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Aspirations of a Future Househusband
Intermission: And Now The Weather

Intermission: And Now The Weather

MEANWHILE, FAR AWAY ON THE SCARLET CONTINENT…

Across the land that had once been known as the Crimson Serenity Gorge, a furious battle raged. It had raged for a week now without any sign of ending, and the once peaceful valley, known for its rolling and lush crimson grass, was a mire of mud, stone and destruction.

Yun Ruyi, the elegant and wondrously beautiful Immortal of Weather, felt an odd sense of kinship with the valley. Like it, she too had once been a peaceful, beautiful thing - a beauty so great it was said that if mortals looked upon her uncovered face, they would lose the will to live after witnessing true perfection.

Such rumours were exaggerated of course… and that was before her face had been scarred with a wound that refused to heal. Even now, after spending decades in seclusion, the scar remained - a decidedly much thinner line that stretched over her delicate cheek and across her perfectly aquiline nose.

She hadn't healed herself out of vanity, but of pride. She didn't care that she was no longer beautiful - she simply despised the fact that that bastard had managed to mark her.

But more relevant to her current state was that the past week of constant fighting had left her dress a ruined mess and covered her in so much blood, muck and other fluids that it would probably take another week just to feel clean again.

A week she might not get to experience any time soon if that giant fucking bitch won't stop moving!

She sweeps a hand out, seizing hold of the winds and twisting it at her will. The pressure doubles and triples as she pushes on it - and as she does, she changes the air, drawing it out and refining it. Purifying it until it was pure oxygen. Or close to it, at least. She didn't have the time to make it properly pure.

Then, she has to give the air one more shove to make it spark.

And set the world on fire.

She's already preparing the next attack, drawing charges from the sky and ground, as her foe charges forth from the raging conflagration, blackened from the flames but otherwise not even slowed down. Not from the heat, not from the oxygen, not from the pressure.

God I fucking hate this bitch so much.

"IS THAT ALL YOU HAVE?!" cries Qiang Dandan, the Immortal of War, her voice an oddly melodious singsong that is completely at odds with the rest of her. Sinew-laden bone forms a monstrous figure, eight foot tall and utterly inhuman in the most monstrous of ways. Seven arms extend out in uneven configurations, holding weapons forged out of the same bone that wraps around her to form her armour.

"Judgement of Heaven." A flick of her wrist directs the built up energy to strike, descending down in a crackling line of white.

Only for her target to dodge, moving unnaturally swiftly despite her bulk. The bones shift and bend in ways that don't match their apparent appearance, and Yun Ruyi is forced to twist out of the way herself as a tail made of spines and tipped with a suspiciously pelvic looking spear bursts out of the muddy ground. It surges up towards her with a thunderous boom, the air ripped apart as it strikes the space she was just occupying.

As it is, it still manages to tear through her arm, the draconic scales that cover her flesh no protection against the power her enemy wields. Clouds gush forth from the stump, seizing the severed limb and condensing it back into place and securing it for now until she can finish regenerating it properly.

If this fucking bitch gives me the opportunity that is…!

She wriggles her good hand, fingers dancing through the air and pulling on the currents and sky. Water condenses rapidly into clouds, and grows heavy with moisture. Within seconds, it begins to pour down with rain.

And then another slash of her hand sends the droplets all spearing towards Qiang Dandan, and this time, she can't dodge.

Instead, the bitch hauls herself up into the air, arms (all seven) and legs pulling in tight as her tail wraps around her for added protection. The armour cracks and breaks, and an arm even falls away into nothing more than a few pieces. It's far from a grievous wound despite appearances, but she's already flowing into the next attack.

A twist of her injured hand to drop the temperature down to the floor, and all those rain spears become ice spears, the splashed water freezing Qiang Dandan into a peculiar sculpture. She already has the charge ready up in the heavens, and a gesture from her hand brings it flashing down directly at the immobilized Qiang Dandan.

Dodge this you frustrating-

But instead of striking the Immortal of War, the bolt of lightning splits and fractures along a hairline thin web of blood - it surrounds Qiang Dandan like a fly net would a platter, sparking wildly with the power of her own technique before swirling around to shoot straight at her.

Before the attack could reach her, countless threads spun together before her eyes, weaving and twisting until a wall of fabric shielded her from the attack.

"You're supposed to be keeping her busy!" she snarls, frustration burning in her voice as she whirls on her 'saviour'.

"What do you think I'm doing?" Wenzhi Jianjun, the Immortal of Weaving retorts, balancing on nothing more than a gossamer thin thread, only visible due to the blood beading on its length. "You were supposed to take her out already!"

He's in a much better state than she is - his gold-red robes are immaculate, and although there is no shortage of wounds present, they are all neatly closed and held together by those same gossamer threads, with only the faintest hint of black to prove they are there at all. Even his hair still seems perfect as it gently fans in the wind, each strand no thicker than those very same threads he used.

She is not one for envy, but it has been a very tiring week. "I said it was going to take a while!"

Qiang Dandan sets down on the ground, clearing away some of the remaining ice with her tail before calling out in a mocking tone. "Oh no, go ahead, bicker amongst yourselves. We'll wait."

"Take your time!" calls another, gratingly high voice as the Immortal of Blood pads up beside her sister. She stands there, bare feet caked with mud, tattered carmine dress fluttering gently in the breeze and her wild unkempt hair fanning out with it. She lets out an insincere titter with her hand raised in an equally insincere 'attempt' to hide the vicious grin on her stupid pig face.

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Unlike her sister, Qiang Jingjing at least looks human, although she's still inhumanly tall - and inhumanly curvy as well, with a complexion so pink peonies wilt out of envy. It was hardly elegant or refined at all, especially not with her dress so torn, and where her skin had been sliced open by Wenzhi Jianjun's threads, blood practically poured forth in an unending stream… or simply congealed into scaly patches of red.

"Let nobody say that the Crimson Veil Sect fights unfairly," she adds, eyes glimmering with unrestrained psychotic glee.

Fat fucking chance of that. Yun Ruyi would have to be an absolute fool to believe that neither of them were setting up an attack in this very instant. She herself was petitioning the Heavens for another attack, and manipulating the moisture in the air to prepare some cover. Even Wenzhi Jianjun was clearly doing something as well, although she couldn't say exactly what. The tiniest twitches of his fingers were the only signal she had. It would no doubt be something beautiful, elegant and utterly frustrating for her to witness.

"We need to change tactics," she murmurs, modulating the air around them to ensure the sound doesn't carry beyond their immediate vicinity. "This isn't working."

Wenzhi Jianjun is many things - an annoying foppish twat, an insufferable pedant, and her greatest rival amongst Righteous Cultivators. What he is not, is a fool, and she feels no regret at admitting such a thing because he is her rival. Only clowns consider other clowns their rivals. "It is not a question of power - in that, we are evenly matched. It is a question of Ways. It takes me too long to create something tight enough for a greased up pig like her and stop thinking about that right now."

"I won't accept blame for the thoughts you inspired with your words," she counters, eyes carefully narrowing as she watches the Qiang Sisters watching them.

She gets the feeling Wenzhi Jianjun is rolling his eyes, but his beady little eyes are just solid black orbs, so if they do roll, nothing visibly changes. But she knows him too well. The damned bastard. "What I don't understand is why you haven't managed anything against the ogre."

This does pain her to admit now, but there is no point in pretense. "My Judgement of Heaven is the only thing that can have an appreciable impact and it's too fucking slow to hit her."

"How is it too slow? It's lightning!"

She grits her teeth. "I already told you, Heaven moves on its own schedule!" The Judgement of Heaven wasn't just a bolt of lightning - it was a bolt of Heaven's lightning. And that meant Heaven had to allow it. "It can't be rushed!"

"I'm just saying, you've done this how many times? Can't they expedite the process for you? Give you pre-approval or something?"

It's her turn to roll her eyes. "It's Heaven. I can't-"

Spears surges up around them all at once, made from mud, blood, bone - anything on hand. Intricately carved works of art, all intent on impaling them from so many angles there would be nothing left of them.

A twitch of her intent was enough to condense the already humid air into fog thick enough to slow the attack, giving Wenzhi Jianjun enough time to yank both of them away with a thread attached to something far away - at a guess, she thought it might be one of her clouds drifting past - only for razor-thin blades to do their level best to slice through the threads or them. Or both.

The threads hold, but both are cut deep. Fortunately for both of them, neither bleed actual blood. Clouds well up from her own skin, thick and fluffy and already congealing. She barely gets a chance to see what's even under Wenzhi Jianjun's skin before he's already stitched himself together.

Unfortunately for Yun Ruyi, the fact that she doesn't bleed blood doesn't seem to matter as the clouds rush out of her like juice squeezed out of fruit, but before she can even begin to panic, she feels the familiar sensations of thread sewing her wounds shut.

He even does her the favour of reinforcing her regenerated arm scar before the relentless fucking bitch tears it off again.

Gods above, she fucking hates how competent he is.

"Blue Tide Port City!" he shouts, and she understands immediately. His threads surge around Qiang Dandan in the middle of her lunge towards them and she in turn is already calling down the lightning.

Blood streaks, forming another covering to redirect the attack but this time, the lightning isn't streaking through the air - but a thread connected to the storm cloud above.

Even the Will of Heaven follows the path of least resistance.

It's a direct hit.

Qiang Dandan screams. Qiang Jingjing echoes her, only half an instant after.

"DAN-JIE!" Blood roils around them, tendrils flailing wildly before forming claws and spikes and lunging straight for them in a wild attempt at retaliation.

The air vacates at her command, and the blood distorts enough that both of them can parry the attacks with their bare skin. Or what passes for it, when one is covered in the scales of a dragon and the other is… whatever creepy bullshit Wenzhi Jianjun has going on.

The elder sister isn't out of the fight yet, but it was the first major blow dealt to either side - it's enough that Yun Ruyi feels cautiously confident in their victory. The tiniest nudge can build a typhoon in time.

She feels a thread tug at her finger, and she prepares to call down another bolt as Qiang Dandan lands on the ground, a smoking wreck missing three of her arms with a roiling ring of blood ready to shield her at a moment's notice. "Take this you insufferable-"

All four of them freeze. Threads still spooling now dangle in the air. The roiling ring goes as still as an undisturbed pond. The arm Qiang Dandan is already reshaping into some kind of weapon now becomes motionless, half-formed and misshapen.

Even the very air around them does not move now that Yun Ruyi cannot even bring herself to breathe. She doesn't trust herself to.

Not now. Not in front of her.

Slowly descending from the sky, a burning halo of ebon flames wreathing her midnight hair, is perhaps one of the worst possible people to arrive on this particular scene.

"Tian Chyou greets Sister Yun, Sister Qiang, Sister Qiang," the Immortal of Ruin announces, her eyes gently flicking over each of them with the intensity of a thousand suns. "... and my apologies, but I do not believe we have met, Brother…?"

"Wenzhi Jianjun," he says quietly, knowing it doesn't matter how loud he speaks. The thought of not answering didn't even cross his mind.

One does not refuse the Immortal of Ruin unless one is prepared for the consequences.

"It is my pleasure to make your acquaintance." She says it all with the same tone someone might have when attending a small party.

"... Why… are you here, Senior Tian?" she asks, careful not to make anything that could be construed as a sudden movement.

If Tian Chyou attacks, in their current state… it's not a question of will they survive, only a question of how long.

"Senior Sister Meili was very kind to us," she declares calmly, "In gratitude for the freedom she granted us, I will liberate her from her final ties to this world so that she may turn her entire focus on the future."

There are so many things she wants to say to that, but none of them are things she would say to Tian Chyou even if she were suddenly feeling very suicidal. The only thing that matters is what to do. And despite herself… She feels a little torn.

On one hand, if Tian Chyou achieves her aim, then at least the Unorthodox Sects will not be able to claim the treasures. On the other, the Heavenly Misty Peak has already committed so much - and paid so much. Retreating now feels like spitting in the face of everyone who gave their lives. It feels tantamount to saying it was a waste. That they died for nothing.

They gave their lives for the Sect. It is only right I risk the same.

Drops of rain splatter against Wenzhi Jiangjun's threads, and she feels them subtly thrum in response. Her clouds waver and shift in microscopic ways, the circulation adjusted by Qiang Jingjing's unseen hands.

"I see," Tian Chyou announces, "You all seek to walk in another's footsteps. That is disappointing. I had hoped that Senior Sister Meili taught you better, Sister Yun. As your Senior, it falls to me to liberate you from this delusion." Her eyes flash, and the corona of obsidian fire swells around her. "There is no need to thank me."

All four of them attack at once and the Immortal of Ruin meets them.

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A few weeks later, after the battle has long concluded, Crimson Serenity Gorge receives a new name.

Once known as a peaceful valley, full of rolling and lush crimson grass flanked by gentle mountains, it is now known as the Blasted Plains - a desolate and featureless wasteland that stretches for li around.