“Number One! Release the Mail!” I stated after we finished work on the new Eight Elemental Domains.

“Beep!” Number One replied.

I waved my branches in delight preparing to enjoy a nice reading session.

Suddenly, from above, a torrent of letters, scrolls, animal hide skins, and sparkly crystals hit me. My entire form, twenty-four main branches, and forty-eight sub branches, was completely covered in the deluge of communication products.

Number One took one look and used the teleportation formation to escape outside.

“NUMBER. ONE!!!” I shouted as I struggled to move the mail. Finally giving up, I teleported out and to an open space in my workshop’s cavern.

That floating ball of metal! I’ll get my revenge soon™ don’t think that I won’t!

In the meantime, my branches rapidly sorted mail based on dates and names.

Soon several orderly piles formed around me. Each pile was marked with a wooden signpost that I planted in the ground to help me keep things straight. Dryad, Guido, and Grok stuck to traditional paper letters. Meanwhile, Mishra, S’neli, and Wen took more exotic options. Mishra’s were all on animal hide, S’neli used parchment scrolls, and Wen chose to use both soul and memory crystals.

The fact that some of the dates were clearly anything from centuries, to decades old was definitely my fault! I bet I said something like, ‘hold all messages’ or ‘don’t interrupt me while I work’ and Number One took it literal.

I’ll need to take care with my responses so they seem up to date, current, and most of all, personalized!

So, so, the first messages from Guido.

Boss, we’ve run into a slight problem. There seems to be a horrific murderous human running around with a terrifying hatred of goblins. They call him, ‘Gobo Slayerus’ he’s a really nasty piece of work, justifying all his atrocious deeds with simple words like, ‘they’re goblins’ as if that encapsulated every goblin in existence!

I tried to resolve thing peacefully Boss, but, I was forced to have Grok take steps.

Messy steps.

The tale has been stolen; if detected on Amazon, report the violation.

P.S. I’m hoarding resources just in case any of this stuff might be useful to you later.

P.S.S. Could I get a loan at some point?

Later messages from Guido listed items he’d gained, the Treasure Pavilion he’d started. Allies gained, lost, and a list of enemies he’d made. There was also a separate string of letters from Grok. Grok’s letters mostly consisted of targets he’d taken messy steps with, as well as a few insights into the Dao of Darkness.

Darkness seems to be a Dao uniquely suited for goblins according to Grok. Well, goblins besides Guido, but he’s an outlier no matter how you look at it in my opinion.

After reading through their messages for the past two and half centuries, I was pretty happy. At least I haven’t been the only one improving around here!

Moving on to Dryad’s letters, I opened the one dated furthest back.

We are under attack! Send reinforcements! NOW!

Well. I’ll just pretend I didn’t see that one. I open the next latest letter.

No worries, the invaders from outer space have been dealt with. Fortunately they were a species of plant types that use Aura to ‘grow’ themselves. I’ve taken samples and am in the process of backtracking them to their planet of origin. With time I should be able to get the coordinates for invasion.

P.S. High level cultivators are extremely tasty!

P.S.S. Don’t be slacking off when I’m not there!

The rest of the letters included samples from the alien plant invaders, and a few insights into the Dao of Life and Blood. Some of the connections she’d made were rather interesting, I’ll have to look into them later. Sending my best wishes to Dryad, I moved on to the next pile.

Opening the latest dated animal hide piece, I check up on the first message from Mishra.

Master, the area I’ve chosen seems to be under attack by forces from outside the planet. I normally would not have intervened, except, one of them insulted you so I was forced to crush them. It had nothing to do with the fact that the area I’m in is part of beastkind territory. I didn’t let that sway my decision at all! After pulverizing as many of the important invaders as possible I’ve started taking prisoners. These idiot invaders call themselves the Gray Lights or some such, probably because the majority of their stuff is gray! Their technology seems slightly more advanced than anything I’ve seen. After ‘questioning’ a few of the higher-ups nicely I had them send blueprints to you in case they might be useful! Aren’t I great!

P.S. Some of these races are weak, so I’m spreading the Dao of Physical Strength!

P.S.S. If I find a good disciple I’ll send them to you!

P.S.S.S. Every guy I meet tells me I’m hot, but I don’t feel any heat, could this be a new Dao?

I roll my non-existent eyes as I read the rest of the animal hide. There are some diagrams here and there. Number One can handle checking them and seeing if they are worth creating.

I pause in my reading for a bit.

I’m a bit intrigued by the invaders.

Normally, I am the one doing invading. The fact that there are other species out there that also possess the technological capability to spread across the stars without the use of traveling in the Void interests me.

I send letters back to Dryad and Mishra asking for live specimens to experiment on.

While those two are good at getting information, I have all the tools and time here that is needed to get more.

Moving on, I open the first letter from S’neli. Her chosen form of mail is a strange parchment with the feel of paper mixed with gold. Whatever the substance is, it is quite effective at holding both power and ink!

Everything is normal here. A few of my experiments have had slight problems.

P.S. Could I get a loan, I’m a little short after buying supplies!

P.S.S. If you hear anything from this area about explosions, it’s probably just the Alchemist’s Association across the street. Nothing to do with me!

Ah, should I be worried? I quickly read through the mass of parchment scrolls. There’s some new stuff on the Dao of Alchemy, a few insights into better rings, and finally several increasingly desperate requests for more funds.

I guess I can send over some spirit stones so S’neli doesn’t have to worry about funds. Strange how she keeps mentioning how bad the Alchemist’s Association is at making pills. Who knew people could keep blowing up their workplace so much!

Finally, after everything is done. I’m left with just the stack of ‘memory’ crystals from Wen!

I can’t wait to see what my favorite cook is up to!