“Fwah~! My beloved pudding angel!”

“Biscuit! You’re okay! Without you, these two lunatics shifted us into mecha territory! It’s mecha now! A whole subgenre of sci-fi! This isn’t fantasy at all anymore!”

“Keh-heh! You really made it down this far by yourself? You clever little idiot."

Everybody is crowded around the cute wolfgirl after pulling her up and out of the rubble.

After that device started ringing in Mei-Mei’s pocket, instead of climbing straight down to the first floor, we chose to trust our gut and follow which way the noisy thing wanted us to go. It was some kind of alarm telling us we were close to something.

“Why is it so loud though? Can’t you turn it down?” Bran had asked.

“I have a feeling that, if I do that, I might forget about it again...” Mei-Mei replied.

And so we continued following it. It led us up a level, out of the secret tunnels, and into one of the prison wings of floor fifty-seven. The ceiling had caved in across a large section of this floor and I had to lift it back up again while Mei-Mei and Bran dug through the rubble for... whatever it was they were looking for. They didn’t know at the time. Only that it was probably important.

It was.

After a while of digging, Mei-Mei reached down and pulled out the thing we had all forgotten we were looking for—Biscuit.

“Sorry, Biscuit...” Mei-Mei apologizes as she awkwardly pats the girl’s head. “I didn't plan for Lust's rampage to be quite so... destructive. If I had known it was going to go like it did, I wouldn’t have made you do that.”

“Big sis Mei-Mei...” A blushing Biscuit looks up at her with sparkling yellow eyes. “... When did you get so tall?”

Oh, right. Mei-Mei’s still ‘wearing’ the Peeler’s legs.

“We’ve already done this gag!” Bran complains. “Let’s hurry up and get out of here already!”

“Right!” everyone agrees in unison—and then we run.

We start to make our way back to the secret tunnels of the Spire, with me lifting and hauling pieces of the fallen ceiling out of the way as we go. Navigating the collapsing ruins of floor fifty-seven is messing with my sense of direction, so Mei-Mei has to point the way forward. I’ve already forgotten which way we came from.

“The entrance is this way, idiot. Just around here,” she tells me. “Once we’re back in, it’s just a matter of retracing our steps to the maintenance ladder. From there, it’s an easy route down to the first—”

As we round a corner, Mei-Mei instantly shuts her mouth and we all stop in our tracks when we spot the familiar furry sight blocking our path.

Standing in front of the broken panel to the Spire’s secret tunnels that we were trying to make our way back to, the Warden—no, Wrath—has his snout poked through the opening and his back turned to us. Searing flames rise up from across his huge body, slightly warping the edges of the metal around the tunnel’s entrance.

As we quietly move to take a step back around the corner— Wrath’s ears suddenly prick up. Emitting a low growl, he snaps his head around to face us and—

“Looks like we’re taking the damn elevator after all!” Mei-Mei shouts and immediately shoves us back the way we came.

With the tree tucked under my arm, Me, Bran, and Biscuit all sprint in the direction the long-legged dwarf leads us. From somewhere behind us, Wrath lets loose an earth-shattering howl, raining showers of concrete dust down from the already crumbling ceiling.

“Of all the places the Warden could be, why did he have to be here?!” Mei-Mei complains as she leads the way. “Dammit, if we can just make it to the elevator, then we should at least be able to—!”

Rounding another corner, we stop in our tracks once again.

The naked, hulking figure of a woman stands with her back towards us, peering down into the open elevator shaft at her feet.

"..." As we quietly move to take a step back—

“Hoh?” Her pointed ears twitch a little and she immediately turns to us, her yellow eyes glowing ecstatically.

It’s Lust.

“Gyahaha! ’Tis truly a wonderful—!”

"Stairs it is!" Mei-Mei shouts and shoves us in a different direction.

With the sound of howling and booming laughter at our backs, the four of us sprint to the stairwell and make our way down. Still on the move, I sling Biscuit up atop my shoulders and drag Bran along by the hand. Leading the way, with her new legs, Mei-Mei seems fine to make the run on her own.

As we fly down the steps, passing level after level—

“Surprise. Found you.”

Bursting out from the entrance to another floor, something resembling a giant metal box forces its overwhelmingly large body through the now demolished door frame and into the stairway behind us. At our backs, a hollow, emotionless voice follows us down the stairs, accompanied by the crunching of its large metal feet tearing across each step along its path.

It seems even the Spire itself is intent on chasing us down the... Spire? I still don’t know how that works...

“Why?!” Bran complains from my side. “Why are all the final bosses here?!”

As we continue to race down the stairs, we find ourselves fast approaching the end of the stairwell. We’ll have to pass through the next floor if we want to make it to the next set of stairs.

Doing just that, I catch a glimpse at the number on the wall as we pass through the doorway—‘53’.

As soon as we step inside, we’re greeted by a low barricade in the distance, blocking our exit into the next stairwell at the other end of the room. Behind the makeshift barricade of random furniture, a line of guards stands waiting for us.

“More prisoners!” one of them shouts, raising the weapon in his hands—a crossbow—and taking aim at us. The other guards along the line follow his lead—a row of crossbows now fixed on our position. “Get ready...!”

“Gorilla!” Mei-Mei shouts back at me, still leading the charge. “Give me something!”

“Sure! Did you want my hand in marriage? Or maybe my precious first—?”

“No!” she yells. “Vomit!”

Fwah! I can do that!

Since my hands are full with Bran and the tree, I nod up to Biscuit atop my shoulders and she nods back. As she reaches one of her cute little hands inside my mouth— I throw up.

“G-got it!” Biscuit yanks something from my mouth and tosses it forward to Mei-Mei. Round, metal, and fit with a little handle at the top—it looks like it might be some kind of lid for something.

“Fire!” As we near the barricade of guards, they let loose a hail of arrows across our path.

Ducking into the volley of projectiles, Mei-Mei blocks them with the metal lid—using it as a shield to pave the way forward for us.

“The prisoners aren’t stopping!”

“They’re gonna—! Huh?”

Using the long, muscular legs of the Peeler, she gracefully leaps over the barricade and into the entrance to the stairwell behind, much to the surprise of the guards. Naturally, I do the same, pulling Bran up and over with me.

“Fwah! It worked!” I shout, continuing to follow Mei-Mei down the new set of stairs.

“No, it didn’t!” she snaps, turning back to us, arrows sticking out from all across her body.

If you stumble upon this narrative on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen from Royal Road. Please report it.

“This thing was useless!” she adds, throwing away the hole-riddled lid while she plucks the arrows from her.

Oh... Well, since she’s already dead, I’m sure she’ll be fine...

From up above, I can hear the panicked voices of the guards we had just passed.

“W-what the hell is that thing?!”

“Our arrows aren’t doing anything!”

“It’s charging! Get away from—!”

Their shouts are quickly snuffed out by a hollow, deadpan voice. “Nobody is allowed to touch my core but Master.”

The sounds of our metal pursuer bursting into the new stairwell continue to follow us down the steps.

“Give me something else!” Mei-Mei shouts.

—And so I throw up.

“Th-this one’s kind of heavy...” Biscuit strains as she tries to pull her arm out from inside my throat. "I can't get it out..."

Letting go of Bran’s hand, I slam a fist against my chest. Tearing at the inside of my throat on the way through, something large forces its way up and out of my mouth. It clanks noisily to the floor as I finally manage to spit it up.

“What the...?”

“This is...”

“Quick! Everybody get on!” Mei-Mei props the thing up on its two wheels and sits herself down on something that looks like a seat at the back. With Biscuit still on my shoulders, I climb on top of the other seat at the front, gripping the bars in front of me with one hand while holding the tree in my other.

“Pepper, are you okay?!” Bran asks, clinging onto Mei-Mei’s tiny upper body at the very back. “I mean, you just threw up a whole bicycle! No, a tandem bicycle! That’s got to hurt, right?”

“Fwahaha! It’s fine! I make sure to train my throat muscles every day after all!”

“I don’t think muscle training works like—!”

Before Bran has a chance to complain, I kick off the floor and the wheels of the two-seated bicycle thing roll forward, the five of us riding along on top of it. From behind me, I notice Mei-Mei pumping her—the Peeler’s—legs along the spinning foot-steps at the bottom, and so I do the same.

‘Fwahaha!” I laugh as we fly down the stairs at an insane speed. “This is great! Tandem bicycles are great!”

Every now and then, I jerk the bar in front of me to the side and we screech past another sharp corner and continue speedily bumping our way down the steps. As we reach the end of the stairwell and exit onto another floor—

“Surprise. Found you.”

Somehow catching up to us, the bunny-eared box lady rushes in from behind. Now on all fours, it looks to be rolling after us with its own set of wheels extended from its arms and legs. Tearing through another door frame, it rolls along in chase as we cycle out onto the next floor—‘48’—and then quickly zoom our way into the next stairwell on the other side.

“Dammit!” Mei-Mei complains. “It’s gaining on us! Give me something!”

Nodding back at her— I throw up again. And again. And again. Pumping my legs alongside the bicycle while screeching around each corner and bumping down every step, I continue throwing up for my friends riding behind me.

Biscuit fishes things up from my vomiting mouth, passing them back to Mei-Mei and Bran. Taking them, they start throwing stuff at the metal box chasing us down the stairs.

“Ow. Stop. Only Master can— Ow.”

A plate, a stool, a toy monkey with clanging cymbals—a volley of random objects bounces off its metal body, causing it to complain awkwardly in its hollow voice.

“Another one!” Biscuit shouts as she pulls something out of my mouth. It’s a small and shiny metal disk with a hole in the middle. She passes it to Mei-Mei who immediately tosses it behind her. Expecting it to just ping harmlessly off of its metal surface—to everybody's surprise—a small slot opens up on its body instead, catching the disk inside. With a whirring hum, the disk slowly slides into the slot and then—

"Now playing Track 01..."

—Music starts to play from it.

...

As we continue to ride down the stairs, we listen along to the music playing at our backs. An intro of brass trumpets builds up into an uplifting orchestral symphony, a choir occasionally singing out over the encouraging tune.

“... Is this what I think it is?” Bran asks.

“I don’t know, but it’s really m-motivational...” Biscuit replies.

“Fwah~! It really is! It makes me want to run up some stairs or jump over park benches while being chased by groups of children or something!”

“Trying hard now.” Our deadpan tag-along flatly drones out the lyrics alongside the music for some reason.

“Dammit, watch the stairs!” Mei-Mei complains, pulling my attention back in front of me. “There’s debris up ahead! It’s about to get rocky!”

“Fwahaha!” I laugh as we tear past the collapsed doorway of another prison floor and bump our way down another set of stairs. “So this is kawaiicore!”

“No!”

Making it to the bottom of the stairwell, we continue riding through the next entrance onto floor thirty-eight. The metal thing continues to follow us, bursting through the frame of the new doorway like paper. Just as it does—

An explosion of screeching metal rings out behind us and the mangled body of our music-playing pursuer flies over our heads. It collides with the back wall in the distance, bursting out into the wide-open outside air and taking a large chunk of the wall along with it. “Gonna... fly...” it buzzes, before disappearing out of the gash in the side of the Spire and down into the lake below—the motivating music disappearing along with it.

“Gyahaha! 'Twas a most rousing tune! I feel invigorated! As though I've just been punching meat in a cold place!” Lust’s booming voice echoes out from behind, along with the heavy rumble of her footsteps at our backs. Arguably, a much bigger problem than the one that was just kicked outside the Spire.

Ignoring her weird comment about punching meat, I pump my legs even harder than before, steering us in the direction of the next stairwell. However—

Looking a little worse for wear, the flaming Warden claws his way out from the entrance to the stairway. Even though we last saw him on one of the floors above, he’s clearly climbing back up the Spire for some reason. I don’t know how he beat us down here, but it feels like it was probably against his will. If I was to guess, Lust must’ve done the same thing to him that she did to that metal thing just now, knocking him clean outside of the Spire.

Hm...? Outside of the Spire...?

With Lust close behind us and Wrath directly in front, there’s nowhere left for us to escape. Nowhere left except...

“Fwahaha!” I laugh, jerking us to the side and cycling onwards, taking the same path the metal music box took.

“Wait, what the hell are you doing, idiot?!”

“B-big sis Pepper?!”

“Why?! Why couldn’t this have just been a rom-com?!”

Yes, the only path left is outside the Spire!

Ignoring the complaints from behind me, I ride us towards the blinding light of the sun beaming in from the massive gash in the wall. A violent wind claws at us from the outside world, thrashing at my sweat-soaked body with a cooling blast of air.

Fwah~! It feels nice!

As the front wheel of the bicycle hovers out over the open sky— I push down. The overhanging wheel immediately drops over the edge and plants itself firmly on the outside wall of the Spire.

—And then I continue cycling down.

With both wheels against the black metal, I cycle us down the steep incline of the Spire’s outer walls, the others still clinging to me desperately. I can feel the intense winds contorting my face into funny shapes as we climb up—or down—to speeds I never thought imaginable.

Down and down the outside of the Spire we continue to ride. As we grow nearer to the base, the incline becomes less and less sharp, and it becomes easier and easier to ride.

Ahead of us, black, jagged edges jut out from the Spire’s odd outer architecture. Still pumping my legs, I do my best to swerve between them. I know that hitting a single bump will definitely cause us to—

“Ah...”

For some unexplainable reason that definitely wasn’t my fault, I suddenly find our bicycle drifting away from the wall. Quickly, I stop spinning the foot-steps and slam both of my feet into the metal wall in an attempt to bring us to a stop before we fly away.

There’s an ear-piercing screech of tearing metal as my exposed legs grind against the walls, leaving two long streaks down the side of the Spire.

It hurts! But I make sure to train my leg muscles every day so it’s probabaly fine!

Slowly but surely, we grind to a complete stop—both of my legs now buried deep into the wall.

...

Taking a moment for a short breather, I release my one-handed grip on the handlebars. It clatters down the rest of the length of the Spire and into the lake below. The rest of the bicycle had already been reduced to hot sparks and scrap metal after being ground into the wall between me and the Spire.

“I-is everyone okay?” Biscuit calls out, breaking the silence from her tight grip around my neck. “Bran?”

“No. But I’m still alive, I guess...” Bran calls back, wrapped tightly around my back. “How’s the zombie?”

“Fine, but I think my new legs are done for,” Mei-Mei replies, wrapped around one of my arms. Remains of the Peeler fall off her body in bloody chunks, leaving the dwarf back in her original size again. “How about the idiot who steered us off a ledge in the first place? Gorilla?”

“Yeah. Though my legs are feeling pretty raw right now too,” I reply, my aching limbs still buried in the wall. “What about the tree?”

“...” The tree under my arm doesn’t reply. It’s just a tree.

...

“Well...” Mei-Mei is the one who breaks the silence this time. “Now what?”

With my body sticking out from the Spire like a cute, fleshy thorn in its side—and the others forced to cling awkwardly to my stuck body—I carefully ponder our next move.

Eventually coming up with an idea, I offer it to the others to see how they feel about it.

“Want to climb to the top and do it again?”

...

The cursing of three angry prisoners rings out into the afternoon sky, their harsh words quickly carried away by the freshwater winds from the lake not-so-far below.

Fwah! We're close!