"No."

"Come on, Lian-er, it's not that bad-"

"It is that bad. It's straight out of my nightmares, Cheng-ge!"

He pouts a little, because of course he does, and I keep my gaze locked on the literal Mouth of Hell that is 'the Crystal Cove'.

See, when they said that cute little name, I expected… well, a cove of sorts. A wide open cave on a beach or cliff face, some sea water… crystals. That kind of thing.

Not an underwater cave system that we'd have to dive into to get anywhere.

As a cultivator, I'm confident I have the lung capacity and ability to navigate the cave. As a person with reasonable survival instincts, I'm also pretty certain there is nothing worth subjecting myself to that claustrophobic nightmare.

I don't care if the Elixir of Immortality is right past the first bend, I am not going in there.

"It's just a little swimming," Zhou Cheng urges, "It's not even that long! And it's not that dark on the other side, there's illuminating crystals."

"That sounds wonderful, you have fun on the other side. I'll stay here and make some food for when everyone comes back out."

He pouts harder but I refuse to be moved. "We could be in there for a few days."

"I'll camp. A few nights on the beach sounds wonderful." Actually it sounds terrible because I hate spending long periods of time at the beach. Small doses are fine, but it tends to be hot, I'm not a fan of the ocean, and there's sand.

Anakin got a lot of things wrong, but sand wasn't one of them.

Still, as terrible as camping on the beach sounds, it's still leagues ahead of 'go swim in this dark underground cave and then explore the cave system'. I'd rather slather myself with honey and poke a fire ant nest with my dick than do that.

Zhou Cheng pouts even harder, a feat I wasn't even sure was physically possible but I won't be moved. I refuse!

You can't make me, Zhou Cheng!

----------------------------------------

I heave out of the water like the world's saddest whale, beaching myself on the cold stone inside the cave. It was only a minute or two of swimming, but it still felt like an endless eternity. My eyesight wasn't good enough to see in the pitch dark waters, and the only reassurance I had that I was even going in the right direction was Zhou Cheng's hand in mine, pulling me along.

"See? That wasn't so bad, was it, Lian-er?" he offers, giving me an encouraging smile despite my baleful glare.

Feel it, Cheng-ge. Feel the weight of my impotent rage. "The only thing worse than doing it is the certain knowledge I'll have to go through it again," I mutter, climbing to my feet. At least the cave is pretty - the glowing crystals bathe us in a myriad of lights, like the world's quietest disco rave. I wonder how they work? Light Qi, I'd suppose, but they must be drawing it from somewhere…

The downside of course, aside from subtly pushing on my mild claustrophobia, is that it's cold as balls - and I'm soaked to the bone.

"Tell me there's some kind of fire we've got going or something," I gripe, coursing my Qi to try and warm my extremities up some more.

There's no response from Zhou Cheng at first, busy staring at me for some reason.

I give myself a once over, just to be safe. There's no weird leech or anything stuck to me is there? No? Just the robes? "... Cheng-ge? Is there something wrong?"

That seems to startle him out of it, and he seems pretty embarrassed to be caught staring like that. "N-nothing. Do you need to change…?"

I glance up ahead to where Tian Mingfei is enthusiastically spinning some kind of tale to her rapt audience. "I'd rather not in front of everyone."

"Of course," he agrees, nodding promptly. "Then let's get on with things." He starts to walk over to the others, and I join them.

"-and then he-ah? We're all here now," Tian Mingfei cuts her story off there, ignoring the clearly disappointed noises they make as she regards us both with a beatific smile.

Zhou Cheng gives them a small nod in acknowledgement. "Hou Bohai, Mo Jianyang - you two are the most familiar with this area. Where should we go?"

"I know just the place," Hou Bohai declares, puffing his chest out, "Just let me guide you, Senior Brother!"

Mo Jianyang, rather predictably, narrowed his eyes. "Ah, you bastard?! He was asking both of us!"

"Why would he bother letting you lead? You'll just get us lost!"

I lean a little towards Zhou Cheng. "Are you trying to get them to fight? Because this seems like an easy way to get them to fight."

"Mh. I'm hoping they realise the more time they spend fighting, the less time we spend hunting."

"That's very optimistic of you, Cheng-ge. Frankly, I think it's more likely they bring this cave down on top of all of us than cooperate."

He made a considering noise at that, and then cleared his throat. When that failed to get their attention, he did it again… and then flared his Qi a little. "Have you come to a decision?" he asks simply at their slightly chastised expressions, "Until both of you can agree, we won't move on."

The tale has been stolen; if detected on Amazon, report the violation.

Whilst I couldn't say I disapproved of his desire to help, a part of me seriously questioned the point when the two of them simply resumed arguing again, in slightly quieter voices. "Why are we doing this again?"

"To help. It's not as though we had anything else planned."

Yes, but I could be relaxing right now. I could be in the garden, having tea, instead of freezing my tits off in a dark, underground cave.

"Cheer up, Hei Lian," Tian Mingfei adds, chipper as anything. Why was she dry? Did she have some kind of technique to dry herself out? Did she just change robes in front of two strange boys? I wish I was capable of that shamelessness… "There's sure to be something worth hunting deeper within!"

I made a face. "... Thank you, Tian Mingfei. I feel very encouraged by this."

"Any time, Hei Lian." The smile on her face was just toothy enough - showing off some impressive canines, really - to suggest she was doing it on purpose.

Why does everyone I know enjoy my suffering so much? At least Zhou Cheng has the good grace to pat me on the arm a little to try and make up for it.

Finally, they seem to come something of an agreement. It doesn't look particularly stable, but it seems good enough. "I'll take the lead for now," Hou Bohai announces, "So just follow me."

"Finally," Tian Mingfei declares, striding forward, "Lead the way, Juniors!"

Mo Jianyang lingers a bit further back, alongside Zhou Cheng and I - and in order to try and soothe his feelings a little, I try to strike up a conversation.

"This Crystal Cove - what can we expect deeper within?"

Having a senior cultivator - even one such as me - is enough to make him straighten up a little. Ah, Juniors can be cute sometimes. Maybe one day I'll have disciples of my own to torment… "Most of the Spirit Beasts are deeper within, but the main resource from the Cove are the crystals. A number of high quality ones are formed here, and the deeper you go, the better the quality." He pauses for a moment to gesture a little at the glowing ones that illuminated the tunnel. "However, it's unbecoming to harvest the Light Crystals here - we all rely on it for sight, after all… or well, most of us. The Elders don't need them."

That's surprisingly communally minded. I kind of expected cultivators to be more of the 'fuck you, got mine' type.

"Are there no other entrances?" Zhou Cheng asks, tilting his head this way and that, "I can feel a breeze - it's very faint, but it's there." Huh. I can't feel a thing, but you know, he's a whole level above me. And also pretty attuned to Wind Qi in general.

Mo Jianyang inclines his head. "There are a number of smaller openings that allow air to flow - nothing that would allow us to enter freely. Attempts have been made, I think, to create alternate entrances… but they didn't really work."

I'm going to assume they collapsed. Noted. Not trying that. "Is there something you're after particularly then? A spirit beast, a rare crystal…?"

"Anything that helps my cultivation," he admits freely, "But most of the good resources are past the Sea of Lights."

Naturally that makes Zhou Cheng perk up. "The Sea of Lights?"

"A section of the Cove lacks any Light Crystals at all - it's illuminated only by the beasts." He looks away a little, a hint of shame in his voice. "I… I've never been able to get far in it."

… if it's pure darkness, how the fuck do you find your way back? That sounds like a great way to get lost, actually. Why are we here again, Zhou Cheng? Why are we in a place that seems specifically designed to terrify the living shit out of me?

"Worry not then," Zhou Cheng declares cheerfully, "We will surely reach the other side."

"We have light sources as well, right?"

He nods. "There's a better cave full of Light Crystals up ahead - we can take some there without impacting things."

That's not super helpful. They don't provide that much light… and I have another concern. "The spirit beasts… they're not attracted to light or anything are they?"

He pauses. "I'm… I don't think so?"

Zhou Cheng gives me another reassuring pat on the arm. "It's okay, Lian-er. Just stick with me and everything will be fine."

"Sticking with you is how I got into this situation, Cheng-ge," I mutter back, "Next time I'm staying home."

He doesn't seem the slightest bit convinced by my 'threat'. To be fair, I'm not convinced either. This is just my life now - being unwillingly dragged along into these situations, but equally unwilling to actually stop him. He could tell me we were going to Hell tomorrow, and I'd whine and drag my feet, but then I'd still come along and get tortured by demons or something.

"How deep does this… Crystal Cove go?"

Mo Jianyang perks up a little again. "For several li at least," he offers, "But nobody's been to the 'bottom' that we know of." His eyes lit up with a determined fire. "But I'll be the first!"

Aw, that's cute. "I wish you the best of luck in that endeavour then."

"Perhaps one day we might help you with that," Zhou Cheng offers, ignoring the scandalized look I'm giving him - or at least, I thought so. "But that will be a day far in the future when we are all much stronger."

Thank you. I think I would've lost my mind if he offered to plunge to the bottom on this trip.

Mo Jianyang studies us for a moment, and then, with clear consideration, voices a question that seems like he's been burning to say. "What of you, then? What are you striving towards?"

Zhou Cheng just blinks. "The Heavens, of course. What else would we strive for?"

But he just shakes his head in response. "Not that - striving for the Heavens goes without saying. But my father says that a true Cultivator must have a goal beyond the climb. if you climb purely for the sake of climbing, then you will surely be struck down."

That sounds like good life advice, but at the same time, I find myself doubtful as to whether it's really true. I don't think the Heavens care why you climb or you wouldn't have assholes as Cultivators - unless the Heavens thinks being a wanker is a-okay. Which… I really wanna hope isn't true? Like, if the Heavens are okay with the fuckery that goes on and simply treat it as apropos, then I'm not sure what I'll do.

"... Then, I suppose, I am striving towards… something better," Zhou Cheng declares quietly, after a long moment of contemplation, "I do not want to be the kind of person who sees injustice and does nothing. In order to create justice, I have to be stronger. So I will become stronger."

A noble goal, truly, but I can't help but worry - justice through force is… well, it's a slippery slope isn't it? Then again, it's not as though Zhou Cheng is wrong. Without strength, nobody will listen. You can stamp your feet and cry about virtue and honour all you want, but if any of that meant a damn thing to the assholes, they wouldn't be assholes.

Mo Jianyang's expectant eyes turn on me, and I sigh a little. "Me? I just want to live a peaceful life. Eat some nice food, have a nice house."

And there was the reaction of shock and confusion. "Do you… need power to do that?"

"I need power to keep doing it. The strong do what they want, and the weak… don't really get a choice in it." It really kind of feels like I'm dragging the mood down, so I try to think of something to brighten it up… "Plus, if I'm strong enough, I can hunt my own food and create all sorts of delicious things - have you ever eaten a wyvern, for example? It's surprisingly greasy but very satisfying if you fry it."

The look he's giving me now is even more confused than the last one, but I'll take it. "... There's some crabs down here. Could you… try cooking them?"

I offer him a bright grin. "Of course. If you catch it for me, I'll make it into whatever you like, okay?"

He nods seriously, and strides ahead of us with renewed purpose and determination.

"See, Lian-er?" Zhou Cheng adds, smiling at me, "I knew you'd get into things."

I reach over to flick his forehead. "Don't you start, Cheng-ge. I'm just making the most of things."

"Of course."

This cheeky little brat. That's it, I'm not making him any snacks later.