Time passes much slower when you can’t sleep for fear of being ambushed.

Whoever said ‘cuteness is justice’ has obviously never taken care of real live children in their lives.

Cuteness isn’t justice, it’s a sadistic mind trap that lures poor victims into a child’s grubby clutching hands!

Then you get petted! Or pruned! Or licked! Or…or….worse!

Not me though, even though I can’t sleep, I’m perfectly fine.

That’s because I my entire Garden is like a gigantic sensor machine.

Mostly I made it that way due to the fact that since I can’t sleep, or do research, I needed something to take my mind off the constant stress.

Unlawfully taken from Royal Road, this story should be reported if seen on Amazon.

In order to make things work, I made the Garden slightly more self-aware.

Not at the level of true sentience mind you, but enough to raise the danger rank.

Rustlllllllle.

Fair? Who the hell plays fair against Adventuring parties?

Only some nutjob would play fair against people that come to plunder their home.

Adventurers are like parasitic moss, that’s why I apply the same solution to both of them.

Blowtorches.

It’s not like I don’t give them a chance.

The sign on the entrance does give proper warning.

Ruuuuustle.

What do you mean misleading?

“This place can grant you Immortality.” There’s nothing misleading there.

I will absolutely grant immortality to any Adventurer that’s able to survive and reach me.

As long as they read the fine print at the bottom of the sign…

The part that says, “Immortality granting requires a service period of one thousand years minimum.”

See? There’s nothing shady about using fine print, demons do it all the time!

Rustle.

What do you mean I’m picking up bad habits from Devon?

I’m a Tree, that claim is ridiculous!

Do you see me drinking myself to sleep?

Or singing in off-key pig wails while almost falling off the edge of the Colosseum?

How about that one habit he has of trying to kill whoever wakes him from his mid-afternoon naps?

I don’t do any of that stuff.

I’m a perfectly normal individual.

Oh?

We have new guests.

Finally, something for the children to play with besides me.