I don't know how long I run for, or whether it even matters. My world is crumbling around me, as I scour over every memory, every thought, every… everything.

Where do I begin? Where do the lies, the illusions? What is real, what isn't? How do I get out?

Suicide seems like the easy answer, but I cannot shake the fear that its meant to be the trap. Perhaps there is no way out and I'm stuck here - but I cannot let myself believe that. I must free myself, one way or another. Zhou Cheng is waiting for me.

I… I still do not know who that is. He is my brother. I would die for him. He will rise to the Heavens. He isn't here, and that lack gnaws at me. It is the only other name other than mine that I have in this world though and so I…

… no, there is one more, isn't there? One more name. One more truth.

"Jingming," I call softly, and although my voice does not carry, it is there, waiting for me. "That is your name, isn't it?"

Jingming rattles affirmatively.

I run my hands along his rim, gently studying the intricate work that went into his construction. He is truly beautiful, it must be said. "Jingming… why is it that you have a name when no others?"

He responds with a gentle sway, and at his bidding, I lean over the rim.

When I look, he is already full of water and I can peer at my own reflection - at Jingming's face as he peers back at me. Pure Clarity is his name, and it seems almost mocking now. Or perhaps… prophetic.

"Why am I here?" I ask, watching as my reflection smiles gently back at me.

"Why are any of us where we are?" he replies. "Because the choices we make bring us here."

I purse my lips as he smiles a little wider. "Then how do I leave?"

"Make choices that bring you away from here," he explains like it was obvious. And it was, but only if you were being obstinate. "Perhaps do the opposite? If you enter a room, exit it - and you will no longer be in it."

"That," I declare with a frown, "is the most unhelpful answer you could've possibly given."

Jingming laughs softly. "Of course it isn't. I could've told you to figure it out yourself."

"Is that not what you did?"

"Of course not," he chides gently, eyes twinkling with mischief, "You have all the pieces, Hei Lian. Whether you solve the puzzle is up to you now. That is how these things are."

I can't stop myself from scowling harder, arms folded over my chest. "And what are 'these things'?"

There is no reply at first - then he shrugs gently, lifting himself up out of the water, sitting on the edge of the cauldron the way a mermaid might sit on the edge of a bathtub, languid and easy in a way I've never been. The soaking wet robes hug his-my figure, and it might be a little narcissistic of me to stare at my own chest. I knew I was plush, but I wasn't… that plush was I?

"Your eyes are up here," he quips, because naturally my reflection is a smartass. "These things are what they are. Heart Demons. Qi Deviation. Tribulations." He shrugs again, easy and carefree. "I don't know. I only know what you know."

A Tribulation? "There is no way I'm having a Tribulation."

Jingming gives me a sly look. "Why not?" he drawls in a coaxing voice, leaning forward in a way that might've been seductive if he were wearing something lower cut. Or if I was, I suppose. He was, like myself, dressed in very fine silks, in green and gold, with a shawl patterned with flowers. I always liked flower patterns - Hawaiian shirts, especially. "Why can this not be a Tribulation, Hei Lian?"

"Because I'm too weak." The answer comes so easily it surprises me. How can it be so easy and simple…? How can I know this, when I cannot even know anything else? "So it must be a Qi Deviation or a Heart Demon."

Jingming smiles. "Must they be mutually exclusive? A Tribulation, a Heart Demon, a Qi Deviation - they're all tests. If you fail, you die. Truly, such things are the same aren't they?" He pauses for a moment, tapping a finger on his chin. "Well. Perhaps not. Apples are fruit, fruit aren't apples."

"Even if they are the same, what Test could I be facing? What challenge is there that must threaten my life?" No matter how I try, I cannot think of anything - but then, I cannot even think of what my life truly was like.

As always though, Jingming is there to offer snippy commentary. "Oh? Do you think your heart firm and resolute, Hei Lian?" he drawls lightly, smirking at me like a smug bastard, "Nonsense. You are soft and weak - you bend so easily."

I've never thought of myself as all that strong or resolute, beyond some principles I never break. "You speak as though you understand what this Test is," I accuse, arms folded over my chest.

He shrugs in response, legs kicking slowly in the water of the cauldron. "Is it not obvious, Lian-er?" he asks idly. "Look around you. What do you see?"

The temptation to give him a smart ass answer is there, but I graciously ignore it. "My perfect life. The life I've dreamed of. What sort of test is this meant to be? What, am I supposed to realise actually I don't want any of this? I want to leave this place because it isn't real. It's fake!" I wave my hands through the air, gesticulating wildly. "My husband is handsome but who is he? What is his name? I'm not so shallow as to fall for beauty alone!"

"Is that what you think this is about?" he says lightly, eyes still twinkling, "Love and romance?"

"What else is it about then?" I counter, crossing my arms over my chest as I feel a rant building up in me, "Is it about my choice in decor? Garden? Are such things worth a Tribulation - or whatever this is? I do not think so! But Love? Love is important."

The tale has been illicitly lifted; should you spot it on Amazon, report the violation.

His lips quirk a little higher. "Is it?"

"Of course it's important! Love is what started the Trojan War - and Love is why we have goldfish crackers! Love is what drives us to do such terrible things and such wondrous things! Love compels us! We create and destroy for it! We kill for Love! We die for Love! We live for Love!" I throw my hands in the air, starting to pace as I really get worked up. "Do you think I do all the things I do just because I like doing them? You think I dedicated my life to this dream for kicks?!"

I level an accusing finger right at my bemused looking reflection. "I do it for Love!"

Jingming stares at me for a long moment. "... Goldfish crackers? That's the example you go for?"

"Why not? It's a cute story. His wife was a Pisces, so he created them to celebrate her."

My reflection rolls his eyes - or are they mine? - and shakes his head. "That's all well and good but it's not really the point."

"Isn't it? You asked me what I see. I see my perfect life - but it's empty of love. My husband adores me, but how can I love him if I do not know him? The Elders lavish me with praise - but what does it matter coming from empty puppets? This perfect life is meaningless without anyone to share it with."

"And who would you share it with?"

"With my friends and family. Who else?"

Jingming smiles, and there's an almost cruel edge to it. "Friends and family - do you love them, Hei Lian? The family you left behind so callously? After all… you aren't really their son. You just took his place." He leans forward, hands on the rim of the cauldron. "And what friends do you have? Zhou Cheng has friends - you don't actually think they care about you, do they? You're just a source of power to them. They couldn't care less about you."

I lean towards him, glaring heatedly as anger flickers in me. "I have Zhou Cheng."

"You do," he concedes for a moment, before his grin turns sly, "Or… does Zhou Cheng have you? So devoted, so loyal, so generous… but how does he reward you?"

Really? That's the angle he's going with? "I don't do this for a reward. Relationships aren't about what I can get out of them!"

He shrugs lightly. "I'm just saying - it's not balanced at all, is it? You give, and you give, but what do you get? Danger? Death? He drags you on these little adventures and does he actually protect you? He let you get lost in the Forest. Then he insisted you come help with the Heron. Seems to me you'd be better off without him."

… "Are you done?" I ask blandly, giving him my best unimpressed stare.

"I don't know, are-" He begins, but I've run out of patience for his bullshit.

"It's a yes or no question."

He blinks, seemingly unaware of how to even respond to that. Certainly not give a straight answer, obviously.

"Because I get it now. I do. You're the final defence."

He leans forward again, an expression that said 'Oh this'll be good' dancing on his face. "Oh? Elaborate."

Why not? I love a good monologue. "I just kind of assumed you knew the answers, so I started talking. But now I realise you're not actually here to help me at all. You're here to keep me here. One last ditch attempt."

"Is that what you think?"

I point at him accusingly. "See? You keep doing that. You don't answer my questions, but you keep asking your own. You needle and denigrate me, attack what I believe and draw me into an argument because the longer I spend talking to you, the less time I spend actually figuring out what's going on."

HIs lips twist in a smirk, eyes glimmering with mischief. "Seems like it's working doesn't it?"

A fair point, but I'm getting somewhere. "That's the other thing though. You don't lie, do you?" I continue blithely, "You could absolutely spin some bullshit about how the only way out here is to pass through the Seven Trials of Faith or whatever, but you're not. And you said I already have all the pieces."

"That's a lot of trust to put in someone you clearly don't trust."

"And that's still not an actual response." I study him carefully. "You're not actually Jingming at all, are you?"

He smiles again, but there's an edge of desperation to it. The net's closing in. "Whatever name would I go by if not that?"

"Not an answer." He freezes slightly at that, as if only now becoming aware of his mistake. I give my reflection a shove out of the cauldron before he can think of some clever response.

He lets out a surprised yelp as he lands on his rear. "Hey!"

Oh, get over it. "The Cauldron answered to Jingming, not you. The Cauldron is Pure Clarity. It's the only thing with a name. That's the key to getting out of here, isn't it?"

My own face pouts at me, petulant. Is it narcissistic to think I look cute like that? "What are you going to do? Drown yourself in it? That could be the trap."

"Is it?" I counter.

A dismissive snort is his answer. "Oh please, you think I'm going to answer that? I may not be allowed to lie, but that doesn't mean I have to say anything." He meets my gaze, and determination flares there. "I don't want you to die, Hei Lian. I only want what's best for you."

I snort, studying the clear water of Jingming for any clues. "I'm sure you do. That doesn't mean I agree. You're right, they aren't really my friends - but we don't know each other that well. Maybe we'll be friends later, maybe we won't. That's life. And you're right, Zhou Cheng is thoughtless and reckless - he's also good hearted, tries to be virtuous, and most importantly, he's ten. Am I supposed to hate him for being an immature idiot?"

"Do you think you can teach him to be better?"

"I think…" I begin, gently touching the surface of the water and watching it ripple, "... that you're just trying to distract me again. Tell me plainly. If I drown myself here and now, will it kill me? Because if you don't answer me, I'll do it anyway."

He purses his lips. After a long moment, my Reflection finally answers with a grudging tone. "The world outside will kill you."

"Will it?"

That seems to stump my Reflection for a moment, so I press on.

"Will it kill me? Almost certainly. Almost. Almost is not actually certainly, just close." I meet his gaze. "Have you forgotten who I am?"

He purses his lips. "I'm you. How could I forget? You're Hei Lian. A slow, tortoise of a fatty."

"What I am is a Cultivator," I declare softly, peering into the cauldron. "What I seek is the Heavens. I may seek it slowly, and at my own pace, but I am still seeking it. Sometimes I think I forget that."

My Reflection stares for a long moment, and then scoffs, looking away. "Then drown yourself - and see if you find your Heaven out there."

Jingming's waters are cold, but I try to breathe them in as best I can. I feel the instinct kicking in, the desire to draw myself up for air but I force myself to hold still and let the waters in. I'm not actually sure you can drown yourself just by holding your head underwater. Doesn't some part of your brain kick in eventually and force you up for air?

I suppose I'll find out one way or-

----------------------------------------

I gasp, surging up off the… ground? I pat around me, just to make sure I'm alive and on solid ground as memories rush back into my mind. All the details I couldn't grasp or remember, all flooding back in.

The Forest. The Sect. Zhou Cheng. The laugh that bubbles out is more relieved than joyful as I lean back, letting myself fall back until my head gently thunks against the trunk of the tree.

Immediately after, I let out a yelp as one of the fruit landed directly onto my face. "Ow! What the hell?" For a brief moment, I wondered whether it was attacking me.

But then I realised as if at some unseen command, the fruit were all… falling? Not all of them, actually, but there was a surprising amount just dropping.

… was it a natural mechanism? If something bypasses the illusions, disperse the fruit so they can eat and spread it? Did the fruit just hit peak ripeness? I really don't know. I do know it seems to be safe to touch them now.

So I collect as much as I can, wincing a little as stiff muscles stretch. Damn. How long was I out for? I have no idea what they're called, but their glassy look doesn't match their texture - very firm. Almost hard. Like an apple, or a pear I'd wager, with smooth glossy skin.

The real test is the taste. Just a little nibble of one. I half expect it to send me on an acid trip or something again, but no, the skin breaks with a crisp snap, and the flesh gives way so I can chew it.

… Mh. Sharp. Acidic, but sweet. I bet it'd go great in a pie. I can't wait for Zhou Cheng to try them.