pedestrians who shared the same destination as him.

Noel had said that God listened to his prayers, that whatever he had achieved was from his hard work and God's blessing. It was great that he found his salvation. Good for him. But God always ignored my prayers. I prayed as a child too, but God still ruined my life.

Children don't sin. They are pure. God should listen to pure souls.

But where was God when I needed Him?