There’s a light sting against the side of my face, stirring me in my sleep.

And then another. And then another. And then another. And then—

... Okay. That’s getting really annoying. I’ve been trying to ignore it for a while now, but something keeps stinging my cheek and it’s starting to get on my nerves. It’s like trying to sleep with a mosquito in the room...

I wonder which one of my hilarious sisters is playing prankster this morning then, huh? Trish? Olive? Beans, maybe? Whichever one of them is messing around with me in my sleep, they better be prepared for some sloppy mouth-kissing as payback...

“It’s gonna be a really wet one this time too, dammit! With lots of tongue!”

I spring upright in my bed and grab the head of the guilty prankster looming over me with both hands, pulling them close. Pinching their cheeks with my fingers, I open my eyes—only to be met with the very surprised expression of a face I’ve never seen before, from a man I’ve never met.

“... Fweh?”

“... Eh?”

...

“You’re not my sister...”

I throw him to the side and rub my aching head, trying to massage the fogginess from my mind.

What was I doing again?

“Thirty-seven! Keh-heh! She actually woke up! Try slapping her one more time just in case though! I want to see what happens!”

Oh, I recognize that voice. It’s Mei-Mei.

“Quiet, dwarf.”

I recognize this voice too. It’s... the Warden?

Ah, I remember. Mei-Mei needed my help with something, everything turned red, I fought a metal bunny, and then I went to bed. I remember it all.

I’m not waking up back at home in my bed. I’m sitting on the cold hard floor of the Spire’s Curse Ward—inside the main wing. The mist had left the room and the lights are back to normal. There’s no hollow voice coming from the ceiling and no grinding beneath the floor. Everything seems back to normal. Except...

In front of me is a number of heavily armed prison guards—about thirty of them, maybe. One of them stands up from the floor, rubbing his cheeks as he awkwardly rejoins the formation of his buddies. At the front and centre of the surrounding group stands the unmistakable and imposing figure of the Warden. The giant wolfy wolfman glowers down at me with arms crossed.

“... romcom, romcom, romcom...” Hearing something to my right, I notice a distressed Bran rocking back and forth with his arms wrapped around his knees, softly mumbling to himself.

“Keh-heh-heh! Go on! Who wants to try thirty-eight? I dare one of you to slap her again! I want to see what happens!” To my left, Mei-Mei snickers down at me from atop her chair.

Why does she get a chair? I want a chair.

"I said be quiet, dwarf." The Warden narrows his eyes as he glowers down at us—his deep voice commanding total attention from everybody in the room. "Now that you’re all awake, the three of you are going to answer my questions. If I smell one single lie from any of you, I’m—”

“Keh! Hands off, idiot! Get your own!”

“No! The Warden’s in the way and if I go near him he’s gonna start sniffing me or something! I want your chair!”

“S-stop! Sit on the damn floor! Idiot! Meathead! Gorilla!”

“I told you not to call me a gorilla! Pick something cuter! Like a slow loris!”

“... romcom, romcom, romcom...”

“What the hell is a slow—?”

“That’s enough!” The Warden’s booming voice rudely cuts my argument with Mei-Mei short. The guardsmen behind him all raise their weapons, pointing them towards the three of us on the floor. “I want answers. Now.”

Silence settles over the room at the Warden’s intimidating aura.

Not really understanding what question I’m supposed to have the answer to, I look to Mei-Mei for help. I notice Bran has stopped his incoherent mumbling and is also side-eyeing Mei-Mei nervously.

A long, drawn-out sigh from Mei-Mei eventually breaks the silence.

“Why must I always be surrounded by idiots?” she says, shaking her head—before snapping her fingers at the Warden. “If you want answers, you should probably try asking some actual questions first, idiot.”

Fwah~! Mei-Mei! So cool! You tell him!

My heart definitely skips a beat at the tiny dwarf woman’s smug defiance toward the giant wolfman—completely unfazed by him and his little band of pretend soldiers. The eyes of the guards flick nervously between the Warden and the condescending dwarf, unsure of how their boss will respond...

“What did you three do?” the Warden growls, gesturing to something behind him. The guards part, revealing the corpse of the metallic bunny that had attacked us in the mist. “What is this thing? And why did it come out? What did you do?”

“Keh! How should I know?” Mei-Mei snaps. “I should be the one asking you what the hell that thing is and why it came out. It’s your prison, isn’t it? It came out of nowhere and attacked us for no reason. We didn’t do a thing.”

At Mei-Mei’s words, the Warden sniffs the air, and then—a scowl crosses his face.

“Tch. Foul corpse. Interrogating the dead is pointless...”

Seemingly displeased with Mei-Mei’s smell, the Warden shifts his glare to me instead.

“You. Black-haired... creature,” he spits. “Why did this metal thing attack you? Why is it here? What did you do?”

Fweh? Me? I figured that if anyone knew what happened here, it’d be the Warden. Like Mei-Mei said, it’s his prison, right? But I guess he doesn’t know either. I suppose that’s why he’s interrogating us in the first place...

I think about his question carefully.

Why did it attack us? Why is it here? What did we do to...? Oh. Was it because Mei-Mei started messing with that panel in the wall? No, I think the more likely explanation is...

“Fwahaha! The horned rabbits finally sent their champion to challenge me after I killed so many of them back home! It’s the only explanation!”

Another scowl crosses the Wardens face as he sniffs the air.

“Mindless fool. Interrogating you is pointless too...”

His glare turns toward Bran this time.

“Human. What caused this to happen?” he growls. “And choose your words carefully. If I smell a single lie from you, you will regret it.”

“Th-that’s... I-it was p-p-probably...” Bran struggles to get the words out, cowering under the intense aura of the Warden. “Sci-fi, I guess?”

“...Sye... Fye..?”

“Y-yeah. Science fiction. It’s a popular thing in fantasy now, I think. Adding a sci-fi twist to it. Like, we'll find out that our world is actually built on the corpse of an advanced civilization after a world-ending war. Or we’re, like, in a simulation or something. That kind of stuff... I think that’s probably what caused this...”

“...”

Silence settles over the Curse Ward once more. I guess the Warden wasn’t able to sniff out the answers he was looking for...

“Sir! We’ve finished our search of the prison wing!” A guard approaches from the side as she gives the Warden a salute. Her wavy golden locks are tied up in a neat little ponytail, showing off her pretty, pointed ears. I recognize her instantly.

This book's true home is on another platform. Check it out there for the real experience.

“Fwah! It’s that cute elf! The really nice one!”

It’s that cute elf—the one I met when I first arrived in the Spire—the really nice one.

She shoots me a short sideways glance before focusing her attention back to the Warden.

Fwah~! I want to get closer! I want to hold her hands again! I want to bury my face in her hair and inhale her delicate scent! I want to—! No. Patience, Pepper. No more sexual harassment this time. We can’t mess this up again. Let her come to you this time...

“What did you find?” the Warden asks, inquiring about the search of the prison wing.

“Well, there were some unregistered items in a few of the cells but most of it is just books, clothes and... bottled urine for some reason. I-I don’t know what to think about that last one... but the rest is just harmless personal belongings. I don’t think it would be right to confiscate them, sir!”

“I’ll be the one to decide that,” the Warden growls. “What kind of books? Show me.”

“A-ah. That’s, well... Most of them are kind of like picture books, and... They're a little bit... Some of them might be a little inappropriate to—”

“Show me,” the Warden demands again, holding out his huge, furry hand.

“Y-yes, sir!”

The elf squirms awkwardly as she starts placing books in the Warden’s awaiting palm. They’re the ones I had vomited up at some point during my stay here. Mei-Mei called them childish and said she had no interest in them, but Bran took a liking to them, even trying to rope me into it as well.

Glaring down at them, the Warden slowly flicks through the pages.

“Ah, that one you’re reading now is about a dragon that falls in love with a human woman and becomes her maid. Unfortunately, most of the women in the story have ridiculously large... proportions. Disgusting, really.” She gives the three captive prisoners a harsh glare.

Bran averts his eyes and looks down at the floor.

As the Warden shifts to the next book, the elf continues her comments.

“Oh, that one there is especially disgusting. It’s about a combat sport where women fight each other using only their breasts and buttocks. Truly vile.” The elf shoots us another harsh glare.

I avert my eyes and look up at the ceiling.

“Hm? Oh, that one seems mostly fine. It’s about a strange world suddenly turning to stone and a young boy having to rebuild everything from the ground up. It’s neat. Very imaginative.” Her eyes shift toward us again.

Mei-Mei averts her eyes and looks off to the side.

Fweh? Why are you looking away? You were reading them after all, weren’t you!? What happened to calling it childish!? It’s cute how embarrassed she is about it though. I’ll have to tease her about this later...

“I see.”

Silence settles over the Curse Ward as the Warden flicks through the pages of the book in his hand—the guards waiting with bated breath for him to give some kind of order.

...

Fweh? Is he actually just reading it? Right now? With everyone waiting on him? He seems particularly enamoured with the one about dragon maids...

“Ahem. S-sir?” The cute elf breaks the silence. “May I question the prisoners while you... conduct your investigation?”

“Fine. Do as you wish,” the Warden responds, waving her away without taking his eyes off the book.

Does he even care about the interrogation anymore? It seems like he only cares about dragon maids right now...

Stepping past the crowd of other guards, the cute elf walks our way. She starts to come my way but then stops, gives me a curt nod—and then walks over to Bran instead.

Fweh? Why Bran?! Why not me?! I didn’t do a sexual harassment this time, I swear!

“H-hey, Pepper. Your nose has been bleeding pretty bad and you’ve been drooling all over yourself this whole time. Are you okay?”

Mei-Mei says something to me at my side but I’m too jealous of Bran to pay attention to her right now.

The elf kneels down to Bran’s level and places her hand on his knee.

"It's alright," she tells him in her sweet voice. "Bran Miller, right? I think putting you up here in ninety-nine was wrong. I read your report. There wasn’t any evidence to prove you did anything wrong. It was the Queen’s word against yours. And in the end, nobody was hurt except for you. I just think it's really unfair. I mean, you don't seem the type of person to do something like that..."

At her words, Bran looks up into her eyes. He looks like he’s on the verge of tears—as if a heavy weight has finally been lifted off of him.

Tch. I’m jealous...

Reaching into my panty waistband, I pull out the sandwich I’ve been saving—egg mayo. I might feel better if I get some protein in me. If eggs is protein, and mayo is eggs... That makes double protein! Ah, it’s still soggy from when Bran dumped water on me. Stupid Bran...

“Just tell me...” she continues, patting his knee. “Is there anything you remember happening before the lights went red and the mist put you to sleep? Before the metal monster attacked? Was anybody else doing something at the time?”

“Ah," Bran says with sudden realization. "It was all their fault. They did it."

“... Fweh?”

“Idiot...”

At the elf’s question, Bran immediately points at me and Mei-Mei with an accusing finger.

“Is that so? Please tell me everything, Bran,” she says. “Oh. My name is Ginger by the way. And don’t worry. I’ll make sure they transfer you to a different floor immediately. Somewhere much safer where these two can’t touch you. Please trust me.” The cute elf—Ginger—gives a warm smile.

Captivated by that smile, the floodgate opens and Bran immediately starts to run his mouth...

“Ah, well it started when I was watering the tree. The tree’s a prisoner too, right? So I make sure to water them every day, of course!"

“Ah, how sweet of you.”

“Y-yeah... Anyway, I was attacked by that damn gorilla out of nowhere and— Actually it wasn’t the first time either! She broke my ribs, you know! Seven of them! Like, actually broke them! Who does that?! I didn’t do anything wrong!”

A flood of complaints rolls out of Bran’s mouth as Ginger nods along with every word while patting his knee. It feels like most of these complaints are geared towards me in particular for some reason...

“... and then finally, after she tried to take the watering can from me, the zombie called her over by the wall and they started talking about something. I couldn’t hear what, but then the gorilla lifted her up and she started messing with—”

Bran suddenly pauses mid-complaint, staring down at the hand on his knee.

“Hm? What’s wrong?” Ginger asks.

Bran continues to stare down at the hand in silence, an intense look in his eyes.

She gives him another warm smile and a pat on the knee.

“You don’t need to be scared anymore, Bran. It’s okay. Keep go—”

“FF7 is a sucky game meant for normies...”

Bran mutters something incomprehensible under his breath.

“E-eh? Sorry, what was that?” the elf asks, visibly confused.

“Unhand me, wench!” Bran slaps her hand from his leg, sending her reeling back in shock. “Nobody needs impure heroines! Nobody!” He scrambles to his feet and stands over the woman angrily.

“Eh? Wha- E-eh?” Ginger looks around in confusion, unsure of what brought on the sudden attitude change. She looks toward her fellow guards for help but they just cough nervously and look the other way—the unbothered Warden continuing his investigation on dragon maids.

“I was really excited, you know? Everyone talks about how great it is, right? An iconic cast. A timeless classic. It’s bullshit!” Bran complains.

“Fwah! It’s one of Bran’s weird rants!”

“Keh-heh! You tell her, Bran!”

Me and Mei-Mei yell encouragement at him for some reason. Listening to Bran go on one of his nonsensical tirades has become a fun pastime here in Curse Ward after all.

“You know how long I spent in that game? Two hours! That was it! I couldn’t take any more of it!” Bran continues. “The first thing was that god-awful protagonist! I thought, I hate this mopey edgelord who seems like he’d be really popular with women for some reason, but the setting was interesting so I persevered!”

“O-okay, Bran. P-please calm down. It’s al—”

“Right up until that damn flower girl!”

“Eeek~!”

Bran continues his weird rant about something nobody but him could possibly understand, causing Ginger to squeal and cower beneath him. Knowing Bran, this rant is far from over...

“The first thing she does is instantly offer to date the protagonist! Why?! Have some self-respect! You just met this guy! And then half an hour later she starts complaining about her ex-boyfriend! Why?! Why do you even have an ex-boyfriend?! What kind of heroine has an ex-boyfriend?! Why are you dating everybody you meet?! You’re, like, twenty years old! How many boyfriends have you had?! Why does somebody younger than me have an ex-boyfriend when I’ve never had a girlfriend in my whole twenty-seven years, dammit! This is bullshit! Screw you and this sucky normie-pandering game! I’m never playing FF7 again!”

“O-o-okay, b-but why are you so angry at me? Eff Eff Seven? I don’t even know what that is! I don’t—!”

“Heroines should be pure! Impure heroines can go to hell!” he spits, pointing to the elf’s hand, the hand that was resting on his leg before. More specifically—the band on her ring finger. A wedding band.

Fwah... She’s married, huh? Damn. No wonder Bran is so upset. I am too, dammit!

Tch. Guess I have no choice...

“Impure heroines shouldn’t exist! Impure heroines like you are—!”

“Shh, shh. There, there. I get it...” I gently wrap an arm around Bran’s shoulder. “Forget her. We’ve still got each other, right? It’s like you always say, bros before hoes, right?”

“... I have literally never said that in my entire life. Not once.”

“Shh, shh. No more words. Only protein.”

I gently force the rest of my egg mayo sandwich into Bran’s mouth. His arms instantly go limp as the anger and tension leave his body. Eyeing me suspiciously, he gives the sandwich a test chew.

"... It's soggy," he says, chewing slowly.

“Mm. I was keeping it in my panties.”

“... There’s a hair in it.”

“Mm. I was keeping it in my panties.” I give him a thumbs up. “Hair means triple protein.”

“... Gross.” Bran swallows, a sour look on his face as he shivers with disgust. “... But thanks, I guess...”

I feel like there was somebody else who used to calm Bran down whenever he went on one of his weird rants but I can’t remember who... Oh well. It can’t hurt for me to be that person every once in a while, I guess. I like Bran. Bran is a friend after all.

“H-hey, Pepper...” Bran gives me an awkward glance as he scratches his head. “Sorry for always—”

A huge furry claw suddenly reaches out—grabbing Bran by the throat and lifting him off the ground.

“Human.” A low, rumbling growl comes from right beside me. “Tell me what the dwarf and the black-haired one did by the wall.”

—It’s the Warden.