“... Fweh?”

Stepping out of slave master Cinnamon's tent after an abrupt and confusing end to our romantic date for two, the scene stretching out before me is one of complete chaos.

Slaver tents burn brightly in the night, illuminating the intense war raging all across the camp. Free from their cages, the battle cries of rebelling slaves fill the air as they swarm their captors, bashing, biting, and tearing into them with any means available. Pained screams cry out amongst the shouting as both slaves and slavers are cut down and ripped apart across the fresh battlefield. The familiar sound of stampeding monsters rumble into the night, their garbled howls and screeches barely audible amongst the rest of the chaos.

“Why now?!” I complain over all the noise.

This looks like a lot of fun, but why did it have to happen now?! I was just about to kiss my first cute girl on the mouth! My first of a thousand! But now my date is angry with me for some reason!

Dammit, I’m gonna go find out which one of these dumb dumbasses started all this and confiscate a few of their ribs.

With clenched fists, I start my brisk walk toward the centre of the commotion, looking for the right person to vent my frustrations on.

CRACK!

The snap of a whip rings out at my ear as I make my way through the camp.

“Where d’ya think you’re going?” a slaver spits, snaking his whip around in one hand while twirling a hatchet in the other. “I’m gonna gut you like— Huh?”

As he cracks his whip my way again, I snatch it from the air and yank him towards me. Grabbing him by his collar, I toss him into the nearest cage and bend the bars shut. Leaving him trapped, I continue my unhappy walk through the burning camp.

“Skreee—Eep!?”

A cleaver-wielding kobold charges at me from the side. Not giving it a second glance, I punt the small, hairy rat-lizard into a nearby cage and keep walking.

Dammit, this should be fun but I’m too upset to enjoy this situation! Which one of these anti-mouth-kissing spoilsports started this rebellion? I don’t even know who I’m looking for right now. It’s gotta be one of the slaves, right?

Passing by some cages, I hear a stream of complaints from a familiar-sounding voice of a man inside.

“Why?! Why did they let all the monsters out but not me?! Why did they purposely skip my cage when they went down the line?! I’m a slave too, dammit! Why are you ignoring me?! Why are you ignoring your fellow slave?! That couldn’t have been an accident, right?! I’m definitely being harassed on purpose, right?! I mean, why am I even in the monster section in the first place?! Isn’t that weird?! I’m human! Human! This is definitely harassment, right?!”

Too frustrated to pay it any mind, I ignore it and continue onward instead.

Making my way to the heart of the commotion, I find a group of slaves, clutching at their shallow wounds as they try desperately to fight off their approaching pursuers.

“You really thought you could escape? Learn your place, scum!”

“Filth like you will never be free!”

The slavers spit harsh words as they descend on the targets of their abuse. In response, one of the slaves—a young centaur woman—grins back at them through laboured breaths, a burning fire in her eyes.

“No,” Buttercup replies. “We’ve been free ever since she arrived. You can shackle, beat, and whip us all you want. From now until we die, we’ll always be free...”

“Tch. You’re gonna wish you would’ve stayed in your cage once I’m done with— Mmph?!”

Strolling into the scene, I slap a hand over a slaver’s mouth and walk him to a cage as he squirms and struggles in vain beneath my grip.

“Hey! What are you— Mmph?!”

Another approaching slaver gets the face-gripping technique and I send them both into the cage together, forcing it shut behind them. As more slavers try their luck, they too get face fondled into captivity with the rest of the attackers.

“Ah, she’s here. She really came for us...”

“An angel... Truly an angel...”

The wounded slaves express their relief at my arrival and one of them approaches me. A ragged-looking elven man. I recognize him...

“You have my gratitude, Leader,” he says. “If it weren’t for you, we would have— Mmph?!”

He immediately gets the face grip.

Dragging the confused slave over to a cage, I throw the man in, locking it shut behind him.

“L-Leader?! Why did you—?”

“It was you!” I complain, cutting him off. “If you hadn’t come in and stabbed a bunch of dudes, I would be kissing some cute Mistress mouth right about now!”

The man I had just thrown into the cage was the same one who had rudely interrupted my date with Cinnamon by slitting some guy's throat and spilling his blood all over her cute white dress.

“What’s wrong, Leader? Why are you— Mmph?!”

Another approaching slave gets the hand-to-face, face-to-cage manoeuvre.

“Leader? Is everything— Mmph?!”

“S-something’s wrong with the Leader! We need to— Mmph?!”

“L-Leader, please— Mmph?!”

Chasing the slaves around the camp, I slap my fingers around their faces and yank them back into their cages, one by one.

“Go back where you belong!” I shout down at them, sprawled across the floor of their dirty enclosure. “Stay in your damn cage!”

“Leader...”

The slaves can’t do anything but look back at me with wide eyes, no longer burning with fiery determination, but clouded with mortified shock and confusion.

“Why...?” a slave sobs from one of the cages. “Why are you doing this...?”

If you come across this story on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen from Royal Road. Please report it.

It’s Buttercup. I like Buttercup, but she has to get in the cage too. If I can just return everything to exactly the way it was this afternoon, I’m hoping Cinnamon will calm down enough to let me stick my tongue in her mouth.

“Today’s a bad day!” I tell her. “Rebellion sounds fun, but let’s do it some other time, okay?”

“A bad day...?”

Leaving her alone I run back into the heart of the commotion and start dumping, punting, and face-gripping any slave, slaver, or monster I find into a cage. All I need is for them to put this all on hold for the night. Not even a night! Just give me an hour or two! After that, I can let them all out again and we can all have a good old free-for-all like the one back in the Spire!

“Eeek~!”

Kicking open a suspiciously quivering crate, I find an old, chubby guy cowering away inside, a red and white cap atop his excessively sweaty head.

“Fwah! What’re you doing in there, Mash?”

It’s Mash. The slaver that currently owns me and spends the majority of his day crying about how I never listen to him. I have no interest in doing what he tells me to do, but our daily runway training sessions together are really fun! I like Mash.

“O-oh, it’s you, Pepper... Y-you’re not going to attack me, are you?”

“Fweh? Why would I do that? We’re partners, right?”

“Pepper...”

The slaver looks up at me with wet eyes as he climbs out from his hiding place. The way he’s always crying and acting pathetic reminds me of Bran a little. Speaking of Bran, I wonder where that guy is right now...

“Mash, I need your help,” I say, assisting him out of his crate. “I want to kiss Mistress Cinnamon on the mouth so we need to go and catch all the slaves, okay?”

“E-eh? Ah... I don’t know if I can help with something like that...” Mash replies dejectedly. “I’m the weakest guy here. All the other slavers make fun of me and not even my own slave will listen to what I say. I don’t think I’m cut out to be a slave trainer anymore...”

“Fwah... I guess it can’t be helped then...” Slapping the man on the shoulder, I give him a big grin and a thumbs up. “Let’s help each other out! You help me kiss Mistress Thea on the mouth, and I’ll help you become a slave master that everyone will respect! What do you say?”

“A slave master...” Gripping the whip on his belt, Mash pauses in thought for a moment before giving me a small nod. “O-okay. I can try!”

With those words, we make our way further into the camp.

“So... what’s the... plan...?” Mash pants as he follows behind me, his stumpy legs struggling to carry his weight beyond anything above a brisk walk.

“We’ll find a slave, I’ll beat it up, and then you catch it and throw it in a cage. Got it?”

“I don’t know if I can, but I’ll try my—”

Suddenly, there’s some rustling of grass nearby as something small and green bursts out in front of us, waving a jagged stick around.

“Kiiikiikii!” It lets out a garbled screech as it jumps out, causing Mash to lower his defenses and step back in surprise.

“Fwah! A goblin appeared!” I shout, squaring up against my sudden opponent. “Mash!”

“R-right!” Mash quickly regains his composure and thrusts a finger at the attacking goblin. “Go, Pepper! Tackle it!”

“Okay!” Rushing in at full speed, I launch myself at the goblin, pinning it to the ground with the full force and momentum of my body.

“Kii—?!”

It instantly explodes in a red paste beneath my weight, leaving behind a sad flap of green flesh across the floor.

“Oh...” I say, standing up and picking pieces of goblin off my shirt. “The goblin, uh... fainted somehow. You probably won’t be able to catch this one anymore...”

“N-no, I’m pretty sure you killed it...”

Suddenly, an intense roar echoes out across the night sky, punching cleanly through the sounds of battle all around the camp. The dirt beneath our feet starts to tremble as the low rumble of heavy footsteps begins to make its way towards us in the distance.

“It’s on a rampage! Get away from—!”

“Dammit, it’s loose! Forget the slaves, get the hell away from that—!”

Panicked screams shout out amongst the chaos before abruptly being cut off. Something big is coming this way. And I know exactly what it is...

“Fwah!” I pull Mash along behind me as I make my way to the source of the rumbling. “This is our chance! Get ready to catch this one!”

“No way!” Mash struggles back against my grip. “I change my mind! I quit being a slaver! There’s no way I’m going to be able to catch a—!”

I quickly push the man to the floor, just in time to dodge the twisted remains of a metal cage as it flies over our heads and plunges into the earth in an explosion of dirt. As it does, the sight of a huge figure—bigger than a house—comes into view as it charges through the burning wreckage surrounding us, heavy chains dragging along behind it.

As fleeing slaves, slavers, and monsters alike disappear beneath the creature's heavy footsteps, it lets out another roar from its tusked mouth, grabbing at nearby cages and throwing them into the crowds. Lines of crimson mist stretch out across the battlefield, a path of blood carved deep into the dirt where each lobbed projectile tore its way through.

“Fwahaha!” I laugh, jumping to my feet. “A troll! I want to fight it!”

It’s a troll. These huge, lumbering beasts showed up quite a bit back home in the Underground. It's been a while since I've seen one though so it almost feels a little nostalgic. I want to beat it up and turn it into jerky! Just like old times!

As I think that, I feel the familiar bubbling feeling deep in my stomach of something coming through. I’m about to vomit.

Fwah! It’s always at times like this when I end up getting cool weapons to fight off something big! What will it be this time? A door? Another STOP sign? Fwahaha! The possibilities are endless!

I kick off the dirt and start sprinting towards the troll as the mysterious object forces its way up my throat. Noticing my charge, the troll roars as he whips a chained arm out in front of him. The trailing chains from his bindings slices through the air, tearing apart anybody still daring to stand before him. Using a fleeing slaver as a springboard, I launch myself into the air, leaping over the attack moments before the slaver’s body is torn to bloody shreds by the troll’s chains,

“Fwahahaha!” I laugh as I soar across the battlefield, quickly finding myself in the air above the troll. “Let’s see how you like being turned into mincemeat instead!”

—And then I throw up.

Spitting out the object in my mouth, a stream of colourful confetti bursts forth. I watch as all the ribbons and pieces of coloured papers flutter harmlessly out in front of the troll’s face, before being whisked away by the night’s gentle breeze.

“... Fwe—!?”

As I’m caught off-guard by the unexpectedly useless vomit, the troll uses this opportunity to swat me out of the air, slamming my body into the ground and ragdolling me far across the dirt.

“Pepper!” Mash calls after me as he crawls over to my sprawled body. “I told you there was no way we could catch a troll! We have to go! Can you move?”

“.... I don’t think so,” I answer back, clutching my face. “I can’t get up.”

“Th-that’s bad! Is something broken?”

“No. I just can’t get up...”

“Huh? Why not?”

“It’s embarrassing.”

“... What?”

“I thought something cool was gonna come out so I said that smug one-liner and everything, but it turned out to be confetti and now everybody’s probably laughing at me and I don’t want to show my face right now...”

“For somebody usually so shameless, the things you do get embarrassed about are surprisingly tame!”

Mash makes a very Bran-esque complaint about my embarrassing predicament as I bury my reddened face in my hands, refusing to get up. Meanwhile, the troll continues its rampage, kicking mangled metal cages across the burning battlefield.

As it roars up towards the sky one more time—

“Kneel.”

A woman’s commanding voice speaks out from nearby. In the same moment, a flash of light zips past the space above me. Leaving a gleaming golden trail in its path, it tears through the air, striking the troll dead centre.

“—!”

The troll immediately silences its roar, instead palming in confusion at the blood leaking from the gaping hole in its belly. Judging from the flickering flames of burning tents visible from inside the wound, it’s a hole that goes all the way through to the other side.

Succumbing to the fatal injury, the troll eventually falls to its knees. Its head hangs down and its body goes limp as the blood continues to gush from its belly, soaking across the freshly upturned soil beneath it.

Sitting up, I look towards the source of the attack. A tall knight adorned in a full suit of golden armour stands with their arm outstretched as if just having thrown something. The burning fires from around the camp gleam off their ornate, golden armour like a shining beacon in the night. Slightly muffled by the helmet obscuring their face, the same commanding voice speaks out from inside.

“Aggression in the presence of my Lady shall not be tolerated.”

From all around us, the low rumble of hundreds of marching feet starts to beat across the camp, quickly silencing the previous sounds of battle. An orchestra of grand trumpets blares out into the night, gradually growing louder on their approach.

“Kneel and rejoice, for the one who knows all, sees all, and stands above all, has chosen to grace you with her presence.” Dropping to one knee, the golden knight raises a gloved hand to her chest in a display of deep reverence. “Queen Kokoro la Peppyseed has arrived.”